NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series |
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Topics: NASCAR
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SuperBlackdeth666
March 24, 2012 (updated November 26, 2012)
Rated Fiction T
Fictional Story: Fan Fiction/Cartoon Crossover/Parody
Just like the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series, with the real teams and the real cars - except cartoon characters are driving the cars!
Chapter 1: Introduction
OK, so here's what this story is going to be about. The NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is, in many respects, like the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series. It features the same races on the same tracks. It even features the same teams and the same cars. But here's the difference; as you've already figured out, it features cartoon characters as the drivers – and as the crew chiefs.
I'm not even exactly sure what's motivating me to write this. I will say this; I have been getting back into NASCAR lately, especially after this year's Daytona 500 (seriously, that was one of the craziest races I've ever seen!). But I still don't even know how I conceived the idea for this fanfiction – I guess it just happened!
Anyways, as mentioned before, it's the real teams and their real cars – with cartoon characters as the drivers – and as the crew chiefs. Here they are, along with the makes of their cars, and their sponsors;
TEAM; CAR; DRIVER; MAKE;SPONSOR; CREW CHIEF
BK Racing; 83; Homer Simpson; Toyota; Burger King; Marge Simpson
BK Racing; 93; Peter Griffin; Toyota; Burger King; Lois Griffin
Earnhardt Ganassi Racing; 1; Nigel Uno; Chevrolet ;Bass Pro Shops; Rachel T. McKenzie
Earnhardt Ganassi Racing; 42; Alejandro; Chevrolet; Target; Heather
FAS Lane Racing; 32; The Warden; Ford; Federated Auto Parts; Jailbot
Front Row Motorsports; 26; Aang; Ford; 1-800LoanMart; Mai
Front Row Motorsports; 34; Katara; Ford; Maximum Human Performance; Zuko
Front Row Motorsports; 38; Sokka; Ford; Modspace; Azula
Furniture Row Racing; 78; Spongebob SquarePants; Chevrolet; Furniture Row ;Patrick Star
Germain Racing; 13; Blooregard Q. Kazoo; Ford; GEICO; Mac
Hendrick Motorsports; 5; Abigail Lincoln; Chevrolet; Quaker State ;Kuki Sanban
Hendrick Motorsports; 24; Beavis; Chevrolet ;Drive To End Hunger; Daria Morgendorffer
Hendrick Motorsports; 48; Butt-Head; Chevrolet; Lowe's; David Von Driessen
Hendrick Motorsports; 88; Foxxy Love; Chevrolet; Diet Mountain Dew; Princess Clara
Joe Gibbs Racing; 11; Twilight Sparkle; Toyota; FedEx; Rarity
Joe Gibbs Racing; 18; Applejack; Toyota; M Pinkie Pie
Joe Gibbs Racing; 20; Rainbow Dash; Toyota; The Home Depot; Fluttershy
JTG Daugherty Racing; 47 William Murderface; Toyota; Bush's Baked Beans; Charles Foster Offdensen
Max Q Motorsports; 37; Chowder; Ford; Mung Daal
Michael Waltrip Racing; 15; Frylock; Toyota; 5 Hour Energy; Carl Brutananadilewski
Michael Waltrip Racing; 55; Master Shake; Toyota; Aaron's; Ignignokt
Michael Waltrip Racing; 56; Meatwad; Toyota; NAPA; Err
NEMCO Motorsports; 87; Gumball Waterson; Toyota; AM FM Energy; Darwin Waterson
Penske Racing; 2; Hoagie P. Gilligan; Dodge; Miller Lite; Wallabee Beetles
Penske Racing; 22; Bender; Dodge; Shell; Hubert J. Farnsworth
Phil Parsons Racing; 98 Hank Hill; Ford; Curb Records; Peggy Hill
Phoenix Racing; 51; Kim Possible; Chevrolet; Phoenix Construction Services; Ron Stoppable
R3 Motorsports; 23; Flapjack; Chevrolet; North Texas Pipe; Captain K'Nuckles
Richard Childress Racing; 27; Ed; Chevrolet; Menards; Jonny 2X4
Richard Childress Racing; 29; Edd; Chevrolet; Jimmy John's Gourmet Sandwiches; Nazz
Richard Childress Racing; 31; Eddy; Chevrolet; Caterpillar; Rolf
Richard Petty Motorsports; 9; Ferb Fletcher; Ford; DeWalt; Baljeet Patel
Richard Petty Motorsports; 43; Phineas Flynn; Ford; Medallion Financial; Isabella Garcia-Shapiro
Robinson-Blakeney Racing; 49 Ben Tennyson; Toyota; America Israel Racing; Gwen Tennyson
Roush Fenway Racing; 16; Danny Phantom; Ford; 3M; Sam Manson
Roush Fenway Racing; 17; Timmy Turner; Ford; Best Buy; Cosmo
Roush Fenway Racing; 99; Dudley Puppy; Ford; Subway; Kitty Kaswell
Robby Gordon Motorsports; 7; Grim; Dodge; Speed Energy; Mandy
Stewart-Haas Racing; 14; Eric Cartman; Chevrolet; Office Depot; Kyle Broflovski
Stewart-Haas Racing; 39; Kenny McCormick; Chevrolet; U.S. Army; Stan Marsh
Tommy Baldwin Racing; 10; Francine Smith; Chevrolet; Steve Smith
Tommy Baldwin Racing; 36; Stan Smith; Chevrolet; Ollie's Bargain Outlet; Roger Smith
Wood Brothers Racing; 21; Early Cuyler; Ford; Motorcraft; Rusty Cuyler
Pretty wild, huh? Anyhow, those are the competitors, and here's the schedule, which will be the same as the actual Sprint Cup Series schedule:
Daytona International Speedway
Phoenix International Raceway
Las Vegas Motor Speedway
Bristol Motor Speedway
Auto Club Speedway
Martinsville Speedway
Texas Motor Speedway
Kansas Speedway
Richmond International Raceway
Talladega Superspeedway
Darlington Raceway
Charlotte Motor Speedway
Dover International Speedway
Pocono Raceway
Michigan International Speedway
Infineon Raceway
Kentucky Speedway
Daytona International Speedway
New Hampshire Motor Speedway
Indianapolis Motor Speedway
Pocono Raceway
Watkins Glen International
Michigan International Speedway
Bristol Motor Speedway
Atlanta Motor Speedway
Richmond International Raceway
Chicagoland Speedway*
New Hampshire Motor Speedway*
Dover International Speedway*
Talladega Superspeedway*
Charlotte Motor Speedway*
Kansas Speedway*
Martinsville Speedway*
Texas Motor Speedway*
Phoenix International Raceway*
Homestead-Miami Speedway*
(Races marked with an asterisk (*) comprise the Chase for the Cartoon Cup)
Now that all that is set up, there are just a couple more things I'd like to point out:
First of all, non-points races, including the Budweiser Shootout, Gatorade Duel 150s, and the All-Star Race will not be included; those would just take up unnecessary time.
Also, I should point out that a few of the teams here, in real life, do something called start-and-parking; what they do is they park the car after a few laps to collect prize money while avoiding expenses. There will be none of that in the Cartoon Cup Series – everyone's in it to win it!
So, that's pretty much it! It looks like we're ready to get underway. Our first race is the biggest of them all...the Daytona 500!
Chapters
Chapter 2: Daytona 500
Chapter 3: Subway Fresh Fit 500
Chapter 4: Kobalt Tools 400
Chapter 5: Food City 500
Chapter 6: Auto Club 400
Chapter 7: Goody's Fast Relief 500
Chapter 8: Samsung Mobile 500
Chapter 9: STP 400
Chapter 10: Stroll Up The River
Chapter 11: Capital City 400
Chapter 12: Aaron's 499
Chapter 13: Bojangles Southern 500
Chapter 14: Coca Cola 600
Chapter 15: FedEx 400
Chapter 16: Urgent Meeting
Chapter 17: Pocono 400
Chapter 18: Quicken Loans 400
Chapter 19: Toyota SaveMart 350
Chapter 20: In An Angel's Arms
Chapter 21: Quaker State 400
Chapter 22: Coke Zero 400
Chapter 23: Lenox Industrial Tools 301
Chapter 24: Crown Royal 400
Chapter 25: Pennsylvania 400
Chapter 26: Bar Fight
Chapter 27: Finger Lakes 355 at the Glen
Chapter 28: Pure Michigan 400
Chapter 29: Irwin Tools Night Race
Chapter 30: AdvoCare 500
Chapter 31: Federated Auto Parts 400
Chapter 32: Pre Chase Party
Chapter 33: GEICO 400
Chapter 34: Sylvania 300
Chapter 35: AAA 400
Chapter 36: Good Sam Roadside Assistance 500
Chapter 37: Bank of America 500
Chapter 38: Hollywood Casino 400
Chapter 39: TUMS Fast Relief 500
Chapter 40: AAA Texas 500
Chapter 41: AdvoCare 500K
Chapter 42: Ford EcoBoost 400
Chapter 43: Ford EcoBoost 400 end
Chapter 44: Motegi Prologue
Chapter 45: Motegi Coca Cola 500
Chapter 46: Pool Party
Chapter 47: Afterword
Chapter 2: Daytona 500
So, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is ready to go! As you know, we're starting with the Great American Race, the Daytona 500! Now, about the track; Daytona International Speedway is a 2.5-mile tri-oval. The turns are banked at 31 degrees, the tri-oval is banked at 18 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 2 degrees. Also, this is one of two tracks (the other one being Talladega) where the cars use "restrictor plates" to slow the cars down. This was implemented for both tracks after a bad crash at Talladega in 1987, in which Bobby Allison got airborne and completely ripped out a 100-foot section of the chain-link fence. Many fans were injured by debris, and one woman even lost an eye! Nothing like that should happen here, though.
Another unique feature of these two tracks is pack racing – all the cars are tightly packed together, and drafting off each other plays a major factor – in other words, this is quite literally anybody's race!
So, about the weather/track conditions; bright and sunny, also, it's hotter than it normally is this time of year in February. As a result, the track is slick, meaning that the cars have more difficulty finding grip on the track.
This has proven to be a bit troublesome; two cars, both of whom qualified in the top 20, wrecked in final practice, therefore they will have to start at the rear of the field because they are running on backup cars.
That being said, I will now present the starting order. The drivers marked with an asterisk (*) are the ones going to the rear of the field:
Timmy Turner
Abigail Lincoln
Eric Cartman
Eddy
Bender
Nigel Uno
Spongebob SquarePants
Beavis
Katara
Frylock
Twilight Sparkle*
Peter Griffin
Kim Possible
Phineas Flynn
Alejandro
Butt-Head
Early Cuyler
Applejack*
Ed
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Hank Hill
Edd
Aang
Homer Simpson
Foxxy Love
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Gumball Waterson
Kenny McCormick
Dudley Puppy
Francine Smith
The Warden
Master Shake
William Murderface
Flapjack
Meatwad
Sokka
Ferb Fletcher
Ben Tennyson
Chowder
Stan Smith
Grim
And that's that! Now, I will turn it over to the crew from NASCAR On FOX...
Mike Joy: Hello and welcome to Daytona Beach, Florida for the start of the new NASCAR Cartoon Cup series! And what better way to start off this new series with the Great American Race, the Daytona 500? 43 characters from all sorts of cartoons have come together to duke it out in America's biggest spectator sport, NASCAR! Hi, I'm Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip. And fellas, is this history or what?
D.W: Well, I tell you what, I've been involved in this sport for 4 decades, and I thought I'd seen it all – but never in the history of this sport would anyone have even thought of something like this happening! I mean, come on, we've got cartoon characters driving these cars!
McReynolds: And we've all seen how characters like this drive. Honestly, have you seen the way they've sped around and crashed over the years? I can only imagine how these characters will be and driving and racing each other here today.
Joy: And what a field of characters we have – men, women, boys, girls, animals, objects, robots, even the supernatural! And the networks!
D.W: I know, they're coming from the Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, Disney, Comedy Central, Adult Swim, MTV, our own FOX, and even the Hub!
Joy: It should shape up for one heck of a day indeed. Now let's go down trackside for the command...
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, legendary Looney Tunes cartoon, Porky Pig!
Porky: Ladies and gentletoons, st-st-st-sta-sta-start your engines!
The 43 cars buzz and roar to life. After resting on pit road for a short while, they follow the pace car onto the track to begin the pace laps...
Joy: As the cars roll onto the track, let's take a look at our starting grid: Timmy Turner in the #17 Best Buy Ford is our first pole-sitter of the season, outside of him is Abigail Lincoln in the #5 car. Behind them is Eric Cartman in 3rd place, and Eddy in 4th. Bender, the one robot in the field is starting 5th, and in 6th is Nigel Uno in the #1 car. In Row 4, the famous SpongeBob SquarePants, driving for Furniture Row Racing, starts 7th. Beavis sits outside of him in 8th. Rounding out the Top 10, Katara, the highest-starting female in the race, will start 9th, and Frylock will start 10th. And as we grow through the rest of the grid, let's see who we can get on the radio;
D.W: Hey, Rainbow Dash, it's D.W., you got a copy?
Rainbow Dash: 10-4.
D.W: Hey. I know the slickness of the track was an issue for all of you during practice, and both of your teammates are on backup cars as a result, and are starting at the rear of the field. How would you say you avoided the same fate?
Rainbow Dash: Well, it is true. The lack of grip has been an issue, even for me. I'm not even sure how I maintained control. But the fact that I'm carrying this team's flag now, I guess that just goes to show you how awesome I am!
D.W: Yeah, how confident are you about this race? Do you think you can win this?
Rainbow Dash: Possibly. It is anybody's race, after all. And this #20 car has been descent even with the slick track, so I think we'll do well.
D.W: Speaking of the track, how much cooler would you say that this track needs to be in order to get the grip you're looking for?
Rainbow Dash: Well heck, I've managed well anyways, but if I had to make an estimate...it needs to be about 20% cooler.
D.W: Alright, well, thanks a lot and good luck out there today.
Rainbow Dash: 10-4, have fun guys!
McReynolds: She has a point, you know. This track is really hot, and perhaps they would have better grip if the track was 20% cooler.
Joy: Well, we'll find out how they do as the race goes on.
The pace car's lights go out, signaling one lap to go before the drop of the green flag.
Joy: And as they get the one-to-go, let's check in with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Twilight Sparkle was one of those Joe Gibbs drivers who went to a backup car and is starting in the rear of the field. They did get a few laps on it during final practice, and it handled well, but not as well as the primary car. We'll see how that plays out throughout the race. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Spongebob SquarePants has been reporting that his car is rather tight. They're especially concerned since the slick track could hamper them with oversteer and understeer. They plan on seeing how the car runs and making adjustments as necessary. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Gumball Waterson was complaining about his car being very loose all throughout practice and qualifying. They haven't been able to get the car to grip any better. They're going to keep trying as the races goes. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Eric Cartman doesn't seem to have been having those problems. The car has been very good throughout practice and qualifying, even with this slick racecourse. They're satisified overall with their car, and are confident that they'll manage well here today. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, guys.
The field rounds turn 4. The pace car retreats into pit road. The cars continue to pace on forward, then, the green flag flies.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin', boys!
The Daytona 500 is officially underway! Timmy Turner leads the fields into turn 1, but Abigail Lincoln gets a better run on the outside, and takes the lead going onto the backstretch. Going around turns 3 and 4, she leads them to the start/finish line and Abigail Lincoln leads the first lap of NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series competition.
She holds the lead for about 10 laps, but then, Eric Cartman makes a slingshot move around her, and he takes the lead. He holds it for about 5 laps.
Then Timmy Turner roars back to retake the lead which he lost on lap 1. He maintains it for about 12 laps.
Peter Grffin, who had started back in 12th, then comes out of nowhere and takes the lead. He holds it for 6 laps, until Eddy takes it from him. He's still in the lead on lap 41 when...
Joy: Trouble! In turns 1 and 2!
McReynolds: Ferb Fletcher is around, in the wall, and airborne! His #9 DeWalt Ford is flipping violently, 10 feet in the air, and it finally comes to a stop in the turn 2 infield.
Joy: Caution flag is out.
D.W: Wow, I don't think we've seen a crash like that since Michael McDowell back in '08!
At lap 41, Ferb Fletcher, who had been running 29th, gets clipped in the rear by Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford. Ferb's #9 car slides, then overcorrects and slams head-on into the outside retaining wall. Everyone else avoids him as he goes on his roof, then flips wildly going down the banking and into the turn 2 infield before finally coming to a rest. Here was the chatter between his teammate and his teammate's crew chief as this was happening.
Isabella: Caution flag's out...(gasp) Ferb's crashed!
Phineas: What?
Isabella: Oh my God, he's in the air and flipping around like hell!
Phineas: (gasp)
Isabella: He's come to a stop.
Phineas: Oh my God, is he okay?
Isabella: I hope so!
Miraculously, Ferb Fletcher gets out of his car under his own power. He's taken by ambulance to the medical center for further evaluation. Meanwhile, the remains of his car are taken by wrecker into the garage area...their day is done.
Meanwhile, the other 42 cars decide to pit during this caution. They all take 4 tires and as much fuel as they can hold. Here's the top 10 in order in which they come out of the pits:
Eddy
Peter Griffin
Abigail Lincoln
Eric Cartman
Timmy Turner
Kim Possible
Early Cuyler
Danny Phantom
Ed
Rainbow Dash
This, then, will be the top 10 when the race is restarted.
The race is restarted at lap 45 Eddy holds the lead. As the field goes down the backstretch...
Joy: We've got a car spewing smoke!
D.W: Homer Simpson's #83 car has blown its engine!
McReynolds: We're still under green. Simpson gets his car onto the apron and it coasts towards pit road; their day is over.
Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota blows an engine on the backstretch on Lap 45. He gets the car out of the way and the green is still out as he limps towards the garage area.
The race proceeds smoothly for the next 55 laps. Eddy is dominating the race as he holds the lead the whole time. Several cars go a lap down. Then, green flag pit stops ensue...
There are some problems. Several cars, including Kim Possible, Bender, Katara, and Hank Hill are caught speeding on pit road and have to serve drive-thru penalties. Additionally, Blooregard Q. Kazoo has to go back in a second time – one of the left-front lug nuts is missing. After pit stops, here are the top 10:
Eddy
Frylock
Ed
Eric Cartman
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
Peter Griffin
Beavis
Ed takes the lead from Eddy on lap 111. He's still in the lead on lap 127 when the caution comes out: Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota cuts a tire going onto the frontstretch; rubber flies everywhere. He manages to get into the pits and his crew replaces his tires. He goes out unharmed in 31st place; the last car on the lead lap.
Now, this is where NASCAR's Lucky Dog rule comes into play. When a caution comes out, the first car one lap down gets a free pass to get back on the lead lap. The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, running in 32nd, gets the free pass and is back on the lead lap.
Meanwhile, the other lead lap cars make their pit stops; 4 tires and fuel. Here's the top 10 going out of the pits;
Ed
Eddy
Edd
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Beavis
Nigel Uno
Spongebob SquarePants
Master Shake
Hoagie P. Gilligan
The race restarts at lap 131. Ed, Edd, n Eddy's Richard Childress Racing cars occupy the top 3 spots. The race proceeds cleanly yet again, with Ed, Edd, n Eddy switching around positions every now and then. This goes on until lap 159...
Waltrip: Trouble in Turn 3! There's a car in the wall!
Joy: It's Sokka. He's in the wall and he rolls down the banking and stops on the apron. Caution flag is out.
McReynolds: The back end of his car is very tore up. Wow!
Sokka's #38 Modspot Ford, which was running 2 laps down in 41st, loses control in turn 3 and spins around. It hits the wall hard in the rear end, and goes down on the apron and stops. Stunned by the impact, the car won't restart. A truck arrives and pushes it to the garage, where the team attempts repairs.
Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet, running a lap down in 29th, gets the free pass.
Alejandro, running back in 28th, was on the tail end of the lead lap when the yellow came out. As crews are cleaning up turn 3, he goes down the backstretch at full speed, trying to catch up to the rest of the field, when the rear suspension malfunctions. He loses control going into turn 3, running full speed into a jet dryer cleaning up the track. A big explosion occurs. Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet runs off into the infield, its engine on fire. He escapes, and the fire is extinguished.
Meanwhile, 200 gallons of jet fuel leak out onto the track, and it catches fire. That part of the track, from the wall to the apron, is engulfed in flames, and the race is red-flagged. It takes over 2 hours to put out the fire, clean up and repair the track. When the race is back under yellow, the cars go to pit road, take their tires and fuel, and go. Here will be the top 10 at the restart:
Edd
Eddy
Ed
Rainbow Dash
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Nigel Uno
Danny Phantom
Early Cuyler
William Murderface
Twilight Sparkle
The race is restarted at lap 161. There are 40 laps to go. The Eds dominate yet another clean run...that is, until lap 195, when Twilight Sparkle comes up to pass Edd and Ed to take 2nd place. Applejack, who was in 11th on the last restart, follow her to take 3rd. Ed and Edd are back to 4th and 5th, while Eddy holds onto the lead. Then, on lap 199...
D.W: Trouble on the backstretch...a car is in the air!
McReynolds: Kenny McCormick is airborne and flipping and he's gone over the inside barrier and...oh no, he's not gonna...
Joy: McCormick's #39 car has flipped and fallen into Lake Lloyd! And we can't see it...he is stuck underwater on the bottom of Lake Lloyd! Caution is out!
D.W.: This has to be the worst crash in the history of NASCAR! I can't even describe how horrendous this is! It'll be a huge miracle if he gets out of there alive!
Kenny McCormick's #39 U.S. Army Chevrolet, which was running 19th at the time, is clipped in the left-rear by Aang's #26 car. McCormick spins to the inside of the track, goes airborne, flies over the inside wall, and flips right into Lake Lloyd, where it sinks to the bottom. A crane is deployed, which extracts the car from the lake. A rescue team pulls McCormick from the car...his body is lifeless. When the crew chiefs from Stewart-Haas Racing learned about this, this was the only radio chatter between them;
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Meanwhile, Sokka's #38 car has been patched up, and goes back on the track in 41st place, 40 laps down.
Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford, running a lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
Additionally, this race was supposed to be 200 laps long, but due to the late caution, we will now go into a 2-lap overtime known as a green-white-checkered, to try and finish the race under green. There can be up to three attempts at this. If a caution comes out on the final lap, the race is over.
Oh, and because there's 2 laps to go, no one is pitting under this caution – it only makes sense!
Now then, the race is set to restart in overtime, on lap 203. Here's the top 10;
Eddy
Twilight Sparkle
Applejack
Ed
Edd
Rainbow Dash
Phineas Flynn
Danny Phantom
Nigel Uno
Early Cuyler
At lap 203, the race restarts with a green-white-checkered; 2 laps to go. It's come down to the 3 Richard Childress Racing cars and the 3 Joe Gibbs cars. Rainbow Dash manages to pass Edd and Ed to get up to 4th place when the white flag flies and they're on the final lap. None of the top 6 cars seem to be able to make any passes. It looks like Eddy may have it made...up until he's in the final turn...
D.W: Whoa, Eddy gets real loose in turn 4! Twilight Sparkle takes the lead!
McReynolds: Eddy saves it, but he falls back to 4th, and no one has anything for that #11 car.
Joy: Checkered flag is out. Twilight Sparkle will win the Daytona 500!
After nearly losing it in the final turn, Eddy loses the lead to Twilight Sparkle and falls back to 4th. Twilight Sparkle wins the Daytona 500 with her teammates Applejack and Rainbow Dash finishing 2nd and 3rd. Eddy finishes 4th, and Ed and Edd finish 5th and 6th. Phineas Flynn takes 7th, Early Cuyler is 8th, Nigel Uno is 9th, and rounding out the top 10 is Danny Phantom.
As the other cars head back to their garages, Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota heads back to the start/finish line. She stops facing right into the wall. Then she floors the pedal and performs a celebratory burnout, sending smoke permeating up from the superspeedway. The crowd roars as Twilight climbs out from the car, takes her bow before the fans, takes the checkered flag and drives around the track clockwise on her victory lap.
A short while later she finds herself in Victory Lane, joined by her crew chief Rarity and the rest of the crew, as well as Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Twilight emerges from her car. Cheering, flying confetti, and spewing champagne ensue. As Twilight gets down from her car, pit reporter Dick Berggren proceeds to interview the race winner:
Berggren: Twilight Sparkle, congratulations on being the first Cartoon Cup Series winner, especially since you were starting in the rear with a backup car. I bet nobody thought you'd pull it off. What do you think of that?
Twilight: Wow, uh, well we did manage to make the car better throughout the race on pit stops. I guess that's further proof of the power of teamwork – and friendship. And you're right; not even I thought it would happen!
Berggren: That of course, was until Eddy got loose and you went around him. Thinking about that would you say that this race was won out of luck?
Twilight: Perhaps, but who cares? I've won the freakin' DAYTONA 500! WHOOOOOOOO!
Berggren: And that's Twilight Sparkle, our ecstatic Daytona 500 winner. Matt?
Yocum: Eddy was about to win the Daytona 500 when his car almost spun out, handing the win to Twilight Sparkle. Eddy finished 4th. Eddy, do you think you could tell us what happened back there?
Eddy: I really don't know. The track was getting better as the day went, but somehow the rear end got loose, and I lost. Look, that's all I feel like saying, alright?
Yocum: Clearly very distraught over that loss. Steve?
Byrnes: Phineas Flynn finished 7th, but of course his brother was in that scary crash on lap 41. Phineas, what are your feelings on this race, and how is your brother?
Phineas: I'd say I feel alright. I mean sure we didn't win, but 7th out of 43 cars is pretty descent. I think our season is starting well. And as for Ferb, I met up with him after the race; he's perfectly fine. And we're both looking forward to the next race.
Byrnes: Very relieving news indeed. Back to you Mike.
Joy: And as the post-race festivities continue, let's take a look at the finishing order:
And here's how our beloved cartoon characters finished the Daytona 500:
Twilight Sparkle
Applejack
Rainbow Dash
Eddy
Ed
Edd
Phineas Flynn
Early Cuyler
Nigel Uno
Danny Phantom
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Beavis
William Murderface
Bender
Frylock
Abigail Lincoln
Peter Griffin
Eric Cartman
Timmy Turner
Aang
Foxxy Love
The Warden
Katara
Spongebob SquarePants
Hank Hill
Kim Possible
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
Francine Smith (1 lap down)
Master Shake (1 lap down)
Butt-Head (1 lap down)
Chowder (1 lap down)
Meatwad (1 lap down)
Dudley Puppy (1 lap down)
Flapjack (2 laps down)
Grim (2 laps down)
Stan Smith (2 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (2 laps down)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Sokka (40 laps down)
Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Homer Simpson (DNF; engine)
Ferb Fletcher (DNF; accident)
Joy: Now let's look at our point standings:
Allow me to explain the points system; 1st place gets 43 points, 2nd gets 42, 3rd gets 41, and so on down to 43rd, which earns 1 point. Additionally, 3 bonus points are awarded for winning, 1 for leading a lap, and one for leading the most laps. So, here are the point standings;
Twilight Sparkle; 46 points
Applejack; 42 points/Eddy; 42 points
Rainbow Dash; 41 points
Ed; 40 points
Edd; 39 points
Phineas Flynn; 37 points
Early Cuyler; 36 points
Nigel Uno; 35 points
Danny Phantom; 34 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 33 points
Beavis; 32 points
William Murderface; 31 points
Bender; 30 points
Frylock; 29 points/Abigail Lincoln; 29 points
Peter Griffin; 28 points
Eric Cartman; 27 points
Timmy Turner; 26 points
Aang; 24 points
Foxxy Love; 23 points
The Warden; 22 points
Katara; 21 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 20 points
Hank Hill; 19 points
Kim Possible; 18 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 17 points
Gumball Waterson; 16 points
Francine Smith; 15 points
Master Shake; 14 points
Butt-Head; 13 points
Chowder;12 points
Meatwad; 11 points
Dudley Puppy; 10 points
Flapjack; 9 points
Grim; 8 points
Stam Smith; 7 points
Ben Tennyson; 6 points
Kenny McCormick; 5 points
Sokka; 4 points
Alejandro; 3 points
Homer Simpson; 2 points
Ferb Fletcher; 1 point
Joy: And the first NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series race is in the books! Next week the cartoon characters head to Phoenix for the Subway Fresh Fit 500. Until then, from Daytona Beach, FL, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying, "so long everybody" Or should I say "everypony?"
The announcers laugh as the broadcast ends.
Well, I hope you enjoyed that race. I know many of you practically had an orgasm at the end. Well, how do you think our characters will do next time? Who will win? And who will crash and burn? Tune in for the next race and find out!
Chapter 3: Subway Fresh Fit 500
After an exciting start to the series, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Seres goes to Phoenix International Raceway for the Subway Fresh Fit 500. And this track is a very different animal from Daytona. This track is only 1 mile long, with 10-12 degrees of banking in turns 1 and 2, and only 8-9 degrees of banking in turns 3-4. Additionally, the backstretch features a bend known as the "dogleg" – it's banked 10-12 degrees. And the frontstretch is banked at 3 degrees.
Also, there will be no restrictor plates here, and pack racing won't be as prevalent. And, since this is in the desert, this track is also pretty hot and slick. But this time, no one crashed in practice or qualifying, so no one will have to go back to the rear.
Furthermore, even though this race has 500 in its name, it's not 500 miles – it's 500 kilometers. This equals 312 miles, and as this track is 1 mile long, it will be a 312 lap race.
Now for the starting order:
Francine Smith
Foxxy Love
Gumball Waterson
Ed
Kenny McCormick
Kim Possible
Sokka
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Dudley Puppy
Grim
Spongebob SquarePants
Rainbow Dash
Stan Smith
Eddy
Nigel Uno
Abigail Lincoln
Homer Simpson
Edd
Flapjack
Eric Cartman
Alejandro
Master Shake
Peter Griffin
Bender
Frylock
Twilight Sparkle
Phineas Flynn
Chowder
Ben Tennyson
The Warden
William Murderface
Timmy Turner
Applejack
Beavis
Butt-Head
Ferb Fletcher
Aang
Early Cuyler
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Katara
Hank Hill
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Take it away, FOX…
Joy: Welcome to the second race of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series season. We're fresh off an exciting running of the Daytona 500! Twilight Sparkle, who's fresh off a surprise victory, is looking to repeat here. Meanwhile Eddy, who was about to win before losing it in the final turn, is looking to make up for that here today. 41 other drivers will also be looking to win the Subway Fresh Fit 500! Hi, I'm Mike Joy, here with Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip, here for another great cartoon race!
McReynolds: And we're coming off an exciting race at Daytona – who would've thought that Joe Gibbs Racing, who got off to a bad start, would go on to finish 1-2-3? What's really amazing is that those ponies can drive!
D.W: I really don't know how the heck they even manipulate those steering wheels; they don't have fingers, hands or even hooves. It's unreal! Well, they are cartoon characters after all – they really can do anything.
Joy: And these characters will do anything to win…quite literally! Now let's go trackside for the command…
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those most famous words in motorsports. Here to give the command, legendary Looney Tunes cartoon, Foghorn Leghorn.
Foghorn: Ladies and gentletoons, I say, I say, start your engines!
The cars come to life. They roll out of the pits for the pace laps.
Joy: And let's look at the starting grid; Francine Smith, coming off a lackluster run at Daytona, is our polesitter today with Foxxy Love starting 2nd. Gumball Waterson, who also didn't do well last week is in 3rd, with Ed in 4th. Kenny McCormick will start 5th, and-
D.W: Wait, didn't Kenny die in that crash last week on lap 199?
McReynolds: Yeah, he drowned in Lake Lloyd, didn't he?
Joy: Wait, what..? Wow, you can't explain that! Anyways, as we shuffle down the field, let's get someone on the radio.
D.W: Hey Eddy, it's D.W., you got a copy?
Eddy: I got you, Darrell.
D.W: You're coming off a disappointing loss at Daytona, and now you're starting 15th today. What are your thoughts going into this race?
Eddy: I think we can do well today. The car's been pretty good throughout the weekend, and as long as we avoid accidents and mechanical mishaps, we should be fine.
D.W: And what of your teammates? You all led a large part of last week's race, and they're starting 4th and 19th. How do you feel about them?
Eddy: Best of luck to both of them. That's all I can say.
D.W: Well, good luck to you as well, and thanks for speaking with us.
Eddy: 10-4.
D.W: He really was distraught over that last-lap slip-up at the Daytona.
Joy: That's the kind of stuff that happens in racing. Now let's check up with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet is good all around the track – except the dogleg. The car's been fairly tight there. He says he doesn't want to change anything, in case he should become tight everywhere else. They're not taking any chances. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, our Daytona 500 winner Twilight Sparkle has been complaining about the car. She says that it's super-loose. She says she doesn't know how long she can keep the car under control. They're hoping for an early caution to fix that. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Danny Phantom finished 10th at Daytona, he's starting 8th today. They're reporting that the car is "OK." They plan to not make any changes right away, but may do so as the race progresses. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Nigel Uno has been reporting that the car is good on the top of the track, but tight on the bottom. As much as he'd like to run on the bottom, he says, he plans to make the most of the top while he can, and hope they get something out of it. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, everyone. We're ready to get underway!
The pace car pulls onto pit road. The racecars proceed to the line and the green flag flies.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin' boys!
McReynolds: Oh, there's a car spewing smoke!
Joy: Twilight Sparkle has blown her engine!
Twilight: ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME?
Rarity: (sobbing)
Joy: We apologize for that language.
McReynolds: Twilight's not gonna make it back around to pit road.
Joy: Caution flag is out.
D.W: Man, what a tough break for our Daytona 500 champion!
Right as the race starts, Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota blows its engine. She's unable to make it back around to pit road, and the caution comes out. A wrecker comes to take Twilight's car into the garage area, effectively ending her team's day.
Meanwhile, the other cars stay out of the pits, obviously because the race has just started! The running order is the same, except everyone from 27th on back moves up a spot. Francine Smith is leading and therefore gets her bonus point for leading a lap.
On lap 4, the race restarts. Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet gets a bad start and drops back a number of positions. Francine Smith's #10 Chevrolet holds the lead for about 23 laps. Then, right when Gumball Waterson takes the lead…
Joy: Trouble! Turn 3!
D.W: Rainbow Dash is in the wall!
Joy: Caution is out!
McReynolds: Her car's front end is heavily damaged!
Rainbow Dash: Damn, if only this track was only 20% cooler! Dammit!
Fluttershy: It's okay. There's always next week.
Rainbow Dash: But still, damn!
Joy: What a tough day for Joe Gibbs Racing. That's another car out of the race!
On lap 23, Rainbow Dash, running in 11th, is tapped in the rear by Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota. Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota gets loose, overcorrects, and runs very hard head-on into the outside wall. Her car comes to a rest on the banking and can't get going. The wrecker comes to take her car to the garage area, and track crews arrive to clean up debris.
Meanwhile, we see some interesting pit strategy during this caution. Many cars come in, taking either two right-side tires or fuel only. A few running in the back don't pit at all. Here will be the top 10 at the next restart:
Peter Griffin
Beavis
Bender
William Murderface
Gumball Waterson
Francine Smith
Sokka
Ed
Stan Smith
Kenny McCormick
The top 4 cars did not pit.
The race restarts on lap 27. Within a few laps, Peter Griffin, Beavis, Bender, and William Murderface get shuffled back. Gumball Waterson manages to jump out to a 1.5 second lead over 2nd place Francine Smith. The race continues to run smoothly in this manner, with several cars being lapped, until lap 79…
Joy: Trouble at pit road entrance!
McReynolds: The #39 car has crashed right into the end of the pit road retaining wall! And it's gone over onto its side!
D.W: Kenny McCormick is trapped in there! He can't get out…oh, my gosh! Unbelievable!
Kenny McCormick's #39 U.S. Army Chevrolet, running in 11th, is clipped by Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford. The car goes over on the driver side and slams into the wall at pit road entrance, crushing the car. The caution flag waves as the wrecker puts what's left of the car back on its wheels. Track crews get Kenny out of the car. As it turns out, the safety gear was improperly used, and of poor quality, and as a result, Kenny was horribly mangled and didn't appear to have any life left in him…
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Actually, this was a lucky break for Peter Griffin, Beavis, Bender, and William Murderface, as they were coming close to needing to pit. Also, they were running around the end of the top 20. All 40 of the remaining cars come to pit road for four tires and fuel. Here's the top 10 coming out of the pits;
Gumball Waterson
Ed
Eddy
Nigel Uno
Flapjack
Abigail Lincoln
Grim
Danny Phantom
Spongebob SquarePants
Francine Smith
Chowder's #37 Ford, running 1 lap down in 33rd, gets the free pass.
We get back underway on lap 80. Gumball Waterson once again jumps out to a big lead. The race proceeds smoothly, with no one challenging Gumball. At lap 155, green flag pit stops commence. Everything goes smoothly…no mishaps or penalties occur. When green flag pit stops end on lap 161, here are the top 10;
Gumball Waterson
Nigel Uno
Ed
Grim
Eddy
Spongebob SquarePants
Stan Smith
Francine Smith
Edd
Homer Simpson
Gumball has an even bigger lead than before. The cars further back shuffle around now and then, but no one has anything for Gumball. Then, on lap 230...
Joy: Trouble in turn 2! Our leader's in trouble!
D.W: Gumball Waterson has crashed with a lapped car!
McReynolds! It's Applejack! Gumball and Applejack have crashed in turn 2!
Joy: Caution is out!
McReynolds: After finishing 1-2-3 at Daytona, now all of Joe Gibbs Racing is out of it! What a shame!
D.W: Not to mention Gumball was dominating this race, after a not-so-good run at Daytona, and now he's out of it. Wow!
As Gumball, the leader, was lapping Applejack, who was running in 27th, Applejack's #18 M&Ms Toyota gets loose, overcorrects, and hits the left-rear fender of Gumball's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota. Applejack slams head-on into the wall, while Gumball smacks his rear end into the wall. Applejack's car is out of commission, and Gumball's car will need major repairs. But as they get out of their cars to talk it over, the drama doesn't end...
As the rest of the field makes their pit stops...
Joy: Pit road is open, everyone's coming in for four tires and fuel – and there's a fight!
McReynolds: Applejack and Gumball are throwing haymakers at each other – they are goin' at it!
D.W: Whoa! Gumball's on top of Applejack, and he's clawing her like a wild animal!
McReynolds: Now they got him off her!
Joy: Track personnel have got a hold of Gumball, and are pulling him away from Applejack.
D.W: My gosh! I've seen some heated exchanges in my day, even been in a few myself, but nothing quite like that!
After a heated exchange, the words between Gumball and Applejack erupt into fisticuffs. They exchange haymakers for a while, then, Gumball pounces on Applejack and scratches her up with his claws relentlessly. Track crew members pull Gumball off of Applejack and drag him away as he's still trying to attack her.
Meanwhile, wreckers arrive to take their cars to the garage area. Even though his car could be repaired, Gumball is parked by NASCAR for fighting. Applejack would've received the same penalty, but her car was unfixable anyways, so they didn't.
