Humorous Commentary, Chimps and Orangutans in NASCAR?

Jeremy T. Sellers
Jerm's Joint
August 26, 2007

*Dislcaimer* This may be a sign that I am not getting enough sleep*

Once again, at the bottom of my Jerm's Joint Yahoo! Groups page I find the following question, "If all chimpanees and orangutans raced in a NASCAR race, which one would win?" Further review of the questions details also asked why. For some reason, I felt obligated to see if I could locate somewhat of a comedic demeanor, yet remaining philosophical enough to come up with an educated answer. Below, is my exact hypothesis as submitted in Yahoo! Answers:

Mearn is right as far as physics are concerned. An orangutan would definitely have the proper reach for the clutch, brake, and accelerator. However, if the orangutan is aware that he is an endangered species, he may race wayyyy too conservatively and in the end, get plowed in the rear bumper panel by an insane chimpanzee who has always lived by the "fly by the seat of your pants" mentality, but wins races. The orangutan would be the driver everyone wanted to meet because he's an all around nice guy, whereas the chimpanzee would be the driver everyone loved to hate because he would do whatever it takes to win a race. However, say the orangutans ornry teenage son began secretly dating chimpanzee's teenage daughter and bumped uglies, they would create the perfect driver. The proper size to reach all the controls, but the crazy mentality to be a real a-$-$ kicker of a driver. Like modern NASCAR you could say that Kyle Petty is the mild mannered organutan, and the Busch brothers would be your chimpanzees. Cross breed the two and you could revolutionize NASCAR. (and that commentary is coming from a diehard NASCAR fan)

Okay, I'm going to bed now!