The Crittenden Automotive Library

The Artful Bodger 5 - Carlton Catastrophe

Topics: Vauxhall Carlton

The Artful Bodger 5 - Carlton Catastrophe

Stan Potter
DriveWrite
December 16, 2013

Stan Potter writes: So our holiday plans were in tatters due to the breakdown of the Town Ace (The Artful Bodger 4) and the kids still wanted to go. I scoured the Cars for Sale column in the local paper, looking for a car with a tow bar fitted large enough to tow our caravan and carry two adults, three teenagers and a dog. The only one that could possibly suffice was a Vauxhall Carlton 2L, so we went to inspect it. It was the lowered, skirted and body-kitted version. Very boy racer. Of course the kids loved it, I was not too sure but the pleading finally won me over. Big Mistake!!!

We loaded the car, hitched up the caravan and set off for Wales. We stopped half a mile down the road to transfer some of the load from the boot to the caravan as the tow ball was bouncing off the road. This done off we went again. Eventually we arrived at Llantony in the Brecon Beacons where the kids were booked to go pony trekking. We got to the campsite and set up the van and awning.

The next day I set off to Hay on Wye, a town with more second-hand book shops than all the others put together. I thought if a manual for the Town Ace was available I should be able to find one there; and also a manual for the Carlton may be useful sometime: little did I know. Hay was about 10 miles away over a tortuous road called Hay Bluff. I drove there and searched the book shops. I found a nearly new copy of a Haynes manual for the Carlton but no sign of anything for the Toyota. So I set off on the return journey.

Going up the incline towards the bluff I smelt hot plastic and saw wisps of smoke and small flames rising from the steering column shroud. On the seat next to me I had a two litre bottle of cola. I shook it violently, took the cap off and aimed the resulting jet into the hole that had melted. That extinguished the fire so I jumped out and disconnected the battery under the bonnet. It was obvious I was not driving any further that day so I phoned the AA and explained that I needed to be towed back to the camp site where I would try to repair the damage.

If I was not successful I needed to have my car and caravan relayed back to my home in Essex, but not to send a lorry to carry the car as it would not fit through the narrow roads. Send a spectacle lift which would be easier to manoeuvre through the lanes. An hour later a break-back trailer arrived. The driver agreed he could not get his lorry through to the camp site. He also said this was the first dashboard fire he had attended that was not a complete burnout. He radioed his office and they contacted a local garage with the necessary equipment which arrived about an hour later.

The Carlton’s front wheels were strapped to the lift and off we set. Going round the winding road the car fell half off the lift. We reloaded it and eventually made it back to the caravan. The next day I hitchhiked into Abergavenny (the nearest town of any size) and hired the last car available. This was because we were in the middle of a National Park where no breakers yards are allowed. We drove the hire car to Hereford as that was the nearest vehicle dismantlers. They allowed me to remove the parts I needed with extra wire attached to make the reconnection of the burnt wires easier. I purchased some connectors and crimp pliers from a spares shop and returned to camp.

The next day was spent rewiring the control stalks and switches on the steering column and also the melted trim parts. When I finished it all worked and the replaced shroud concealed the damage. Two days later we were due to move to North Wales near Bangor. We did, the tow bar bouncing on the rough roads occasionally. We set up camp again to enjoy the facilities of a large holiday park.

Whilst we were in the area we decided to visit Snowdon. Off we went but now occasionally the engine would cut out and restart almost instantly so we continued until I stopped at a set of traffic lights and a guy from the car behind tapped on my window and said “Your car is leaking petrol from the back”. So I crossed the junction and pulled the nearside of the car onto the kerb I slid underneath and saw that the pipe next to the petrol pump had split. Fortunately there was sufficient surplus pipe to cut the split out and reattach it to the pump. Back to the site to finish our holiday then we bounced our way back home down the M1. I sold the car a week later for £50 less than the £400 I had paid for it with most of its problems solved.