While that was going on, the rest of the field made their pit stops. Here will be the top 10 at the next restart:
Ed
Grim
Francine Smith
Spongebob SquarePants
Homer Simpson
Eddy
Edd
Nigel Uno
Flapjack
Abigail Lincoln
Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford, running a lap down in 24th, gets the free pass.
On lap 233, we're back underway. Ed jumps out to a big lead. Homer Simpson in the #83 car gradually comes up from 5th place and appears to challenge Ed. He's about to make the pass on lap 290 when...
Joy: Trouble in the dogleg! Multiple cars are involved!
McReynolds: Three cars – Ben Tennyson in the #49, Aang in the #26, and Blooregard Q. Kazoo in the #13 are all involved!
Joy: Caution is out.
In the dogleg on lap 290, several lapped cars – Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota, Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford, and Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford are running closely when Aang gets loose, spins and clips Blooregard's right-rear fender, causing him to clip Ben's left-rear fender. They all spin and go into the wall hard; they all have considerable damage, but are able to limp back into the garage area.
The other cars, in the meantime are making their last pit stops of the race. Here will be the top 10 for the restart;
Ed
Homer Simpson
Spongebob SquarePants
Nigel Uno
Grim
Abigail Lincoln
Flapjack
Francine Smith
Meatwad
Sokka
Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford, running 1 lap down in 23rd, gets the free pass.
The race restarts on lap 293. Both Ed and Homer Simpson manage to get ahead of the rest of the field; it all comes down to these two. The two cars trade paint vigorously for the next few laps. Tearing and grinding each other, almost crashing each other trying to get the lead. Then, on lap 307, with just 6 laps to go, Ed's falls off the pace.
Jonny: Ed, what the hell's goin' on?
Ed: Um...I think our transmission broke!
Jonny: What?
Ed: The gears don't work or anything.
Jonny: (sighs grimly) Bring her in, then. We're done.
Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet breaks a transmission on lap 307. He very grimly gets his car on the apron and heads for the garage area, very dejected over that victory slipping through his fingers...that's already the 2nd time for Richard Childress Racing!
Homer Simpson, meanwhile, has a considerable lead. He takes the white flag at lap 312 and never looks back...
Joy: Coming around turns 3 and 4 for the last time. Checkered flag is out. Homer Simpson, after a miserable run at Daytona, bounces back to win at Phoenix!
Marge: You did it, Homey!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Homer Simpson wins the Subway Fresh Fit 500. Nigel Uno comes in 2nd, Spongebob SquarePants takes 3rd, Grim places 4th, Abigail Lincoln is in 5th, Flapjack is in 6th, Sokka finishes 7th, Meatwad places 8th, Hoagie P. Gilligan finishes 9th, and Francine Smith round out the top 10.
Homer Simpson, meanwhile, comes back around to the start/finish line, and performs a donut, spinning his car around multiple times as the crowd cheers. He takes the checkered flag with him on his victory lap.
He then appears in victory lane, gets out of his car, and celebrates. Dick Berggren appears to interview him:
Berggren: Homer Simpson, an amazing win at Phoenix! How does that feel after the disaster you guys had Daytona?
Homer: Are you kiddin'? After what happened there? This is so aweome! Really, I'm just glad the car didn't blow up on me. I find hysterical that that good-for-nothing pony was the one who blew up this time!
Berggren: Say, isn't it ironic that you've won the Subway Fresh Fit 500 when you're anything but fit?
Homer: Well, I – oh, ha ha! Up yours, Dick! Get outta here!
Homer's wife and crew chief Marge appears on camera and they have their victory kiss.
Berggren: OK, then. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Gumball Waterson was in that incident with Applejack on lap 230 which erupted into fisticuffs, and was parked by NASCAR for it. Gumball, what motivated you to go off like you did?
Gumball: Are you serious, Matt? Were you even watching the race? That stupid pony wrecked me! She deserved it. And if you ask me, she's the one who ought to be put in the slaughterhouse!
Gumball storms away in a fit.
Yocum: Still very furious after that incident. Steve?
Byrnes: Matt, I'm here with Applejack to get her side of the story. Applejack, what happened there?
Applejack: It wasn't intentional at all! I just got loose and my front end hit his rear end. The only reason I hit him was because he hit me first – he overreacted, that's all. I really hope me and him can put this behind us.
Byrnes: Thanks, Applejack. Back to you Mike.
Joy: Thanks, Steve. Now let's look at the race results...
And here's how the Subway Fresh Fit 500 turned out;
Homer Simpson
Nigel Uno
Spongebob SquarePants
Grim
Abigail Lincoln
Flapjack
Sokka
Meatwad
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Francine Smith
Eddy
Stan Smith
Edd
Foxxy Love
Peter Griffin
William Murderface
Beavis
Bender
Butt-Head
Chowder
Eric Cartman
Phineas Flynn
Danny Phantom
Dudley Puppy (1 lap down)
Frylock (1 lap down)
Ferb Fletcher (1 lap down)
Master Shake (1 lap down)
Hank Hill (1 lap down)
Alejandro (1 lap down)
Timmy Turner (1 lap down)
The Warden (1 lap down)
Kim Possible (2 laps down)
Early Cuyler (2 laps down)
Katara (3 laps down)
Ed (DNF; transmission)
Ben Tennyson (DNF; accident)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; accident)
Aang (DNF; accident)
Gumball Waterson (DNF; accident/parked)
Applejack (DNF; accident)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Rainbow Dash (DNF; accident)
Twilight Sparkle (DNF; engine)
Joy: And here are your point standings…
Here are the current point standings after 2 of 36 races;
Nigel Uno; 77 points
Eddy; 75 points
Edd; 70 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan/Abigail Lincoln; 68 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 61 points
Eric Cartman; 60 points
Phineas Flynn/Beavis/William Murderface; 59 points
Peter Griffin; 58 points
Bender; 56 points
Danny Phantom; 55 points
Foxxy Love; 53 points
Francine Smith/Ed; 50 points
Homer Simpson; 49 points
Grim/Frylock; 48 points
Flapjack/Meatwad/Early Cuyler/Twilight Sparkle; 47 points
Applejack; 46 points
Rainbow Dash; 43 points
Sokka; 41 points
Timmy Turner; 40 points
Stan Smith; 39 points
Butt-Head; 38 points
Chowder; 36 points
The Warden/Hank Hill; 35 points
Katara/Master Shake; 31 points
Aang/Dudley Puppy/Kim Possible; 30 points
Ferb Fletcher ; 27 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo/Gumball Waterson; 24 points
Alejandro; 18 points
Ben Tennyson; 14 points
Kenny McCormick; 8 points
Joy: Next week we head to Sin City and Las Vegas Motor Speedway for the Kobalt Tools 400! Until then, from Phoenix International Raceway, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying farewell, and have a great week!
Meanwhile, in the garage area, Gumball is sitting alone in his team's garage, very upset with himself. He has seen the replay of the crash, and realizes that it was not intentional, and now feels horrible for the way he reacted. Then, Applejack comes in to talk with him…
Applejack: Uh, Gumball?
Gumball: No, I know. I know you didn't do it purpose, and I overreacted. You were right to hit me back – I'm at fault! I'm sorry!
Gumball starts to sob lightly as he sheds tears. Applejack walks up and puts her front leg around him.
Applejack: Awww, it's okay, Gumball. I forgive you. Now, give me a hug.
Gumball falls into Applejack's arms and keeps crying for a while longer, then calms down.
Gumball: So, are we cool?
Applejack: Mm-hmm.
She gives him a tender kiss on the cheek.
Both: (sigh)
They pull apart.
Gumball: So, I guess I'll see you next week at Vegas?
Applejack: Yep. Good luck!
Gumball: You too!
They go their separate ways and leave the track with everyone else, thus closing the curtains on this act of the story.
Well, what do you think? Another great race huh? And that incident on lap 230 certainly was something wasn't it? Anyway, as Mike Joy said, next week's race is at Las Vegas Motor Speedway; the Kobalt Tools 400! See you there!
Chapter 4: Kobalt Tools 400
We're now at Las Vegas Motor Speedway for the next race in the Cartoon Cup Series, the Kobalt Tools 400. Las Vegas Motor Speedway, located 15 miles north of the Las Vegas Strip, is a D-shaped oval, 1.5 miles long. The turns are banked at 20 degrees, and the frontstretch and backstretch are both banked at 9 degrees.
Although we're still in the desert, today the sky is cloudy, cloudy enough to blot out the sun. This means cooler track temperatures, which means the cars will have better grip this time around.
The race will be 400 miles long, with 267 laps.
Let's look at the starting grid;
Danny Phantom
Eric Cartman
Master Shake
Beavis
Peter Griffin
Alejandro
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Timmy Turner
Butt-Head
Aang
Early Cuyler
Homer Simpson
Ed
Katara
Nigel Uno
The Warden
William Murderface
Eddy
Chowder
Rainbow Dash
Meatwad
Kenny McCormick
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
Phineas Flynn
Twilight Sparkle
Dudley Puppy
Sokka
Frylock
Francine Smith
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Bender
Foxxy Love
Spongebob SquarePants
Stan Smith
Ferb Fletcher
Ben Tennyson
Hank Hill
Grim
Flapjack
Applejack
Gumball Waterson
Kim Possible
Now I'll turn it over to the FOX crew...
Joy: NASCAR on FOX welcomes you to Sin City, Las Vegas Nevada, for the Kobalt Tools 400! We're in the third race of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series, and already things have gotten real interesting! Hi, I'm Mike Joy with Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip.
D.W: Mike, I'll tell you what, some things have already really flip-flopped here. Joe Gibbs Racing had all their cars eliminated last week after sweeping Daytona, then Ed breaks a transmission, then Homer Simpson goes onto win! What a turn of events that was!
McReynolds: And this kind of stuff is what's allowed Nigel Uno, of all people, to take the points lead. And he still has yet to win a race!
Joy: Proof that our points system still reward consistency. As for Uno, he'll start 15th today and will be looking to win this one. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, legendary Disney cartoon, Donald Duck!
Donald: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
The cars don't start.
Donald: I said start your engines!
The cars still don't start.
Donald: What are you all, deaf?
Track Announcer: Drivers, he said 'start your engines!' Can't you understand a word he's saying?
And with that, the cars finally start their engines and roll out for the pace laps.
Joy: As the cars roll out, let's look at the starting line-up; Danny Phantom, driving for Roush Fenway Racing is on the pole, beside him is Eric Cartman. Master Shake, in the Aaron's Dream Machine, will star in 3rd, and in 4th place is Beavis in the #24 car. In row 3, Peter Griffin will start 5th, and the one Hispanic driver, Alejandro, takes 6th. Hoagie P. Gilligan, driving the Blue Deuce, is in 7th, and alongside him is Timmy Turner. Butt-Head, in the #48 Lowe's Chevrolet starts in 9th, and Aang will round out the top 10. And as we go through the rest of the field, let's get someone on the radio.
D.W: Hey, Nigel Uno, it's D.W., you got a copy?
Nigel: Affirmative.
D.W: You're going into this race as our points leader, despite not winning a race. You're starting 15th today, what are your expectations for this race?
Nigel: Well, now that you mention it, I'm just looking to maintain the points lead. Any outcome that has me still leading in points in what I really want. And if I win here today, great!
D.W: What about the track? I know we're running on a cooler track this week. You're looking forward to that are you not?
Nigel: Why wouldn't I? We have a cooler track, so we have better grip, so I should have a lower chance of spinning out and possibly crashing.
D.W: And everyone else?
Nigel: I want them to crash! (laughs)
D.W: (chuckles) Well, good luck with that and everything else. Thanks for speaking with us.
Nigel: 10-4, Darrel. Take care.
The cars get the one-to-go signal from the flagman.
Joy: As we get the one-to-go, let's check up with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Kenny McCormick has been resurrected after dying again last week at Phoenix. He's been reporting that the car is running pretty well under these conditions, and hopes for that to continue. He also hopes not to die this time. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Alejandro says that his car his decent entering the turns, but gets tight on the exit. This could really hinder their overall lap times, and are hoping either for that to fix itself, or for an early caution so they can fix that. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Aang says that the cooler track temperatures are meaningless because the car doesn't have any grip in the turns. He admits that he's not really confident about their car's handling and he's praying they don't crash. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Beavis says his car is just a little bit loose in the tri-oval, but nothing serious. He says the car is "good, not great" going through the turns, and would like for that to improve as they go through the run. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, Steve. We're ready to go here in Vegas!
The pace car pulls off onto pit road. The cars head to the line and the green flag comes out.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin' boys!
We're underway at Las Vegas! Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford gets a bad start and is shuffled back to 3rd. Master Shake's #55 Aaron's Toyota gets by Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet going out of turn 4, and leads the first lap of the race, thus getting his bonus point for leading a lap. He leads for about 11 laps before Master Shake takes it from him.
As 2nd through 7th place are racing each other, Shake gradually builds up a 2-second lead. The cars further back continue to shuffle spots and fight each other as Shake leads them around. Nothing else significant happens until lap 50...
Joy: Trouble! Turn 1!
McReynolds: The Warden has crashed, and oh, my God!
D.W: He's sliding through the turn on his roof!
Joy: Caution is out!
McReynolds: He hit that wall a ton.
On lap 50, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, running in 20th, gets very loose in turn 1, overcorrects, and hits the wall hard enough to go over on his roof. He slides through turns 1 and 2 upside-down and finally stops. He's able to get out under his own power and his taken to the medical center for further evaluation; he's determined to be unharmed. His car is taken by wrecker to the garage area.
Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 36th, gets the free pass.
The other cars come in to the pits for four tires and fuel. Here are the top 10 going out of the pits;
Master Shake
Eric Cartman
Peter Griffin
Danny Phantom
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Aang
Ed
Beavis
Katara
Chowder
On lap 53, the race restarts. Shake and Cartman both get ahead of everyone else by about 1 second. Shake holds off Cartman for about 8 laps, then Cartman takes the lead on lap 61. Several cars go a lap down. He holds the lead until green flag pit stops start on lap 115. When they finish up on around lap 122, here are the top 10;
Eric Cartman
Master Shake
Danny Phantom
Peter Griffin
Ed
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Chowder
Aang
Katara
Homer Simpson
Cartman manages to pull away from Shake. He continues to hold a strong, steady lead. Then, on lap 165...
Joy: Trouble in the tri-oval! Two cars have crashed together!
McReynolds: The #11 car and the #18 car have crashed together on the frontstretch!
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: That's the second week in a row for Joe Gibbs Racing!
Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota and Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, running a lap down in 32nd and 33rd, get together going down the frontstetch. They manage to spin out and get both of their cars in the wall hard – hard enough to render them both out of commission. They get out of their cars, talk it over, and make peace as the wreckers tow their cars to the garage.
Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford, running 1 lap down in 30.th, gets the free pass.
The other cars make their pit stops, taking four tires and fuel. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Danny Phantom
Peter Griffin
Ed
Eric Cartman
Master Shake
Aang
Homer Simpson
Eddy
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Alejandro
On lap 168, the race restarts. Peter Griffin gets a very good start and gets ahead of Danny Phantom. Gradually he manages to get multiple seconds ahead. Then, Ed appears and challenges him. He takes the lead on lap 192. Peter continues to challenge Ed to attempt to take the lead back, but to no avail. Then, on lap 214...
Joy: Car airborne!
McReynolds: The #39 car is flipping down the backstretch!
Joy: McCormick is in the air, flipping wildly!
D.W: He's stopped, now...is he dead? Again?
Joy: Caution is out.
McReynolds: That's the third straight race that he's crashed in.
D.W: I just hope he comes out of this one...alive, this time. He shouldn't have to keep coming back to life like that.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running in 16th, gets loose, overcorrects, then goes back with such force that his car's roof flaps can't keep him on the ground. He gets in the air and flips multiple times down the backstretch. When his car stops, everyone is frozen to their seats, scared stiff of what might've happened. Then, against all odds...
Stan: Oh my God! Kenny's alive!
The window net comes down, and Kenny comes out with only minor injuries. The crowd cheers for him as he walks to the ambulance under his own power.
Meanwhile, the rest of the field goes in to get four tires and fuel. Everything goes smoothly, except for Homer Simpson...while they're changing the right-side tires, they drop the jack. It takes the crewmen about a minute to get the car back up so they can complete the stop. When they finally do, he ends up being the last car on the lead lap.
Here then, will be the top 10 on the restart;
Peter Griffin
Ed
Aang
Eddy
Danny Phantom
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Early Cuyler
Katara
Butt-Head
Master Shake
Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 26th, gets the free pass.
On lap 217, the race is restarted. A three-way battle for the lead ensues, involving, Ed, Peter Griffin, and Aang. On lap 234, Ed takes the lead. On lap 245...
Aang: The right-rear is vibrating badly!
Mai: That means the tire is going down. Better bring it in!
Aang: 10-4...shit!
Aang's right-rear tire is about to go flat. He catches this and they make a pit-stop to change the right-side tires. They re-emerge one lap down in 26th place.
Ed continues to lead, with Peter Griffin nipping at his heels. Try as he may, however, Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota can't get around Ed's #27 Menard's Chevrolet. They continue to fight like this, with the rest of the top 5 cars lurking in the background, ready to charge. It stays like this up until the white flag. Ed and Peter continue to fight each other for the win. Then, in the final turn...
Joy: Trouble! A car is around!
D.W: The #20 car is in the wall!
McReynolds: No caution.
Joy: Checkered flag...OHHH!
D.W: The #27 is on top of the #93!
Peter: Holy crap!
Ed: Am I on top of him?
Joy: Ed will win the Kobalt Tools 400, on top of Peter's car!
D.W: Unbelievable!
Ed: What happened? Did I win?
Jonny: Yes, you did!
Ed: No way! WOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Joy: Have you ever?
D.W: No, I've never!
McReynolds: Just incredible!
Peter Griffin gets into Rainbow Dash's lapped #20 Home Depot Toyota, putting her head-on into the wall. As he's going down the frontstretch, he's laughing uncontrollably over what he's done. He's so distracted by this that he runs into the back of Ed. Ed panics and hits the brakes. The combined force causes the back of Ed's car to go up onto the hood of Peter's car, and this is how they cross the line. Ed wins the Kobalt Tools 400, with Peter Griffin finishing 2nd. Danny Phantom takes 3rd, Eddy finishes 4th, Hoagie P. Gilligan is 5th, Master Shake is 6th, Katara finishes in 7th, Eric Cartman is 8th, Early Cuyler takes 9th, and Chowder will round out the top 10.
Meanwhile, the #20 car has been taken back to the garage area, but Rainbow Dash is still out on turn 4, waiting for Peter Griffin to come back around. When he does, she storms up to his car, ready to throw her helmet at him, but Peter turns and heads straight for her, causing her to retreat and head back to the garage.
While this is happening, Ed is busy doing a burnout down the front straightaway. The crowd cheers for him as he goes back to take the checkered flag. He takes his victory lap clockwise around the track, waving to the fans. Then he heads over to Victory Lane.
He gets out of his car and the confetti and champagne start to fly. Ed pumps his fist in celebration for a while then gets down from his car. Dick Berggren moves in for the interview;
Berggren: Ed, congratulations on winning at Las Vegas, and what a way to win – on top of another car! What were you thinking when that #93 car was literally under you?
Ed: Uhh...well – I'm not much of a thinker. I was just plain scared when he got me on his hood, that's all I know.
Berggren: Well, at the rate he was going, he could've got around you and taken the win. Would you say Peter Griffin's not much of a thinker, either?
Ed: Is he a Canadian? Because Canadians are weird! And he's weird! And I saw him wreck the #20 car in my rearview.
Berggren: OK, well, you were denied the win last week when your transmission broke, but you won here. How confident are you for Richard Childress Racing right now?
Ed: Just as long as I'm the one winning the races!
Berggren: A very happy Ed. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Peter Griffin, of course, got Ed's car on top of his going down the frontstretch after taking out Rainbow Dash. Peter, what happened back there?
Peter: I-I didn't mean to hit her, of course. But when I did, I just thought it was so freakin' sweet and hilarious when she went facefirst into the wall! You should've seen me laughing! That's what must've caused me to hit him like that.
Yocum: And what of Rainbow Dash? What about how she was about to hit you with her helmet?
Peter: Pfft! You can't stand up to an 865 hp wrecking machine!
Yocum: OK, well thanks, Peter. Back to you, Mike?
Joy: Thanks, Matt. And what a finish it was! Now let's look at the official results;
And here's how they finished the race;
Ed
Peter Griffin
Danny Phantom
Eddy
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Master Shake
Katara
Eric Cartman
Early Cuyler
Chowder
Butt-Head
Alejandro
William Murderface
Nigel Uno
Beavis
Edd
Meatwad
Bender
Sokka
Grim
Kim Possible
Francine Smith
Flapjack
Timmy Turner
Homer Simpson
Aang (1 lap down)
Phineas Flynn (1 lap down)
Foxxy Love (1 lap down)
Abigail Lincoln (1 lap down)
Dudley Puppy (1 lap down)
Spongebob SquarePants (1 lap down)
Stan Smith (1 lap down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (1 lap down)
Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
Hank Hill (2 laps down)
Frylock (2 laps down)
Ferb Fletcher (2 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (3 laps down)
Rainbow Dash (DNF; accident)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Applejack (DNF; accident)
Twilight Sparkle (DNF; accident)
The Warden (DNF; accident)
Joy: And here are your point standings;
Here are the point standings after 3 of 36 races;
Eddy; 115 points
Nigel Uno/Hoagie P. Gilligan; 107 points
Peter Griffin; 102 points
Edd; 98 points
Ed/Danny Phantom/Eric Cartman; 97 points
Abigail Lincoln; 93 points
William Murderface; 90 points
Early Cuyler; 82 points
Bender; 80 points
Foxxy Love; 79 points
Beavis; 78 points
Phineas Flynn; 76 points
Meatwad; 74 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 73 points
Francine Smith/Grim; 72 points
Butt-Head; 71 points
Chowder/Master Shake; 70 points
Katara/Flapjack/Homer Simpson; 68 points
Sokka; 66 points
Timmy Turner; 60 points
Frylock; 56 points
Kim Possible; 53 points
Stam Smith; 51 points
Alejandro; 50 points
Twilight Sparkle/Applejack; 49 points
Aang/Rainbow Dash; 48 points
Dudley Puppy/Hank Hill; 44 points
The Warden; 36 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 35 points
Gumball Waterson/Ferb Fletcher; 34 points
Ben Tennyson; 20 points
Kenny McCormick; 12 points
Joy: A wild finish concludes the Kobalt Tools 400! Next week, the Cartoon Cup Series heads to the world's fastest half-mile, Bristol Motor Speedway, for the Food City 500. From Las Vegas Motor Speedway, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying farewell, and we'll see you next week.
Well! What! A! Finish! Seriously, I don't think NASCAR has ever had something like that in real life! And they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...or does it? Join us next time in Thunder Valley for the Food City 500!
Chapter 5: Food City 500
Greetings from Thunder Valley, the World's Fastest Half-Mile, Bristol Motor Speedway! The Cartoon Cup Series is here to run its fourth race of the season, the Food City 500! And what a track this is; located in Bristol, TN, it's one of the shortest on the NASCAR circuit – only 0.533 miles long! And the speeds are faster than other half-mile tracks due to its high banking of 26-30 degrees in the turns (as well as 9-10 degree banking in the straights). It's pretty narrow as well, which will make passing difficult. Another distinct feature is two pit roads – one on the frontstretch, one on the backstretch. The race will be 500 laps, adding for a total of 266.5 miles.
I should note that it's been announced that the track will be reconfigured, meeting that the night race here later this season will have a different look to it…more on that later.
As for the weather and track conditions, the sun is out, but it is chilly. Thus, the track is somewhat slick but not as bad as what it was like at Daytona and Phoenix.
Now for the starting grid;
Ferb Fletcher
Homer Simpson
Aang
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Gumball Waterson
Spongebob SquarePants
Grim
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
Dudley Puppy
Butt-Head
Flapjack
Ben Tennyson
Peter Griffin
Ed
The Warden
Kim Possible
Timmy Turner
Eddy
Nigel Uno
Phineas Flynn
Danny Phantom
Beavis
Foxxy Love
Chowder
Applejack
Early Cuyler
William Murderface
Master Shake
Eric Cartman
Kenny McCormick
Stan Smith
Rainbow Dash
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Meatwad
Twilight Sparkle
Frylock
Hank Hill
Katara
Francine Smith
Bender
Sokka
Alejandro
FOX?
Joy: NASCAR on FOX welcomes you to the world's fastest half-mile, Bristol Motor Speedway! The Cartoon Cup Series is three races into the season after a crazy finish at Las Vegas, and now our cartoon characters are here at Thunder Valley, ready to run the Food City 500! Hi, I'm Mike Joy, here with Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip. And…I don't know about you guys, but I couldn't believe what I saw there last week!
McReynolds: But what happened there was the combined force of Peter Griffin running into Ed, and Ed hitting the brakes. Those forces put together is what caused Ed to go on top of Peter's car.
D.W: Still, I don't think I've ever seen a car get on top of another like that, much less finish the race like that…1-2!
Joy: Well, they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but when it comes to NASCAR, that's not necessarily the case, especially since Bristol is one of the more intense courses on the circuit. And with that said, let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, legendary Hanna-Barbera cartoon, Yogi Bear!
Yogi: Hey ladies! Hey gentletoons! Let's start our engines!
The 43 cars start their engines, warm up then roll out of pit road for the pace laps.
Joy: As the field rolls out, let's look at how they'll line up. Ferb Fletcher, in the #9 DeWalt Ford has his first pole of the season, and starting outside of him is Homer Simpson. Aang will start 3rd, and in 4th place is Hoagie P. Gilligan. Starting 5th is Gumball Waterson, he was in that fight at Phoenix, and alongside him is Spongebob SquarePants. In 7th place is Grim, driving for Robby Gordon Motorsports, and Edd is in 8th. Abigail Lincoln, in the #5 car is in 9th, and Dudley Puppy rounds out the top 10. And as we shuffle through the grid, let's see who we can get on the radio.
D.W: Hey Phineas, it's D.W., you got a copy?
Phineas: Yes, yes I do.
D.W: You're starting mid-pack, but you're already a quarter of a lap down. And passing is difficult on this narrow track. What are your thoughts on this?
Phineas: Well, this #43 car has been good thus far, and actually, I think that the excessive trading paint is the excitement of short track racing – should be fun.
D.W: Speaking of which, you've been running pretty lackluster after placing 7th at Daytona. What would you say you'd be shooting for here? A top 10, at least?
Phineas: At least! I need as good a finish as I can get. If I can go for the win, I will!
D.W: And what about your brother. He's starting on the pole today. What you think of that?
Phineas: Oh, I think it's great, and I wish him well. That's pretty much it.
D.W: Well, thanks for talking to us, and good luck to both of you out there.
Phineas: 10-4, thanks, Darrell.
McReynolds: And the cars starting at the very back have it the hardest. They're starting the race close to half a lap down. They may very well get lapped pretty quickly.
Joy: Very true. Now let's check in with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, our pole-sitter, Ferb Fletcher is feeling pretty confident. He reports that the car is pretty good all-around, and looks forward to it improving throughout the run. They've pretty high hopes here today. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Dudley Puppy has by far his best start of the season, but he is concerned. The car is good going into the turns, but loses front-end grip as it goes out. He says he doesn't think he can handle that, and is looking to make an adjustment on their first pit stop. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Peter Griffin is reporting that his car is loose, but he's fine with that. He says he wants the car to be as loose as he can handle it, so that he can carry as much speed as he can through the turns. We'll see how well he handles that throughout the day. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Gumball Waterson is saying the car fairly decent overall, though it is "just a little bit loose" in the center of the turn. He doesn't want this changed, however, in case it should become loose in the entrance and exit of the turns. He still feels good about the car overall. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, Steve. We're ready to go! 500 laps on the world's fastest half-mile!
The pace car pulls off onto pit road, the cars come to the line and the green flag is in the air.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin', boys!
And we're officially racing at Bristol! Ferb Fletcher maintains his first place spot going through the first two turns, while Aang passes Homer Simpson to take 2nd. Ferb Fletcher leads the 1st lap of the race, getting the bonus point. He slowly gets further ahead of everyone else. Then, on around lap 20, he starts to get held up when he approaches lapped traffic, starting with Alejandro in the #42 Target Chevrolet, and Sokka in the #38 Modspot Ford.
This allows for Aang, Homer Simpson, and Gumball Waterson to catch up to Ferb. They pursue him in lapped traffic for many laps. On lap 42, Gumball Waterson, who had moved up to 2nd, sneaks by Ferb Fletcher to take the lead. Aang also gets by Ferb on lap 56, and appears to challenge Gumball. He takes the lead on lap 74. Then, on lap 83…
Joy: We've got trouble in turn 1!
McReynolds: Flapjack has spun around in turn 1.
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: Man oh man, he is very lucky not to have been hit by anyone.
On lap 83, Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet, running in 12th, loses grip in turn 1 and spins around. Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota narrowly misses him, as do several other cars. Flapjack avoids the wall and makes it to pit road for a tire change. He also tops off on fuel and makes it out in 28th place, the last car on the lead lap.
Stan Smith, running 1 lap down in 29th in the #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet, gets the free pass.
All the other cars get tires and fuel as well. Here is the top 10 coming out of the pits;
Aang
Gumball Waterson
Ferb Fletcher
Homer Simpson
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Edd
Grim
Spongebob SquarePants
Butt-Head
Ben Tennyson
The race is restarted on lap 88. Gumball Waterson gets a great run on the restart and takes the lead back going into turn 1. Gradually, Hoagie P. Gilligan moves up the field, making it to second by lap 123. He challenges Gumball for the lead, but Gumball holds him off. Phineas Flynn, who started in 21st, cracks the top 10 by lap 145. Then, on lap 147…
Joy: Big crash in turns 1 & 2!
McReynolds: Multiple cars, the #99, #16, #24, #88, #51, and #7 cars have all crashed in the first two turns!
D.W: All those cars are really damaged.
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: What a bad wreck!
Beavis's #24 Drive To End Hunger Chevrolet clips the left-rear of Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford. He's unable to save it and gets into Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford. All these cars go around. Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Services Chevrolet, and Grim's #7 Speed Energy Dodge , who's running in 9th are unable to avoid them, and they end up in the crash as well. All cars suffer major damage; the #24, #16, and #51 are out of commission, and the #99, #88, and #7 will need major repairs. These cars limp back to the garage area, while the other 3 disabled cars are taken there by wrecker.
When the track is clear, pit road opens up, and the rest of the cars come in for service. The top 10 coming out of the pits are as follows;
Gumball Waterson
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Homer Simpson
Ferb Fletcher
Aang
Spongebob SquarePants
Abigail Lincoln
Edd
Butt-Head
Phineas Flynn
Applejack, running 1 lap down in 26th in the #18 M&M's Toyota gets the free pass.
On lap 154, the race is restarted. Gumball Waterson and Hoagie P. Gilligan jump ahead of the rest of the field. Aang, meanwhile, gets a bad start and falls back to 8th. As the cars further back in the top 10 jockey for track position, Gumball and Hoagie continue to battle for the lead. Gumball holds Hoagie off for about 66 laps. Then on lap 220, Hoagie P. Gilligan's #2 Miller Lite Dodge takes the lead after Gumball's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota almost loses it in turn 2.
Meanwhile, further back, Aang is just holding onto the top 10. Phineas Flynn, meanwhile, has cracked the top 5, and he appears to challenge his brother, Ferb Fletcher, for 4th place. Ferb's #9 Dewalt Ford holds him off for 31 laps, then, Phineas's #43 Medallion Financial Ford takes 4th. 12 laps later, on lap 263, while he's challenging Homer Simpson for 3rd…
Timmy: Oh crap, we cut a tire!
Cosmo: Come on, boy, keep it in control – oh, my God!
Joy: Trouble in turn 3!
D.W: The #17 just went hard into the wall.
McReynolds: I believe he blew a tire!
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 263, Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford, running in 21st, cuts the right-front tire going down the backstretch. He's unable to keep the car in control going into turn 3 and goes into the wall, messing up his fender. As the caution comes out, he makes it onto pit road, the crew changes his tires, and uses a hammer to fix fender so that it doesn't rub on the new tire. He re-emerges, still in 21st, but now he's 1 lap down.
The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, running 1 lap down in 22nd, gets the free pass.
Foxxy Love, Dudley Puppy, and Grim's cars finally get repaired, and they go back out on the track, 116 laps down.
The rest of the field comes into the pits for service, and here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Gumball Waterson
Homer Simpson
Phineas Flynn
Ferb Fletcher
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
Spongebob SquarePants
Ben Tennyson
Aang
We restart on lap 268. Phineas Flynn gets the jump on Homer Simpson and moves up to 3rd. Gumball Waterson and Hoagie P. Gilligan get ahead of the field again and keep running side-by-side for several more laps, with Phineas Flynn lurking in the background. By lap 290, Hoagie clears Gumball when Gumball gets held up by lapped traffic. On lap 312, Phineas Flynn gets past Gumball to take 2nd. He now sets his sights on Hoagie P. Gilligan's #2 car, which is about a full second ahead of Phineas's #43 car. Slowly, but surely, Phineas gains ground on Hoagie. He's right on top of him by lap 360. Hoagie, however, holds him off. Then, on lap 384, green flag pit stops commence.
Hoagie P. Gilligan does make a minor slip-up in the pits…the front end of his car is outside of his pit box when he stops, so he has to back up. This doesn't cost him much, but he does end up falling back to 2nd. So, when green flag pit stops are completed on lap 391, the top 10 are as follows;
Phineas Flynn
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Gumball Waterson
Homer Simpson
Edd
Ferb Fletcher
Spongebob SquarePants
Ed
Abigail Lincoln
Aang
After what may very well be the last pit stop cycle of the race, Phineas Flynn is in the lead by a healthy margin over Hoagie P. Gilligan. Despite being held up occasionally by lapped traffic he manages to maintain a comfortable margin. Hoagie P. Gilligan, meanwhile, gets overtaken by Gumball Waterson on lap 417, and again by Homer Simpson on lap 434; he ends up in 4th by then. The field gets bunched back together on lap 447 when this happens;
McReynolds: There's a car around in turn 4!
D.W: The #21 car has gone hard into the outside retaining wall, and his car is totaled!
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 447, William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota gets in the left-rear of Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford, making it get loose. Early Cuyler overcorrects and goes head-on hard into the outside retaining wall. His car is completely totaled.
Early: That asshole! That goddamn asshole!
Rusty: Take it easy now, Daddy. It looked unintentional to me.
Early: Unintentional my ass! I'll teach that fucker to mess with me!
Joy: Early Cuyler is out of his car, and – (gasp)
All: HE'S GOT A GUN!
McReynolds: Cuyler has a sawed-off shotgun!
D.W: What in the hell is he planning to do to Murderface?
Early Cuyler gets out of his car, wielding a sawed-off shotgun. As the wrecker takes his car to the garage, he sits on the apron with his gun, waiting for Murderface to come back around. When he does come back around…
Murderface: That bastard just shot my left-side tires out!
Offdensen: Well, maybe if you didn't wreck him…
Murderface: It wasn't on purpose! I had nowhere to go…that bastard!
When Murderface comes back around, Early shoots out his left-side tires with his shotgun. Murderface makes it to pit road without any further damage and gets new tires. He comes back out 2 laps down in 26th place. Early, meanwhile, is taken down by NASCAR officials, his gun is taken away, and they personally transport him to the garage area.
As the rest of the field can make it to the end without another pit stop, they don't pit. The top 10 at the restart will be;
Phineas Flynn
Gumball Waterson
Homer Simpson
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Ferb Fletcher
Spongebob SquarePants
Edd
Ed
Abigail Lincoln
Aang
Nigel Uno's #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 15th, gets the free pass.
We get back underway on lap 452. The top 5 cars get the jump on the rest of the field and pull away from the field a bit. Hoagie P. Gilligan gets back past Homer Simpson on lap 467. He passes Gumball on lap 480. Phineas Flynn, meanwhile, holds his lead. But Hoagie appears right behind him to challenge for the lead. They're still jockeying for the lead when the white flag flies – Phineas Flynn is the race leader, with Hoagie P. Gilligan nipping at his heels…
Joy: Phineas Flynn goes down the backstretch for the final time –
D.W: And there goes Hoagie!
McReynolds: He gets around him in turn 3!
Phineas: DAMMIT!
Joy: Coming around to the checkered flag, Hoagie P. Gilligan wins at Bristol!
Hoagie: Yes! I got him!
Wallabee: Woo-hoo! In your face, triangle-head!
Hoagie: Oh yeah!
Hoagie P. Gilligan finally gets around Phineas Flynn in turn 3 on the final lap to win the Food City 500. Phineas Flynn settles for 2nd. Gumball Waterson takes 3rd, Homer Simpson comes in 4th, Ferb Fletcher takes 5th, Spongebob SquarePants is in 6th, Abigail Lincoln finishes in 7th, Ed is 8th, Edd is 9th, and Aang rounds out the top 10.
As the rest of the field files back to the garage area, Hoagie stops his car at the beginning of the frontstretch. The crowd goes crazy as he performs a burnout down the front straightaway. He goes back to the line, takes the checkered flag, and goes clockwise around the track on his victory lap.
He then appears in Victory Lane. Abigail Lincoln is also there with the #2 team. Hoagie gets out and celebrates as the champagne and confetti fly. He gets down from the car, and Dick Berggren proceeds with the interview;
Berggren: Hoagie P. Gilligan, congratulations on conquering Thunder Valley, and what a move you made on Phineas Flynn to get the win! How did you pull that off?
Hoagie: Pfft! It was quite simple, really! He was just a bit high going into the final turn, so I just went down under him and –
Wallabee: You suck, Phineas!
Hoagie: Yes, well, anyways, that's how I pulled it off.
Berggren: Say, don't you even consider it amazing that a 10-year-old can drive a racecar like that?
Hoagie: Really, Dick? Really? We're cartoons, for God's sake! We can do anything, and I've piloted all kinds of aircraft and spacecraft – now that I think of it, I think Rusty Wallace and me would make a great team, heh heh!
Berggren: Well, we've heard from your crew chief...what do you have to say to Phineas?
Hoagie: He put up a very good race, and I have respect for him, and I think he'll win one before this season's over – we still have a long way to go!
Abigail Lincoln appears beside Hoagie, and they kiss.
Berggren: Hoagie P. Gilligan, our proud winner at Bristol. Matt?
Yocum: Gumball Waterson finished 3rd after poor finishes at Daytona, Phoenix, and Las Vegas, and also got into a fight at Phoenix. Gumball, how has this race helped your confidence?
Gumball: I'm pretty confident. This #87 AM FM Toyota was pretty good throughout the day...actually I think we were just at the right place at the right time. Passing on that narrow racecourse is difficult, and I think that's what helped us hold them off. But still, we're really looking forward to California.
Yocum: Hey, how are things between you and Applejack?
Gumball: Oh, we're cool. You don't wanna hear me talk about it – it's too cheesy.
Yocum: Well, he certainly seems to have his swagger back. Steve?
Byrnes: Early Cuyler was in that incident on lap 447 in which he actually shot William Murderface's tires out. Early, what happened back there?
Early: What the hell do ya think happened back there? He took me out of the race! And I don't regret taking out my gun, either! If I could, I'd shoot him! IN THE HEAD!
Byrnes: Well, OK then. Krista?
Voda: William Murderface was the one who got into Early Cuyler in that incident. Murderface, what's your side of the story?
Murderface: Well, it wasn't on purpose! I had nowhere to go and ran into him, and he just happened to crash. And then he goes and shoots my tires out! I oughta take my bass guitar and beat that fucker to a pulp! And why I am I even talking to you? You're a woman! You're a soul-murderer!
Joy: And we apologize for that language. Now, as the post-race festivities continue, NASCAR is reporting disorderly conduct in the #43 team's garage...
In the #43 team's garage, Phineas Flynn sits there, very down about losing the race at the last moment. Sitting beside him with her arm around him, is Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, his crew chief, trying to console him.
Phineas: I don't get it. I had that race in the bag...how the hell did I lose it just like that?
Isabella: It's okay. You gave it your best. And we got our best finish of the year.
Phineas: But we could've won the damn thing! Wallabee was right – I do suck!
Isabella: Don't talk like that! It's not true, that guy's just a big meanie! Hoagie's okay, but, whatever. And I just know we'll win a race sometime.
Phineas: It still sucks, though!
Isabella: Shhhhhhhh.
She silently sits there with him, rubbing his back, comforting him. Then, she speaks...
Isabella: Look Phineas, there's something I've got to get off my chest, and it can't wait any longer! I...I love you! There, I said it, OK?
Phineas: What?
Isabella: Well, when I first moved into your neighborhood, you were the first boy who was nice to me. You've always been there for me. You're so kind. And you and your brother do the most amazing things together, not for profit either like those crooked capitalists who run this nation! You're just so sweet in every way, and there's no one else I'd rather be with!
Phineas stares at Isabella, his face bestowing a big, heartwarming smile, his eyes looking about ready to shed tears of joy. Without further hesitation, Isabella kisses Phineas hard and passionately. Phineas quickly gets into it and they begin tonguing each other's mouths and Isabella manages to get Phineas's shirt off as they caress each other's bodies. They stop kissing, look at each other for a moment, then Isabella takes Phineas's pants and underwear off...
Isabella: (gasp) Oh my God, it's big!
She blushes out of nervousness, then, she begins to suck on it. Phineas moans quietly as she sucks harder and deeper. His moaning of pleasure grows in volume until he ejaculates...right into her mouth. She swallows it all, and this makes her horny again.
A few seconds later, Phineas is sitting right behind Isabella, taking her dress off. He then proceeds to stroke her hair intimately, then he massages her tits, which are already real big (seriously, isn't it amazing how fast kids grow up these days?). When she's fully aroused, he goes around to the front of her and begins to eat her vagina. The pleasure pulses through her body as his lips are planted on her labia while his tongue is furiously groping her walls. Before long, she hits orgasm.
After gazing into each other's faces for several seconds, their bodies are locked together in a passionate embrace. They stare into each other just a bit more, and then, the pair begin tongue-kissing again, they thrust their hips into each other, and Phineas is inside Isabella. They continue making out, and the penetration continues as they're moaning louder and louder with each pelvic thrust. Within a matter of minutes, they both scream in ecstasy...they've both climaxed (Isabella does so multiple times at once!). The two take a moment to relax, still staring into each other's faces with passion.
Isabella: Well?
Phineas: Well, who cares how the race turned out? I just scored the biggest victory of my career! I love you so much Isabella!
Isabella: I love you too, Phineas!
They're about to kiss again when the door to the garage comes open, and a NASCAR official walks in...
Offical: (screams in disgust)
Joy: And we're hearing that NASCAR will penalize Phineas Flynn 50 points for inappropriate relations with his crew chief, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro.
McReynolds: What kind of inappropriate relation – oh my – you mean they actually..?
D.W: I've heard of drivers and crew chiefs having close relationships, but nothing quite like that! Looks like he had his Dick Trickle moment, eh? Eh? RIGHT?
Joy: Anyway, let's take a look at the race results;
And here's how our cartoon drivers finished the Food City 500;
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Phineas Flynn
Gumball Waterson
Homer Simpson
Ferb Fletcher
Spongebob SquarePants
Abigail Lincoln
Ed
Edd
Aang
Ben Tennyson
Peter Griffin
Butt-Head
Eddy
Nigel Uno
Eric Cartman (1 lap down)
Master Shake (1 lap down)
The Warden (1 lap down)
Katara (1 lap down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (1 lap down)
Stan Smith (1 lap down)
Alejandro (1 lap down)
Flapjack (1 lap down)
Francine Smith (1 lap down)
Timmy Turner (1 lap down)
Meatwad (2 laps down)
Hank Hill (2 laps down)
Frylock (2 laps down)
William Murderface (2 laps down)
Kenny McCormick (2 laps down)
Twilight Sparkle (2 laps down)
Sokka (2 laps down)
Chowder (3 laps down)
Rainbow Dash (3 laps down)
Bender (3 laps down)
Applejack (4 laps down)
Early Cuyler (DNF: accident)
Grim (117 laps down)
Foxxy Love (118 laps down)
Dudley Puppy (120 laps down)
Beavis (DNF; accident)
Danny Phantom (DNF; accident)
Kim Possible (DNF; accident)
Joy: And here are your current points standings;
Here are the points standings after 4 of 36 races;
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 154 points
Eddy; 145 points
Nigel Uno; 136 points
Peter Griffin; 134 points
Ed/Edd; 133 points
Abigail Lincoln; 130 points
Eric Cartman; 125 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 111 points
Homer Simpson; 108 points
Butt-Head; 102 points
Danny Phantom; 99 points
Master Shake; 97 points
Katara; 93 points
Francine Smith/Meatwad; 92 points
Flapjack/Bender; 89 points
Sokka; 88 points
Foxxy Love; 84 points
Aang; 83 points
Chowder; 81 points
William Murderface*/Beavis; 80 points
Timmy Turner; 79 points
Grim; 78 points
Gumball Waterson; 77 points
Ferb Fletcher/Stan Smith; 74 points
Alejandro; 72 points
Phineas Flynn; 67 points*
The Warden/Twilight Sparkle; 62 points
Hank Hill; 61 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 59 points
Rainbow Dash; 58 points
Applejack; 57 points
Kim Possible; 54 points
Ben Tennyson; 53 points
Dudley Puppy; 48 points
Kenny McCormick; 26 points
Early Cuyler; -12 points*
(*) – William Murderface is penalized 25 points for obscenity on camera, Phineas Flynn is penalized 50 points for inappropriate relations with his crew chief, and Early Cuyler is penalized 100 points for use of a deadly weapon on track premises.
Joy: And what a crazy day this has been! Next week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads over to Southern California, to Auto Club Speedway, where they will run the Auto Club 400! Until then, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying so long from Bristol, TN, and we'll see you next week in Cali!
Mike Joy really nailed the role of Captain Understatement when he said this was a crazy day! What a win Hoagie pulled off! Not to mention Early Cuyler actually bringing a shot gun to a public event...and using it as well! And Phineas really did score the biggest win of his career, heh heh heh! Next time we'll be in Fontana, CA (that's near LA) at Auto Club Speedway for the Auto Club 400! See you in So. Cal.!
Chapter 6: Auto Club 400
After a wild race at Bristol, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is now at Auto Club Speedway in Fontana, CA (that's in the LA area) to run the Auto Club 400. Auto Club Speedway is a D-shaped oval, 2 miles long. The turns are banked at 14 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 11 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 3 degrees. The race will be 400 miles long.
The weather conditions for this weekend could not be more ideal; a wall of clouds has completely covered the sky; however, these clouds are not storm clouds, so there won't be any rain. The clouds prevent the sun from beating on the track, thus keeping it cool, and providing more grip for the cars.
And here's how they'll line up for today race;
Spongebob SquarePants
Stan Smith
Katara
Butt-Head
Foxxy Love
Bender
William Murderface
Dudley Puppy
Hank Hill
Flapjack
Rainbow Dash
Ed
Eric Cartman
Danny Phantom
Peter Griffin
Master Shake
Abigail Lincoln
Early Cuyler
Phineas Flynn
Kenny McCormick
Gumball Waterson
Twilight Sparkle
Aang
Eddy
Nigel Uno
Homer Simpson
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Edd
Alejandro
Kim Possible
Timmy Turner
Meatwad
Ferb Fletcher
Francine Smith
Applejack
Sokka
The Warden
Beavis
Ben Tennyson
Frylock
Chowder
Grim
Blooregrad Q. Kazoo
I will now turn it over to NASCAR on FOX;
Joy: Last week at Bristol was an insane race. Cars wrecked, tempers flared, and even love insued. Now, we welcome you to Auto Club Speedway in beautiful Southern California, as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series gets ready to run the Auto Club 400. Hello, I'm Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds and Darrel Waltrip. Now the first thing we'd like to report was some drama that occurred at Penske Racing headquarters a day after last week's race...
One day after the Food City 500, the race winner Hoagie P. Gilligan, his teammate Bender, their crew chiefs Wallabee Beetles and Hubert J. Farnsworth, and their boss, Roger Penske are all relaxing together at team HQ when they all hear a bunch of shouting from outside, in front a building. They open the front door to see a mob of women from Mothers Against Drunk Driving, shouting curses and holding signs denouncing Hoagie and his sponsor, Miller Lite. They were angry about the fact that a 10-year old was driving a racecar – and one sponsored by an alcohol company.
Protesters: What do we want? We want kids and alcohol out of NASCAR! When do we want it? Now!
Team owner Roger Penske went back in the building and came back out pulling a cart with a bunch of oversized Miller Lite bottles. He and his drivers and crew chiefs each take a bottle, shake it up, and pop it open. They spray the protestors with beer, as an appropriate way to stick it to these women. They keep spraying the mob with Miller Lite until they all retreat shamefully.
Then, they take the last five bottles on the cart and pop them open;
All: Cheers!
They gulp down their Miller Lite until they're all drunker than holy hell.
Joy: Interesting drama indeed. But guys, what last week's race?
McReynolds: Let me tell you, Mike, stuff happened last week that I thought I'd never see! Especially the shotgun incident at lap 447. You know I talked to Early Cuyler earlier today, and he doesn't seem to regret it one bit, even though he's now in the negatives in the point standings...I don't think we've seen the last of their rivalry.
Waltrip: And of course, there was that disorderly conduct that Phineas Flynn and his crew chief engaged in after the race. You know, supposedly, Phineas said afterwards that he'd scored the biggest victory of his career. Well I've got news for you, Phineas; Dick Trickle never won a Cup series race.
McReynolds: (facepalm) Jeez, what's with you and the Dick Trickle jokes?
Joy: OK, guys, cut it out. Now, let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those famous words in motorsports. Here to give the command, legendary cartoon Popeye the Sailor!
Popeye: Ladies and gentletoons, start your enegines! (puff puff)
The 43 engines roar to life, and the cars roll out of pit road to commence with the pace laps.
Joy: As the cars roll out, let's look at our starting line-up; Spongebob SquarePants, driving for Furniture Row Racing is on the pole and in 2nd is Stan Smith. Katara, of all people, is starting 3rd and starting in 4th is Butt-Head. Foxxy Love, in the #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet is starting 5th. In 6th will be the robot Bender. William Murderface, coming off the mishap last week is starting 7th, and in 8th place is Dudley Puppy. Hank Hill, after poor performances thus far is starting 9th, and rounding out the top 10 is Flapjack. And as we go through the rest of the starting grid, let's see if we can't get someone to talk to over the radio;
D.W: Hey Hoagie, its D.W. You got a copy?
Hoagie: Yeah, I got you, Darrell.
D.W: Coming off that amazing win at Bristol, you're now the series points leader, but you're starting 27th today. What are your thoughts going into today's race?
Hoagie: Gee, I don't know. The car seemed to be good in practice, but we got real outdone in qualifying. I'm not sure how good this car's gonna be today against everyone else, but I guess we're about to find out.
D.W: You know what, I only have one more thing to ask you; what did you think about that disorderly conduct in the #43 team's garage last week?
Hoagie: Well, I'm real happy for both of them. But they should've done it in a more out-of-the-way place, perhaps off-track, maybe NASCAR wouldn't have caught them. Oh hey, Darrell?
D.W: Yeah?
Hoagie: Dick Trickle!
Both: (laughter)
McReynolds: (double facepalm)
D.W: OK, well good luck today.
Hoagie: Thanks!
Joy: OK, then...
The field gets the one-to-go signal from the flagman.
Joy: Now let's check in with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, you guys were just talking with our points leader, Hoagie P. Gilligan; he's reporting that the car is a bit loose entering the turns, and a bit tight exiting the turns. He says he doesn't think they'll crash, but his looking to improve the car later on. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, our pole-sitter, Spongebob SquarePants is generally satisfied with his car. He says it's pretty good all throughout the turns. He's reported an occasional slip-up here and there, but says it's nothing he can't handle. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, William Murderface is coming off an incident with Early Cuyler last week, and is not happy with his car this week either. He's reporting that it's very tight, and can't find front-grip anywhere. Expect big adjustments during the first-round of pit stops. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Katara has reported that her car is "phenomenal." She says that it's gripping the track, really, really well and is extremely confident going into this race, as long as the car stays this way. Back to you Mike.
Joy: Thanks, Steve. We're now ready to run 400 miles in So. Cal.
The pace car pulls into the pits, the green flag flies, and the field takes off.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin', boys!
And the Auto Club 400 is officially green-flagged! Spongebob SquarePants maintains his lead position going into the first two turns. Katara gets a run off of turn 2 to get by Stan Smith and take 2nd place. Meanwhile, Spongebob leads the first lap of the race, and gets his bonus point. 10 laps later, he finds himself being challenged for the lead by Katara. She takes the lead on lap 16. Spongebob comes back on lap 23 to challenge to take the lead back. Then, one lap later...
D.W: Oh, trouble!
Joy: Smoke! Fire on Spongebob's Chevrolet!
McReynolds: The engine just blew all to pieces!
Spongebob: Oh man, we've blown up!
Patrick: What do you mean? What happened?
Spongebob: I don't know! None of the gauges went red or anything! I just don't know!
Patrick: (sigh)
On lap 24, while challenging Katara for the lead, Spongebob Squarepants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet blows its engine. Very dejected, Spongebob gets the car out of the way, into pit road, and into the garage area; their day is over.
The race remains under green. With Spongebob out of the way, Katara builds up a big lead. Bender then comes to challenge her. But on lap 39, before he can make a pass...
Joy: Big crash! Right in front of the leaders!
D.W: About 7cars are spinning and hitting the wall all over the place!
McReynolds: A bad wreck!
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 39, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota, running in 26th gets loose, gets into Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet and both cars crash. A number of cars in front of them have nowhere to go and end up becoming part of the melee. These cars include Sokka's #38 Modspot Ford, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Services Chevrolet, Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford, and Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford. The #51, #42, and #17 are all totaled. The other cars go back to their garages for repairs.
Applejack's #18 M&Ms Toyota, running 1 lap down in 31st, gets the free pass.
The rest of the field, meanwhile, makes pit stops for four tires and fuel. The top 10 going out of the pits is as follows;
Katara
Bender
William Murderface
Foxxy Love
Dudley Puppy
Eric Cartman
Ed
Hank Hill
Peter Griffin
Master Shake
We restart on lap 42. William Murderface gets past Bender in the first two turns. Gradually he runs down Katara, ready to challenge her for the lead. Eric Cartman and Peter Griffin, meanwhile, make it into the top 5.
By lap 53, Murderface gets within striking distance of Katara. Eric Cartman joins them 3 laps later. On lap 57...
Joy: Coming out of turn 4, Eric Cartman makes a surprise move past Murderface and Katara to take the lead!
Cartman: Wooo! Suck it, bitches!
Eric Cartman takes the lead coming out of turn 4 on lap 57. He gradually pulls away from them. In the meantime, Dudley Puppy approaches Katara and Murderface to make it a three-way battle for 2nd. A little ways behind them is Peter Griffin, closely followed by Ed; they're battling for 6th.
On lap 74, Sokka's #38 Modspot Ford comes back out on the track, running 35 laps down in 36th place. 3 laps later, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota comes back out, running in 37th. On lap 80...
Joy: Trouble in turn 1 – oh my!
McReynolds: Katara and William Murderface are both hard into the wall in turn 1!
D.W: I think Dudley Puppy may have caused that.
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: And Katara and Murderface were both running so well – tough break for them both!
On lap 80, in turn 1, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford taps the left-rear quarter panel of William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota; Murderface's car gets loose, overcorrects, and and turns around Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford. Murderface goes into the wall head-on, while Katara hits the wall in her rear. Murderface's car is totaled, and has to be taken to the garage via wrecker. Katara is able to limp back to the garage so her team can attempt repairs.
The rest of the field enters pit road for service. Here is the top 10 coming out of the pits;
Eric Cartman
Dudley Puppy
Bender
Foxxy Love
Ed
Master Shake
Stan Smith
Peter Griffin
Hank Hill
Abigail Lincoln
We restart on lap 83. Dudley Puppy gets by Eric Cartman through turn 1 to take the lead. Cartman falls back to 5th before the lap is over. Foxxy Love gets by Bender on lap 95 to take 2nd, and goes on to challenge Dudley for the lead.
On lap 96, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford is back on the track, 57 laps down in 38th place. On lap 104, Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford comes back in out in 39th place, 65 laps down.
On lap 110, Foxxy Love takes the lead. On lap 111...
Phineas: Our right-front tire has blown!
Isabella: Keep that thing under control and bring her to the pits!
Joy: Trouble on the backstretch!
McReynolds: The #43 car has blown a tire!
D.W: Rubber is going everywhere!
Joy: Caution is out.
Going down the backstretch on lap 111, Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford blows its right-front tire. Enough rubber scatters onto the track to bring out a caution for debris. Phineas makes it onto pit road, the car gets four tires and fuel, and he gets back out in 26th place, the last car on the lead lap.
Grim's #7 Speed Energy Dodge, running 1 lap down in 27th, gets the free pass.
The field makes their pit stops and here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Foxxy Love
Dudley Puppy
Ed
Bender
Eric Cartman
Abigail Lincoln
Stan Smith
Early Cuyler
Kenny McCormick
Aang
Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford gets back on the track, 33 laps down
The race restarts on lap 114. Right when the green flag flies, Ed makes a slingshot move around Foxxy Love to take the lead. A few laps later, Eric Cartman gets back up to 3rd place. On lap 130, Abigail Lincoln makes it past Bender and Dudley Puppy to make it up to 4th. On lap 138, Bender goes back another spot as Aang cracks the top 5.
Ed, in the meantime, continues to lead.
Green flag pit stops begin on lap 155. These will be the last pit stops of the race, and they all proceed perfectly smoothly. When pit stops end on lap 161, the top 10 is as follows;
Ed
Kenny McCormick
Aang
Foxxy Love
Abigail Lincoln
Eric Cartman
Bender
Early Cuyler
Stan Smith
Dudley Puppy
Ed continues to hold the lead until lap 175, when Kenny McCormick takes it from him. Aang follows on lap 181.
Ed falls back as Aang tries to challenge Kenny, but Kenny gradually pulls away. Aang seems like he has nothing for Kenny. As the white flag flies, Kenny seems like he has it made, as he has a big lead. Then, as Aang is going through turn 2, he waves his hand around in his car in a weird, seemingly nonsensical fashion...
D.W: Whoa, guys, look on the backstretch!
Joy: The #26 has suddenly made an incredible burst of speed going down the backstretch!
McReynolds: How is he pulling that off?
Joy: He's caught right back up to Kenny McCormick in the #39 car.
It turned out that Aang was the last of a tribe of people known as "airbenders," they had psychokinetic abilities allowing them to manipulate the air around them. What Aang was doing here is he was using those powers to sweep the air in front of him to the side, totally eliminating all air resistance on his car, and giving his #26 1-800LoanMart Ford a huge speed boost. He manages to catch up to Kenny going into turn 3. But for him, this is not enough. He waves his hand around again going into the final turn...
All: Ohh!
D.W: The #39 car just went head-on into the wall!
McReynolds: No caution.
Joy: Checkered flag is in the air, and Aang will win the Auto Club 400!
Aang: WOOOOOOOO! Take that, Kenny!
In turn 4 on the final lap, Aang using his airbending abilities to put Kenny head-on into the wall, taking him out. Aang steals the win. Eric Cartman, comes in 2nd, Ed takes 3rd, Abigail Lincoln finishes 4th, Early Cuyler comes in 5th, Dudley Puppy is 6th, Stan Smith is 7th, Bender finishes 8th, Foxxy Love is in 9th, and Peter Griffin rounds out the top 10.
As Aang is doing his victory lap, emergency crews have scrambled to the #39 US Army Chevrolet, pulling Kenny's lifeless, mangled body from the wreckage. It turns out that before wrecking him, Aang also used his airbending to split apart Kenny's HANS (Head And Neck Support) Device, the safety tool used to keep the driver's head form jerking around. So, when Kenny's car went into the wall, his head jerked forward violently, and he suffered a basilar skull fracture.
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
While that was going on, Aang had pulled into Victory Lane. His teammate Katara joined him. Aang got out of his car and cheered as the champagne and confetti was released. He got down from the car, and Dick Berggren proceeds to interview him.
Berggren: Aang, congratulations on an amazing upset victory here in California! I'll just ask what everyone's thinking – how did that happen?
Aang: Honestly...I don't know. I really don't. I don't know how my car put on that speed, nor do I know how Kenny crashed, or how his HANS device came off.
Berggren: So you have nothing to do with this?
Aang: Come on, you'd have to bend the air around you in order to pull stuff like that! You don't really think I'm some sort of airbender, do you?
Berggren: Well, you are a cartoon character after all...oh well. I guess even you have your limitations.
Katara appears beside Aang, and they kiss.
Berggren: And that's Aang, our proud winner at California. Matt?
Yocum: Kenny's teammate, Eric Cartman finished 6th. His teammate, however, was killed yet again today. Cartman, what are your thoughts on this?
Cartman: Pfft! Stuff like this always happened back home. He'd get killed one day, then come back the next. He'll come back for the next race, and he'll probably die there as well.
Yocum: What about everyone else? What if they died in a crash? Do you think they'd come back to life?
Cartman: I hope not!
Yocum: Wow...back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks Matt. Now let's look at the race results;
Here's how the cartoons finished the Auto Club 400;
Aang
Eric Cartman
Ed
Abigail Lincoln
Early Cuyler
Dudley Puppy
Stan Smith
Bender
Foxxy Love
Peter Griffin
Master Shake
Hank Hill
Butt-Head
Flapjack
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Gumball Waterson
Twilight Sparkle
Edd
Homer Simpson
Eddy
Nigel Uno
Frylock
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Francine Smith
Kenny McCormick (DNF: accident)
Grim (1 lap down)
The Warden (1 lap down)
Phineas Flynn (1 lap down)
Beavis (1 lap down)
Ben Tennyson (1 lap down)
Applejack (2 laps down)
Chowder (2 laps down)
Katara (35 laps down)
Sokka (38 laps down)
Meatwad (43 laps down)
Ferb Fletcher (59 laps down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (67 laps down)
William Murderface (DNF; accident)
Timmy Turner (DNF: accident)
Kim Possible (DNF; accident
Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Spongebob SquarePants (DNF; engine)
Joy: And here are your current point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 5 of 36 races;
Ed/Peter Griffin; 178 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 174 points
Abigail Lincoln; 170 points
Eric Cartman/Eddy; 168 points
Edd/Nigel Uno; 158 points
Butt-Head; 133 points
Homer Simpson; 132 points
Aang/Master Shake; 130 points
Bender; 125 points
Foxxy Love; 121 points
Danny Phantom; 120 points
Flapjack; 119 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 113 points
Stan Smith/Francine Smith; 111 points
Gumball Waterson/Katara; 104 points
Meatwad; 100 points
Sokka; 97 points
Grim; 95 points
Beavis; 94 points
Hank Hill; 93 points
Twilight Sparkle; 88 points
Dudley Puppy/Rainbow Dash; 87 points
William Murderface; 85 points
Timmy Turner; 83 points
Phineas Flynn; 82 points
Ferb Fletcher; 81 points
The Warden; 78 points
Alejandro; 74 points
Applejack; 69 points
Ben Tennyson; 66 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 65 points
Kim Possible; 57 points
Kenny McCormick; 44 points
Early Cuyler; 27 points
Joy: Next week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads back to the short tracks, to the oldest track in NASCAR, Martinsville Speedway. Until then, this Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying good-bye from Southern California, and we'll see you next week!
OK, thus far, Aang has definitely pulled THE boldest move anyone has done! And maybe also the dirtiest! Either way, he got an amazing win! Tune back in next time as we visit a short track known as "The Paperclip," Martinsville Speedway, for the running of the Goody's Fast Relief 500!
Chapter 7: Goody's Fast Relief 500
Welcome to the last remaining original course on the NASCAR circuit, a track known as "The Paperclip," Martinsville Speedway! We're here for the running of the Goody's Fast Relief 500. Located near Martinsville, VA, this is the shortest track on the NASCAR circuit – only 0.526 miles long in length. The turns are banked at only 11 degrees and the straights aren't banked at all. The straights are long for a track this size – this combined with tight, flat, narrow turns, requires hard braking into the turn, and smooth acceleration going out. This race will be 500 laps long, adding up to 267 miles.
The weather conditions are hot and sunny, making for a slick course, but still undoubtedly a beautiful day for racing.
Now let's see the starting grid:
Grim
Dudley Puppy
William Murderface
Frylock
Meatwad
Homer Simpson
Ed
Peter Griffin
Gumball Waterson
Kenny McCormick
Twilight Sparkle
Nigel Uno
Edd
Eric Cartman
Eddy
Abigail Lincoln
Timmy Turner
Applejack
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Rainbow Dash
Early Cuyler
Danny Phantom
Beavis
Aang
Foxxy Love
Katara
Stan Smith
Phineas Flynn
Master Shake
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Hank Hill
The Warden
Butt-Head
Bender
Ferb Fletcher
Sokka
Spongebob SquarePants
Kim Possible
Ben Tennyson
Flapjack
Francine Smith
Alejandro
Chowder
Take it away, FOX...
Joy: Last week, Aang pulled off a major upset when Kenny McCormick somehow went into the wall and died yet again, handing Aang the win. This week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads to the oldest track on the circuit, Martinsville Speedway, for the Goody's Fast Relief 500. I'm Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip.
McReynolds: Mike, there's good reason why this track is one of the most popular in the series. With the narrow turns and hard braking and how clumped up these cars are, there's always a lot of banging and bumping here!
D.W: And remember how must of that we had at Bristol? Or what happened last week in California? Just imagine what will happen here at Martinsville today!
Joy: Indeed, it should be an intense, hard-charging race. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those most famous words in motorsports. Here to give the command, legendary Hanna-Barbera cartoon, Dick Dastardly!
Dick: Ladies and gentletoons, drat, drat, and start your engines!
43 cars roar and buzz to life on the pit road. After taking a moment to warm up, they roll out for the pace laps.
Joy: As the cars roll out on the track, let's look at the starting grid. Grim, in the #7 Speed Energy Dodge gets his first pole of the season, alongside him is Dudley Puppy. Starting in 3rd position is William Murderface, and in 4th position is Frylock. His teammate, Meatwad, starts 5th, and Homer Simpson is in 6th. Our points leaders, Ed and Peter Griffin, are in 7th and 8th. Gumball Waterson is in 9th, and rounding out the top 10 is Kenny McCormick. And as we go through the rest of the grid, let's see if we can't get someone on the radio...
D.W: Hey, Peter, it's D.W. You got a copy?
Peter: Yep.
D.W: So, you're coming into this race tied for the series points lead, even though you've yet to win a race. How confident are you going into this race?
Peter: Well, I admit my finish with Ed at Las Vegas was freakin' sweet, even though I didn't win. But we're starting 8th today, and this car's been good all weekend long, so I like our chances.
D.W: Hey I'm curious; what about you and Ed? How have you guys been getting along?
Peter: Ha! Turns out he's even more retarded than I am! But he's a real funny guy. Me and Homer hang out with him and his teammates all the time off-track.
D.W: Huh...well, I guess that's pretty much it. Thanks for speaking with us, and good luck today.
Peter: 10-4, have fun, guys!
Joy: Now let's check in with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Grim hasn't been prominent so far this season. He's our pole-sitter today, and reports that the car is better than it has been so far. He's looking for a real good finishing position here today. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Meatwad is reporting that the car is tight. He says even though they have a very good starting position today, he doesn't like how the car is currently handling, and is looking to make adjustments later on. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, is reporting a loose car. She says the car wants to whip right around whenever she turns the steering wheel, and is rather worried about a potential spinout. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, after dying again last week in California, Kenny McCormick has been reporting a car that is good all-around. He's looking forward to this race, and is confident that he won't die again today. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, Steve. We're ready to start bumping and banging at Martinsville!
The pace car pulls off onto pit road, the cars round turns 3 & 4, and the green flag is in the air.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin' boys!
And we're racing at Martinsville! Grim's #7 Speed Energy Dodge holds the lead, and leads the first lap of the race, thus gaining a bonus point. Dudley Puppy, meanwhile, falls back to 5th within the first 2 laps. On lap 5, Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota gets by William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota to take 2nd. He starts to challenge Grim for the lead. Grim holds it until lap 21, when Frylock takes the lead. By lap 25, he comes across the other end of the field and cars start to go a lap down.
On lap 49, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota gets by Grim and he proceeds to challenge Frylock for the lead. Frylock holds him off until lap 74, when Meatwad takes the lead away. He's still in the lead on lap 83 when...
Joy: Bad trouble in turn 3!
McReynolds: The #26 car has slammed head-on right into the end of the pit wall.
D.W: That car is destroyed!
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: Talk about karma!
On lap 83, Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford, running in 26th, gets hit hard by Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford. Aang's car loses control goes head-on and runs full speed head-on into the end of the pit wall at the entrance to pit road. The car is out of commission but Aang himself is not seriously injured and walks away under his own power.
When the pit road entrance is cleared, the cars go into pit road for four tires and fuel. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows...
Meatwad
Frylock
Grim
Homer Simpson
Peter Griffin
William Murderface
Nigel Uno
Edd
Eric Cartman
Kenny McCormick
Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford, running 1 lap down in 29th, gets the free pass.
The race is restarted on lap 88. Due to very good start, and great driving, Homer Simpson makes it up to the lead just two laps later. As the cars behind him are racing each other, Homer pulls away with nothing but open track in front of him.
That is, until lap 112, when he encounters the tail end of the field and gets held up as he tries to get by them. This allows Nigel Uno and Edd, who have moved up to 2nd and 3rd, to gradually catch up to him.
By lap 126, they're both challenging Homer for the lead. For a number of laps, the three cars are all playing very rough, trying to take the #1 spot. On lap 141, Edd makes it to the lead. Homer Simpson and Nigel Uno continue to fight for 2nd at Edd pulls ahead little by little. By lap 155, Homer Simpson falls back.
Gradually, Grim starts to march back up the field. On lap 163, he gets by Homer Simpson for 3rd and on lap 170 starts to challenge Nigel Uno for second. He gets by on lap 177. By lap 185 he starts to challenge Edd in an attempt to take the lead back. He succeeds on lap 191. On lap 197...
McReynolds: There's a car on its side!
Joy: Hank Hill has gone over on his side in turns 1 and 2 and the caution is out!
D.W: Well that must've been a wild ride for him!
On lap 199, Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford, running in 20th, gets hit hard in the left-rear by Beavis's #24 Drive To End Hunger Chevrolet. Hank Hill starts to spin out, and then overcorrects so hard that his car's roof flaps can't catch him in time to keep him on all fours, and he goes over onto the driver's side. He slides on his side into the wall. Miraculously, the other cars manage to avoid him. Hank is okay, but is trapped in the car. The wrecker has to get the car back onto its wheels. Hank Hill gets out under his own power. He's taken to the medical center for further evaluation.
Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota, running 1 lap down in 26th, gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes into the pits for service. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Grim
Edd
Nigel Uno
Homer Simpson
Gumball Waterson
Meatwad
Eric Cartman
Frylock
Kenny McCormick
Danny Phantom
We restart on lap 203. Edd gets an excellent start and takes the lead in the first two turns.
In a mere 3 laps, Gumball Waterson makes it up to 2nd. One lap later, he starts to challenge Edd for the lead. Edd manages to hold the lead until lap 218, when he gets held up in lapped traffic. Seizing the chance, Gumball takes the lead. By lap 237, Nigel Uno has made his way up to 2nd. He starts to challenge Gumball for the lead on lap 248. He takes the lead on lap 260. Then, Gumball retakes the lead on lap 264. The two drivers continue to swap positions every few laps, constantly competing for dominance. Gumball reasserts his dominance on lap 288, and Nigel Uno falls back a bit. On lap 292...
Joy: Trouble! Turn 1!
McReynolds: The #39 car just went hard into the wall!
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: Please don't tell me Kenny died again!
Kyle: Ah crap, caution's out! Kenny's crashed! Again!
Cartman: He's probably dead yet again.
Kyle: Actually, he appears to be getting out under his own power.
Cartman: Oh who cares? I mean sure, he's our teammate and all, but that's one more car out of it. And at least we're still in the top 10, right?
Kyle: That's true.
On lap 292, Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet suddenly blows both its front tires going into turn 1. The car cannot turn and runs head-on into the wall. The car itself is out of commission, but Kenny gets out virtually unharmed. His car is taken back to the garage via a wrecker.
Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford, running 1 lap down in 21st, gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes into the pits for service. The top 10 going out of the pits;
Gumball Waterson
Nigel Uno
Meatwad
Homer Simpson
Danny Phantom
Eric Cartman
Frylock
Grim
Edd
Timmy Turner
We get back underway on lap 296. Right at the restart, Meatwad pulls off a slingshot move to take the lead. Homer Simpson makes it up to 2nd on lap 299. He and Meatwad gradually pull away, and continue to do so until lap 320, when they approach lapped traffic. This allows Gumball Waterson and Nigel Uno to catch up to them. They're right on them by lap 331. Danny Phantom has joined the bunch by lap 343. The top 5 continue to duke it out for the next number of laps. Meatwad holds the lead while the others swap positions. Danny Phantom makes it to 2nd place by lap 362. He challenges Meatwad for the lead for a number on laps. By lap 387, he's fallen back, and Nigel Uno is now challenging Meatwad for the lead. He takes it on lap 393. He's still in the lead on lap 408 when...
Joy: Trouble in turn 4!
D.W: There's two cars crashing, and one of them's on its roof!
McReynolds: That's the second time a car's gone over today!
Joy: And we have a caution.
On lap 408, the lapped cars of Flapjack and Bender tangle in turn 4. Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet gets loose, clips Bender's #22 Shell Dodge, overcorrects and goes head-on into the wall. The roof flaps on Bender's car can't catch it in time, and he goes over on his roof. Both cars are totaled.
Bender: What the hell was that? Aren't these cars supposed to have roof flaps to catch us?
Farnsworth: Well it appears that the flaps couldn't catch the car in time, so you went over.
Bender: (sigh) Shit! Oh well.
Flapjack and Bender get out of their cars, which are taken to the garage area.
Eddy's #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 16th, gets the free pass.
The field enters the pits for their final pit stops. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Nigel Uno
Meatwad
Danny Phantom
Gumball Waterson
Homer Simpson
Edd
Eric Cartman
Frylock
Abigail Lincoln
Hoagie P. Gilligan
The race restarts on lap 413. Danny Phantom falls back to 5th after spinning his tires. Nigel Uno and Meatwad pull away a bit and they duel each other for the lead. Meatwad pulls away from Nigel starting on lap 425. He runs again into lapped traffic on lap 439. This allows Nigel Uno, Gumball Waterson, Homer Simpson, and Danny Phantom to catch up. The top 5 cars continue to fight each other going through lapped traffic. By lap 451, Danny Phantom has made it back up to 3rd. As Homer and Gumball continue to duke it out for 4th position, Danny Phantom sets his sights on Nigel Uno for 2nd place. He gets the position on lap 469. By lap 481, he's still not able to challenge Meatwad for the lead; a wad of about 4 lapped cars, including The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, Sokka's #38 ModSpace Ford, Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet, and Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet are blocking his forward progress. On lap 490...
Danny: Hey, Sam! I've got an idea...
Danny Phantom's hands grip the wheel with great force as they glow green.
D.W: Guys, look in turn 2!
Joy: The #16 car has suddenly turned transparent and- oh my gosh!
McReynolds: He just drove right through the #78 car like a ghost!
D.W: And now he's going through the #36! What kind of deranged animation is this?
Joy: Well Darrell, you ever stop and think maybe they don't call him Danny Phantom for nothing?
D.W: True.
On lap 490, using the ghosting powers that he is known for, Danny Phantom turns his #16 3M Ford into a ghost to get by the lapped cars ahead of him. In 3 laps, he gets by all four lapped cars, then in a few more laps catches up to Meatwad.
On lap 497, with just three laps to go, Meatwad gets held up by two more lapped cars. Danny Phantom, while his car is still ghosted, capitalizes...
Meatwad: What the hell is this? That car turned into a ghost and went right through me! What the fuck!
Danny Phantom goes right through Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota, as well as other two lapped cars. Meatwad, meanwhile, is unable to get past them. Danny Phantom takes the white flag on lap 500 and never looks back...
Joy: The checkered flag is in the air, and Danny Phantom wins at Martinsville!
Sam: Yes! We did it, Danny!
Danny: Oh yeah! Wooo!
Meatwad: I swear to God I'm gonna kill that fucker! He fuckin' cheated, dammit!
McReynolds: Uh-oh!
Joy: Excuse that right there, but NASCAR is saying that since they can't determine what caused the ghosting of the #16 car, they will not impose any penalties.
Err: They're not penalizing him!
Meatwad: FUCK!
Danny Phantom wins the Goody's Fast Relief 500, while a very frustrated Meatwad takes 2nd. Nigel Uno comes in 3rd, Gumball Waterson takes 4th, Homer Simpson finishes in 5th, Frylock is in 6th, Eric Cartman finishes 7th, Grim is in 8th, Timmy Turner takes 9th, and Dudley Puppy rounds out the top 10.
While Meatwad continues to writhe in anger, Danny Phantom is doing a burnout on the frontstretch. He takes the checkered flag and does his victory lap. He then finds himself in the lavish Victory Lane. He emerges on top of his car and celebrates as the champagne and confetti is let loose. He gets down from his car, takes a swig of champagne. Dick Berggen then proceeds with the interview:
Berggren: Danny Phantom, congratulations on an amazing win at Martinsville! What's real amazing is what went down with your car in the last 10 laps. What was up with that?
Danny: Well, I guess they don't call me Danny Phantom for nothing! (laughs) Actually, I'm not even sure what happened. I guess the car and I just sort of came together, and when we did, I took advantage, and, well, you know the rest!
Berggren: We were listening to Meatwad and he seems very upset over how you stole the win. What do you make of that?
Danny: Somebody's a sore loser! (laughs) I'll be laughing even harder when this season's over and he's still winless!
Berggren: OK, well, great job in the car today, Danny.
Danny: Thanks.
Danny Phantom's crew chief, Sam Manson pops up beside him, and the two kiss.
Berggren: Matt?
Yocum: Meatwad, obviously very frustrated over the outcome of the race.
Meatwad: He cheated, plain and simple! What more do I have to say? He's a piece of shit!
Meatwad storms away in anger.
Joy: We apologize for that language.
D.W: Talk about being butt-hurt!
Joy: Uh, yeah. Now let's have a look at the race results;
And here's how our beloved characters finished the Goody's Fast Relief 500;
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Nigel Uno
Gumball Waterson
Homer Simpson
Frylock
Eric Cartman
Grim
Timmy Turner
Dudley Puppy
Edd
William Murderface
Peter Griffin
Ed
Eddy
Twilight Sparkle (1 lap down)
Rainbow Dash (1 lap down)
Hoagie P. Gilligan (1 lap down)
Abigail Lincoln (1 lap down)
Applejack (1 lap down)
Beavis ( 1 lap down)
Phineas Flynn ( 1 lap down)
Katara (1 lap down)
Master Shake (1 lap down)
Early Cuyler (1 lap down)
Alejandro (1 lap down)
Ben Tennyson (1 lap down)
Butt-Head (2 laps down)
Chowder (2 laps down)
Ferb Fletcher (2 laps down)
The Warden (2 laps down)
Sokka (2 laps down)
Stan Smith (3 laps down)
Spongebob SquarePants (3 laps down)
Kim Possible (3 laps down)
Francine Smith (3 laps down)
Foxxy Love(4 laps down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (4 laps down)
Bender (DNF; accident)
Flapjack (DNF; accident)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Hank Hill (DNF; accident)
Aang (DNF; accident)
Joy: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 6 of 36 races;
Peter Griffin; 209 points
Ed; 208 points
Eric Cartman; 203 points
Nigel Uno/Hoagie P. Gilligan; 200 points
Eddy; 197 points
Abigail Lincoln; 195 points
Edd; 192 points
Homer Simpson; 172 points
Danny Phantom; 167 points
Master Shake; 150 points
Butt-Head; 149 points
Gumball Waterson; 145 points
Frylock; 132 points
Grim/Aang; 131 points
Bender; 130 points
Foxxy Love; 128 points
Beavis; 127 points
Katara; 125 points
Spongebob SquarePants/Flapjack; 123 points
Stan Smith; 122 points
Dudley Puppy; 121 points
Francine Smith; 120 points
Meatwad; 119 points*
William Murderface; 117 points
Twilight Sparkle; 116 points
Beavis; 115 points
Rainbow Dash; 114 points
Sokka; 109 points
Chowder; 106 points
Phineas Flynn; 104 points
Ferb Fletcher/Hank Hill; 95 points
Applejack; 93 points
Alejandro; 92 points
The Warden; 91 points
Ben Tennyson; 83 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 71 points
Kim Possible; 66 points
Kenny McCormick; 47 points
Early Cuyler; 46 points
(*) – Meatwad is penalized 25 points for obscenity on camera.
Joy: And that's the race! After lots of bumping, grinding, and trading paint, Danny Phantom comes out as the winner. Next time, NASCAR on FOX heads west to Texas Motor Speedway as the Cartoon Cup Series will run the Samsung Mobile 500. Until then, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying good-bye from Martinsville. See you next time!
In the garage area, Kuki Sanban and Wallabee Beetles, crew chiefs of the #5 and #2 cars, were sitting alone together in the garage area. Both were very down over their mediocre runs in this race.
Wally: We had the cars, but somehow we couldn't pass anyone. And I can't believe those confounded ponies finished ahead of us!
Kuki: (sigh) At least we're still up there in the points standings.
Wally: But you're only as good as your last race! And those ponies are pieces of shit! Arrgh!
Kuki: Oh, Wally, please calm down!
After complaining about how Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle finished better than they did, Wally begins to cry. Immediately, Kuki reaches out and gives him a hug. She holds him close as he continues to sob, then, as he calms down, he says...
Wally: I love you!
Kuki: (gasp)
Wally: I've been trying to tell you that for the longest time, but stuff kept on getting in the way, and, and-
Kuki shushes Wally, and with a gentle smile, says...
Kuki: You don't know how long I've wanted to hear that!
A smile spreads on Wally's face as he starts to well up again. This time though, they are tears of joy. Kuki pulls Wally in for a wet, passionate kiss. Wally moans into it. They start to tongue each other and caress each other. After a good minute-and-a-half, they stop kissing.
Kuki: I love you, Wally Beetles!
Wally: I love you, too, Kuki Sanban!
They stare into each other for a moment. Then, as Kuki is about to slip Wally's shirt off, their teammate, Nigel Uno, who finished 3rd, bursts in on them.
Nigel: There you are! Come on guys, we gotta get back to the treehouse!
Kuki and Wally look at each other, shrug, and exit the garage, leaving the track along with everyone else.
...
Now there's something we haven't seen before! A car turning into a ghost! You won't see that in the Sprint Cup Series! Not to mention the moment that occurred in the garage area just then, that was sweet. Next time, the Cartoon Cup Series heads to Texas Motor Speedway to run the Samsung Mobile 500. I'll be seeing you there!
Chapter 8: Samsung Mobile 500
For the seventh race of the season, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will be headed out west to the land of plenty, to Texas Motor Speedway. 43 cartoon characters will battle it out, attempting to win the Samsung Mobile 500. Located north of Fort Worth, TX, Texas Motor Speedway is a 1.5-mile quad-oval. The turns are banked at 24 degrees, while the straights have no banking. Now, even though this race is called the Samsung Mobile 500, it's actually 501 miles long. And there will be 334 laps.
This is our first night race of the season. The skies are clear, but the wind is strong – anywhere from 20-40 mph. This will blow debris and trash around on the track, and some of it may get stuck on the grills of the cars, which could lead to heat issues.
And here's the starting grid;
Kim Possible
Rainbow Dash
Stan Smith
Timmy Turner
Bender
Alejandro
Homer Simpson
William Murderface
Francine Smith
Danny Phantom
Butt-Head
Meatwad
Ed
Grim
Nigel Uno
Beavis
Early Cuyler
Ben Tennyson
Aang
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Edd
Applejack
Abigail Lincoln
Master Shake
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Gumball Waterson
Eddy
Eric Cartman
Peter Griffin
Foxxy Love
Spongebob SquarePants
Katara
The Warden
Frylock
Dudley Puppy
Sokka
Flapjack
Twilight Sparkle
Phineas Flynn
Chowder
Hank Hill
Ferb Fletcher
Kenny McCormick
With that out of the way, I'll now leave things to FOX...
Joy: Previously on NASCAR On FOX, Danny Phantom shocked us all when his car literally went through lapped cars, and stole the victory at Martinsville. Tonight, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads west to Texas Motor Speedway, in which our determined cartoon road warriors will go into battle in the Samsung Mobile 500! I'm Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip.
D.W: Mike, the stuff that these characters will do! We're only 6 races into the season, and we've already seen ghosts, shotguns, sex – and I think Aang had to have done something in order to win at California. It's just incredible.
McReynolds: I've also noticed a sizable gap in the point standings – the 3 Eds, Nigel, Hoagie, Abigail, Cartman, and Peter Griffin have pulled away some; we have a 20-point gap between Edd and Homer Simpson…also, a number of the top 8 drivers have yet to win a race.
Joy: One of those drivers may win tonight; even though they're starting no better than 143th, but anything can happen. And in the Cartoon Cup Series, anything can happen! Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, legendary Looney Tunes official, Yosemite Sam!
Sam: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines, dagnabit!
A combined force of 37195 hp rumbles through Texas Motor Speedway. The cars warm up, the pace car pulls out and the racecars follow.
Joy: The cars are rolling out; now let's look at the starting grid. Kim Possible, in the #51 Phoenix Chevrolet has her first pole of the season, and alongside her is the pegasus, Rainbow Dash. After poor runs so far, Stan Smith finds himself starting in 3rd. In 4th place is our Daytona 500 pole-sitter, Timmy Turner. Bender, the robot, is starting 5th, and our Spanish driver, Alejandro, is in 6th. Homer Simpson, driving for BK racing will start 7th, and William Murderface is in 8th. Francine Smith, our pole-sitter at Phoenix and wife of Stan Smith, will start 9th, and rounding out the top 10 is our Martinsville winner, Danny Phantom. And now, as we go through the rest of the grid, let's try and get someone on the radio;
D.W: Hey Kim Possible, it's D.W., you got a copy?
Kim: I got you, Darrell.
D.W: Hey. You've been doing rather poorly so far, and now you're on the pole here tonight. How confident are you that you can turn things around here?
Kim: Very confident. This Phoenix Chevrolet's been much better than before, and I seem to be more attuned to the car; we may win this one! Who knows?
D.W: Well are you concerned at all about the debris that's been blowing around down there?
Kim: A little. I don't think the car will overheat much anyways though, so it shouldn't be a problem.
D.W: Oh, and apparently, you've gained many male fans who only like you because you're quote, "sexy." What of that?
Kim: Yeah, why can't they come up with some other word to describe a female athlete?
D.W: You have a point. Well, thanks for talking with us and good luck tonight.
Kim: 10-4.
D.W: You know guys, I have another word to describe her. It starts with 'B.' And it's not 'beautiful.'
…
Joy: We're now getting the one-to-go; let's check in with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, our outside pole-sitter, Rainbow Dash, just reported that her car is already running a bit hot. She's worried that there may be debris on the grill, and that the car may overheat. They're looking to pit if needed. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, our points leader, Peter Griffin is starting back in 29th, but that hasn't dashed his confidence. The car has been very good lately, and he's hoping that it sticks, so that they won't have to make any adjustments. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, last week's winner, Danny Phantom has been reporting a loose car. He says that it "just wants to do a full 360." They're looking to make adjustments, but are still looking forward to pull off a repeat win here at Texas. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Meatwad has already got some debris on his grill, but what he's really after is Danny Phantom. He still feels that he wrongfully deprived him of a win, and said, 'NASCAR, I hope you're listening; I will pay Danny Phantom back!' Back to you Mike.
Joy: Oh boy! Something big may happen! And we're now ready to go for 501 miles here at Texas Motor Speedway!
The pace car retreats to pit road, the racecars advance to the line, and the green flag is out.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin', boys!
The Samsung Mobile 500 is green-flagged! Rainbow Dash gets an OK start, but she falls back to 3rd going through the first two turns. Kim Possible holds the lead, with Stan Smith right behind her. She leads the first lap of the race and gets the bonus point. She loses the lead in the backstretch on lap 2 when Stan Smith makes a slingshot move around her. While Rainbow Dash falls back to 5th, Timmy Turner and Bender both show up to challenge Kim Possible for 2nd. While she holds them off, Stan Smith slowly pulls away.
On lap 11, Bender gets past Kim Possible and gradually catches up to Stan Smith. He starts to challenge for the lead on lap 18 and takes it on lap 21. On lap 26…
Joy: The #11 car is way off the pace!
Twilight: Goddammit, we're overheated!
Rarity: Are you serious?
Twilight: Is this what we get for winning the Daytona 500?
Rarity: (dejected sigh).
McReynolds: That car's front grill is completely covered in debris and garbage.
D.W: And they're overheated...tough break!
On lap 26, Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota is overheated as a result of trash blocking the front grill, preventing any air from getting in to cool the engine. A very down Twilight limps her car into the garage area, effectively ending their night.
Timmy Turner gets up to 3rd by lap 32 and catches up to Bender and Stan Smith one lap later, making it a three-way battle for the lead. By lap 41, he makes it up to the lead.
He continues to hold it until lap 50, when green flag pit stops commence. Applejack, who was running 19th, has to serve a drive-thru penalty for going too fast exiting pit road. Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet was experiencing heat troubles; water was literally erupting out of the hood. They managed to fix it and get him back out, though.
Green flag pit stops are complete by lap 56. Just three laps later…
Joy: Big trouble! Turn 3! Multiple cars involved!
McReynolds: The #14, #55, and #26 have all crashed together in turns 3 and 4.
D.W: Those cars are all totaled!
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 59, Master Shake's #55 Aaron's Toyota, running in 25th, loses control and clips the right-rear fender of Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford going into turn 3, putting him hard into the wall. Shake also hits the wall hard. Eric Cartman has nowhere to go and his #14 Office Depot Chevrolet runs right into Shake's car. The three drivers are all okay, but their cars are toast, and are taken by wrecker to the garage area.
Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford, running 1 lap down in 33rd, gets the free pass.
Nobody goes into the pits; here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Timmy Turner
Bender
Stan Smith
Kim Possible
Homer Simpson
Alejandro
Francine Smith
Butt-Head
Grim
Danny Phantom
We restart on lap 62. Stan Smith gets back into the lead before the lap is over. By lap 67, Francine Smith has made it up to 2nd, and takes the lead on lap 69. Very gradually, husband and wife pull away together as the laps go on.
Meanwhile, things have gotten exciting back behind them. Timmy Turner, Bender, and Homer Simpson are trading paint as they battle for 3rd. At one point, Homer almost loses it and falls back to 7th as Kim Possible and Alejandro get by him.
Kim Possible and Alejandro duel for 5th place. They're still fighting on lap 90 when Homer Simpson reappears and gets Kim loose. Kim falls back to 7th, Alejandro remains in 5th and Homer moves up to 6th.
In the meantime, Francine and Stan Smith are still dominating the race. Then, on lap 103…
Joy: The #15 car is off the pace on the backstretch, and there's trouble…
D.W: Oh, the #27 slammed right into him!
Joy: Caution is out.
McReynolds: The #15 had overheated, the #20 got into the #27, and the #27 lost it and spun right into the #15. Unbelievable!
On lap 103, Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota overheats. He's limping on the backstretch, trying to make it to the pits, when Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota gets into Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet. Ed slides out of control, right into Frylock's car. Ed and Frylock are unharmed, but their cars are out of commission, and are taken via wrecker back to the garage area.
Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, running 1 lap down in 28th, gets the free pass.
The cars enter the pits for four tires and fuel. Bender overshoots his pit stall and has to back into it. When he leaves the stall after getting service, it turns out that his right-rear tire is missing a lug nut, so he has to go back in to get that lug nut on. He will restart in 29th. And when we do restart, here will be the top 10;
Stan Smith
Francine Smith
Timmy Turner
Homer Simpson
Alejandro
Kim Possible
Danny Phantom
Nigel Uno
Rainbow Dash
Meatwad
On lap 107 the race restarts. Stan and Francine Smith retain the top 2 spots while Timmy Turner and Homer Simpson join them. Nigel Uno gets a bad start and falls out of the top 10. On lap 118, Homer Simpson makes an incredible slingshot move and now he's leading for the first time tonight. Timmy Turner follows him from a short distance as Stan and Francine Smith fall back.
By lap 135, Alejandro is in 3rd, and he has begun to challenge Timmy Turner and Homer Simpson for the lead. He takes in on lap 147. He's still in the lead on lap 153 when green flag pit stops begin. When they end on lap 154, the top 10 is as follows;
Alejandro
Homer Simpson
Timmy Turner
Francine Smith
Stan Smith
Danny Phantom
Kim Possible
Rainbow Dash
Meatwad
Butt-Head
Gradually, after pit stops, Homer Simpson catches up to Alejandro. He's in range by lap 170. While this is happening, his teammate, Peter Griffin, cracks the top 10. Homer, as hard as he tries, can't get by Alejandro. By lap 192, Peter has made it into the top 5.
Green flag pit stops occur again on lap 201. When they're done on lap 207, here's the top 10;
Alejandro
Homer Simpson
Francine Smith
Stan Smith
Peter Griffin
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Kim Possible
Meatwad
Grim
On lap 218, Peter Griffin makes it up to 3rd. He catches up to Alejandro and Homer by lap 229. It becomes a three-way battle for the lead. Back behind them, Rainbow Dash is driving so aggressively that she almost wrecks Stan and Francine Smith as she makes her way up to 4th. Then, on lap 241…
Joy: Big trouble in turn 2!
McReynolds: The #16 car is hard in the wall!
D.W: We're hearing the #56 car is involved!
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 241, Meatwad intentionally drives his #56 NAPA Toyota into Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford to get back at him from stealing the win at Martinsville. Danny's car goes hard into the outside wall head-on, and is totaled. Danny is outraged. He emerges from the wreckage and waits for the #56 car to come back around…
Joy: Danny Phantom has ghosted and – oh my God!
McReynolds: He's inside the #56!
D.W: Danny is mercilessly beating up Meatwad, the car is swerving around, Danny's still beating him…and the car has gone into the inside wall and stopped!
McReynolds: That's the craziest fight I've ever seen!
When Meatwad comes back around on the caution flag, Danny Phantom uses his ghosting powers to enter Meatwad's car, and begins beating him up to get back at him for wrecking him. Danny relentlessly hammers on Meatwad as the car swerves around, goes into the inside wall, and stops…
McReynolds: The fight's spilled outside!
D.W: They're outside the car and Danny keeps on beating up Meatwad! Is he trying to kill him?
Joy: Not anymore, because officials are pulling Danny away from the scene kicking and screaming!
McReynolds: Thank God!
Danny Phantom ghosts himself and Meatwad out of the wrecked #56 car, where he continues to punch Meatwad with great force, not showing any signs of letting up. It takes two NASCAR officials to pull him off and escort him to the NASCAR trailer. Meatwad is helped up, put into an ambulance, and taken in for a medical examination.
When the rest of the fields hits pit road for service, the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Alejandro
Homer Simpson
Stan Smith
Peter Griffin
Francine Smith
William Murderface
Butt-Head
Kim Possible
Beavis
Grim
Nigel Uno's #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 21st gets the free pass.
We restart on lap 246. Stan Smith makes a slingshot move to take the lead back on the restart. Alejandro stays on him and eventually, on lap 265, takes the lead back. Stan Smith falls back as Homer Simpson goes by him on lap 274, followed by Peter Griffin on lap 287. The field is still like this when the last pit stops of the race take place from lap 292-lap 299. The top 10 after the pit stops is;
Alejandro
Homer Simpson
Peter Griffin
Francine Smith
Stan Smith
Butt-Head
Beavis
William Murderface
Grim
Kim Possible
For the next 34 laps, the race goes on without nothing big happening. As the white flag flies, Alejandro is the race leader, Homer Simpson in 2nd, Peter Griffin in 3rd. Then...
McReynolds: Simpson is letting Peter Griffin draft up to him to make that slingshot move past Alejandro.
D.W: Well, boogity, boogity! Can you believe that he would do that for his teammate and set him up that way?
Homer is driving right on Alejandro's bumper, allowing Peter to draft up to him. When he's closed in enough, Peter makes his move;
McReynolds: And there goes Peter Griffin on the outside!
Peter: That's how we do it!
Lois: Go Peter!
Joy: Makes his move, Simpson's giving him plenty of room...
Alejandro: What in the hell is he doing, guys? Get him off of me!
When he's about to make the pass, Peter Griffin runs into Alejandro's right-rear, causing both of them and Homer to lose control...
Joy: They touch! They spin!
Peter: Snap!
Homer: Come on, man!
The cars come to rest on the frontstretch, not far from the finish. The checkered flag is out, and the rest of the field is still half a lap down.
Alejandro: See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!
Alejandro gets his car going again on its way to the checkered. Peter Griffin backs up right alongside him, but doesn't turn it forward; he just keeps backing up...
D.W: Look at that! Peter Griffin's gonna try to win the race in reverse!
McReynolds: Man, he wants this win bad!
Peter and Alejandro are nearly side-by-side coming to the finish...
Joy: Peter Griffin wins it in reverse!
McReynolds: Unbelievable!
D.W: I love that! That is cool!
Peter Griffin wins the Samsung Mobile 500 driving in reverse, Alejandro settles for 2nd. Homer Simpson manages to come in 3rd, Butt-Head takes 4th, Kim Possible places 5th, Francine Smith is 6th, William Murderface is in 7th, Grim is 8th, Beavis is 9th, and Stan Smith rounds out the top 10.
Peter Griffin and Alejandro are still side-by-side on the cool-down lap;
Peter: Hey Al, losing's never fun, but here's something to pick your spirits up;
Peter flips the bird at Alejandro.
Peter: It's real nice, I got it at Target. It's on sale.
After his victory lap, Peter Griffin celebrates in victory lane, amidst a shower of confetti and champagne. Dick Berggren moves in to interview him;
Berggren: Peter Griffin, congratulations on a wild win at Texas Motor Speedway! How did you even know you'd pull it off?
Peter: I didn't. I did know that I would lose if I turned the car around, so I just backed up full speed, hoped for the best, and here I am now!
Berggren: How does this stack up to your crazy finish at Las Vegas?
Peter: I'm just glad I won this time!
Berggren: OK, well, that's pretty much it. Great job in the car, tonight.
Peter: Thanks, Dick!
Peter's wife and crew chief, Lois Griffin appears beside Peter, and they kiss.
Berggren: Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, Dick. Now let's look at the race results;
And here's how our characters finished the Samsung Mobile 500;
Peter Griffin
Alejandro
Homer Simpson
Butt-Head
Kim Possible
Francine Smith
William Murderface
Grim
Beavis
Stan Smith
Timmy Turner
Rainbow Dash
Early Cuyler
Ben Tennyson
Nigel Uno
Applejack
Bender
Gumball Waterson
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
Hoagie P. Gilligan (1 lap down)
Eddy (1 lap down)
Spongebob SquarePants (1 lap down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (1 lap down)
Katara (1 lap down)
Foxxy Love (1 lap down)
Phineas Flynn (1 lap down)
The Warden (1 lap down)
Dudley Puppy (2 laps down)
Flapjack (2 laps down)
Sokka (2 laps down)
Kenny McCormick (2 laps down)
Ferb Fletcher (3 laps down)
Chowder (3 laps down)
Hank Hill (4 laps down)
Meatwad (DNF; accident)
Danny Phantom (DNF; accident)
Ed (DNF; accident)
Frylock (DNF; accident)
Aang (DNF; accident)
Master Shake (DNF; accident)
Eric Cartman (DNF; accident)
Twilight Sparkle (DNF; overheating)
Joy: And here are the current points standings;
Here are the current points standings after 7 of 36 races;
Peter Griffin: 231 points*
Nigel Uno: 229 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan: 223 points
Abigail Lincoln/Eddy: 219 points
Edd: 217 points
Homer Simpson/Edd: 214 points
Eric Cartman: 205 points
Butt-Head: 189 points
Gumball Waterson: 171 points
Grim: 167 points
Francine Smith: 159 points
Bender: 158 points
Stan Smith: 156 points
William Murderface: 154 points
Timmy Turner/Master Shake: 153 points
Beavis: 150 points
Rainbow Dash/Foxxy Love: 146 points
Spongebob SquarePants/Katara: 144 points
Flapjack/Frylock: 137 points
Dudley Puppy: 136 points
Aang: 135 points
Alejandro: 127 points
Sokka: 122 points
Applejack/Phineas Flynn: 121 points
Twilight Sparkle: 117 points
Chowder: 116 points
Ben Tennyson: 113 points
The Warden: 107 points
Kim Possible/Ferb Fletcher: 106 points
Hank Hill: 104 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo: 91 points
Early Cuyler: 77 points
Danny Phantom: 74 points*
Meatwad: 67 points*
Kenny McCormick: 59 points
(*) – Peter Griffin is penalized 25 points for obscenity, Meatwad is penalized 50 points for dirty driving, and Danny Phantom is penalized 100 points for assault.
Joy: Next week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads to the Great Plains, where the characters will go into battle at Kansas Speedway! Until then, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying so long from Texas, and we'll see you next week.
I bet you that finish reminded you of something you may have seen... And I'm beginning to wonder – will Danny and Meatwad ever make peace before they lose too many points? Join us next time, as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads to Kansas Speedway to run the STP 400!
Chapter 9: STP 400
After more wild events unfolded at Texas, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series makes a stop at Kansas Speedway for the running of the STP 400. Kansas Speedway is a 1.5 mile D-shaped oval located in Kansas City. The turns are banked at 15 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 10.4 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 5 degrees. The race will be 267 laps long.
It's sunny out, but it is not too hot either, so the track won't be as slick, which means some better grip.
Let's see the starting grid;
Bender
William Murderface
Meatwad
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Early Cuyler
Homer Simpson
Gumball Waterson
Foxxy Love
Ferb Fletcher
Eric Cartman
Applejack
Frylock
Flapjack
Eric Cartman
Danny Phantom
Spongebob SquarePants
Sokka
Rainbow Dash
Master Shake
Nigel Uno
Ed
Katara
Hank Hill
Eddy
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Peter Griffin
Aang
Grim
Butt-Head
Abigail Lincoln
Edd
Beavis
Twilight Sparkle
Ben Tennyson
Kim Possible
Dudley Puppy
Chowder
Timmy Turner
Kenny McCormick
Stan Smith
Francine Smith
Alejandro
Phineas Flynn
FOX?
Joy: After another crazy finish at Texas last week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series now finds itself in the Midwest at Kansas Speedway. Our cartoon characters have come to race each other in the running of the STP 400. I'm Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip.
D.W: Mike, the one thing I'm worried about is Meatwad and Danny Phantom. Seriously, that was a horrible incident last week! Meatwad could've been murdered!
McReynolds: And after that 100-point penalty, Danny Phantom finds himself near the bottom of the point standing. He starts 14th today, and Meatwad is up in 3rd.
Joy: I guess we'll see what happens here today – hopefully nothing bad. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those famous words in motorsports. Here to give the command, the creator of the Powerpuff Girls, Professor Utonium!
Utonium: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
43 865 hp engines bellow through the Great Plains in perfect cacophony; the cars roll out for the pace laps.
Joy: And as the cars move out, let's see how they'll line up for today's race. Bender, the robot, has his first pole of the season; alongside him is William Murderface in the #47 car. Meatwad, after suffering a horrible beatdown last week starts 3rd, and Blooregard Q. Kazoo gets his best start of the season in 4th. Early Cuyler starts in 5th, and Homer Simpson is in 6th. Gumball Waterson, driving for NEMCO Motorsports is in 7th, and Foxxy Love will start 8th. Ferb Fletcher, driving for Richard Petty Motorsports sits in 9th, and Eric Cartman rounds out the top 10. And as we go down the grid, let's see who we can contact on the radio;
D.W: Hey Meatwad, it's D.W., you got a copy.
Meatwad: 10-4.
D.W: First of all, how are you feeling after that no-holds-barred beatdown last week at Texas?
Meatwad: I'm feeling better – physically, that is. I really want to get back at that bastard Danny – maybe this time, I'll just try and beat him to the line or something.
D.W: Well, you're starting 3rd, he's starting 15th. You feel confident?
Meatwad: Of course!
D.W: And will you get him if he ghosts his car again?
Meatwad: I'll seriously punch his face in!
D.W: OK, well good luck with that today.
Meatwad: 10-4, thanks!
The field gets the one-to-go signal from the flagman.
Joy: Let's check in with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Danny Phantom is reporting that although he feels good about the car, he's not sure that it'll run well in traffic. They may make adjustments, and he may even ghost the car if needed. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, our points leader, Peter Griffin is reporting a car that is tight on the bottom of the track. It runs well on the top, but he doesn't want to run there. He wants to make adjustments so it'll run on the bottom. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Applejack is starting 11th today. In spite of the bad luck Joe Gibbs Racing has had after Daytona, she's looking forward to a top 10, or 5. She reports that her car is running good as well. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, William Murderface has his best start of the season, and has been very open about how well the car is gripping the track. Basically, he's looking to keep the car the way it is, and maybe even get a top 5. Mike?
Joy: Thanks, guys. We're now one turn away from starting the STP 400!
The pace car pulls off into the pits, the field accelerates, and the green flag waves.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin', boys!
And we're racing at Kansas! Bender shoots ahead of the field. Meatwad follows him as William Murderface falls back to 3rd. Meatwad is challenging Bender for the lead, but to no avail. On around lap 15, Blooregard Q. Kazoo gets around Murderface for 3rd. By lap 27, he's caught up with Bender and Meatwad, making it a three-way battle for the lead.
Meanwhile, behind them, on lap 36, William Murderface falls out of the top 5 as Gumball Waterson moves into the top 5.
Blooregard Q. Kazoo takes the lead on lap 43 when…
Joy: Car in the wall! Turn 1!
McReynolds: Peter Griffin is in the wall!
Peter: Dammit, the rear end is busted up!
D.W: Some pretty good damage to the rear.
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 43, Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota goes around and into the wall. The rear end suffers prominent damage. He limps his car into the garage area for repairs as the caution comes out.
While that happens, the rest of the field goes into the pits for service. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Meatwad
Bender
Early Cuyler
Gumball Waterson
William Murderface
Ferb Fletcher
Foxxy Love
Homer Simpson
Applejack
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running on lap down in 36th, gets the free pass.
We restart on lap 46. On lap 49, Meatwad shoots into the lead for the first time. 7 laps later, Early Cuyler makes it up to 2nd. He gets up to challenge Meatwad on lap 71. Meatwad holds him off until lap 79, when Early Cuyler takes the lead. Meatwad stays with him for a while, then, on lap 83, Early Cuyler starts to pull away.
On lap 86, Peter Griffin is back on the track, 43 laps down in 43rd place.
On lap 94, green flag pit stops begin. Everything goes without a hitch. When pit stops are complete on lap 100, the top 10 is as follows;
Early Cuyler
Meatwad
Bender
Gumball Waterson
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Ferb Fletcher
William Murderface
Homer Simpson
Flapjack
Eric Cartman
In a matter of just a few laps, Gumball Waterson pops up to challenge Early Cuyler for the lead. Early holds him off. Early holds him off until lap 109. Then, Gumball takes the lead. Early gets the lead back on lap 111. Gumball retakes the lead on lap 114. This exchange keeps up until lap 125, when Gumball Waterson pulls away. Bender then springs back and regains the lead on lap 137. One lap later...
Joy: Oh, and a huge crash in turn 2!
McReynolds: This is the Big One! Eight cars are involved!
Joy: Caution is out!
D.W: We expect this at Daytona and Talladega, but not here! My God!
On lap 138, going into turn 2 is a big cluster of cars. Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet gets loose and collects Sokka's #38 Modspace Ford. 6 other cars get involved in the incident, including Grim's #7 Speed Energy Dodge, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford, Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmers Insurance Chevrolet, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Chevrolet, Eddy's #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet, and Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota. The #5, #31, #51, #23, and the #38 are all totaled, but the #7, #49, and #99 all make it into the garage area to attempt repairs.
Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford, running 1 lap down in 27th place, gets the free pass.
Everyone else gets service in pit road, and the top 10 afterwards is as follows;
Bender
Gumball Waterson
Early Cuyler
Ferb Fletcher
William Murderface
Meatwad
Homer Simpson
Eric Cartman
Frylock
Danny Phantom
We restart on lap 144. After making an incredible slingshot move, Ferb Fletcher gets into the lead on the backstretch. William Murderface gradually makes his way up through the field, and by lap 153 is challenging Ferb Fletcher for the lead. It takes him a while, but on lap 167, Murderface is leading the STP 400 for the first time. Behind him, Danny Phantom has cracked the top 5 by lap 173.
Grim's #7 Speed Energy Dodge goes back out on lap 186, 48 laps down in 35th place. One lap later, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford re-emerges 49 laps down in 36th place.
On lap 188, Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota is running back in 24th place. Just ahead of her are Nigel Uno and Kenny McCormick running side-by-side, battling for 22nd. As they're going into turn 3, Twilight suddenly bestows a malicious look on her face as the horn on her head begins to glow...
McReynolds: OH, A TERRIBLE CRASH IN TURN 4!
Joy: Nigel Uno and Kenny McCormick have gone airborne, through the catch fence and over the wall in turn 4! The cars have gone outside of the racing area!
D.W: Those cars just got airborne without any contact or anything! This is just impossible! How does that even happen?
Rarity: What the hell was that?
Twilight: Oh, I just used some magic to take those cars out of the race, no biggie.
Rarity: No biggie? You bitch! That was horrible!
Twilight: Pfft! They weren't able to catch Aang or Danny when they used their powers. It's only illegal when you get caught.
Rarity: (sigh) You know what, you're right. I stand corrected.
On lap 188, while going through turns 3 & 4, Twilight Sparkle uses her magic powers to launch Nigel Uno's #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet and Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet into the air, through the catch fence and over the wall. The cars tear through the fence, flipping violently until they come to a stop 50-60 feet away from the track premises. Nigel gets out of his car with only minor injuries. He peers into the broken #39 car, to see Kenny broken and bruised, not showing any signs of life; his safety gear had failed.
Nigel: (gasp) Oh, my God! She killed Kenny! YOU BITCH!
The race is red-flagged, so that track crews can repair the catch fence in turn 4. The other cars, meanwhile have parked onto pit lane. Nigel's crew chief, Rachel T. McKenzie overhears Nigel over the radio waves, and immediately rushes over to the #39 team's pit box, to the crew chief, Stan Marsh;
Rachel: Hey Stan? (sigh) Kenny's dead.
Stan: Yeah, so? No big deal.
Rachel: I know, but...I know who did it.
Stan: What do you mean?
Rachel: Twilight Sparkle killed Kenny.
Stan is shocked.
Stan: What? Twilight? But that's impossible! She seemed so nice, so friendly, s-so loving, so (sniff) so...
Stan begins to cry uncontrollably as he falls into Rachel's arms.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, Stan! Kenny will be back. Don't cry!
...
Sometime later, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash and Applejack, along with their crew chiefs Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie, are all talking about the race thus far, and their strategies...
Nigel: Ahem!
The ponies turn to see that they're being confronted by Nigel Uno, Rachel T. McKenzie, Hoagie P. Gilligan, Wallabee Beetles, Abigail Lincoln, Kuki Sanban, Eric Cartman, Kyle Broflovski, and Stan Marsh (who's still shedding tears).
Nigel: We know it was you who put us through the fence, Twilight!
Kyle: You killed Kenny, you bitch! And you made Stan cry!
Kuki: I thought you were friendly and loving!
Wally: I hate you ponies now more than ever!
Twilight: It ain't a crime if NASCAR can't catch it. And besides, Aang killed Kenny too, you know!
Hoagie: You really aren't the loving, tolerant beings you tout yourself as, are you, you fuckin' hypocrites?
Rainbow Dash: Hate the game, not the player, lard-ass!
Pinkie Pie: Yeah, you're so fat, your love handles would make delicious cupcakes!
Cartman: Hey, I'm fat too, you know!
Abigail: And don't be talkin' to my boy Hoagie like that, either!
Applejack: (sarcastic) Oh, that's real smooth talk comin' from a coon!
Abigail: Why, you fuckin'...
...
Joy: And there's a huge brawl on pit road!
McReynolds: Drivers and crew chiefs are attacking each other like wild dogs!
D.W: It's out of control, man!
...
Joy: And finally, the officials have broken it up!
D.W: Wow that almost reminded me of The Winston back in '89!
Applejack's racist remark turns the argument into an all-out street fight as the ponies end up in a massive brawl with Nigel and Kenny's teammates. After a lengthy session of punching, kicking, and hair-pulling, NASCAR officials break up the fight. Hoagie P. Gilligan, Eric Cartman, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack are all parked by NASCAR, but no points penalties are administered.
Well over an hour later, the catch fence is repaired, the red flag turns into a yellow, and the cars roll back out. Here is the top 10;
William Murderface
Ferb Fletcher
Meatwad
Gumball Waterson
Bender
Danny Phantom
Frylock
Early Cuyler
Master Shake
Homer Simpson
On lap 189, Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota comes back out, 51 laps down in 37th place.
The race is finally back under green on lap 191. William Murderface falls backas Meatwad takes the lead. By lap 202, Danny Phantom has cracked the top 5. By lap 215, he's made it up 2nd. On lap 225, while Danny is challenging Meatwad for the lead...
Joy: Ed's off the pace on the backstretch!
Ed: Damn, the left-rear is going down!
Jonny: (sigh) Bring her in.
Joy: And Ed's car has blown a tire. Caution is out.
On lap 225, Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet blows the left-rear tire. He makes it into the pits unharmed, and they change the tires and get fuel. They re-emerge in 22nd, still a lap down.
Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford, running 1 lap down in 19th gets the free pass.
The cars make their last pit stops of the race. Here's the top 10;
Meatwad
Danny Phantom
Gumball Waterson
Ferb Fletcher
Early Cuyler
Bender
William Murderface
Frylock
Foxxy Love
Master Shake
The race is restarted on lap 228. It's the final race to the finish. Meatwad and Danny Phantom pull away from the rest of the field. While the pack races each other behind them, the top 2 cars continue to pull away. As everyone else is too busy racing each other for position, no one else has a chance for Meatwad or Danny Phantom.
...
The white flag flies on lap 267; it's all come down to just two drivers...
Joy: They're side-by-side going out of the final turn!
McReynolds: It's gonna be close!
D.W: Checkered flag...
Joy: It's Meatwad! Meatwad wins the STP 400!
Meatwad: Yes, I got him!
Err: Excellent job!
Danny: Man, I almost had him!
Sam: It's OK. Some other time.
Meatwad holds off Danny Phantom by a mere car length to win the STP 400. Behind them, Early Cuyler takes 3rd, Ferb Fletcher is 4th, Gumball Waterson places 5th, William Murderface is in 6th, Bender is 7th, Master Shake takes 8th, Foxxy Love places 9th, and Frylock rounds out the top 10.
After taking the checkered flag and doing his victory lap, Meatwad finds himself in Victory Lane for the first time. The champagne and confetti are released as he gets out and celebrates. He takes a swig of champagne, and Dick Berggren proceeds with the interview...
Berggren: Meatwad, congratulations on your first win of the season! What would you say was the key to winning this.
Meatwad: Making the most of what you have! We started in 3rd, and we stayed up front the whole time. Ha, and in the end, look where we are!
Berggren: What about Danny Phantom? What are your thoughts on that last-lap battle?
Meatwad: I guess I just got a better run off turn 4, that's all. Oh, and remember a couple of races ago? He said he'd be laughing harder at the end of the season when I'm winless. Well, you can suck it, Danny! You can't beat the Meat!
Berggren: Well, great job in the car today, Meatwad.
Meatwad: Thanks, Dick.
Berggren: Matt?
Yocum: Danny Phantom was in that last-lap battle where he lost to Meatwad in the very end. Danny, any thoughts?
Danny: Honestly, I'm thinking about making peace with Meatwad. We've done enough damage to each other already, and that this rate, one of us is going to be killed! And I don't think we'd come back like Kenny does.
Yocum: Well, I wish you the best.
Danny: Thanks.
Yocum: Mike?
Joy: Thanks, Matt. After one of our most insane races thus far, here are the official results;
And here's how the animated characters finished the STP 400;
Meatwad
Danny Phantom
Early Cuyler
Ferb Fletcher
Gumball Waterson
William Murderface
Bender
Master Shake
Foxxy Love
Frylock
Spongebob SquarePants
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Homer Simpson
Beavis
Butt-Head
Phineas Flynn
Alejandro
Katara
Francine Smith (1 lap down)
Aang (1 lap down)
Ed (1 lap down)
Edd (2 laps down)
Timmy Turner (2 laps down)
Chowder (2 laps down)
Stan Smith (2 laps down)
The Warden (3 laps down)
Hank Hill (4 laps down)
Peter Griffin (44 laps down)
Grim (49 laps down)
Dudley Puppy (50 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (52 laps down)
Eric Cartman (DNF; parked)
Applejack (DNF; parked)
Rainbow Dash (DNF; parked)
Hoagie P. Gilligan (DNF; parked)
Twilight Sparkle (DNF; parked)
Nigel Uno (DNF; accident)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Sokka (DNF; accident)
Flapjack (DNF; accident)
Eddy (DNF; accident)
Abigail Lincoln (DNF; accident)
Kim Possible (DNF; accident)
Joy: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current points standings after 8 of 36 races;
Peter Griffin; 247 points
Homer Simpson; 245 points
Ed; 240 points
Edd/Nigel Uno; 236 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 232 points
Eddy; 222 points
Abigail Lincoln; 221 points
Butt-Head; 218 points
Eric Cartman; 217 points
Gumball Waterson; 211 points
Bender; 195 points
William Murderface; 193 points
Master Shake; 189 points
Francine Smith; 184 points
Grim; 182 points
Foxxy Love; 181 points
Beavis; 180 points
Spongebob Squarepants; 177 points
Stan Smith; 175 points
Timmy Turner; 174 points
Frylock; 171 points
Katara; 170 points
Aang; 159 points
Rainbow Dash; 156 points
Alejandro; 154 points
Dudley Puppy; 150 points
Phineas Flynn; 149 points
Ferb Fletcher; 147 points
Flapjack; 141 points
Chowder; 136 points
Applejack; 132 points
Sokka; 127 points
Ben Tennyson; 126 points
The Warden/Twilight Sparkle; 125 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 124 points
Hank Hill; 121 points
Early Cuyler; 119 points
Danny Phantom; 116 points
Meatwad; 115 points
Kim Possible; 107 points
Kenny McCormick; 65 points
Joy: And that was one of our craziest incidents yet! Next week, the Cartoon Cup Series heads to the ¾ mile Richmond International Raceway, to run our 2nd night race of the season, the Capital City 400. This is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip signing out from Kansas Speedway, and we hope you all have a great week!
Seriously, how about that incident with Nigel, Kenny, and Twilight? Probably the coldest thing Twilight Sparkle has ever done. And look what it led too! Not to mention Meatwad proving Danny Phantom wrong by winning this thing. Join us next time, as our animated friends continue to wage war in the Capital City 400!
Chapter 10: Stroll Up The River
Before we get to the next race, I would like to take a break from the action and present to you this short side story, which takes place on Friday evening, a day away from the Capital City 400 at Richmond International Raceway.
We're in sunset hours, on the edge of the James River, about 4-5 miles away from the track. Practice and qualifying have already taken place there. Kuki Sanban, crew chief of the #5 Farmers Insurance Chevrolet, and Wallabee Beetles, crew chief of the #2 Miller Lite Dodge, are having a stroll up the river together, holding hands, casually chatting about NASCAR business;
Wally: You guys seemed like you did well in final practice today, much better than in qualifying.
Kuki: Yeah. Abby got loose in turn 4 during qualifying, so we just barely got into the top 20. But he had one of the fastest cars in final practice.
Wally: You were luckier than us. We didn't even make it in the top 25 in qualifying. And we weren't that fast in practice, either. (sigh)
Kuki: It's OK, Wally…say, what about those ponies? Wasn't that such a cold thing Twilight did back at Kansas?
Wally: I knew those ponies were low, but not that low! Given the choice between them and your Rainbow Monkeys, I'd take the monkeys.
Kuki: Wow.
Wally: I know.
The couple stops walking, and they take a moment to admire the sunset right in front of them.
Kuki: It's so beautiful, isn't it?
Wally: I know this sounds cheesy, but… (blushes) it's not as beautiful as you.
Kuki: Awwwwww!
Kuki gives Wally a kiss on the cheek, making Wally blush even harder.
Then, Wally looks out to the river and sees an island just a short ways out. He turns to Kuki…
Wally: Say Kuki, you see that island out there?
Kuki: Yeah.
Wally takes his shirt off.
Wally: Would you…like to go for a swim?
Kuki stares at Wally's shirtless body, with a little bit of drool escaping her mouth, before answering;
Kuki: Yeah, I'd like that!
The two strip down to their undergarments. Then, after a moment…
Kuki: I'll race ya!
They dash into the river together. Before long, they're unable to touch the floor, and they're swimming. They swim gracefully side-by-side across the river, occasionally stopping and playfully splashing each other. Eventually, they make it to the island. They lay down on the sand together, hand-in-hand, gazing out at the Richmond, VA city skyline while the setting sun dries their almost-naked bodies.
After what seemed like a long time, Wally broke the silence;
Wally: Could it get any more perfect than this?
Kuki: Well…
Kuki snuggles up to Wally and kisses him hard on the lips. Wally gets into it, as he and Kuki stick each other's tongues in. They caress each other's bodies as they keep making out for about a couple more minutes.
When they're done kissing, they sit up and look at each other for a moment. Then, Kuki takes off her bra...
Wally: Whoa!
Wally gazes for a moment at Kuki's bare, already well-developed chest, making him even harder than he already was. He intimately massages both boobs. While he's doing than, Kuki is able to slip off Wally's underwear. The hardness and size of his member make Kuki extremely wet. She starts to lick it, and then suck on it. While her tits are still being massaged, she continues to suck, harder and faster. Then, Wally moans aloud as the white liquid is let loose, straight into Kuki's mouth. She swallows it all in one gulp.
Wally: I don't know how you did it, but it was so good!
Kuki: Sometimes I amaze even myself! (giggle) OK stud, your turn!
Kuki slips off her thong, revealing her very moist genital area. Wally, almost without thinking, begins to eat it. His lips are kissing her labia hard as he amorously licks her walls. Kuki moans louder and louder and Wally keeps eating until she climaxes.
They take a second to relax.
Kuki: What you did just then was amazing!
Wally smiles and blushes. Next thing he knows, he and Kuki are laying on the sand, their naked bodies locked together in a passionate embrace. Wally is very hard again. They look into each other for another moment, and then, Kuki moans aloud in pleasure as Wally is now inside her. The two continue to moan each other's names with each hip motion, which brings about more pleasure each time. Before long, Kuki's walls tighten around Wally's love muscle, which releases the seed into her, and they both scream in incredible ecstasy as they climax.
After this, they take several moments to relax. Then they sit up, and Kuki says;
Kuki: Can't get any more perfect than that, can it?
Wally instantly snuggles up to Kuki.
Wally: Oh, I love you so much, Kuki!
Kuki: Awww, I love you too, Wally!
They remain snuggled up together for several minutes before they pull apart and put their underwear back on.
Wally: Race ya back!
Once again, they dash into the river together. They swim hard across the river, back to the mainland, racing each other there. They eventually make it to the riverbank, and Kuki is the first one to make it out of the water.
Kuki: I beat you!
Wally: Yeah, I guess you did.
They both wait until they've dripped dry, then they find their clothes and put them back on. By now, the sun is close to disappearing.
Wally: Well! What a day this has been!
Kuki: I know! It was so wonderful! And tomorrow we race!
Wally: This time for real!
They high-five.
Both: Yeah!
And with that, Kuki and Wally, more than satisfied with their perfect evening, walk together, arms around each other, back to their hotel room, where they will rest up for the big race that lies ahead of them tomorrow evening...
Chapter 11: Capital City 400
The NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series now finds itself at Richmond International Raceway, where our 43 cartoon characters will go at it in our second night race of the season, the Capital City 400. Richmond International Raceway is a short track; a D-shaped oval ¾ of a mile in length. The turns are banked at 14 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 8 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 2 degrees. The race will be 400 laps long, for a total of 300 miles.
As mentioned above, this is a night race. Also, the weather is totally clear; no clouds, no chance of rain, a great night for racing.
And here's how they'll line up for today's race:
Early Cuyler
Rainbow Dash
Nigel Uno
Peter Griffin
Ed
Meatwad
Kim Possible
Phineas Flynn
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Homer Simpson
Eddy
Bender
Dudley Puppy
Butt-Head
Beavis
Danny Phantom
Timmy Turner
Hank Hill
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
Foxxy Love
Applejack
Kenny McCormick
Alejandro
Master Shake
Aang
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Eric Cartman
Twilight Sparkle
Frylock
The Warden
Gumball Waterson
Grim
Katara
Francine Smith
Stan Smith
Chowder
Sokka
Spongebob SquarePants
Ben Tennyson
William Murderface
Flapjack
Ferb Fletcher
Before NASCAR On FOX comes in, we will first look at something that happened during driver introductions; Twilight Sparkle is up to introduce herself, and the fans boo her harshly, very pissed at her for her actions last week. But Twilight isn't phased.
Twilight: Aw, you're all so loving and tolerant! I love you, too!
She takes her leave, and then Nigel Uno appears and introduces himself;
Nigel: Nigel Uno, driver of the Earnhardt Ganassi Racing Chevrolet. Twilight Sparkle is an ass!
The crowd cheers wildly for Nigel as he takes a bow and leaves. Now, I'll turn it over to FOX;
Joy: Good evening, race fans, and welcome to Richmond International Raceway! After another wild ride at Kansas, our animated friends have come to go all-out under the lights here at Richmond, for 400 laps in the Capital City 400! Hello, I'm Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip.
McReynolds: I'm telling you, that crash last week was the craziest I can remember! And the fight afterwards was insane! I can't remember anything like that crash since Jimmy Horton at Talladega back in '93!
D.W: Hey guys! Do you think Jimmy Horton heard a Who after that wreck?
McReynolds: Dude, seriously, that was lame!
Joy: OK, guys, that's enough. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for the most famous words in motorsports. Here to give the command, legendary Hanna-Barbera cartoon, Shaggy Rogers!
Shaggy: Ladies and gentletoons, like, start your engines!
43 engines rip through the night air with their sheer power. After a bit, the pace car rolls out, and the race cars follow.
Joy: The cars are rolling out, now here's the starting grid; Early Cuyler has his first pole of the season, and starting in 2nd position is Rainbow Dash. Nigel Uno, coming off that incident at Kansas is in 3rd, and in 4th is our points leader, Peter Griffin. Ed is starting in 5th, and in 6th is last week's winner, Meatwad. Kim Possible takes up 7th place, and in 8th is Phineas Flynn. After an improvement at Kansas, Blooregard Q. Kazoo starts in 9th, and Homer Simpson rounds out the top 10. As you look at the rest of the grid, let's get someone on the radio;
D.W: Early Cuyler, it's D.W., you got a copy?
Early: Yeah, Darrell.
D.W: You had that points penalty at Bristol, then you had some good finishes, and now you're on the pole here tonight. What are your thoughts going into this one?
Early: I'll tell ya this; I just wanna get back up in the point standings. And if I can, I'll blow Murderface's head off!
D.W: …well…good luck with that.
Early: Whatever, man.
Joy: That was weird. OK, let's check up with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Early Cuyler seems to be satisfied with the car overall. He's confident that he can build a good lead. He says that he doesn't want to have to pull out his shotgun so that he won't get another penalty. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Twilight Sparkle, first of all, seems to still show no remorse for her actions last week. However, she has been complaining about a loose car, and is wondering if that could be karma coming back to get her. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Nigel Uno says his car is just a liitle loose in the turns, although he's not complaining. He says he wants the car as loose as he can handle it, and for now, they're not planning on making any adjustments. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Kenny McCormick is coming back from yet another fatality back at Kansas. Hot only is he hoping not to die again here tonight, but he's also been reporting a tight car, and he's praying that he doesn't go into the wall. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, Steve. The pace car is about to retreat, and we're about to go racing under the lights at Richmond!
The pace cars pulls off onto pit road, then the cars go into full throttle as the green flag is flown in the air.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin' boys!
The Capital City 400 has started! Early Cuyler starts to pull away from the field. Within the first 2 laps, Rainbow Dash falls out of the top 5. Gradually, Nigel Uno, Ed, and Peter Griffin catch up to Early Cuyler, and by lap 27 it's a four-way battle for the lead. Early holds them off. By lap 43, Meatwad has caught up to them, and it becomes a five-way battle for the lead. Meatwad successfully makes it to the lead on lap 54.
Meanwhile, behind them, Danny Phantom has made it into the top 10 as Rainbow Dash falls out of the top 10. Additionally, Ed falls out of the top 5 as Phineas Flynn makes it into 5th.
On lap 70…
Joy: And there's big trouble on the backstretch!
McReynolds: The #93 car is on fire!
Peter: Holy crap! The engine's blown to bits!
Lois: GET OUTTA THERE!
D.W: Peter Griffin has stopped on the apron in turn 4 and the caution is out.
McReynolds: He's run out of that car like a bat outta hell!
Joy: And track crews are extinguishing the fire burning on that #93 car.
McReynolds: I'm not gonna lie; that scared the crap outta me!
D.W: Of course! The car's on fire, why wouldn't you be scared?
On lap 70, Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota violently blows its engine, so violently that the car catches fire. Peter is able to bring the car to a stop in turn 4, then he gets out and runs away from the car as fast as he can while the track crews extinguish the flames. Pit road, meanwhile, is closed until the broken car and its pieces are removed from the pit road entrance.
Grim's #7 Speed Energy Dodge, running 1 lap down in 32nd, gets the free pass.
When pit road is open, everyone comes in for four tires and fuel. The top 10 going out of the pits is as follows;
Meatwad
Nigel Uno
Early Cuyler
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Phineas Flynn
Ed
Homer Simpson
Beavis
Dudley Puppy
Danny Phantom
Right when the race restarts on lap 74...
Joy: Whoa, there's a car way off the pace on the restart!
Homer: What the hell, we can't get to 2nd gear!
Marge: Oh no! The transmission's busted!
Homer: D'OH!
Marge: (sigh) We're done.
Right at the restart on Lap 73, Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota comes down with a broken transmission. He's able to get the car all the way around, onto pit road, and into the garage area, but their night is over.
Back up in front, Meatwad is still holding on to the lead, but Blooregard Q. Kazoo is challenging him as only he can. Behind them, Danny Phantom manages to get into the top 5. On lap 90, Blooregard makes his way into the lead, but Meatwad takes it back on lap 101. Gradually, Bloo falls back.
Early Cuyler then appears and tries to take the lead back from Meatwad. The two trade paint vigorously for many laps until Early gets the lead on lap 125.
Then, at around lap 140, we see green flag pit stops. Everything goes without a hitch. After pit stops, here will be the top 10;
Early Cuyler
Meatwad
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Phineas Flynn
Danny Phantom
Nigel Uno
Beavis
Dudley Puppy
Timmy Turner
Rainbow Dash
Phineas Flynn begins to catch up to the leader after pit stops. By lap 164, he's challenging Early Cuyler for the lead. He takes the lead on lap 172. Early Cuyler falls back as Meatwad appears to try and take the lap back. He takes it on lap 185, but Phineas takes it back on lap 187. Then, on lap 200...
D.W: What the hell is that?
Joy: There's a fan climbing the fence on the frontstretch!
McReynolds: What the hell is this idiot-oh my God, he's jumped!
Joy: He's landed right on top of the #20 car, and the red flag is out!
Rainbow Dash: What the fuck is this guy doing? Get him off my car!
Joy: What is this fan thinking?
On lap 200, a brony (that's the term for the fans of the ponies who drive for Joe Gibbs Racing) climbs the fence on the frontstretch, and timing it just right, he jumps and lands right on the roof of Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota. The red flag is immediately thrown out. Rainbow Dash swerves around, trying to get the brony off her car, but he holds onto the spoiler on the back of the car.
When the cars pull to a stop on pit road, the brony is suddenly startled by a loud bang – he looks to see Early Cuyler firing at him with his shotgun. He fires several shots at him, all barely missing. Then he gets off the car and sees Rainbow Dash standing right in front of him.
Rainbow Dash: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?
Brony: (squeal) Oh my God, I-I'm like, your biggest fan! This is such an honor, and-
Rainbow Dash: Get the fuck off the track, you fuckin' faggot!
Brony: Oh, come on, aren't ya gonna give me a hug?
Rainbow Dash: What?
Brony: Please?
The brony advances towards Rainbow Dash with open arms, ready to give her a big hug. But before he can do it, Rainbow Dash suddenly gets up on her front legs and delivers a powerful kick right in the brony's testicles. The brony doubles over and clutches his genital area, writhing in pain. He looks up to see Rainbow Dash, Early Cuyler, and several other drivers glaring at him.
Brony: But why? I thought you loved everyone and – (sniff) WHY?
The brony begins to bawl as two NASCAR officials arrive and escort him out of the track premises, crying hysterically.
Joy: Did we really have to stop the race for something as stupid as this?
D.W: Fuckin' bronies, how do they work?
Joy: And I don't wanna talk to a scientist.
McReynolds: Y'all muthafuckas lyin', and gettin' me pissed!
All: (laughter)
McReynolds: Wait, are we still on the air?
D.W: Aw, shi-
After that mess is taken care of, the race is brought from a red flag to a yellow flag. The cars make their pit stops, and here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Phineas Flynn
Meatwad
Early Cuyler
Danny Phantom
Timmy Turner
Dudley Puppy
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Beavis
Rainbow Dash
Kim Possible
The race goes back to green on lap 201. While the cars behind him jockey for position, Phineas Flynn pulls away. No one has anything for him until lap 236, when Meatwad appears in an attempt to take the lead back. It takes him a while, but by lap 257, he's got the lead back. He's still in the lead on lap 275 when...
Joy: We have trouble in turn 1.
D.W: The #29 and #27 cars have crashed together!
Joy: Caution is out.
McReynolds: And those two drivers are teammates – this doesn't look like it'll fly well.
On lap 275, Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet and Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet tangle up in turn 1, hit the wall hard, and are both totaled. They get out and make peace with each other as their cars are hauled back to the garage area.
The cars get their tires and fuel. The top 10 afterwards is as follows;
Meatwad
Phineas Flynn
Danny Phantom
Early Cuyler
Dudley Puppy
Kim Possible
Rainbow Dash
Bender
Beavis
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
On lap 280, the race is restarted. Phineas Flynn shoots ahead of Meatwad going through turn 2. Danny Phantom fights Meatwad hard for 2nd place but he can't get it. This holds up the rest of the pack, and Phineas is therefore able to build up another sizeable lead.
Eventually, Danny Phantom gets by Meatwad and gradually catches up to Phineas Flynn. He challenges for the lead, but Phineas holds on. On lap 329…
Joy: Multiple cars are crashing in turn 3!
McReynolds: The #26, #87, and #14 are all involved.
D.W: And those cars are all totaled!
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 329, Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet gets loose and gets into Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford, causing him to get into Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota. All cars crash hard into the wall and are out of commission. The drivers get out (they're all okay) and their broken cars are hauled back to the garage area.
Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, running 1 lap down in 16th, gets the free pass.
The rest of the field makes their last pit stops. The top 10 afterwards are;
Phineas Flynn
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Rainbow Dash
Early Cuyler
Dudley Puppy
Timmy Turner
Kim Possible
Beavis
Eddy
The race restarts for the last time on lap 331. Danny Phantom gets a better start than Phineas and takes the lead immediately. Meanwhile, Meatwad challenges Phineas for 2nd, and takes it on lap 349.
By lap 360, Eddy has made it into the top 5. He makes it to 3rd on lap 385. By lap 399, he's lurking right behind Meatwad and Danny Phantom, who once again are battling hard for the lead.
The white flag is out on lap 400. Meatwad is directly behind Danny Phantom, and just behind them is Eddy…
Joy: Going through the last two turns-
D.W: Meatwad heads to the outside, but Danny Phantom holds them off!
Joy: Checkered flag…
McReynolds: And there goes Eddy on the outside! He nips them both right at the line!
Joy: Eddy wins the Capital City 400!
Rolf: You got them! Rolf is most overjoyed!
Eddy: Suckers! WOOOOOOOOO!
Danny: I thought he was a lap down!
Sam: No, he was on the lead lap.
Meatwad: Where the hell did he come from?
D.W: You know, this reminds me of what Ron Bouchard did to me and Terry Labonte at Talladega back in '81.
Eddy goes around Danny Phantom and Meatwad to win the Capital City 400. Danny Phantom takes 2nd, Meatwad is 3rd, Rainbow Dash is 4th, Early Cuyler is in 5th, Phineas Flynn places 6th, Timmy Turner finishes 7th, Beavis is in 8th, Dudley Puppy takes 9th, and Kim Possible rounds out the top 10.
After his victory lap, Eddy finds himself in Victory Lane, amidst a shower of confetti and champagne. He takes a swig of champagne as Dick Berggren moves in to interview him;
Berggren: Eddy, great job on an amazing win right at the end of that race! I'll just ask what is on everyone's lips; how'd you pull it off?
Eddy: I guess it was part luck; I know Danny and Meatwad were fighting each other like dogs when they were up front, and once I got up to 3rd, well I guess that's what allowed me to catch up with them. So I just went around them and stole the win.
Berggren: Yeah, what about Danny and Meatwad? What are your thoughts on that rivalry?
Eddy: Well if I cared, I'd say that it's hilarious to see them beat up on each other. I don't care if they ever kiss and make up!
Berggren: Well, good job in the car today.
Eddy: Whatever.
Berggren: Matt?
Yocum: Rainbow Dash finished 4th despite that incident with the fan on the track? Dash, what are your thoughts in that regard?
Rainbow Dash: Bronies – even I'm not sure how they work. You know, a few of our fans our sane, but it's people like him who give our fans a bad name. You ought to see the fan art that they put us in – actually, don't! You will regret it!
Yocum: OK, then. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, Matt. Now let's see the official results;
And here's how the characters finished the Capital City 400;
Eddy
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Rainbow Dash
Early Cuyler
Phineas Flynn
Timmy Turner
Beavis
Dudley Puppy
Kim Possible
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Bender
Hank Hill
Kenny McCormick
Applejack
Twilight Sparkle (1 lap down)
The Warden (1 lap down)
Grim (1 lap down)
Master Shake (1 lap down)
Foxxy Love (1 lap down)
Butt-Head (1 lap down)
Nigel Uno (1 lap down)
Abigail Lincoln (2 laps down)
Frylock (2 laps down)
Katara (2 laps down)
Hoagie P. Gilligan (2 laps down)
Ferb Fletcher (2 laps down)
Francine Smith (2 laps down)
Chowder (3 laps down)
Flapjack (3 laps down)
Sokka (3 laps down)
William Murderface (3 laps down)
Spongebob SquarePants (3 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (4 laps down)
Stan Smith (4 laps down)
Alejandro (4 laps down)
Gumball Waterson (DNF; accident)
Aang (DNF; accident)
Eric Cartman (DNF; accident)
Edd; (DNF; accident)
Ed (DNF; accident)
Homer Simpson (DNF; transmission)
Peter Griffin (DNF; engine)
Joy: And now here are the point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 9 of 36 races;
Eddy; 269 points
Nigel Uno; 258 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 250 points
Peter Griffin; 248 points
Homer Simpson; 247 points
Abigail Lincoln/Ed; 243 points
Butt-Head; 241 points
Edd; 240 points
Bender; 227 points
Eric Cartman; 222 points
Gumball Waterson; 218 points
Beavis; 216 points
Master Shake; 214 points
Timmy Turner; 211 points
Grim; 208 points
Foxxy Love/Wiliam Murderface; 205 points
Francine Smith; 200 points
Rainbow Dash; 196 points
Frylock; 191 points
Katara; 189 points
Phineas Flynn/Spongebob SquarePants; 188 points
Dudley Puppy; 185 points
Stan Smith; 184 points
Aang; 165 points
Ferb Fletcher; 164 points
Alejandro; 162 points
Applejack; 161 points
Danny Phantom/Early Cuyler; 159 points
Meatwad/Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 158 points
Flapjack; 155 points
Twilight Sparkle; 153 points
Hank Hill/The Warden; 152 points
Chowder; 151 points
Kim Possible; 141 points
Sokka; 140 points
Ben Tennyson; 136 points
Kenny McCormick; 97 points
Joy: Yet another wild incident, under the lights at Richmond! What will unfold next week? We'll find out as NASCAR heads to the largest, fastest track on the circuit, Talladega, for the running of the Aaron's 499! Until then, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying good night from Richmond, and we'll see you next week!
As D.W. himself said, "Fuckin' bronies, how do they work?" No seriously, how do they work? We may never know! Anyway, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series' next race will be at the famed Talladega Superspeedway for the Aaron's 499. I'll be seeing you there!
Chapter 12: Aaron's 499
A friend of mine says that the previous installment was the best. But we're only 25% through the season, so you ever know! Anyways, we're now at one of NASCAR's most treasured tracks, Talladega Superspeedway, where are animated friends will trade paint in the Aaron's 499! Located north of Talladega, AL, Talladega Superspeedway is a 2.66 mile tri-oval, making it the largest track on the NASCAR circuit. Unlike other tracks, the start/finish line is positioned after the pit road exit, instead of in the tri-oval. Turns 1 & 2 are banked at 33 degrees, turn 3 is banked at 32.4 degrees, turn 4 is banked at 32.5 degrees, the tri-oval is banked at 13.5 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 3 degrees. Despite the name of the race, it is actually 500 miles long, the 499 is a reference to how Aaron's offers rentals "for $99" a month. Oh, and the race will be run over 188 laps.
This is the other track (along with Daytona) where the cars use restrictor plates to slow them down. This in turn leads to pack racing, and "drafting" (using a competitor's slipstream to catch up with them) is a much bigger factor. Also a factor is a big multi-car crash that has come to be known as The Big One; we'll be watching for that here.
It's cloudy with no chance of rain, resulting in a cool track surface, which provides grip.
With all of that info out of the way, let's look at the starting order;
Twilight Sparkle
Flapjack
Nigel Uno
Kenny McCormick
Chowder
Ferb Fletcher
Meatwad
Danny Phantom
Alejandro
Bender
Rainbow Dash
Eddy
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Eric Cartman
William Murderface
Phineas Flynn
Homer Simpson
Sokka
Stan Smith
Ben Tennyson
Early Cuyler
Ed
Abigail Lincoln
Butt-Head
Timmy Turner
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Edd
Applejack
Aang
Beavis
Peter Griffin
Frylock
The Warden
Spongebob SquarePants
Grim
Gumball Waterson
Master Shake
Katara
Francine Smith
Foxxy Love
Dudley Puppy
Kim Possible
Hank Hill
First, we'll have to look at something that happened just before the pre-race festivities;
Meatwad: Hey.
Danny: Hey.
Meatwad: So, this shit between us – it's gone too far, hasn't it?
Danny: Yes, it has.
Meatwad: So, are we cool?
Meatwad extends his hand out to shake. Danny nods before answering...
Danny: Oh, what the hell. Come here!
Danny pulls Meatwad in for a big bearhug.
Both: (sigh)
As of this moment, Danny Phantom and Meatwad have made peace. They pull apart.
Meatwad: Well, good luck!
Danny: You too!
FOX?
Joy: We're now ¼ of the way through the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series season after another exciting race at Richmond. Today, the series it at the biggest track on the NASCAR circuit, Talladega Superspeedway, where 43 animated characters will pack race in the Aaron' 499. I'm Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip.
D.W: Mike, last week saw the most insane thing I've ever seen; a fan actually climbed the fence and jumped onto a racing car! Actually a very amazing feat, but what motivated him, I do not know! Like I said last week, f-
McReynolds: We don't need to hear that again, Darrell, we get it, okay?
Joy: (facepalm) Let's go trackside for the command.
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, Hanna-Barbera cartoon, Penelope Pitstop!
Penelope: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
The 43 race engines fire up. Despite their engines being restricted to 445 hp, they still manage to rock the environment with the combined power they do have. The cars warm up, and then they roll out on the pace laps.
Joy: OK then, let's see the starting grid. Twilight Sparkle has her first pole of the season, and Flapjack, of all people, starts 2nd. Nigel Uno, who Twilight intentionally wrecked two races ago will start 3rd, and in 4th place is Kenny McCormick. Chowder, after not being a factor at all so far will start 5th, and in 6th place is Ferb Fletcher. Rival drivers Meatwad and Danny Phantom will start 7th and 8th. The lone Hispanic in the field, Alejandro, is 9th, and the robot Bender rounds out the top 10. Now then, as the rest of the starting grid goes by on your screen, let's talk to someone on the radio;
D.W: Twilight Sparkle, it's D.W., you got a copy?
Twilight: 10-4.
D.W: I just have to ask, what has happened to this team since winning the Daytona 500?
Twilight: I don't know, just bad luck, I guess. We won at Daytona, and then we just went downhill from there. I may end up like Trevor Bayne – winning the Daytona 500, then having no future success.
D.W: Well, what about Kansas, what motivated that? And what about Nigel Uno?
Twilight: Well, it's just like with Aang and Danny Phantom – I knew NASCAR wouldn't catch it, so I did it. And as for Nigel – I really hope Discord gets him, and gets him good!
D.W: OK, good luck today, Twilight.
Twilight: 10-4.
Joy: Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Well, Twilight Sparkle did have that scuffle with Nigel, Kenny and friends back at Kansas. But she doesn't appear to be worried about that. They're on the pole today, and are looking forward to a good run here today. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, we all know of Rainbow Dash's encounter with that fan last week at Richmond. But that aside, she says that the car is okay, but could definitely be better, and is looking to make adjustments later on. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Flapjack, as we all know, has not been a factor so far this season, but he's starting 2nd today. He's been reporting a very good car, and believes he may turn his season around here today. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Chowder hasn't been a factor either, but he's starting 5th today. However, even though they were very good in qualifying trim, their race trim leaves much to be desired, and they may make some significant adjustments. Mike?
Joy: Thank you, Steve. The cars have come out of turn 4, the pace car's lights are out, and we are ready to get underway!
The pace car retreats onto pit road, the race cars slowly advance through the tri-oval, and start to accelerate as the green flag comes out.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin' boys!
The Aaron's 499 has officially started! Twilight Sparkle leads the field for about 12 laps, then Flapjack is leading a NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series race for the first time. He leads for about 7 laps before Kenny McCormick takes the lead. Back behind them, Danny Phantom has gotten into the top 5, and Rainbow Dash has made it into the top 10.
Flapjack takes the lead back on lap 31 when...
Joy: The #31 car is trailing heavy smoke on the backstretch!
Rolf: What's going on?
Eddy: Goddammit, we've blown up! Dammit, dammit, dammit!
McReynolds: Eddy's blown his engine!
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: And he was our points leader! Unbelievable!
On lap 31, Eddy's #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet blows its engine on the backstretch. The caution flag flies as Eddy coasts back around, onto pit road, and into the garage area; his day is done.
There is no free pass, because everyone else is still on the lead lap. They all go in for pit stops. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Flapjack
Kenny McCormick
Nigel Uno
Twilight Sparkle
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Rainbow Dash
Bender
Ferb Fletcher
Eric Cartman
We restart on lap 34. Flapjack holds the lead until lap 47, when Kenny McCormick takes it from him. Nigel Uno follows him to take 2nd. Just behind them, on lap 58, Rainbow Dash makes it into the top 5. She battles Twilight Sparkle for 4th, with no success. Up in front, Nigel Uno is battling Kenny McCormick for the lead, and takes it on lap 69.
Green flag pit stops start on lap 74. Chowder and Flapjack are caught speeding on pit road, and have to serve drive-thru penalties, but other than that, everything goes well. When pit stops are complete on lap 81, the top 10 is as follows;
Nigel Uno
Kenny McCormick
Twilight Sparkle
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Bender
Eric Cartman
Ferb Fletcher
Phineas Flynn
Lap 87; Twilight Sparkle takes the lead. Rainbow Dash gets up to 2nd on lap 101, then takes the lead on lap 108. Then, on lap 113, Kenny McCormick bounces back to take the lead back. On lap 115...
Joy: Big trouble! Turn 3!
D.W: It's the Big One, gang! It's what we've all been fearing.
McReynolds: About 10 cars have crashed!
Joy: And we have a caution.
On lap 115, a big wreck occurs. I won't reveal how it happens, but there are 10 cars involved; Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota, Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet, Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet, Grim's #7 Speed Energy Dodge, Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota, Sokka's #38 Modspace Ford, and Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet. The #5, #18, and #27 cars are able to make it back to their garages, but the other cars are totaled. All the drivers are okay, though.
Hoagie P. Gilligan's #2 Miller Lite Dodge, running 1 lap down in 25th place, gets the free pass.
The rest of the field comes in for four tires and fuel. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Kenny McCormick
Twilight Sparkle
Rainbow Dash
Nigel Uno
Phineas Flynn
Meatwad
Danny Phantom
Ferb Fletcher
Eric Cartman
Homer Simpson
On lap 121, the race restarts. Kenny McCormick has his hands full trying to hold Twilight Sparkle off; on lap 135, Rainbow Dash gets by both of them and takes the lead. Twilight takes the lead back on lap 149, with Nigel Uno right behind them. On lap 151...
Joy: And we have trouble in turn 2!
McReynolds: The #2 and the #29 cars have crashed!
D.W: When nerds attack! Those two nerds attacked each other good, they're both totaled!
McReynolds: (facepalm)
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 151, Hoagie P. Gilligan's #2 Miller Lite Dodge gets loose and goes around, taking Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet with him. Both cars go into the wall hard and are out of commission. Hoagie and Edd get out and exchange some words (but no violence erupts) as their cars are hauled to the garage area. Hoagie and Edd are taken to the infield medical center for further evaluation.
Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 21st gets the free pass.
Meanwhile, the rest of the field makes their last pit stops of the race. The top 10 going out of the pits are;
Twilight Sparkle
Nigel Uno
Rainbow Dash
Phineas Flynn
Kenny McCormick
Meatwad
Ferb Fletcher
Danny Phantom
Bender
Eric Cartman
During the caution, Abigail Lincoln, Applejack, and Ed get back out on the race track, running 38 laps down, running in 30th-32nd place.
The race is restarted on lap 155. Rainbow Dash and Phineas Flynn get together, and the run they get allows them to gradually build up a 5-second gap between them and the rest of the pack, with Dash in the lead. Twilight Sparkle and Nigel Uno get together and gradually catch up to Rainbow Dash and Phineas, as do the rest of the pack. On lap 171, Twilight takes the lead again, with Nigel right behind her. Back behind them, Danny Phantom gets back into the top 5 on lap 179.
On lap 188, the white flag flies; it's the final lap! The cars go around the track one more time. Coming out of the last turn, Twilight Sparkle is leading, with Nigel Uno right behind her. It all comes down to these two fierce competitors...
Joy: Coming down the frontstretch, the checkered flag is out!
McReynolds: They're in the tri-oval, Nigel makes his move, Twilight tries to block, she spins, and Twilight Sparkle is airborne, flying right into the fence!
D.W: No, no!
Joy: Nigel Uno wins the Aaron's 499, and Twilight Sparkle will not make it to the line!
Nigel: Yes! We did it!
Rachel: We certainly did. Excellent job!
Twilight: What the fuck was that?
Rarity: Well, you tried to block, didn't you?
Twilight: Yeah, but then he just has to do me in like that – I'm fine, I'm just fuckin' pissed!
D.W: You know, that looked just like Carl Edwards and Brad Keselowski back in '09; not to mention Bobby Allison back in '87.
Headed towards the line, Twilight Sparkle tries to block Nigel Uno, and makes contact with his car, causing her to spin around. She's t-boned by Rainbow Dash, and ends up in the air. Her #11 FedEx Toyota flies right into the catch fence, and then lands on the track on all fours, shedding debris everywhere. The rest of the field makes it buy safely, whereas Twilight is unable to limp her car across the line.
Nigel Uno wins the Aaron's 499. Phineas Flynn finishes 2nd, Rainbow Dash comes in 3rd, Kenny McCormick takes 4th, Danny Phantom comes in 5th, Foxxy Love finishes 6th, Eric Cartman finishes in 7th, Meatwad takes 8th, Ferb Fletcher finishes 9th, and Spongebob SquarePants rounds out the top 10.
Nigel, meanwhile, has found his way into victory lane. He celebrates amidst a shower of champagne and confetti. After he takes a swig of champagne, Dick Berggren interviews him;
Berggren: Nigel Uno, an insane an amazing victory at Talladega! But what exactly happened back there?
Nigel: She put herself into that mess. I made a legitimate move to try and pass her, she tried to block, got into me, and put herself into the air. I didn't wreck her, she wrecked herself!
Berggren: Well, is there anything you'd like to say to Twilight?
Nigel: If there was, I'd say, "Looks like karma bit you in the butt!"
Berggren: OK. Great work out there, Nigel.
Nigel: Thanks, Dick.
Nigel's crew chief, Rachel T. McKenzie appears beside him, and they kiss.
Berggren: Matt?
Yocum: Twilight, Nigel says he didn't do it, and that you wrecked yourself. What do you say to that?
Twilight: He's lying! He totally wrecked me on purpose! And apparently NASCAR is letting him get away with it! I swear, one of these days, I'm gonna kill that fuckin' asshole!
Joy: We apologize for that language.
D.W: I tell you what; those ponies are showing themselves as anything but loving and tolerant.
Joy: Well, now that that mess is out of the way, let's see the official results;
And here's how the characters finished the Aaron's 499;
Nigel Uno
Phineas Flynn
Rainbow Dash
Kenny McCormick
Danny Phantom
Foxxy Love
Eric Cartman
Meatwad
Ferb Fletcher
Spongebob SquarePants
Early Cuyler
Aang
Alejandro
Bender
Master Shake
Francine Smith
Timmy Turner
Frylock
Dudley Puppy
Beavis
Twilight Sparkle (DNF; accident)
Homer Simpson (1 lap down)
Flapjack (1 lap down)
Chowder (1 lap down)
Butt-Head (1 lap down)
Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
Hank Hill (2 laps down)
Kim Possible (2 laps down)
Peter Griffin (2 laps down)
Katara (3 laps down)
Edd (DNF; accident)
Hoagie P. Gilligan (DNF; accident)
Applejack (39 laps down)
Ed (39 laps down)
Abigail Lincoln (40 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (DNF; accident)
Grim (DNF; accident)
Sokka (DNF; accident)
The Warden (DNF; accident)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; accident)
Stan Smith (DNF; accident)
William Murderface (DNF; accident)
Eddy (DNF; engine)
Joy: Here are your point standings:
Here are the current point standings after 10 of 36 races;
Nigel Uno; 305 points
Eddy; 270 points
Homer Simpson; 269 points
Peter Griffin; 263 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 262 points
Butt-Head; 260 points
Eric Cartman; 259 points
Bender; 257 points
Edd/Ed; 253 points
Abigail Lincoln; 252 points
Foxxy Love; 243 points
Beavis; 240 points
Rainbow Dash/Timmy Turner; 238 points
Gumball Waterson; 236 points
Master Shake; 233 points
Phineas Flynn; 230 points
Francine Smith; 228 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 222 points
Frylock; 217 points
Grim; 215 points
Dudley Puppy; 210 points
William Murderface; 207 points
Katara; 203 points
Ferb Fletcher; 199 points
Danny Phantom; 198 points
Aang; 197 points
Meatwad; 194 points
Alejandro; 193 points
Early Cuyler; 192 points
Stan Smith; 187 points
Flapjack; 177 points
Applejack; 172 points
Chowder; 171 points
Hank Hill; 169 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 162 points
Kim Possible; 159 points
The Warden; 157 points
Twilight Sparkle; 153 points*
Sokka; 146 points
Ben Tennyson; 144 points
Kenny McCormick; 138 points
(*) – Twilight Sparkle is penalized 25 points for obscenity.
Joy: And after another insane finish, the Aaron's 499 is in the books. This coming Saturday night, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads to the famed Darlington Raceway for the Bojangle's Southern 500! Until then, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying good-bye from Talladega, and we'll be seeing you at Darlington!
Heh, heh, heh, karma really did bite Twilight Sparkle in the ass! And thanks to her obscenity, she's now near the bottom of the point standings! Unbelievable. But that really was an insane finish for sure. Next time, the series heads to another super-famous racecourse, Darlington Raceway, for the running of the Bojangle's Southern 500! I'll be seeing you.
Chapter 13: Bojangles Southern 500
We're coming into what is considered to be one of the most looked forward to weekends in the NASCAR season; the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series now finds itself at one of the sport's most beloved tracks, the Lady in Black, the Track Too Tough to Tame, Darlington Raceway! It is here that our 43 cartoon friends will bump and grind in the Bojangles' Southern 500! Darlington Raceway is a 1.366 mile speedway; turns 1 & 2 are banked at 25 degrees, turns 3 & 4 are banked at 23 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 3 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 2 degrees. But here's what makes this track so unique; it's egg-shaped configuration. Turns 1 & 2 are on a wider area than turns 3 & 4, and banked differently, making race set-up a major challenge. Additionally, the ideal way through the turns is near the wall; cars are known to scrape the wall in turn 2; this is known as a "Darlington stripe."
This race will be 501.322 miles long, and 367 laps around. Also, it will be a night race; the weather is cloudy, but there will be no rain; nothing to worry about in that regard.
Starting line-up;
Kenny McCormick
Ferb Fletcher
Applejack
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Spongebob SquarePants
Danny Phantom
Early Cuyler
Rainbow Dash
Nigel Uno
Meatwad
Twilight Sparkle
Stan Smith
Master Shake
Katara
Eric Cartman
Timmy Turner
Peter Griffin
William Murderface
Phineas Flynn
Aang
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Ed
Frylock
Alejandro
Gumball Waterson
Butt-Head
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
Homer Simpson
Bender
Eddy
Beavis
Francine Smith
Dudley Puppy
Kim Possible
Ben Tennyson
Grim
Sokka
The Warden
Flapjack
Hank Hill
Chowder
Foxxy Love
NASCAR on FOX will now take over;
Joy: Last week at Talladega, in a bad case of karma, Twilight Sparkle was launched into the fence, allowing Nigel Uno to take a surprise victory. This week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is ready to go on one of NASCAR's absolute greatest tracks, Darlington Raceway! Tensions will rise, paint will be traded, and hopes will be dashed as our cartoons battle in the Bojangles' Southern 500. I'm Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip.
D.W: You know, speaking of tensions, we saw Nigel put Twilight in the wall to steal the win. And if you remember a few weeks back, Twilight launched Nigel and Kenny McCormick through the fence and over the wall! And considering the nature of this track, I don't think those two are finished yet.
McReynolds: Yeah, and I think we should also point out that Danny Phantom and Meatwad, who were fighting a lot before, they did make peace last week. I heard they even hugged!
Joy: Not sure how long that peace will last, Larry. You know how this track is, and the things that happen here!
McReynolds: Oh yeah, like when Kyle Busch intentionally wrecked Kevin Harvick last year!
Joy: Exactly! Well, I guess we're about ready to get underway, let's go trackside for the command.
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, Looney Tunes cartoon, Marvin the Martian!
Marvin: Ladies and gentletoons, energize your ground craft!
The 43 engines buzz to life, sending a wave of shear power shimmering through the premises of Darlington Raceway. After taking a few moments to warm up, they roll out of pit road for the pace laps.
Joy: Alright, let's see how everyone is lined up; Kenny McCormick, who did surprisingly well at Talladega is our pole-sitter, outside of him is Ferb Fletcher, driving for Richard Petty. In 3rd place is Applejack, one of Joe Gibbs's ponies, and in 4th is Blooregard Q. Kazoo. The popular Spongebob SquarePants is in 5th place, and starting in 6th is Danny Phantom. Early Cuyler, driving for the legendary Wood Brothers team is in 7th, and in 8th place is Rainbow Dash. Nigel Uno, our winner at Talladega is starting 9th, and Meatwad rounds out the top 10. And as you look at the rest of the field, let's see who we can talk to on the radio;
D.W: Kenny McCormick, it's D.W. in the FOX Sports booth, you got a copy?
Kenny: Mmpf-fmm.
D.W: Now of course, you've been dying at certain races, but keep coming back to life. How do you expect to make an actual comeback?
Kenny: Pfmmmmfmfpmf Fppmffmpppfffmmppmmmm mppmmmfmpfmm pfmppfppfpfm!
D.W: Yes, we all know Twilight Sparkle's a B-I-T-C-H, but how do you feel about how you're goingto perform here tonight?
Kenny: Mmmmmfmm fmpppf Mpmppmfmm Mpffmfmmm, !
D.W: OK, so Joe Gibbs Racing has made bad choices when it comes to drivers, but for the last time, how confident are you about this race?
Kenny: Ppmppmpp mppmmmpfpfmm!
D.W: Would you at least stop bashing Joe Gibbs for one minute and- you know what, forget it. Over and out!
Joy: Weird. Okay, let's see what our pit reporters have to say. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Kenny scored a very unlikely top 5 finish last week at Talladega, and that has indeed been a confidence booster for him. In the past, he was looking only to make it through without dying, now he's looking for another top finish maybe even a win. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Nigel Uno has now amassed a huge points lead, but his biggest worry is the #11 car. Nigel and Twilight Sparkle have been at each other's throats since Kansas, and they had incident at Talladega. Nigel's worried that Twilight may do something to him here tonight. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Twilight Sparkle is just coming off that airborne incident last week, but says her main focus tonight is just to get as high a finish as possible. She did say, however, that if the opportunity arises, she will pay Nigel Uno back. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Danny Phantom has had very solid finishes these last few races; he's looking to come back after being penalized for those incidents with Meatwad. Now it is true that they have made peace, but as said before, the nature of this track could change that. Mike?
Joy: OK, thanks guys. We're now ready to get going on the Track Too Tough to Tame!
The pace car retreats onto pit road and the racecars accelerate as the green flag waves.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin', boys!
We're officially underway at the infamous Darlington Raceway. Kenny McCormick gets the jump on Ferb Fletcher and holds the lead through the first two turns. Then, as the field roars down the backstretch...
Joy: Trouble already, on the backstretch!
McReynolds: Nigel's blown up!
Nigel: TWILIGHT!
McReynolds: Somehow, that #1 car's engine and all its tires just blew all at once!
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: Uh, I think I know what or who may be responsible.
Rarity: Don't tell me you actually-
Twilight: Yep. I blew that baldie's engine and tires with some magic!
Rarity: Dammit, Twilight! Now everyone's gonna be comin' after us!
Twilight: Let 'em try! Nothing can beat the power of magic!
Rarity: Fine, have it your way- (whispers) fuckin' bitch.
Twilight: I heard that!
On the very first lap, on the backstretch, Twilight Sparkle casts some magic. This magic causes the engine and tires of Nigel Uno's #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet to blow up simultaneously. AS the caution flag flies, a very pissed Nigel makes his way into the garage area; less than a lap into this race and his night his already over!
The race gets a proper restart on lap 4. Again, Kenny gets ahead of Ferb to hold the lead. He stays in the lead for a number of laps. Further back in the pack, Rainbow Dash earns her Darlington Stripe on lap 15. Around this same time, Applejack has caught up to Kenny and is challenging him for the lead; then on lap 23, she starts to fall back. Just a few laps later, Kenny gets held up a bit by lapped traffic. Spongebob SquarePants gradually catches up to him and tries to take the lead, but he can't get it either.
On lap 50...
Joy: Crash in turn 2!
D.W: These are freakin' teammates crashing each other!
McReynolds: The #24 and #48 have both wrecked in turn 2!
Joy: Caution is out, and those cars are totaled!
On lap 50, Beavis and Butt-Head's #24 Drive to End Hunger Chevrolet and #48 Lowe's Chevrolet make contact, lose control, and crash hard. Both cars' front ends are destroyed and they're unable to continue. Beavis and Butt-Head get out of their cars unharmed and are transported to the medical center for further evaluation as their broken cars are hauled to the garage.
Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 31st, gets the free pass.
The rest of the field comes into the pits for four tires and fuel. Here is the top 10 going out of the pits;
Kenny McCormick
Spongebob SquarePants
Applejack
Ferb Fletcher
Danny Phantom
Early Cuyler
Meatwad
Master Shake
Stan Smith
Twilight Sparkle
We restart on lap 54. Yet again, Kenny McCormick jumps out ahead of the pack. On lap 67, Applejack gets by Spongebob SquarePants to take 2nd place. She challenges Kenny for the lead, and on lap 80, she takes it. On lap 89, Ferb Fletcher gets back up to 2nd and tries to take the lead, but Applejack holds him off.
Then, on lap 110, cars go in to make green flag pit stops. Everything goes without a hitch. The top 10 after green flag pit stops end on lap 116 is as follows;
Applejack
Ferb Fletcher
Kenny McCormick
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Early Cuyler
Spongebob SquarePants
Twilight Sparkle
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Stan Smith
On lap 124, Ferb Fletcher gets within striking distance of Applejack. He takes the lead on lap 136. Behind them, Danny Phantom has made it up to 3rd, Early Cuyler has made it into the top 5, and Kenny McCormick has fallen out of the top 5.
On lap 149...
Hoagie: Oh shit, we've blown a tire..!
Joy: Trouble in turn 2!
D.W: The #2 car has gone hard into the turn 2 wall!
McReynolds: It looked like he cut a right-front tire there.
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 149, Hoagie P. Gilligan's #2 Miller Lite Dodge blows the right-front tire going through turns 1 & 2. He goes into the wall hard, resulting in major damage. He is, however, able to make it into pit road, and into the garage area, where the team will attempt repairs.
Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
The cars go in to make pit stops; here's the top 10 going out of the pits;
Ferb Fletcher
Applejack
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Early Cuyler
Kenny McCormick
Stan Smith
Spongebob SquarePants
Twilight Sparkle
Eric Cartman
The race restarts on lap 154. Danny Phantom makes a slingshot move on Ferb Fletcher to take the lead. Early Cuyler makes it up to 2nd on lap 162. He challenges Danny Phantom for the lead for a while, and then takes on lap 173. A few laps later, Meatwad makes it up into 3rd.
Meatwad makes it up to 2nd on lap 177, and after challenging Early Cuyler for a while, takes the lead on lap 185. He holds it all the way to lap 203, which is when green flag pit stops begin again. Again, everything goes smoothly, and the top 10 afterwards on lap 210 is as follows;
Meatwad
Danny Phantom
Early Cuyler
Ferb Fletcher
Stan Smith
Applejack
Kenny McCormick
Eric Cartman
Twilight Sparkle
Master Shake
On lap 211, Hoagie P. Gilligan returns to the track, 61 laps down in 40th place.
After pit stops, Stan Smith gradually makes his way up through the rest of the field, making it up to 2nd by lap 233. On lap 248, he starts challenging Meatwad for the lead, and takes it on lap 255. He's still in the lead on lap 263 when...
Joy: Big trouble! Turn 4!
McReynolds: Twilight Sparkle and Kenny McCormick are in the wall, and badly damaged!
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: You know I overheard the crew chief, Rarity saying that "they'd" be coming after her. I thought it would be the #2 or the #5, but-
McReynolds: I don't think Hoagie or Abby...it was the #14!
D.W: It was Eric Cartman! He took out his own teammate! Unbelievable!
On lap 263, Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet gets in the left-rear of Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Chevrolet, causing it to spin out and get in the right-rear of Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet (Cartman and Kenny are teammates at Stewart-Haas Racing, by the way). Both cars spin and crash into the wall and each other, and are rendered helpless.
Twilight gets out of her car unharmed and is taken to the medical center. Back behind them, the emergency crews have to extricate Kenny from his car; his safety gear had failed yet again, and there lay Kenny, broken, battered, bloodied, and showing no vital signs.
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota, running 1 lap down in 24th place gets the free pass.
The field comes to the pits for service; and here will be the top 10 afterwards;
Stan Smith
Ferb Fletcher
Applejack
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Early Cuyler
Master Shake
Frylock
Spongebob SquarePants
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
The race is restarted on lap 268. Stan Smith gets the jump on the field to retain the lead. Applejack follows him past Ferb Fletcher to take 2nd. She challenges Stan for the lead, but to no avail.
Back behind them, Spongebob SquarePants is moving up the field. By lap 284, he cracks the top 5. By lap 299, he's challenging Applejack for 2nd place. Applejack, however, holds him off. Spongebob is still trying to get to 2nd on lap 316 when...
Joy: Big crash! Turn 2!
D.W: Cars are wrecking like crazy!
McReynolds: There's, like, 5 cars in that crash; the #31, the #5, the #93, the #87, and the #47.
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 313, in turn 2, a chain-reaction occurs which results in a big wreck involving Eddy's #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet, Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet, Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota, Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, and William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota. All 5 cars are damaged to the point of not being able to continue. The drivers however, are okay. They get out of their cars, which are all taken into the garage area.
Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 21st, gets the free pass.
It is here that the field makes their last pit stops of the night. Here's the top 10 going out of the pits;
Stan Smith
Applejack
Spongebob SquarePants
Meatwad
Early Cuyler
Danny Phantom
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Master Shake
Frylock
Rainbow Dash
We restart once more on lap 320 (change the 3 to a 4, and we'll talk). Stan Smith retains the lead while Applejack and Spongebob resume their battle for position. Spongebob finally takes 2nd place on lap 337. He catches up to Stan Smith on lap 347, and battles him for the lead. But Stan holds him off.
By lap 359, Applejack falls out of the top 5.
On lap 367, the white flag flies; final lap! Stan Smith is in the lead, with Spongebob SquarePants in hot pursuit. Going through turns 3 & 4, Spongebob manages to get his #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet inside of Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet;
D.W: Here he comes, he's got him! He's got him this time!
Spongebob and Stan are side-by-side heading for the checkered flag;
McReynolds: It's gonna be a drag race-oh, they touch! They touch!
...
All: SPONGEBOB!
McReynolds: Spongebob got him!
Patrick: We got him!
Spongebob: YES! WOOOOO!
D.W: All right! What a finish!
Joy: Have you ever?
D.W: Actually, I think we did, back in '03.
Joy: Oh, right. But still, wow!
Whilst trading serious paint, Spongebob SquarePants beats Stan Smith to the line by 0.001 seconds to win the Bojangles' Southern 500. Behind them, Early Cuyler comes in 3rd, Meatwad finishes in 4th, Danny Phantom places 5th, Applejack takes 6th, Rainbow Dash comes in 7th, Master Shake finishes 8th, Frylock takes 9th, and Timmy Turner rounds out the top 10.
As everyone else turns in to their garages, Spongebob is doing a burnout on the frontstretch, sending smoke billowing from the track surface as the crowd cheers epically for him. He then takes the checkered flag and does his victory lap clockwise around the track. He then finds himself celebrating in a confetti and champagne-filled Victory Lane. Dick Berggren interviews him;
Berggren: Spongebob SquarePants, not since 2003 have we seen such an adrenaline-pumping finish, what did you think of that?
Spongebob: Well hell, I really don't know! Stan was fighting like hell trying to hold me off, and I finally got inside of him in the last turn, and I guess I just got lucky.
Berggren: I don't know if you know, but that finish was closer than anything in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series.
Spongebob: Damn! I really am lucky!
Berggren: Are you sure there wasn't any skill involved?
Spongebob: Yeah, I guess it was some of both.
Berggren: Either way, congratulations.
Spongebob: Thanks!
Berggren: Mike?
Joy: Alright, thanks Dick. Now let's look at how this thing played out;
And here's how the cartoons finished the Bojangles' Southern 500;
Spongebob SquarePants
Stan Smith
Early Cuyler
Meatwad
Danny Phantom
Applejack
Rainbow Dash
Master Shake
Frylock
Timmy Turner
Dudley Puppy
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Ferb Fletcher
Phineas Flynn
Eric Cartman
Aang
Bender
Ben Tennyson
Grim
Alejandro
Katara (1 lap down)
Edd (1 lap down)
Foxxy Love (1 lap down)
Sokka (1 lap down)
Flapjack (1 lap down)
Kim Possible (1 lap down)
Homer Simpson (2 laps down)
Ed (2 laps down)
Francine Smith (2 laps down)
Chowder (3 laps down)
The Warden (3 laps down)
Hank Hill (4 laps down)
William Murderface (DNF; accident)
Gumball Waterson (DNF; accident)
Abigail Lincoln (DNF; accident)
Peter Griffin (DNF; accident)
Eddy (DNF; accident)
Hoagie P. Gilligan (63 laps down)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Twilight Sparkle (DNF; accident)
Beavis (DNF; accident)
Butt-Head (DNF; accident)
Nigel Uno (DNF; engine)
Joy: And here are the points as they stand;
Here are the current point standings after 11 of 36 races;
Nigel Uno; 305 points
Eric Cartman; 286 points
Homer Simpson; 286 points
Bender; 284 points
Eddy; 277 points
Rainbow Dash/Edd; 275 points
Timmy Turner; 272 points
Peter Griffin; 271 points
Spongebob SquarePants/Master Shake/Ed; 269 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 268 points
Foxxy Love; 264 points
Butt-Head; 262 points
Abigail Lincoln; 261 points
Phineas Flynn; 260 points
Frylock; 252 points
Gumball Waterson; 246 points
Dudley Puppy/Francine Smith/Beavis; 243 points
Grim; 240 points
Danny Phantom; 238 points
Alejandro; 237 points
Meatwad; 235 points
Early Cuyler; 234 points
Stan Smith; 232 points
Ferb Fletcher; 231 points
Aang; 225 points
William Murderface; 218 points
Katara; 216 points
Applejack; 211 points
Flapjack; 196 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 194 points
Chowder; 185 points
Hank Hill; 181 points
Kim Possible; 177 points
Ben Tennyson/The Warden; 170 points
Sokka; 166 points
Twilight Sparkle; 157 points
Kenny McCormick; 144 points
Joy: And that's the race! Next week, the series heads to Charlotte, NC, where they will run the longest NASCAR race, the Coca Cola 600! Until then, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying so long from Darlington, and we'll see you on Memorial Day weekend.
One of the most exciting...and closest finishes in NASCAR history; how's about that? And Nigel and Twilight aren't finished yet... Join us next time, as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads to Charlotte Motor Speedway on Memorial Day Weekend, the biggest weekend in racing, for the Coca Cola 600. I'll be seeing you!
Chapter 14: Coca Cola 600
It is Memorial Day weekend, the biggest day in racing! We have the Monaco Grand Prix in the morning, the Indianapolis 500 in the afternoon, and in the evening, we have the race we're going to be witnessing here and now, the longest race on the NASCAR schedule, the Coca Cola 600! This race it held at Charlotte Motor Speedway, a 1.5 mile quad-oval. The turns are banked at 24 degrees, and the straights are banked at 5 degrees.
The race will be 600 miles long, run over 400 laps. The race will start when it's still light out, and we'll go through twilight and end the race well into the night. The weather is very good; a few clouds here and there, but they won't affect the racing here.
Starting grid;
Stan Smith
Homer Simpson*
Phineas Flynn
Nigel Uno
Frylock
Twilight Sparkle
Sokka
William Murderface
Kim Possible
Francine Smith
Gumball Waterson
Grim
Ed
Eric Cartman
Meatwad
Danny Phantom
Master Shake
Eddy
Peter Griffin
Abigail Lincoln
Beavis
Edd
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Timmy Turner
Spongebob SquarePants
Ben Tennyson
Butt-Head
Aang
Rainbow Dash
Ferb Fletcher
Foxxy Love
Early Cuyler
Applejack
Hank Hill
The Warden
Flapjack
Bender
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Kenny McCormick
Chowder
Katara
Alejandro
Dudley Puppy
(*) – Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota had to make an engine change after final practice, so he will have to go back to the rear of the field.
Turning it over to FOX...
Joy: Happy Memorial Day weekend, and welcome to NASCAR on FOX for part 3 of the biggest day in racing! We had Monaco; we had Indianapolis, and now the animated drivers of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will embark on the longest, and probably most treacherous race on the NASCAR schedule, the Coca Cola 600! In the booth tonight, I'm Mike Joy, joined by Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip.
McReynolds: You guys should recall last week, where Stan Smith lost to Spongebob SquarePants by one thousandth of a second? That was one of the wildest finishes I've seen; maybe we'll see another one here?
D.W: I don't know, but this really is one of THE most treacherous races in the world – aside from the sports car endurance races, of course. But you know who I'd look out for? Nigel Uno and Twilight Sparkle.
McReynolds: Oh absolutely! Those two are still at each other's throats. And we have no doubt that Twilight blew up Nigel's car last week.
Joy: Well, we'll see what happens here, I guess. Let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Fred Flinstone!
Fred: Ladies and gentletoons, yabba-dabba-start your engines!
The 43-car field fires up their engines. The engines all take their time to warm up. Then, the field rolls out for the pace laps.
Joy: OK, let's look at how they'll line up for this race; Stan Smith, who almost won last week at Darlington has his first pole of the season; alongside him is Homer Simpson, but he'll have to go to the rear after an engine change. Phineas Flynn, driving Richard Petty's legendary #43 car is in 3rd, and in 4th place is Nigel Uno. Frylock is starting 5th, and starting in 6th is Twilight Sparkle. Sokka has his best starting position so far in 7th place, and William Murderface is starting 8th. Kim Possibe, driving for the underfunded Phoenix Racing team is 9th, and Francine Smith rounds out the top 10. As you look at the rest of the grid, Darrell's gonna get someone on the radio;
D.W: Stan Smith, it's D.W. in the FOX Sports booth, you got a copy?
Stan: Got you, Darrell.
D.W: Well how's about this; a truly patriotic American starting on the pole on Memorial Day weekend! What would it mean to win this race?
Stan: Oh my God, it would mean so much! I'm like, totally gonna wave the flag and chant 'U.S.A! U.S.A!' if I win this thing!
D.W: You certainly seem confident, especially since you're starting on the pole and whatnot.
Stan: Well you know, I don't think anyone has won from the pole so far, but yeah, I feel pretty good about this race.
D.W: Oh, and I noticed Francine is doing well too; she's starting 10th.
Stan: The only thing that would be better than me winning this race, would be me winning this race with Francine finishing 2nd! If that happens...oh, the things we're gonna do to each other!
D.W: (chuckles) Well, thanks for talking with us, and good luck to both of you.
Stan: Thanks Darrell; take care, you guys!
Joy: (chuckles) Now let's see what our pit reporters have to say. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Francine Smith has been saying that even though she loves the idea of she and her husband finishing 1-2, she wants to be the one in 1st place. She's starting 10th, and believes that she can indeed win this. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Homer Simpson is starting in the back of the field after changing engines. Right now, he's still 3rd in the points, his car still ran well in final practice, and supposedly he has some additional sponsorship just for this race. More on that later on. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Kenny McCormick died again last week at Darlington. That, yet again, was due to the safety gear failing, and also because of his teammate, Eric Cartman. We'll have to watch what happens here, because Stewart-Hass Racing may launch an inquiry into the matter. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Nigel Uno is still leading in the points, but he has a huge dilemma on his hands; Twilight Sparkle. He's starting in 4th, and she's starting in 6th, right behind him. Get ready for something big to happen in the early going of this thing. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, everyone.
McReynolds: Now let's look at our tips for understanding the race; we're not gonna look at trends or patterns; rather, we're gonna look at the conditions in which we're gonna go through tonight. Daylight, in which we're gonna take the green fag; twilight, we'll go through, and we'll end this race at night. Now, the-
D.W: (snickering)
McReynolds: What the hell are you laughing at?
D.W: You should know damn well what I'm laughing at!
Joy: Knock it off guys, the race is about to start.
The pace cars retreats to pit road, the field moves steadily and then they take off as the green flag is dropped.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin', boys!
The Coca Cola 600 has officially been green-flagged! Stan Smith and Phineas Flynn both get ahead of the field just a little bit as they run side-by-side through turns 1 & 2. As the field roars down the backstretch for the first time...
Joy: Trouble on the backstretch!
McReynolds: Nigel Uno's blown up again!
Nigel: Goddammit, Twilight!
Rachel: (sigh)
Rarity: (facepalm)
McReynolds: And it's just like last time; the engine and all four tires just blew up simultaneously.
D.W: I'll tell you what; if a certain somepony doesn't back off, her flank will be grass in no time flat!
On lap 1, Twilight Sparkle once again casts magic to blow Nigel's engine and all of his tires. Once again, Nigel coasts onto pit road and into the garage area, once again his race is over before the first lap is completed.
We restart on lap 4. Stan this time is able to get past Phineas to stay in the lead. He holds it for about 17 laps, then Phineas jumps into the lead. Meanwhile, Gumball Waterson makes it into the top 10.
By around lap 29, both Stan Smith and Frylock are challenging Phineas Flynn for the lead. It takes a while, but on lap 41, Frylock moves into 1st place.
Frylock's still in the lead on lap 52 when green flag pit stops begin. This goes on until lap 58. Here's the top 10 after pit stops;
Frylock
Stan Smith
Phineas Flynn
Sokka
Twilight Sparkle
William Murderface
Gumball Waterson
Francine Smith
Kim Possible
Eric Cartman
Twilight Sparkle, meanwhile, continues to move forward. On lap 68 she makes it into 2nd and begins to challenge Frylock for the lead. She moves into 1st place on lap 81. On lap 94, she's still in the lead when;
Joy: Big crash! Turn 3!
McReynolds: About 5 cars are involved.
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: Uh, there are some relatively big names involved in this wreck.
A multi-car crash occurs on lap 94, in turn 3. The cars involved are Bender's #22 Shell Dodge, Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet, Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet, and The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford are all involved. All 5 cars are totaled, but the drivers are okay. They're taken by ambulance for medical evaluations as their totaled vehicles are hauled into the garage area.
Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes in for pit stops. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Twilight Sparkle
Frylock
Phineas Flynn
Stan Smith
Gumball Waterson
Francine Smith
Eric Cartman
Sokka
William Murderface
Danny Phantom
The race is restarted on lap 100. As Twilight Sparkle maintains the lead, Gumball Waterson continues to move up the field. He makes it up to 2nd place on lap 116, and shortly thereafter is challenging Twilight Sparkle for the lead. He gets into the lead on lap 127. Around this time, Francine Smith makes it into the top 5.
Much further back in the field, around lap 139, Homer Simpson, who started at the rear of the field due to an engine change, has made his way into the top 20, finally. It's around this time that his additional sponsorship just for this race is brought to attention;
Joy: Homer Simpson, who never met a sponsor he wouldn't push, has a huge Duff Beer sticker on his windshield!
D.W: I think NASCAR will black-flag him for that.
Joy: He sold the windshield!
It turned out that Duff Beer had paid Homer a sackful of cash to put that sticker on, enough for him and Marge to get satellite TV for their house. Homer's only comment on the sticker was;
Homer: This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Duff Beer!
Oh, and NASCAR didn't black-flag him for anything!
Anyways, Gumball holds the lead until lap 153, where green flag pit stops start. Everyone gets four tires and fuel, nothing goes wrong, and the top 10 after pit stops is as follows;
Gumball Waterson
Twilight Sparkle
Stan Smith
Phineas Flynn
Francine Smith
Frylock
Danny Phantom
William Murderface
Eric Cartman
Meatwad
On lap 166, Twilight Sparkle makes it back into the lead. By lap 179, Gumball Waterson has fallen out of the top 5. Meanwhile, Phineas Flynn has surged back to challenge Twilight Sparkle for the lead. Twilight is still in the lead on lap 200 when a caution comes out for debris on the race track. Hoagie P. Gilligan's #2 Miller Lite Dodge, running 1 lap down in 25th gets the free pass. The field all goes in for pit stops and here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Twilight Sparkle
Phineas Flynn
Stan Smith
Francine Smith
Eric Cartman
Gumball Waterson
Meatwad
William Murderface
Danny Phantom
Grim
We restart on lap 203. Twilight Sparkle manages to hold off Phineas Flynn to stay in the lead. Not long after the restart, Homer Simpson cracks the top 10. He makes it in the top 5 on lap 219, and by lap 235 is challenging Twilight Sparkle for the lead...
Joy: Look at Twilight in the #11. She's moved that car three lanes wide, but she's still fast!
Homer Simpson is all over the track, trying to get around Twilight Sparkle, but Twilight blocks him off for a good number of laps, no matter how wide he runs in order to try and get around.
Homer: Marge, what's she doing? She's everywhere at once!
Marge: The pony's dangerous, she's like a cobra. Back off!
Homer: Where's Peter? I need a little support here!
Peter Griffin, driving not too terribly far behind hears the call.
Peter: Tell Homer I'm on my way!
Peter Griffin starts pushing his car hard trying to catch up to Homer and Twilight. But before he can, his engine sputters violently, and smoke starts to billow from his car.
Peter: Dammit!
Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota has blown its engine. A very frustrated Peter retreats onto pit road and into the garage, and his race is over.
Marge: Hey Homey, listen! Peter blew out his engine! You have no backup! Back off!
Homer: I ain't backin' off, I'm Homer J. Simpson! I run this series!
Marge: She's too good, Homey! Lay off!
Homer Simpson is still struggling to pass Twilight Sparkle. And he's now running three-wide in between Stan and Francine Smith.
McReynolds: Homer's boxed in, there's nowhere to go over there!
Stan and Francine fall back shortly thereafter and Homer thinks he now sees his opportunity...
D.W: I'm tellin' you what, he's gonna try that outside move again. I don't know if it's gonna work...
Coming out of turn 2, Twilight Sparkle is running far enough from the outside wall to leave a gap just barely wide enough for a car to get through. Homer seizes this chance;
Joy: Homer to the outside, not a lot of room, he's in the wall! Homer is sliding, slamming into the wall!
Homer Simpson moves to the outside to try and pass Twilight Sparkle, but ends up scraping the wall hard; his opportunity gets away. Then, as Homer tries to get off the wall, he overcorrects and spins hard to the left, whilst getting clipped by Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet...
McReynolds: He's airborne!
Homer: Yep, I'm flyin' through the air. This is not good.
The force of spinning around combined with the impact from Cartman's #14 car causes Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota to go airborne. It tumbles around in the air and then barrel rolls violently down the apron of the backstretch before coming to a stop on its roof in the apron of turn 3.
Joy: The car comes to rest in a big cloud of smoke. Homer Simpson appears to be okay, but that Burger King car is toast!
The caution comes out on lap 247. Nobody else is involved in the incident. Safety crews rush forward to the overturned #83 car to pull Homer out.
Track Crew: It's alright, you're safe. You're safe. We got you.
Homer: I'm on fire!
Track Crew: It's alright, you're not on fire.
Homer: You're lying! I'm on fire! I don't wanna die!
While Homer is physically uninjured, he is mentally traumatized into believing that he is on fire, even though he isn't. He breaks away from the track crew members and runs out onto the track screaming hysterically.
Joy: Something looks wrong, he's running around like – like he's on fire?
Track Crew: You're not on fire, Homer Simpson!
Homer: I'm on fire!
Track Crew: You're not on fire!
McReynolds: I'm not even sure he even knows where he's at right now.
Joy: This makes us all realize the kind of pressure these cartoons are under.
Now don't ask me how he did it this quickly, but somehow, Homer has rapidly taken off his firesuit and his street clothes, and is now running on the track in nothing but his underwear.
Track Crew: Mr. Simpson, come on down here!
Homer: Help me, Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me, Allah! AAAAH! Help me, Tom Cruise!
McReynolds: But how did he get down to his underwear that fast?
Homer: Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!
Joy: Look, someone's coming...wait a minute, it's Peter Griffin!
Peter: My God! Please don't let the invisible fire burn my teammate!
As Homer continues to run around in his traumatized state, Peter Griffin rushes out from pit road to aid him. He rushes on Homer and jumps on him, trying to smother the "flames."
Joy: He's jumping on Homer trying to put the nonexistent fire out!
D.W: Now that's a teammate right there!
As the rest of the racecars come around behind the pace car, Homer breaks free from Peter and runs away, with Peter and the track crew giving chase.
Homer: Oh, help me, Oprah Winfrey!
Homer runs right towards the field of cars, and then, the unthinkable happens...
D.W: HOLY SHI-
Joy: The #39 car has just exploded!
McReynolds: And now Homer really is on fire!
Joy: We gotta cut to commercial NOW!
As Homer runs to the field of slow-moving cars, Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet spontaneously combusts and Homer actually is on fire. He continues to run around frantically as the track crews get a fire extinguisher, run towards Homer and put the flames out. Homer falls onto the track surface, motionless. He's alive, but he's suffered second-degree burns over the majority of his body. He's wrapped in cloth, strapped to a gurney, and put in an ambulance to be taken to the infield care center. As this is happening, the race is red-flagged and the other cars are brought onto pit road and stopped.
D.W: You know, Larry, there's good days in racing, and there's bad days. Homer Simpson just had himself a bad day.
McReynolds: Yeah, but what about Kenny?
Track crews manage to put out the fire that has engulfed the remains of the #39 car. They extricate Kenny, who has suffered fourth degree burns all over his body. Many bones are broken as a result of the force of the explosion. He shows no vital signs at all.
Stan: Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
After the debris from the #39 and #83 cars is cleaned up, the race goes from red to yellow and the rest of the field rolls back out. Then, they go back into the pits for service. The top 10 at the restart will be;
Twilight Sparkle
Stan Smith
Francine Smith
Eric Cartman
Meatwad
Danny Phantom
Grim
Frylock
Sokka
Kim Possible
We restart on lap 252. Eric Cartman gets a bad start and falls well out of the top 5 quickly. Twilight Sparkle starts to pull away, with both Stan and Francine Smith hot on her tail. They both try hard to overtake, but Twilight holds them both off...that is, until lap 270, when Francine shoots by both her husband and Twilight to take the lead for the first time.
On lap 280, Rainbow Dash makes it into the top 10.
Francine Smith is still in the lead on lap 299 when...
Ferb: Shit!
Joy: Trouble! Turn 1!
D.W: The #9 car has blown a tire and has gone into the wall!
McReynolds: And we have a caution!
On lap 299, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford blows the right-front tire going into turn 1, and heads into the wall. The right-front of the car suffers major damage, bad enough that they have to take to the garage to attempt repairs.
Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 22nd gets the free pass.
The field makes their pit stops; here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Francine Smith
Twilight Sparkle
Stan Smith
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Frylock
Grim
Sokka
Rainbow Dash
Master Shake
The race restarts on lap 302. Twilight Sparkle gets the better start and takes the lead. She pulls away a little bit. On lap 313, Grim falls out of the top 10.
On lap 321, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford is back on the track, 22 laps down in 35th place.
The pack has caught back up to Twilight Sparkle by lap 327. Once again, Stan and Francine Smith are challenging Twilight Sparkle for the lead. Stan takes it on lap 336, but Twilight takes it back on lap 344. Then...
Joy: Crash in turn 2!
D.W: Timmy Turner's hard in the wall!
McReynolds: And that front end is devastated!
Joy: Caution is out.
On lap 344, Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford gets loose, overcorrects and goes head-on into the wall in turn 2. His engine is too heavily damaged for him to continue. Timmy is taken to the infield care center while his car is hauled into the garage.
Eddy's #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 21st gets the free pass.
The field makes their pit stops; the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Twilight Sparkle
Francine Smith
Stan Smith
Meatwad
Frylock
Danny Phantom
Rainbow Dash
Master Shake
Sokka
Gumball Waterson
This caution has occurred right around the cars' field windows, so cars may have to ease up in order to stretch their fuel mileage to the end, in case we should go green the rest of the way.
We go back to green on lap 347. Twilight Sparkle spins her wheels on the restart, and she falls back to 3rd. Stan and Francine Smith pull away from the field a bit, with Francine in the lead. Stan takes the lead back on lap 361. The two continue to exchange the lead every now and then.
On lap 372, Rainbow Dash gets up into the top 5. She makes it to 4th on lap 376.
Twilight Sparkle roars back to challenge Stan and Francine Smith on lap 383, and reclaims the lead on lap 387.
We're now down to less than 10 laps to go. Some cars further back retreat to the pits to top off their tanks, so that they can make it to the end. The unexpected then happens on lap 396...
D.W: Smoke! Turn 2!
Joy: Blowing up is Rainbow Dash!
Fluttershy: You've got to be fucking kidding me! YOU'VE GOT TA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!
Joy: Caution is out, and we apologize for Fluttershy's language.
McReynolds: And the bronies can share their humiliation, tough break right there.
On lap 396, Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota blows its engine. A very dejected Rainbow Dash is able to coast her machine onto pit road and into the garage. It was looking real good for her, and just like that, it's gone.
This isn't good news for the other drivers either; the race will go into a green-white-checkered overtime and will run to lap 401, instead of 400; that's more fuel to burn!
We restart for the final time on lap 400. Twilight Sparkle gets the jump on the rest of the field and gets a solid lead fast. She takes the white flag on lap 401. She's still in the lead going into the last two turns. Then...
Joy: Our leader's off the pace!
McReynolds: She's out of gas!
Twilight: FUCK!
D.W: And there goes the pack.
Joy: Checkered flag is out, and Stan Smith will win the Coca-Cola 600!
Roger: We did it, buddy!
Stan: YES! U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!
Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx 400 runs out of gas in turns 3 & 4. She's able to coast across the line in 7th place. Meanwhile, Stan Smith wins the Coca-Cola 600, with his wife Francine placing 2nd. The rest of the top 10 finishers consist of Danny Phantom in 3rd, Meatwad in 4th, Frylock in 5th, Master Shake in 6th, Sokka in 8th, Gumball Waterson in 9th, and Kim Possible in 10th.
A very proud Stan Smith is now in victory lane, in a shower of confetti and champagne. After celebrating, Dick Berggren interviews him;
Berggren: Stan Smith, an amazing last-minute at the Coca Cola 600! What does it mean for you to have won this race?
Stan: Oh, this means a great deal. You know, I am a patriotic American dad, and this is Memorial Day weekend, so it means so much. In fact, I'd like to dedicate this to all our dallen warriors – we miss you all!
Berggren: And how about Francine, finishing 2nd as you finish 1st!
Stan: Man, it just makes it that much more special for me, for her, and for Tommy Baldwin Racing in general. I can't to see how we'll do next week!
Berggren: Well great job, both of you.
Stan: Thanks!
Francine appears on camera, and she and Stan kiss.
Joy: Thanks, Dick. Let's see how they finished;
And here's how they finished the Coca Cola 600;
Stan Smith
Francine Smith
Danny Phantom
Meatwad
Frylock
Master Shake
Twilight Sparkle
Sokka
Gumball Waterson
Kim Possible
Grim
William Murderface
Phineas Flynn
Ed
Beavis
Eddy
Abigail Lincoln
Early Cuyler
Eric Cartman
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Spongebob SquarePants
Edd
Ben Tennyson (1 lap down)
Foxxy Love (1 lap down)
Katara (1 lap down)
Hank Hill (1 lap down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (2 laps down)
Aang (2 laps down)
Dudley Puppy (2 laps down)
Chowder (2 laps down)
Flapjack (3 laps down)
Rainbow Dash (DNF; engine)
Ferb Fletcher (24 laps down)
Timmy Turner (DNF; accident)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Homer Simpson (DNF; accident)
Peter Griffin (DNF; engine)
Applejack (DNF; accident)
The Warden (DNF; accident)
Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Butt-Head (DNF; accident)
Bender (DNF; accident)
Nigel Uno (DNF; accident)
Joy: Here are the points;
Here are the current point standings after 12 of 36 races;
Eric Cartman; 314 points
Master Shake; 307 points
Nigel Uno; 306 points
Eddy; 305 points
Ed; 299 points
Edd; 297 points
Homer Simpson; 294 points
Frylock/Phineas Flynn/Hoagie P. Gilligan/Spongebob SquarePants; 292 points
Abigail Lincoln; 288 points
Rainbow Dash; 287 points
Francine Smith/Bender; 286 points
Foxxy Love; 284 points
Gumball Waterson/Timmy Turner; 282 points
Stan Smith/Danny Phantom; 279 points
Peter Griffin; 278 points
Meatwad; 275 points
Grim; 273 points
Beavis; 272 points
Butt-Head; 265 points
Early Cuyler; 260 points
Dudley Puppy; 258 points
William Murderface; 250 points
Ferb Fletcher; 242 points
Aang/Alejandro; 241 points
Katara; 235 points
Applejack; 217 points
Kim Possible/Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 211 points
Flapjack; 209 points
Sokka; 202 points
Hank Hill/Chowder; 199 points
Twilight Sparkle; 195 points
Ben Tennyson; 191 points
The Warden; 175 points
Kenny McCormick; 153 points
Joy: Next week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads to Dover International Speedway for the FedEx 400! Until then, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip wishing you a happy Memorial Day, and we'll see you next week.
See you at Dover!
Chapter 15: FedEx 400
The biggest weekend in racing has passed, but we're far from finished! We're now in Dover, DE, where our awesome animated allies will fight amongst themselves at the Monster Mile, Dover International Speedway, in the FedEx 400! Dover International Speedway is a 1-mile oval with a concrete surface. The turns are banked at 24 degrees, and the straights are banked at 9 degrees. The race will consist of 400 laps over 400 miles. The weather is fine, too; cloudy, but no storm clouds; they shouldn't hamper our day. Actually, it means the track won't be so slick; therefore, the cars will have better grip.
Starting grid;
Peter Griffin
Homer Simpson
Twilight Sparkle
Early Cuyler
Ferb Fletcher
Meatwad
Stan Smith
Aang
Kenny McCormick
William Murderface
Rainbow Dash
Butt-Head
Abigail Lincoln
Bender
Danny Phantom
Edd
Nigel Uno
Dudley Puppy
Beavis
Grim
Ed
Timmy Turner
Eric Cartman
Eddy
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Frylock
Francine Smith
Gumball Waterson
Master Shake
Foxxy Love
Spongebob SquarePants
Phineas Flynn
Alejandro
Katara
Applejack
The Warden
Chowder
Ben Tennyson
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Hank Hill
Sokka
Flapjack
Kim Possible
This will also the last race FOX will cover for the year. I'll now turn things over to them one more time;
Joy: Last week at Charlotte was a fireball! Engines blew up, cars blew up, drivers caught fire, and Stan and Francine Smith scored a 1-2 finish for Tommy Baldwin Racing. This week, in our final race on NASCAR on FOX, the Cartoon Cup Series is at The Monster Mile, Dover International Speedway where our cartoon cavalcade will attempt to conquer Miles the Monster in the FedEx 400! With you one more time, it's Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip.
D.W: Guys, last week aside, what I think needs to be brought up is the points. Just two weeks ago, Nigel Uno had a huge points lead until a certain somepony sabotaged him these last two weeks; he's now 3rd. And our new top two in points, Eric Cartman and Master Shake; neither of them has even won a race!
McReynolds: Well Nigel is starting 17th, Cartman is in 23rd, and Shake is in 29th. But one big thing we should mention is Homer Simpson; he actually caught fire after Kenny's car exploded, had second-degree burns over the majority of his body, and he's still racing this week, AND he's starting 2nd!
Joy: He is Iron Man! Kind of like Ricky Rudd, eh? Anyways, let's now go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, Looney Tune, Bugs Bunny!
Bugs: Eeeeeeh, what's up, ladies and gentletoons? Start your engines!
43 automotive monsters rev up their engines, sending a wave of max horsepower rippling through the Monster Mile. After warming up for a few moments, they roll out onto the track for the pace laps.
Joy: They're rolling out, now let's look at our starting line-up; it's an all-BK Racing front row, with Peter Griffin on the pole, and Homer Simpson in 2nd. Twilight Sparkle is starting 3rd, and Early Cuyler, driving for the famed Wood Brothers team is 4th. Ferb Fletcher, in the Richard Petty Motorsports Ford is 5th, and in 6th place is Meatwad. Last week's winner Stan Smith is starting 7th, and Aang will start in 8th. Kenny McCormick, coming off another fatal crash last week is in 9th, and William Murderface rounds out the top 10. As you look at the rest of the field, Darrell will get on the radio one more time;
D.W: Homer Simpson, it's D.W. from FOX Sports, you got a copy?
Homer: Hey, Darrell!
D.W: Hey, big guy! How you holdin' up after what happened back at Charlotte?
Homer: Pretty good, actually. Stuff like that happens all the time back home, you know. And I'm a quick healer. But I don't think I could come back from the dead like Kenny does week in and week out.
D.W: You and Peter both seem pretty confident about this race.
Homer: (scoff) Well we are both starting 1st and 2nd. And our cars have been real good throughout practice, so I do expect a pretty good day, yes.
D.W: Oh, I heard you and Marge used the money from Duff Beer to get satellite TV, how's that working out?
Homer: Fantastic! We love it, the kids love it; I just wish it came in better during the rain. It's still real good, though!
D.W: Honestly, I didn't think Duff Beer was even a real company...oh well. Good luck!
Homer: Thanks, D.W!
Joy: And now, we'll check in with our pit reporters one more time. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Eric Cartman is leading the points, but still has yet to win the race so far this season. He's starting back in 23rd, but he has been driving a fairly solid racecar, and he may pull it off here today. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Master Shake is 2nd in the points, but he hasn't won a race, either. He's starting 29th; they weren't too good in qualifying trim. He's reporting that his race trim may not be too good, either, and that they may work on that as the race goes on. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Nigel Uno had a huge points lead, but lost it after blowing up and finishing dead last the last two straight races. He starts 17th, and appears to be able to get up to the front before the race is over. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Twilight Sparkle is coming off that upset loss last week at Charlotte where she ran out of gas. She's starting 3rd today, appears to have a solid racecar, and is praying that the circumstances play more into her favor this time. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, Steve.
D.W: Well boys, if this is the last race we're covering, we may as well go out with a bang...
The pace car goes down into pit road, and the cars accelerate full-throttle out of turn 4 under the guise of the green flag.
D.W: Giggity, giggity, giggity! Let's go racin', boys!
McReynolds: Uh...what?
And were officially racing at Dover! Peter Griffin maintains the lead going through the first two turns. Within the first 5 laps, Twilight Sparkle gets past Homer Simpson to take 2nd. Meanwhile, Aang quickly falls out of the top 10.
Twilight Sparkle is unable to pull away from Homer Simpson, and therefore has to fight in order to stay ahead of him. Their battle for 2nd allows Peter Griffin to increase his lead, little by little.
While he's pulling away, Homer gets back by Twilight on lap 24; Twilight falls back.
Kenny McCormick, meanwhile is moving up fast. Having started in 9th, he'd gotten into the top 5 on lap 23, and by lap 36 is challenging Homer Simpson for 2nd place. He takes 2nd on lap 51.
And so now Kenny starts to catch up with our leader, Peter Griffin. Seeing as how Peter is being held up by lapped traffic, this makes Kenny's job somewhat easier. By lap 63, he's challenging Peter for the lead, and he takes it on lap 69 (insert dirty joke here). He's still in the lead on lap 78 when...
Joy: Big pileup on the backstretch!
D.W: Oh, my God!
McReynolds: About 10 cars are involved.
Joy: And we have a caution!
A big pile-up occurs in the backstretch on lap 78. The involved cars include Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet, Grim's #7 Speed Energy Dodge, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet, Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet, Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford, Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford, Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet, and Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford. The #87, #10, and #43 are able to make it back to their garages to attempt repairs, but the other cars are totaled. The race is red-flagged, and the cars are brought to a stop on the frontstretch while the debris on the backstretch is cleaned up.
After a number of minutes the race is brought back under the caution. The field then goes in for four tires and fuel. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Kenny McCormick
Peter Griffin
Homer Simpson
Twilight Sparkle
Early Cuyler
Stan Smith
Ferb Fletcher
Abigail Lincoln
Danny Phantom
Rainbow Dash
The race is restarted on lap 83. Homer Simpson gets off to a bad start and falls out of the top 5 quickly. He's unable to recover and falls out of the top 10 by lap 93.
While that's happening, Kenny McCormick retains the lead. Early Cuyler, meanwhile, is moving up. He passes Twilight Sparkle for 3rd on lap 102, and passes Peter Griffin on lap 117. By lap 121, he's within striking distance of Kenny. Kenny is, however, able to hold him off; until lap 139, that is, when Early Cuyler takes the lead.
On lap 140, Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet gets back on the track, 62 laps down in 34th place. Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota comes out 2 laps later in 35th, and 2 laps after that, Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford comes out in 36th.
Back up front, Kenny McCormick is able to keep up with Early Cuyler, and a number of laps later, Peter Griffin catches up with them, and it becomes a three-way battle for the lead. Kenny gets back in the lead on 153. Then...
Joy: Big trouble! At pit road entrance!
McReynolds: I don't know how it happened, but Master Shake has run right into the end of the pit wall!
Joy: Caution is out.
D.W: And he was running in 2nd in points – without even winning a race! He appears to be okay, unlike his car, but it's still a shame.
On lap 153, Master Shake's #55 Aaron's Toyota gets very loose in turn 4. It then spins and travels in such a path that it runs right into the end of the pit wall, destroying the front end of the car. Shake is okay; he gets out under his own power and is taken to the infield care center, and what's left of his car is hauled into the garage area.
Eddy's #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 29th gets the free pass.
Then, the rest of the field makes pit stops. The top 10 at restart will be as follows;
Kenny McCormick
Early Cuyler
Peter Griffin
Twilight Sparkle
Danny Phantom
Abigail Lincoln
Stan Smith
Bender
Rainbow Dash
William Murderface
We restart on lap 158. Early Cuyler gets the jump on Kenny McCormick to take the lead. Peter Griffin makes it back up to 2nd on lap 163. He then challenges Early for the lead for a number of laps, eventually taking it on lap 182. Early Cuyler takes the lead back on lap 190. Kenny McCormick then goes by Peter Griffin for 2nd. Twilight Sparkle follows him by to claim 3rd. On lap 210, Kenny regains the lead. Twilight gets up to 2nd on lap 215. Twilight challenges Kenny for the lead, and takes it on lap 224. Kenny regains the lead on lap 229.
Then, on lap 237, green flag pit stops begin. When green flag pit stops are complete on lap 243, the top 10 is as follows;
Kenny McCormick
Twilight Sparkle
Early Cuyler
Danny Phantom
Peter Griffin
Rainbow Dash
Bender
William Murderface
Ferb Fletcher
Beavis
Afterwards, up front, Twilight Sparkle continues to try and take the lead from Kenny McCormick, but she cannot do it. Going just a little further back, Rainbow Dash makes it into the top 5 on lap 256. Beavis falls out of the top 10 on lap 269. Bender also falls out of the top 10 on lap 280, and Aang finally gets back into the top 10 on lap 288.
Going back up front now, Twilight Sparkle is still fighting hard for the lead. But Kenny will not give in. By lap 300, Twilight's last nerve of patience has eroded away...
Twilight: OK, that does it!
Going out of turn 2, Twilight Sparkle fixes her gaze intently on Kenny's car, and her horn starts to glow...
McReynolds: Oh no, there goes Kenny!
...
Joy: Kenny McCormick with a horrible crash on the backstretch. It has torn out a complete section of protective fencing separating the-
D.W: Now there are other cars crashing, as well!
McReynolds: Beavis, Bender, Dudley Puppy and Nigel Uno are caught up in the wreck!
Joy: Kenny's car has ripped a sizable chunk of fencing, and it came dangerously close to going into the stands! The red flag is out, and we'll have to be red for awhile!
McReynolds: Uh, Darrell? Any doubt has to who may be responsible for this?
D.W: No way in hell...
Rarity: What the fuck, Twilight!
Twilight: NASCAR can't catch magic, nothin' they can do about it.
Rarity: Goddammit, are you trying to get us banned from NASCAR?
Twilight: Oh shut up, Rarity! I'm tellin' you, they'll never catch on!
Rarity: Ugh! (facepalm)
On lap 300, on the backstretch, Twilight Sparkle uses magic to send Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet into the air. The car spins right into the fence and rips out a 50-foot section of the fence. Several spectators are injured by debris; one man suffers a broken jaw and needs to be hospitalized. The car itself stays on the track. A few other cars end up in the wreck, including Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford, and Nigel Uno's #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet. The #99 car is the only one that can make it back into the pits under its own power; all the others are totaled. The drivers of those cars are taken to the infield care center as their cars are hauled back into the garage. They're all okay, except for Kenny; his car went into the fence in such a way that the fencing penetrated the cockpit, the roll cage, and everything. The track crews extricate him from the wreckage and see that the fencing had severed his jugular veins and carotid arteries, and that the metal poles had also completely bisected his body. The result...
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
The race is red-flagged, and the cars are brought onto pit road and stopped. For an hour and a half, track crews work relentlessly to repair the catch fencing that has been damaged or destroyed. The drivers, meanwhile, get out of their cars, relax, stretch, get some refreshments, talk to each other, etc. Except Twilight Sparkle. Despite how brash she was earlier, she now hides in the safety of her car, lest no one bombard her over the incident.
When the catch fence on the backstretch is fixed, the field is led back out under the caution flag. They make pit stops. This will be the top 10 when we restart;
Twilight Sparkle
Peter Griffin
Danny Phantom
Early Cuyler
Rainbow Dash
William Murderface
Ferb Fletcher
Stan Smith
Aang
Timmy Turner
The race restarts on lap 305. Timmy Turner gets a great start and makes it up to 7th before the lap is over. Meanwhile, Danny Phantom has made it up to 2nd, and starts to challenge Twilight Sparkle for the lead. He gets the lead on lap 316. Behind them, on lap 323, Timmy Turner cracks the top 5.
On lap 330, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford returns to the track, 30 laps down in 28st place.
Back up front, Twilight Sparkle keeps up with Danny Phantom to challenge him for the lead. She gets it on lap 337. Then Danny roars back to reclaim 1st place on lap 343. On lap 349...
D.W: Smoke on the frontstretch!
McReynolds: An engine's blown!
Joy: Frylock has blown his engine, and we have a caution.
Frylock: Dammit, we've blown up! Shit!
On lap 349, Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota blows its engine. Frylock coasts his car into pit road into the garage area and his race is over.
Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 19th gets the free pass.
The rest of the field makes their final pit stops of the race. This will be the top 10 at the restart;
Danny Phantom
Twilight Sparkle
Early Cuyler
Peter Griffin
Timmy Turner
Rainbow Dash
Ferb Fletcher
William Murderface
Stan Smith
Homer Simpson
We restart one more time on lap 354. Danny Phantom maintains the lead until lap 367, when Twilight takes it back. Timmy Turner, meanwhile moves up the field, making into 2nd by lap 380. Rainbow Dash gets back into the top 5 on lap 387, and on 396, Homer Simpson makes it up to 6th.
On lap 400, the white flag is out; final lap! Twilight Sparkle is in the lead, with Timmy Turner in 2nd place, 2 seconds back. Timmy then speaks;
Timmy: Okay, Cosmo...I wish I could win this race somehow!
Cosmo: Well, okay. Here goes...
D.W: Oh no! Twilight Sparkle's blown a tire!
McReynolds: She just saves it from crashing!
Joy: Will she make it?
On the final lap, Cosmo, Timmy's crew chief, casts some fairy magic to blow Twilight Sparkle's right-rear tire as she goes through the last two turns. She's just able to save her #11 FedEx Toyota from crashing, and heads to the finish, but isn't able to hold on for the win;
Joy: And there goes Timmy Turner; he will win the FedEx 400!
Timmy: Yeah, we did it! You're awesome, Cosmo!
Cosmo: Oh please! You were the one doing the great driving!
Timmy: Oh who cares! We've won!
Timmy Turner capitalizes to win the FedEx 400; Twilight Sparkle settles for 2nd. Danny Phantom takes 3rd, Peter Griffin comes in 4th, Rainbow Dash places 5th, Homer Simpson finishes 6th, Early Cuyler takes 7th, William Murderface comes in 8th, Ferb Fletcher finishes 9th, and Meatwad rounds out the top 10.
After a big burnout at the start/finish line and a victory lap, Timmy Turner is celebrating in a Victory Lane enshrouded in confetti and champagne. After he takes a swig of champagne, Dick Berggren moves in to interview him;
Berggren: Timmy Turner, what an amazing upset victory at Dover!
Timmy: It was nothing, really. I just kept my cool, stayed patient, and gradually moved up to the front. That's all.
Berggren: And then you capitalized on Twilight Sparkle's mishap.
Timmy: Yeah, that too. Actually, I may know what happened to her back there, but if I told you, all hell would break loose! (wink)
Berggren: Hey, while we're on the topic, what are your thoughts on how Twilight has been sabotaging Nigel and Kenny with magic these past few weeks?
Timmy: Seriously? She's been doing that? Wow! Well, at least we won before she got us!
Berggren: Great job out there, Timmy.
Timmy: Thanks.
Joy: Thanks, Dick. Now let's see how everyone did;
And here's how they finished the FedEx 400;
Timmy Turner
Twilight Sparkle
Danny Phantom
Peter Griffin
Rainbow Dash
Homer Simpson
William Murderface
Early Cuyler
Ferb Fletcher
Meatwad
Stan Smith
Aang
Eddy
Abigail Lincoln
Edd
Sokka
Ed
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Eric Cartman
Applejack (1 lap down)
Butt-Head (1 lap down)
Chowder (1 lap down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (2 laps down)
Kim Possible (2 laps down)
Flapjack (3 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (3 laps down)
Dudley Puppy (31 laps down)
Frylock (DNF; engine)
Francine Smith (65 laps down)
Gumball Waterson (67 laps down)
Phineas Flynn (69 laps down)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Beavis (DNF; accident)
Bender (DNF; accident)
Nigel Uno (DNF; accident)
Master Shake (DNF; accident)
Hank Hill (DNF: accident)
The Warden (DNF; accident)
Katara (DNF; accident)
Grim (DNF; accident)
Foxxy Love (DNF; accident)
Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Spongebob SquarePants (DNF; accident)
Joy: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 13 of 36 races;
Eric Cartman; 339 points
Eddy; 336 points
Homer Simpson; 332 points
Timmy Turner; 329 points
Rainbow Dash/Edd/Ed; 326 points
Danny Phantom; 321 points
Peter Griffin; 319 points
Abigail Lincoln/Hoagie P. Gilligan; 318 points
Master Shake/Nigel Uno; 315 points
Stan Smith; 312 points
Meatwad; 309 points
Frylock; 308 points
Phineas Flynn; 305 points
Francine Smith; 301 points
Early Cuyler; 297 points
Gumball Waterson/Bender; 297 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 293 points
Butt-Head; 288 points
William Murderface/Foxxy Love; 287 points
Beavis; 283 points
Ferb Fletcher/Grim; 277 points
Dudley Puppy; 275 points
Aang; 273 points
Alejandro; 243 points
Applejack; 241 points
Katara; 240 points
Twilight Sparkle; 238 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 232 points
Kim Possible; 231 points
Sokka; 230 points
Flapjack; 228 points
Sokka; 221 points
Ben Tennyson; 209 points
Hank Hill; 206 points
The Warden; 181 points
Kenny McCormick; 167 points
Joy: And that's the FedEx 400! This may have been the last race on FOX, but the season is far from over! The next six races will be on TNT as part of the NASCAR on TNT Summer Series. Join them next week as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads up to Pocono Raceway for the Pocono 400! With Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip, I'm Mike Joy. Thanks for watching NASCAR on FOX!
Another crazy race, huh? And next week's race will be on a different channel; TNT. Personally, I think FOX is the best of all the current NASCAR broadcasters, but it's good to have different channels get their say. Next time, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will race in the Pocono 400 at Pocono Raceway. See you there!
Chapter 16: Urgent Meeting
Before we get to Pocono, there's a side story that I will present to you. And no, it is not another romantic interlude; it is something much more important than that!
It takes place Monday afternoon, the day after the FedEx 400 at Dover, at Joe Gibbs Racing headquarters in Huntersville, North Carolina. Joe Gibbs Racing is the team that fields the #11, #18 and #20 cars driven by Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash.
Seated in a conference room, at the head of the table, is the owner of the team, Joe Gibbs. Seated on one side of the table are Teresa Earnhardt and Chip Ganassi, owners of Earnhardt Ganassi Racing, the team that fields the #1 and #42 cars driven by Nigel Uno and Alejandro. Seated on the other side of the table are Tony Stewart and Gene Haas, owners of Stewart-Haas Racing, the team that fields the #14 and #39 cars driven by Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick.
The reason why these other team owners are here is because of Twilight Sparkle's behavior towards their respective drivers, Nigel Uno and Kenny McCormick. Over the past few races, Twilight had been using magic to sabotage them, killing Kenny on two different occasions. The other team owners were pissed over it, to put it mildly.
Earnhardt: We're sick and tired of your damn ponies fuckin' with our drivers, Gibbs!
Ganassi: Nigel was doing so well until your pony came along! Now he's not even in the top 10!
Gibbs: In case you forgot, Mr. Chip Ganassi, your driver put my driver into the fence at Talladega and took the win from her.
Earnhardt: She was blocking him and drove into his path! She brought it onto herself!
Gibbs: Oh shove it, you stupid bitch.
Earnhardt: You can't talk to me like that! I'm the widow of Dale Earnhardt you motherfuckin'-
Stewart: Teresa, calm down!
Earnhardt: (sigh) You're right. I overreacted.
Stewart: Anyways, Mr. Gibbs, I drove for you for a decade. It was a very successful run; I only left your team because I didn't want to drive a Toyota. And I can sincerely tell you, with all due respect that the way you're letting Twilight Sparkle kill our driver and get away with it...it's nothing short of despicable.
Haas: Damn right! I swear to God, if she touches Kenny one more time, I will personally put her in a fuckin' slaughterhouse!
Stewart: Now Gene, don't you think that's overkill?
Haas: Well obviously, she'll never fuckin' learn!
Gibbs: Come now, guys. My ponies are very loving and tolerant beings at heart-
Ganassi: Bullshit!
Stewart: Relax, Chip. Twilight is-
At this point, the so-called meeting degenerates into a bomb full of unintelligible cross-talk. For about half a minute, the disgruntled team owners chew each other out over the ponies, their true nature, what to do about them, etc., until Joe Gibbs intervenes;
Gibbs: Everyone! SHUT UP!
The conference room falls silent.
Gibbs: Now, what do you propose I do?
Haas: Bring that fuckin' Twilight Sparkle in here!
Ganassi: Yeah, so we can give her a piece of your minds!
Joe Gibbs relunctantly hits the button on the P.A. system and says;
Gibbs: Twilight Sparkle, report to the conference room immediately!
Twilight Sparkle has been hanging out in the lounge with her teammates Applejack and Rainbow Dash. When the call over the P.A. arrives, a chill goes down Twilight's spine and her teammates have worried looks on their faces. Twilight nervously heads toward the conference room, alternating between galloping and trudging. Eventually, she arrives at the meeting and makes her way in.
Twilight: Y-you wanted to see me, Mr. Gibbs?
Gibbs: No. They did.
Twilight Sparkle turns to see the faces of NASCAR team owners Teresa Earnhardt, Chip Ganassi, Tony Stewart and Gene Haas glaring at her.
Earnhardt: You...you...BITCH!
Stewart: But seriously, Twilight, what possible excuse could you have for screwin' with our drivers like you've been doing?
Twilight: Um, I...I don't know-
Ganassi: Exactly! You don't know!
Haas: I still say we show her to the slaughterhouse!
Twilight: But I'm a good po-
Once again, the meeting erupts into cross-talk. Everyone is arguing over what to do with Twilight Sparkle, while Twilight tries to defend herself. Joe Gibbs has to intervene again;
Gibbs: SHUT UP!
The meeting falls silent yet again.
Gibbs: I do not intend to fire anyone, nor do I intend to institute any fines, probation or anything. Here's what I do have in mind; Twilight, come Pocono, I want you to make peace with Nigel and Kenny. That's all I want. We don't want anyone losing any more points, getting suspended, banned or anything. Is that understood?
Twilight: (sigh) Yes, sir.
Gibbs: Well, what do you guys think?
Earnhardt, Ganassi, Stewart and Haas all reluctantly agree to the terms.
Gibbs: It's settled, then. This meeting is over. Now everyone get the hell out of here!
All the other team owners got up and left the building. Twilight Sparkle left the conference room and headed back to the lounge, where Applejack and Rainbow Dash were waiting.
Rainbow Dash: Well, what happened?
Twilight: I do have to make peace with Nigel and Kenny, but that's it.
Applejack: You should. It's what's best.
Rainbow Dash: Besides, this sort of crap makes the team look bad.
Applejack: Yeah, it doesn't represent who we are at all.
Twilight: Yeah, you're right.
And with that out of the way, the ponies now relaxed and flipped the TV onto SPEED, who was showing a re-run of an old NASCAR Truck Series race. They had to relax, so that they could later on get ready for the next race that lay ahead of them.
Chapter 17: Pocono 400
For the fourteenth race of the season, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series can now be found at the Tricky Triangle, Pocono Raceway. It is here that the cartoon characters will race each other in the Pocono 400. This track, located in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania is one of the most unique tracks on the NASCAR circuit; it's not an oval per se, it's a triangle. It features a 3,600-foot-long frontstretch which leads into a sharp turn 1, which is banked at 14 degrees. This leads into the backstretch, which goes well over half the length of the frontstretch before going into the 90-degree-angle turn 2, known as the Tunnel Turn. This is banked at 8 degrees. This leads to a shortstretch that leads into a very sharp turn 2, which is banked at 6 degrees. This leads back onto the frontstretch, completing a lap.
The race will be 160 laps run over 400 miles. No need to worry about the weather; it is bright and sunny!
Starting order;
William Murderface
Early Cuyler
Spongebob SquarePants
Bender
Twilight Sparkle
Meatwad
Phineas Flynn
Peter Griffin
Ed
Applejack
Danny Phantom
Abigail Lincoln
Beavis
Eddy
Homer Simpson
Nigel Uno
Timmy Turner
Ferb Fletcher
Edd
Rainbow Dash
Master Shake
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Eric Cartman
Butt-Head
Stan Smith
Applejack
Dudley Puppy
Frylock
Foxxy Love
Alejandro
Aang
Kenny McCormick
Flapjack
Kim Possible
Sokka
Hank Hill
The Warden
Chowder
Grim
Francine Smith
Gumball Waterson
Ben Tennyson
Katara
First order of business is an occurrence on pit road before the opening ceremonies; Nigel Uno, driver of the #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet, and Kenny McCormick, driver of the #39 US Army Chevrolet are having a casual chat when they are approached by the driver of the #11 FedEx Toyota, Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight: Uh, guys?
Nigel: (sigh) What is it, Twilight?
Twilight: I, uh, just wanted to make amends. I'm sorry for what's been happening these last few races.
Kenny: Mppmmmfmpfmm pfmppfppfpfm! Fmpppf –
Nigel: No, Kenny. She's right. This has gone too far. (sigh) I'm sorry, too, Twilight.
Kenny: Mmpf-fmm.
Twilight: So are we cool, guys?
Nigel and Kenny both nod.
Twilight: Group hug!
Twilight outstretches her arms and pulls Nigel and Kenny in for a group hug.
All: (sigh)
After a moment, they pull apart.
Twilight: OK, well, good luck guys!
Now these next few races will be broadcast on a different channel; TNT. I'll turn it over to them now;
Adam Alexander: Good afternoon, NASCAR fans, and welcome to Pocono Raceway! For the first time in history, the NASCAR on TNT Summer Series will be broadcasting the new NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series! Already, it's been a wild ride, and TNT will be riding with you for the next few races. With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, I'm Adam Alexander. Guys, what do you think of the season so far?
Dallenbach: You took the words "wild ride" right out of my mouth. That's just what it has been! Exciting finish, scary wrecks, harsh feuds, the whole nine yards!
Petty: Speaking of feuds, Twilight Sparkle has been in quite a feud with Nigel Uno and Kenny McCormick. Now there was a meeting last Monday at Joe Gibbs Racing headquarters; Twilight was told to make peace with Nigel and Kenny. Well, we've heard that they did just that a little while ago.
Dallenbach: That's good.
Alexander: And in light of all this, Joe Gibbs Racing has released the following statement: "Dear Princess Celestia, through racing in this Cartoon Cup Series, we've learned to control our tempers, and how karma can get at us if we don't. We've also gotten a hard lesson on how friendship can make your life, and how the lack thereof can break it. From here on out, we're going to love and tolerate the [expletive] out of all our fellow drivers!"
...
Dallenbach: I don't get it.
Petty: Who's Princess Celestia?
Alexander: Probably some imaginary deity someone from Joe Gibbs Racing came up with.
Petty: So it's safe to say that Princess Celestia doesn't exist?
Dallenbach: I second that!
Alexander: Then it's official; Princess Celestia doesn't exist! Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Looney Tune, Daffy Duck!
Daffy: Ladies and gentletoons...you're despicable! Now start your engines!
The field of 43 cars start their engines, some of them revving furiously. After warming up, the field rolls out for the pace laps.
Alexander: The cars are rolling out; let's see the starting grid; William Murderface has his first pole of the season, outside of him is Early Cuyler in the Wood Brothers Ford. Spongebob SquarePants will start 3rd, and in 4th is the robot, Bender. Twilight Sparkle of Joe Gibbs Racing starts 5th; in 6th place is Meatwad. Phineas Flynn, driving Richard Petty's #43 car is in 7th, and Peter Griffin is in 8th. Starting in 9th is Ed, and rounding out the top 10 is Applejack. As you look through the rest of the field, Wally's gonna get someone on the radio;
Dallenbach: Twilight Sparkle, it's Wally Dallenbach from TNT, you got me?
Twilight: I got you, Wally.
Dallenbach: OK, first things first; how are things with Nigel and Kenny?
Twilight: It's all good now. We all made peace. Best part is, no one got any penalties, so it all worked out.
Dallenbach: That aside, you're starting 5th in this race. How do you feel about this one?
Twilight: Well, I'm starting near the front, and the car's been good all weekend, so of course I feel real good!
Dallenbach: Hmm...well I guess that's all I have. Good luck today, Twilight.
Twilight: Thanks, Wally!
Alexander: OK then, let's get some stuff from our pit reporters. Marty Snider:
Snider: Adam, our pole-sitter, William Murderface has his first pole of the season; though of course he also wants a shot at the championship. He been having a real good car all weekend, and he's confident he may pull it off here today. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Marty, Twilight Sparkle has had bad luck these last few races; wrecked at Darlington, ran out of gas at Charlotte, blew a tire at Dover. She's starting 5th today, has a good racecar, and they're praying that it goes right this time. Ralph Shaheen?
Shaheen: Matt, Eric Cartman is our points leader despite not winning a race. If he's to win, he'll have to come from behind; he starts 23rd. Nonetheless, Cartman says he's confident that he'll get up front, and prove that his points lead is no hoax. Chris Neville?
Neville: Ralph, Nigel Uno has had horrible finishes these last few races, to put it mildly. AS a result, he's now out of the top 10 in points. He starts 16th today, and believes he has a real good chance of having a shot at the championship. Back to you, Adam.
Alexander: Thank you Chris.
The pace car retreats to the pits. Then, the field starts to accelerate...
Alexander: Green flag in the air, we are underway at Pocono!
William Murderface and Early Cuyler remain side-by-side going down the frontstretch. Going through turn 1, Murderface pulls away a bit and Spongebob SquarePants gets by Early Cuyler for 2nd. Meanwhile, Bender loses several spots before the first lap is over.
Additionally, Abigail Lincoln is catching up. She gets into the top 10 on lap 5, and into the top 5 on lap 12.
A lead change occurs on lap 14; Spongebob SquarePants takes the lead from William Murderface, who falls back to 3rd as Early Cuyler reclaims 2nd. 4 laps later, Early takes the lead. He's still in the lead on lap 26 when...
Alexander: Big trouble in turn 2!
Dallenbach: The #43 car is hard in the wall!
Petty: One of the hardest licks I think I've ever seen!
Alexander: Caution is out.
Isabella: Oh my God, Phineas, what happened?
Phineas: I think the brakes went out; I'm okay, though. (sigh) Why'd it have to end this soon?
Isabella: I don't know, but there's always next week.
Phineas: (facepalm)
On lap 26, Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford loses it brakes. The car is unable to slow for turn 2, gets real loose, spins around, and goes very hard into the outside retaining wall. The car itself is toast, but Phineas gets out unharmed. He's taken to the infield care center, and his car is taken to the garage area.
Everyone else is still on the lead lap, so there's no free pass. The field goes into the pits for four tires and fuel. Francine Smith, Aang and Foxxy Love are all caught speeding on pit road, and will have to serve drive-thru penalties. This then, will be the top 10 at the restart;
Early Cuyler
Spongebob SquarePants
William Murderface
Meatwad
Abigail Lincoln
Peter Griffin
Ed
Bender
Beavis
Danny Phantom
The race restarts on lap 31. Meatwad makes a slingshot move on Spongebob and takes the lead going into turn 1. Peter Griffin also gains some ground; he makes his way into the top 5 on lap 34. On lap 36, Bender falls out of the top 10.
By lap 44, Abigail Lincoln has made it up to 3rd. She finds herself challenging Meatwad for the lead on lap 49. She takes the lead on lap 53.
On lap 57, green flag pit stops commence. Rainbow Dash, Kenny McCormick, Ferb Fletcher and Gumball Waterson are all caught speeding on pit road and have to serve drive-thru penalties. This will be the top 10 after pit stops are finished on lap 61;
Abigail Lincoln
Meatwad
Spongebob SquarePants
Early Cuyler
Peter Griffin
Ed
Danny Phantom
Beavis
Nigel Uno
Applejack
On lap 58...
Fluttershy: You were speeding on pit road...again!
Rainbow Dash: Bullshit! Okay, maybe it was a mile an hour over, but it wasn't like it was fifteen miles an hour over, like it was fuckin' obvious!
Alexander: Rainbow Dash got caught speeding on pit road again!
Petty: That's incredible!
Dallenbach: Something is going on here.
On lap 58, while serving her drive-thru penalty, Rainbow Dash is caught speeding again, so she has to serve another penalty. This puts her close to 2 laps down.
Back up front, Peter Griffin is moving up the field. By lap 67, he's made it up to 2nd and is challenging Abigail Lincoln for the lead. He gets into the lead on lap 72.
But he can't pull away; Abigail manages to keep up, and tries to get back in the lead. Peter holds her off, however, until lap 80, when Abigail takes the lead back.
She's still in the lead on lap 86 when...
Alexander: Multi-car crash in turn 3!
Petty: 3 cars are in it!
Dallenbach: The #29, #22, and #88 cars are all in it.
Alexander: And we have a caution!
On lap 86, in turn 3, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge gets loose and clips the left-rear of Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet, causing it to clip the right-rear of Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet. All three cars go hard into the outside wall and are totaled. The drivers all get out and are uninjured, and are taken to the infield care center. Their broken cars are taken to the garage area.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 32nd gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes in to make their pit stops. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Abigail Lincoln
Peter Griffin
Spongebob SquarePants
Meatwad
Beavis
Applejack
Danny Phantom
William Murderface
Nigel Uno
Twilight Sparkle
Rolf: Uh, NASCAR says you were speeding on pit road.
Eddy: Bullshit!
Rolf: No, apparently there were 2 others who were also speeding.
Eddy: This is fucking bullshit! Something has to be going on, this is fucked up!
Eddy is one of three more drivers caught speeding on pit road, along with Katara and Dudley Puppy. They will all have to serve drive-thru penalties.
The restart is on lap 90. Abigail Lincoln retains the lead at first, but Beavis makes some incredible moves and gets up into the lead before the lap is over. While he's leading, Meatwad gradually makes his way back up through the field. By lap 97, he's challenging Beavis for the lead, and gets it on lap 105.
Applejack is also moving up fast. On lap 110, she makes it up to 3rd. A couple of laps later, she's challenging Meatwad for the lead. She gets into the lead on lap 115. Three laps later...
Jonny: What's happened?
Ed: Our engine's exploded!
Jonny: (sigh) It's over, then.
Dallenbach: We have a smoker on the shortstretch!
Alexander: The #27 car has lost an engine, and the yellow flag is out.
Petty: Tough break for them; they were really up there in the standings.
On lap 118, Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet blows its engine. He coasts his car into the garage; his race is over.
Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota, running 1 lap down in 28th gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes in for tires and fuel. Here's the top 10 after pit stops;
Meatwad
Beavis
Abigail Lincoln
Danny Phantom
Twilight Sparkle
Nigel Uno
William Murderface
Peter Griffin
Homer Simpson
Timmy Turner
Pinkie Pie: NASCAR says you were speeding on pit road.
Applejack: What the fuck are you talkin' about?
Pinkie Pie: You were going too fast, and you'll have to do a drive-thru.
Applejack: Goddammit! And we were so close to the lead, what the fuck!
Applejack is one of two drivers caught speeding on pit road, alongside Sokka. They'll both serve drive-thru penalties.
We restart on lap 123. Meatwad gets an excellent start, and Abigail Lincoln follows him closely to get past Beavis and reclaim 2nd place. She challenges Meatwad for the lead and gets in on lap 130. Further back, on lap 134, Nigel Uno cracks the top 5.
Meatwad, meanwhile, won't go quietly. He keeps up with Abigail and tries to get the lead back. He's about to get the lead on lap 136 when...
Cosmo: Timmy, what's going o-oh, my God!
Alexander: Trouble! Turn 1!
Petty: The #17 car is in the wall!
Dallenbach: I think he had a tire go down.
Cosmo: What happened?
Timmy: Ah, the right-front tire blew, and I couldn't steer the damn thing. I'm OK though...but I can't the car back up and running...I think we're done.
Cosmo: (double facepalm)
On lap 136, Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford blows its right-front tire, leaving it unable to sufficiently turn left. It goes into the wall hard in turn 1, and is totaled. Timmy gets out of the car unharmed, and is taken to the infield care center as his car is taken to the garage area.
Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 25th gets the free pass.
The field goes in for its last round of pit stops. The top 10 after these last pit stops will be as follows;
Meatwad
Abigail Lincoln
Beavis
Danny Phantom
Nigel Uno
Twilight Sparkle
Homer Simpson
William Murderface
Peter Griffin
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Hank Hill, Flapjack, and Kim Possible are all caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve drive-thru penalties.
We restart on lap 140 with 20 laps to go. Abigail Lincoln gets a bad start and drops back to 4th. Meanwhile, Beavis is challenging Meatwad for the lead, which he gets on lap 142.
But Abigail Lincoln is not going down easy. She gets back up to 3rd on lap 145, and up to 2nd on lap 148. By lap 150, she's within striking distance of Beavis, making it a 10 lap shootout for the win. Abigail tries to go around, but for several laps Beavis blocks her, swerving all over the track, every which way trying to retain the lead. Little do they know that Danny Phantom is creeping up to them. On lap 157, he gets right up to Beavis...
Dallenbach: Oh, the #24 car is real loose!
Alexander: Beavis saves it, but he's fallen behind, and the #16 had to check up as well.
Petty: This is exactly what Abigail wanted, right here!
On lap 157, Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford gets into the rear of Beavis's #24 Drive To End Hunger Chevrolet, causing him to get loose. He saves it, but loses a lot of ground. Danny is unable to get around Beavis and has to check up to avoid hitting him again.
As a result of that, Abigail Lincoln pulls away from the pack. She takes the white flag on lap 160 and never looks back...
Alexander: Coming out of turn 3 for the final time. The crowd starts to cheer, the checkered flag waves, and Abigail Lincoln will win the Pocono 400!
Kuki: Yay, we won! We won, we won, we won!
Abigail: Oooo, yeah baby, we did it! YES!
Abigail Lincoln wins the Pocono 400. Beavis takes 2nd, Danny Phantom places 3rd, Twilight Sparkle comes in 4th, Nigel Uno finishes 5th, Meatwad finishes 6th, Peter Griffin places 7th, William Murderface finishes in 8th, Hoagie P. Gilligan comes in 9th, and Homer Simpson rounds out the top 10.
After doing a burnout and victory lap, Abigail appears in Victory Lane. Hoagie P. Gilligan is also there with the #5 team. Abigail gets out and celebrates amidst the champagne and confetti. After she takes a swig of champagne, Marty Snider interviews her;
Snider: Abigail Lincoln, congratulations on your much-needed win here at Pocono! What would you say were the keys to winning here today?
Abigail: I guess it was just staying up front all day. You know, I made it to the top 10 on lap 5, and I just never looked back. I'm also lucky that Beavis and Danny had that slip-up back there with 4 laps to go.
Snider: You also needed this for the points as well.
Abigail: Yeah, we need those. We now have a much bigger shot at the championship.
Snider: Oh, and apparently, your friend Nigel has just made peace with Nigel and Kenny.
Abigail: Well, whatever works for them is fine. I'd still like to get at Applejack for that racist comment she made back at Kansas.
Snider: OK, well, great job in the car today.
Abigail: Thanks, Marty!
Hoagie appears beside Abigail, and they kiss.
Snider: Matt?
Yocum: Beavis was going for the win, but of course was thrown off by the #16 car;
Beavis: Danny Phantom is so stupid! He thinks he's so cool because he can turn into a ghost. Maybe he could've at least ghosted through me instead of hitting me like he did if he just used his damn head!
Yocum: He sounds frustrated. Ralph?
Shaheen: Danny Phantom was also in that slip-up. What's your side to this story, Danny?
Danny: Well I thought I could make him slide out of the way by bumping him. A lot of drivers have done the same thing at this very track. But somehow, he just stayed in his line and I couldn't get out of the way. I was just racing him hard, is all. But I still like where we finished.
Shaheen: Good job out there, Danny.
Danny: Thanks.
Shaheen: Adam?
Alexander: OK, thanks guys. Let's now see the results;
And here's the cartoons finished the Pocono 400;
Abigail Lincoln
Beavis
Danny Phantom
Twilight Sparkle
Nigel Uno
Meatwad
Peter Griffin
William Murderface
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Homer Simpson
Early Cuyler
Spongebob SquarePants
Master Shake
Eric Cartman
Butt-Head
Alejandro
The Warden
Stan Smith
Frylock
Chowder
Ben Tennyson
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Grim
Applejack
Francine Smith (1 lap down)
Eddy (1 lap down)
Rainbow Dash (1 lap down)
Dudley Puppy (1 lap down)
Ferb Fletcher (1 lap down)
Kenny McCormick (2 lap down)
Gumball Waterson (2 laps down)
Aang (2 laps down)
Flapjack (2 laps down)
Sokka (2 laps down)
Kim Possible (2 laps down)
Hank Hill (3 laps down)
Katara (3 laps down)
Timmy Turner (DNF; accident)
Ed (DNF; accident)
Foxxy Love (DNF; accident)
Bender (DNF; accident)
Edd (DNF; accident)
Phineas Flynn (DNF; accident)
Alexander: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 14 of 36 races
Eric Cartman; 369 points
Abigail Lincoln/Homer Simpson; 366 points
Danny Phantom; 362 points
Peter Griffin; 357 points
Nigel Uno/Eddy; 354 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 353 points
Meatwad; 348 points
Master Shake; 346 points
Rainbow Dash; 343 points
Stan Smith; 338 points
Timmy Turner; 335 points
Frylock; 333 points
Early Cuyler/Ed; 331 points
Edd; 328 points
Beavis/Spongebob SquarePants; 326 points
William Murderface; 324 points
Francine Smith; 320 points
Butt-Head; 317 points
Gumball Waterson; 310 points
Phineas Flynn; 306 points
Bender; 300 points
Grim; 298 points
Ferb Fletcher; 292 points
Dudley Puppy/Foxxy Love; 291 points
Aang; 285 points
Twilight Sparkle; 278 points
Alejandro; 271 points
Applejack; 261 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 254 points
Katara; 247 points
Chowder; 245 points
Sokka/Kim Possible; 240 points
Flapjack; 239 points
Ben Tennyson; 222 points
Hank Hill; 214 points
The Warden; 208 points
Kenny McCormick; 181 points
Alexander: And that's the first part of the NASCAR on TNT Summer Series, and the fourteenth race of the season. Next week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series treks on over to Michigan where they will run Round 15 of the season, the Quicken Loans 400! With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, I'm Adam Alexander. Thanks for watching, and we'll see you at Michigan!
Well I don't know about you, but it's pretty crazy having that many pit road speeding penalties in a single race! And kudos to Abigail for winning her first race; you may have noticed that so far, no one has won more than twice! Will that change next time around? Find out as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads to Michigan International Speedway for the running of the Quicken Loans 400. See you there!
Chapter 18: Quicken Loans 400
The NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is now found at the fastest track on the NASCAR circuit, Michigan International Speedway! Here, our cartoon characters will race each other in round 15 of the season; the Quicken Loans 400! Now then, Michigan International Speedway is a 2-mile D-shaped oval, located in the Irish Hills west of Detroit. The turns are banked at 18 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 12 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 5 degrees. And like I said, this is the fastest track in NASCAR; cars will hit speeds of 215-220 mph entering the turns.
This race will be 400 miles long, run over 200 laps. The weather is cloudy, but there will be no rain, so no need to worry about them.
And so this is how they'll line up for today's race.
Ed
Francine Smith
Master Shake
Foxxy Love
Butt-Head
Rainbow Dash
Edd
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Timmy Turner
Bender
William Murderface
Eddy
Abigail Lincoln
Danny Phantom
Peter Griffin
Nigel Uno
Spongebob SquarePants
Eric Cartman
Homer Simpson
Twilight Sparkle
Kenny McCormick
Meatwad
Dudley Puppy
Ferb Fletcher
Beavis
Stan Smith
Applejack
Phineas Flynn
Frylock
Gumball Waterson
Katara
The Warden
Early Cuyler
Flapjack
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Aang
Ben Tennyson
Chowder
Sokka
Grim
Hank Hill
Kim Possible
Alejandro
I'll be turning it over to NASCAR on TNT;
Alexander: Welcome race fans, to round 15 of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series! Last week was full of drama, mainly in the form of pit road speeding penalties. This week's drama will be in the form of speed, as our animated drivers will be driving in excess of 215 mph, as they wage war on each other in the Quicken Loans 400! With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, I'm Adam Alexander.
Petty: Adam, what's really surprising me is the speeds of this track. This was already the fastest track in NASCAR, and now that the track has been repaved, these cars could be hitting speeds up to 220 mph!
Dallenbach: That brings to mind the pit road speeding penalties from last week. I forget exactly how many there were, but there were a lot! And with the speeds at this track...
Alexander: Who knows what will happen? And if a car spins at these speeds, look out, because the roof flaps can't catch cars going over 210 mph...now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Looney Tune Elmer Fudd!
Elmer: Ladies and gentletoons, be vewy vewy quiet, and start your engines!
The field of 865 hp stock cars fire up their engines to send a wave of chills through the grandstands of Michigan International Speedway. They take a moment to warm up, and then the pace car leads them out for the pace laps.
Alexander: The cars are rolling out; now let's look at our starting grid; Ed has his first pole of the season, and in 2nd place, Francine Smith. The giant drinking cup, Master Shake will start in 3rd, and Foxxy Love is in 4th. Butt-Head starts 5th, and in 6th spot is the pegasus Rainbow Dash. The boys' genius, Edd and Hoagie P. Gilligan will start 7th and 8th. Timmy Turner, driving for Roush Fenway will start 9th, and the robot Bender rounds out the top 10. As you look through the rest of the field, Kyle Petty's gonna dial someone up on the radio;
Petty: Francine Smith, it's Kyle Petty from TNT, you got me?
Francine: Got you, Kyle.
Petty: I want to ask about speeding on pit road. You were one of many drivers caught doing that last week, and with the speeds of this track, what are your thoughts on that?
Francine: Honestly, I don't know what the hell was going on there. Maybe the scoring loops were screwed up – I don't know! And with the speeds of this track, we can only hope that crap like that won't happen again.
Petty: Well, that aside, you're starting 2nd, and you seem to have a real good car.
Francine: Yeah, we do! This GoDaddy Chevrolet has been good all week, and I think we can win this thing!
Petty: And you'd be getting back at your husband that way!
Francine: (laughs) Well I would like for us to be even.
Petty: Well good luck with that, and thanks for speaking with us.
Francine: 10-4.
Alexander: Alright, let's get some stuff from our pit reporters. Marty Snider?
Snider: Adam, Ed has not had any good runs lately. As for points, he's just barely hanging in the top 20. However he's starting on the pole here today, and has a shot at winning this one, and gaining much-needed ground in the points. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Marty, you may remember how Danny Phantom fell way down in the points after his feud with Meatwad. Well, he's climbed up fast and he's now tied with Abigail Lincoln for 2nd in the points. He starts 14th today, and his looking for a shot at the points lead. Ralph Sheheen?
Sheheen: Matt, Eric Cartman still hasn't won! He may be our points leader, but that's down on his priority list; he wants a win! He starts back in 18th today, so he has a way to go, but he has just as much a shot as anyone. Chris Neville?
Neville: Ralph, one other driver looking to move up in points is Twilight Sparkle. She too fell way down in the points earlier on, but she's been climbing up as well. She's still a ways down, but she's confident she can get back up in the standings. Back to you, Adam.
Alexander: Alright, thanks guys!
The pace car pulls into the pits, and the field continues to move towards the start/finish line. Then out comes the green flag!
Alexander: Green flag, we're underway at Michigan!
Francine Smith gets a bad start and holds the outside row back a bit. Ed and Master Shake both pull away from Butt-Head and claim the top 2 spots, with Ed in the lead and Shake right behind him.
Rainbow Dash has managed to get around Butt-Head, Foxxy Love and Francine Smith, and within a few laps catches up to Ed and Shake to join the lead pack. Ed manages to hold the lead until lap 12, when he loses it to Master Shake. Rainbow Dash hangs back in 3rd place right behind them.
Further back, Edd makes it into the top 5 on lap 14, and even further back, Abigail Lincoln falls out of the top 15 on lap 19.
On lap 23, Ed makes it back into the lead. Master Shake almost gets in back on lap 27, but Ed holds on. He's still in the lead on lap 32 when...
Alexander: We've got smoke on the backstretch!
Danny: Goddammit! It looks like we're done.
Dallenbach: The #16 car has blown up, and we have a caution.
Petty: Man, and he was getting close to the points lead – what a shame!
On lap 32, Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford blows its engine. Danny expresses his frustration over the radio as he coasts his car through the pits and into the garage area, ending his race.
Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 40th gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes in for four tires and fuel. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Ed
Master Shake
Rainbow Dash
Francine Smith
Edd
Foxxy Love
Butt-Head
William Murderface
Bender
Eddy
We restart on lap 36. Master Shake gets a better start and shoots into the lead. Francine Smith also gets a great start and gets up to 2nd in a matter of a couple of laps. On lap 42, Rainbow Dash falls out of the top 5.
Francine Smith, meanwhile, is challenging Master Shake for the lead. Shake holds her off until lap 47, when she goes into the lead.
Edd continues to move up. He gets up to 3rd on lap 51, then on lap 57 gets by Master Shake to take 2nd spot. He catches up to Francine Smith two laps later and they battle for the lead. Edd takes the lead on lap 65. As he continues to lead on lap 69, this happens;
Alexander: Trouble! Turn 2!
Dallenbach: The #18 and #36 cars have crashed in turn 2!
Petty: Both those cars seem damaged beyond repair, and we have a caution.
Pinkie Pie: You okay?
Applejack: Yeah, I guess. Our cars are both toast.
Stan: Damn ponies! How Joe Gibbs could let such creatures drive his cars, I'll never know!
On lap 69, Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota spins out and collects Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet. Both cars are totaled. Stan and Applejack get out and exchange some heated words, but track crews break it up before any punches are thrown. They're both taken to the infield care center as their broken race machines are hauled to their garages.
Sokka's #38 Modspace Ford, running 1 lap down in 33rd gets the free pass.
The field goes into the pits for tires and fuel. This then will be the top 10 at the restart;
Edd
Francine Smith
Ed
Master Shake
William Murderface
Bender
Foxxy Love
Butt-Head
Eddy
Peter Griffin
We restart on lap 75. This time around, William Murderface gets an exceptional start and gets around Ed for 3rd and then challenges Edd for the lead. It takes a while but on lap 82, he gets there. On lap 88, Foxxy Love gets into the top 5. Peter Griffin falls out of the top 10 one lap later.
Bender, in the meantime is moving up. By lap 89, he's made it up to 2nd, and by lap 94, passes William Murderface for the lead. But Foxxy Love is also moving up. She makes it up to 2nd on lap 98, and gets by Bender on lap 103 to take the lead.
Foxxy Love is still in the lead on lap 109 when green flag pit stops start. After Foxxy makes her pit stop;
Clara: NASCAR says you were speeding on pit road. You'll have to make a drive-thru.
Foxxy: Bullshit! Foxxy ain't no speeder!
Clara: Apparently you are; guess blacks really aren't good drivers after all.
Foxxy: Why, you racist ho!
Foxxy Love is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. Everyone else gets through their pit stops without a hitch. This is the top 10 after pit stops are complete on lap 114;
William Murderface
Edd
Bender
Master Shake
Ed
Peter Griffin
Butt-Head
Francine Smith
Eddy
Rainbow Dash
Eddy falls out of the top 10 on lap 118. Back up front, on lap 124, Edd makes it back into 1st place. Peter Griffin makes it into the top 5 on lap 130. Francine Smith falls out of the top 10 on lap 135.
Then, on lap 139...
Alexander: Whoa, trouble!
Dallenbach: Rainbow Dash is turning over!
Alexander: Rainbow Dash, 20 feet in the air, spinning and crashing! Caution is out.
Petty: That's incredible!
On lap 139, on the backstretch, Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet clips the left-rear of Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota. The roof flaps are unable to keep the car on the ground, and so it goes airborne and flips violently about 10 times until it comes to a rest on all fours.
Fluttershy: (hyperventilating)
Rainbow Dash: Fluttershy, I'm okay!
Fluttershy: (hyperventilating) Why the hell does Stan even let his wife drive a goddamn car?
Rainbow Dash: Relax! I'm alright! We may be out of the race, but still.
Miraculously, Rainbow Dash gets out of the car unharmed. She's taken to the infield care center, and the car is taken to the garage.
Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota, running 1 lap down in 25th gets the free pass.
The cars go into the pits for service. This will be the top 10 at the restart;
Edd
Master Shake
Bender
William Murderface
Peter Griffin
Ed
Eddy
Butt-Head
Timmy Turner
Francine Smith
The race restarts on lap 144. Peter Griffin gets a bad start, and by lap 149 has fallen out of the top 10. Butt-Head also falls out of the top 10 on lap 150. On lap 153, Bender storms into the lead. He holds it until lap 159, when William Murderface comes out of nowhere and passes him.
On lap 163, Master Shake comes back to take the lead. On lap 166...
Alexander: Major crash in turn 3!
Dallenbach: About 3 cars are in it; the #83, the #78 and the #99!
Petty: Caution.
A pile-up occurs on lap 166; the involved cars are Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota, Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet, and Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford. All these cars are okay, but the drivers are unharmed.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 20th gets the free pass.
The rest of the cars make their last pit stops of the race. This then, will be the top 10 at the restart.
Master Shake
William Murderface
Edd
Bender
Butt-Head
Ed
Timmy Turner
Francine Smith
Eric Cartman
Abigail Lincoln
The race is restarted one more time on lap 170. William Murderface jumps into the lead. For a number of laps, Master Shake keeps up; trying to take the lead back, but he can't get it. He falls back to 3rd on lap 183, when Edd moves into 2nd place. Shake falls out of the top 5 on lap 189.
It's come down to a 10-lap shootout between Murderface and Edd. For these last few laps, these two battle for the lead, with Murderface holding onto it. But on lap 199;
Alexander: The #47 car just got way loose!
Dallenbach: He's saved it, but I think he's out of the race!
Petty: Unbelievable!
On lap 199, William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota almost loses control. He saves it, but loses the lead, as well as a lot of ground. This leaves Edd in the clear. He takes the lead on lap 200 and never looks back...
Alexander: Checkered flag is out, and Edd will win the Quicken Loans 400!
Edd wins the Quicken Loans 400. Master Shake takes 2nd, Bender gets 3rd, William Murderface takes 4th, Ed comes in 5th, Butt-Head places 6th, Francine Smith finishes 7th, Eddy takes 8th, Abigail Lincoln comes in 9th, and Eric Carman rounds out the top 10.
Edd does his victory lap, and then is in Victory Lane celebrating. He takes a swig of champagne, and Marty Snider moves in for the interview;
Snider: Edd, congratulations on this win! And that was quite a fight with Murderface!
Edd: Well, I guess I just succumbed to Lady Luck. Had Murderface's vehicle not went on that little excursion on the penultimate lap, I wouldn't be rolling around in the spoils of victory right now! But I'm still real pleased that it did happen.
Snider: You needed this win too, what with the points and all.
Edd: Indeed, we had descended into the depths of the point standings, but after this, we should be on our way back up.
Snider: Awesone! Well great job out there today.
Edd: Thank you, Marty.
Edd's crew chief Nazz appears beside him and they kiss.
Snider: Adam?
Adam: Thanks, Marty, Now let's see how things turned out;
And here's how the cartoons finished the Quicken Loans 400;
Edd
Master Shake
Bender
William Murderface
Ed
Butt-Head
Francine Smith
Eddy
Abigail Lincoln
Eric Cartman
Timmy Turner
Peter Griffin
Twilight Sparkle
Nigel Uno
Ferb Fletcher
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Beavis
Meatwad
Foxxy Love
Kenny McCormick
Phineas Flynn (1 lap down)
Early Cuyler (1 lap down)
Frylock (1 lap down)
Flapjack (1 lap down)
Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
Aang (2 laps down)
Alejandro (2 laps down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (2 laps down)
Katara (2 laps down)
The Warden (2 laps down)
Chowder (3 laps down)
Sokka (3 laps down)
Hank Hill (3 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (4 laps down)
Kim Possible (4 laps down)
Grim (5 laps down)
Dudley Puppy (DNF; accident)
Spongebob SquarePants (DNF; accident)
Homer Simpson (DNF; accident)
Rainbow Dash (DNF; accident)
Applejack (DNF; accident)
Stan Smith (DNF; accident)
Danny Phantom (DNF; accident)
Adam: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 15 of 36 races;
Eric Cartman; 403 points
Abigail Lincoln; 401 points
Eddy; 390 points
Master Shake/Peter Griffin; 389 points
Nigel Uno; 384 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 381 points
Edd; 375 points
Meatwad; 374 points
Ed/Homer Simpson; 371 points
Timmy Turner; 368 points
William Murderface/Frylock; 366 points
Danny Phantom; 363 points
Francine Smith; 358 points
Butt-Head; 355 points
Beavis/Early Cuyler; 353 points
Rainbow Dash; 347 points
Bender; 342 points
Stan Smith; 340 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 332 points
Phineas Flynn/Gumball Waterson; 329 points
Ferb Fletcher; 321 points
Foxxy Love; 317 points
Twilight Sparkle; 309 points
Grim; 306 points
Aang; 303 points
Dudley Puppy; 298 points
Alejandro; 288 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 270 points
Applejack; 264 points
Katara; 262 points
Flapjack ;259 points
Chowder; 258 points
Sokka; 252 points
Kim Possible; 249 points
Ben Tennyson; 232 points
Hank Hill; 225 points
The Warden; 222 points
Kenny McCormick; 205 points
Alexander: Next time on NASCAR on TNT, the Cartoon Cup Series thinks outside the oval as it runs its first road race of the season at Sonoma Raceway! With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, this is Adam Alexander saying so long from Michigan! See you next week, everybody!
Quite a race, I say. Edd finally has won one. And Eric Cartman is in danger of losing his points lead; he needs a win, too! Next time, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will turn left and right as it heads to the road course known as Sonoma Raceway for the running of the Toyota/Save Mart 350. I'll be seeing you!
Chapter 19: Toyota SaveMart 350
Welcome to wine country, Sonoma, California to be exact. We're at Sonoma Raceway, where the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will run its sixteenth race of the season, the Toyota/Save Mart 350. Now here's what makes this race such a treat; Sonoma Raceway is not an oval at all; it's road course! Yes, this track features left and right turns! Here's how the track is laid out; after crossing the start/finish line, the cars go through turn 1, which is a sweeping uphill left-hander. This leads to turn 2, which is a sharp right-hander. A short straightaway leads to turn 3, which is an uphill left-right S-turn. A short downhill straight leads to a hard right turn 4. After that is another short straight known as The Chute bypasses turns 5 & 6 leading to turn 7, another hard right. This leads to a couple of shallow left-hand kinks, followed by a right-hand kink which leads into turn 8, a sweeping left-right S-turn. This leads to the long sweeping left-hand turn 9, which goes straight into the intermediate right-hand turn 10. One more straightaway goes past the pit entrance before going into a very sharp right-hand hairpin turn known as the "keyhole (turn 11)." This leads to the pit straight, which features a left-hand kink (turn 12) before coming back at the start/finish line and completing a lap.
The race will be 350 kilometers (220 miles long) run over 110 laps. The weather is bright and sunny; no clouds out!
Starting grid;
Eric Cartman
Timmy Turner
Beavis
Spongebob SquarePants
Meatwad
Homer Simpson
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Ed
Butt-Head
Applejack
Abigail Lincoln
Frylock
Peter Griffin
Kenny McCormick
Nigel Uno
Phineas Flynn
Danny Phantom
Rainbow Dash
Stan Smith
Ferb Fletcher
Eddy
Twilight Sparkle
Dudley Puppy
William Murderface*
Edd
Katara
Master Shake
Sokka*
Francine Smith
Bender
Alejandro
Early Cuyler
Foxxy Love
Hank Hill
Grim
Aang
Flapjack
Ben Tennyson
Kim Possible
The Warden
Chowder
Gumball Waterson
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
(*) – William Murderface (backup car) and Sokka (engine change) will have to go to the rear of the field.
TNT?
Alexander: Hello and welcome to our first road race of the season! We're at Sonoma Raceway in beautiful Sonoma, California. Here, our NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series drivers will turn both left and right as they compete for glory here in the Toyota Save/Mart 350! Hello again, with Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, I'm Adam Alexander.
Dallenbach: This is probably the most challenging race on the NASCAR circuit. I mean, you're going left, right, uphill, downhill, you're shifting a gears a lot, which means taking a hand off the wheel, it's just unreal! Not to mention how tough it is to pass anyone.
Petty: Right, the one ideal place to pass is in that final hairpin turn. If you miss there, you have to wait another whole lap! Actually, people have made passes in the Chute, but it's real difficult!
Alexander: One thing's for sure; this truly will be one of the most interesting races so far. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Looney Tune Speedy Gonzalez!
Gonzalez: Ladies and gentletoons, arriba, arriba! Start your engines!
The stock cars all fire their engines in unison, take time to warm up, and then they roll out for the pace laps.
Alexander: As the field rolls out, let's see how they'll line up for this first road race of the season; our pints leader, Eric Cartman has his first pole of the season, and alongside him is Timmy Turner. Beavis, driving Hendrick's #24 car is in 3rd, and in 4th is Spongebob SquarePants. Meatwad is starting in 5th, and Homer Simpson is in 6th. The Blue Deuce, Hoagie P. Gilligan is starting 7th, and Ed is in 8th. In 9th place is Beavis's teammate, Butt-Head, and rounding out the top 10 is the pony Applejack. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Wally's gonna dial up a driver;
Dallenbach: Eric Cartman, it's Wally Dallenbach from TNT, you got me?
Cartman: Yeah, sure.
Dallenbach: I have to ask; how does it feel leading the points despite not winning a race?
Cartman: Well, it's awesome that I'm leading the points, but it's real damn weird that I haven't won a race in spite of that. I sure would like to win at least once. I don't wanna win a championship without winning a race! I don't think that's ever happened in NASCAR!
Dallenbach: Actually it happened once in the K&N Pro Series East, but that's beside the point; how do you feel about this race?
Cartman: I don't know. This is a very different kind of racecourse, but we should do all right.
Dallenbach: I'm just curious; what's with Kenny, dying in so many races?
Cartman: Hell, he dies a lot back home in Colorado; trust me, you have no freakin' idea!
Dallenbach: Well, good luck out there, and thanks for talking with us.
Cartman: Whatever, man.
Alexander: OK, as the cars make their final lap, let's get word from our pit reporters. Marty Snider?
Snider: Adam, Abigail Lincoln is 2nd in the points, well ahead of 3rd place Eddy. She starts 11th today, and was complaining about a somewhat loose car, but they're not going to do anything now, lest they lose track position. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Marty, Beavis is in best starting position so far in this race. He may be a ways down there in the points, but they've had a real good car all weekend long, and are looking for a big finish today. Ralph Sheheen?
Sheheen: Matt, Edd is starting way back in 25th this time around, after starting on the pole and winning last week. He's looking to move up in the points as well, and may or may not have the car to do it today, but I guess we're about to find out. Chris Neville?
Neville: Ralph, Rainbow Dash is coming off that horrible crash last week, in which she flipped about 10 times. She starts 18th today, and says her car is "OK." They may make adjustments to improve that later on. Back to you, Adam.
Alexander: Thanks, Chris. With that, we're ready to go road racing!
The pace car moves into pit road, the cars pace towards the line, then accelerate at the dropping of the green flag.
Alexander: Green flag, we are underway at Sonoma!
At the start, Beavis starts to get by Timmy Turner going through turn 1 and completes the pass going through the right-hander that is turn 2. Going through this turn, Stan Smith runs off course and loses a great deal of positions whilst trying to get back on track.
Back up front, Eric Cartman is still in the lead, with Beavis nipping at his heels. Beavis is trying to take the lead, but it's very difficult for him. The only areas that are good for passing are the Chute and the keyhole, and he's unable to set himself up to make his move.
That is, until lap 9. Cartman almost loses it going through turn 4 and Beavis is able to make his move and take the lead. On lap 13, Homer Simpson gets around Meatwad going through turn 11 to crack the top 5.
Phineas Flynn is also moving up the field. Around lap 14, he's battling Applejack to get into the top 10. After Applejack goes too wide through turn 11 on lap 18, Phineas makes it into 10th position.
On lap 21...
Petty: Trouble in the Chute!
Alexander: Eddy has spun out in turn 7!
Dallenbach: No caution.
Rolf: You okay, Ed-boy?
Eddy: Rainbow Dash is the worst driver in NASCAR, period!
Rolf: Rolf said, 'Are you okay?'
Eddy: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just sayin'.
On lap 21, Eddy's #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet, running in 19th, gets clipped in the left-rear by Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota. Eddy is sent spinning out onto the grass outside of turn 7. The caution doesn't come out, and Eddy goes back out on the track unharmed, but not after losing lots of track position.
Beavis is still in the lead when green flag pit stops start on lap 28. Everything goes smoothly, and when pit stops are complete on lap 34, the top 10 is as follows;
Beavis
Eric Cartman
Spongebob SquarePants
Timmy Turner
Homer Simpson
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Meatwad
Ed
Frylock
Phineas Flynn
On lap 36...
Dallenbach: Smoke in turn 9!
Alexander: The #36 car appears to have blown up!
Stan: Dammit, we've blown our engine!
Roger: (sigh) Looks like it's over for us. (sniff)
Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet blows its engine going through turn 9. The field goes around him safely as he coasts his car through pit road and into the garage; his race is over. The race stays under green, by the way.
On lap 40, we have a new challenger for the lead. Homer Simpson is in position to take the lead from Beavis. On lap 45, Homer gets inside of Beavis going into turn 11, and successfully takes the lead exiting the corner. On lap 51, Timmy Turner falls out of the top 5.
On lap 55, approaching the halfway point of the race, we go back to Kenny McCormick, who's running 21st. Right behind him is Katara, trying to claim that position for herself. As they're going through turn 1, Katara gets a very vicious and depraved idea. She starts to wave her hand around in a way that seems to make no sense...
Alexander: Big trouble! Turn 1!
Petty: The #39 car is spewing out all its fluids, and it's just slammed head-on into the wall outside of turn 2!
Dallenbach: And fluids are still coming out; it's erupting like a volcano!
Alexander: I don't know how it happened, but all the fluids just started erupting out of that car, it couldn't brake or turn, and now it's gone head-on into the wall.
Petty: That's incredible!
Katara just so happens to be part of a tribe of people known as waterbenders, who possess psychokinetic powers allowing them to manipulate water or any other fluid with their minds. Katara uses these powers to make all the fluids inside Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet erupt out of the car. Fuel, water, oil, brake fluid, power steering fluid, battery acid, differential fluid, etc. all erupt out of the car like geysers. Without brakes or power steering, Kenny is unable to keep his car from slamming head-on into the wall outside of turn 2.
The caution flag comes out, track crews are dispatched to clean up the fluid on the track, and additional personnel are sent to extricate Kenny from his racecar. Once again, the safety gear was poorly used; the HANS device wasn't properly installed. Therefore it couldn't do its job, and so Kenny suffered a basilar skull fracture, and wasn't showing any signs of life.
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford, running 1 lap down in 37th gets the free pass.
Meanwhile, the rest of the field comes into the pits for four tires and fuel. This will be the top 10 at the restart;
Homer Simpson
Eric Cartman
Beavis
Meatwad
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Spongebob SquarePants
Frylock
Ed
Peter Griffin
Applejack
We restart on lap 60. Eric Cartman gets the jump on Homer Simpson to take the lead back, but then messes up in turn 2 and veers off course.
Cartman: Oh fuck my ass!
As a result of this slip-up, Cartman falls down outside of the top 10.
Back up front, we have a new challenger for the lead. Meatwad, after taking 2nd place on lap 63 is now challenging Homer Simpson for the lead. When Homer goes wide through turn 7 on lap 69, Meatwad seizes his chance and takes the lead.
Lap 72; Phineas Flynn is once again battling Applejack for a top 10 spot. Applejack is able to hold him off, though, for several laps. Then, on lap 77...
Alexander: Trouble! Turn 4!
Petty: The #18 car has spun out into the outside of the turn.
Alexander: We're still under green.
Going into turn 4, Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford clips the left-rear of Applejack's #18 M&Ms Toyota, sending her spinning out into the runoff area outside of the turn. Her car is unharmed, and the race is still under green, but Applejack is steaming;
Applejack: THE FUCK WAS THAT?
Pinkie Pie: These things happen, Applejack.
Applejack: Stupid fuckin' ginger can't drive a fuckin' car! I'm gonna smash his fuckin' face into his fuckin' skull one of these days!
Pinkie Pie: Please calm down and get the car going again.
Applejack gets her car rolling back on track, but not before losing a ton of track position.
Meanwhile, on lap 80, Meatwad is still in the lead when...
Dallenbach: We've got trouble in turn 3!
Alexander: Early Cuyler, Katara and Alejandro are all involved, caution is out, and all those cars are heavily damaged!
A multi-car crash occurs in turn 3, involving Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford, Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford, and Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet. None of the cars are able to get back up and running. The drivers all get out unharmed and are taken to the medical center, and their racecars are taken into the garage area.
The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, running 1 lap down in 33rd gets the free pass.
The rest of the field comes in for pit stops one more time. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Meatwad
Homer Simpson
Frylock
Ed
Spongebob SquarePants
Peter Griffin
Beavis
Timmy Turner
Phineas Flynn
Hoagie P. Gilligan
The race restarts on lap 84. Meatwad holds the lead up until lap 88, when Homer Simpson gets back in the lead. One lap later, Frylock moves up into 2nd. On lap 92, Phineas Flynn cracks the top 5.
Meanwhile, Frylock has caught up to Homer Simpson and is challenging him for the lead. He gets inside of Homer going out of turn 4 on lap 96, and takes the lead going out of turn 7.
Frylock tries to pull away, but he can't. Homer stays right on him trying to pass and Frylock has to hold him off. This however, is allowing Ed to catch up with them...
On lap 99, Ed passes Homer Simpson for 2nd and then proceeds to challenge Frylock for the lead. After Frylock goes a bit wide through turn 11 on lap 104, Ed takes the lead from him.
But Homer Simpson and Frylock won't go down easy! They stay right on Ed's tail, with Frylock in 2nd and Homer Simpson in 3rd, both battling him viciously for the win!
On lap 109, with less than 2 laps to go...
Alexander: The #27 car has gone real wide through turn 7!
Petty: And there go Homer and Frylock.
Dallenbach: Ed may be out of this one.
Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet goes very wide through turn 7, allowing both Frylock and Homer Simpson to get past as Ed falls back to 3rd.
The white flag comes out on lap 110. Frylock is in the lead, with Homer Simpson right on his rear bumper. Homer tries extremely hard to find a way around, but Frylock keeps slamming the door on him. When they're going into turn 11;
Dallenbach: Homer looks to the inside, and he's got him! Homer's in the lead!
Petty: I think Frylock's just been beaten.
Alexander: Checkered flag is out, and Homer Simpson wins the Toyota Save/Mart 350!
Marge: That a boy, Homey!
Homer: Yeah, we won again! Woo-hoo!
After a spectacular pass in the keyhole, Homer Simpson wins the Toyota Sve/Mart 350, while Frylock settles for 2nd. Ed takes 3rd, Phineas Flynn places 4th, Beavis places 5th, Meatwad comes in 6th, Timmy Turner gets 7th, Peter Griffin finishes 8th, Spongebob SquarePants claims 9th, and Butt-Head rounds out the top 10.
After his victory lap, Homer is in Victory Lane, celebrating in a shower of champagne and confetti. He takes a swig of champagne, and Marty Snider moves in to interview him;
Snider: Homer Simpson, you're our first repeat winner in the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series, congratulations!
Homer: Yeah well, we were just lucky Ed messed up turn 7 back there. Had it not been for that, Ed would've won...hell, Frylock would've won had he kept up his stuff in turn 11, so...
Snider: Well, you are the first driver in this series to win more than once.
Homer: Yeah, I'm real proud of that. And I know it gave us a much needed boost in the point standings as well.
Snider: OK, well good job out there, today.
Homer: Thanks!
Homer's wife/crew chief Marge Simpson appears beside him and they kiss.
Marty: Matt?
Yocum: Phineas Flynn has his first top 5 since Bristol. Phineas, any thoughts on this?
Phineas: Oh you have no idea how much we needed this! You know I'm looking for a shot at the championship as much as anyone, and I- AH!
...
Yocum: W-we've a got a situation here...uh, Applejack is beating up Phineas...brutally...and no NASCAR officials are coming..? Cut the cameras, guys! I'm sorry, but we can't show you this, it's just awful!
While Phineas Flynn is being interviewed by NASCAR on TNT pit reporter Matt Yocum, Applejack comes out of nowhere like a wild animal and pounces on Phineas, pinning him to the ground. She begins to kick him relentlessly all over his body. Her hooves are like stones as they beat on Phineas as he screams in pain. She does not leave a single part of his body unscathed; the entirety of his body and his appendages are all bashed brutally. She then takes his head and slams it multiple times against the pavement, inducing serious and bloody head injuries. After kicking him some more, she tops it off with a monster kick right into Phineas genitals, giving him the most blinding sensation of pain that he'd ever felt. Applejack now stands over Phineas, who lies there, bleeding, crying, and pleading with Applejack to spare him his life. Applejack enjoys this for a while, then leans down, licks up some of Phineas's blood and tears, then gets right up into his face and speaks;
Applejack: Eric Cartman was right; gingers don't have souls!
Applejack spits in Phineas's face and then trudges away.
Petty: What was that all about?
Alexander: Well, Phineas did spin her out earlier, but I agree; that was way over the top right there!
Dallenbach: I'm tellin' you, if Joe Gibbs doesn't get his ponies under control, and soon, he's gonna have a lawsuit on his hands!
Alexander: Yes, well, let's now see the race results;
And here's how our cartoon friends finished the Toyota Save/Mart 350;
Homer Simpson
Frylock
Ed
Phineas Flynn
Beavis
Meatwad
Timmy Turner
Peter Griffin
Spongebob SquarePants
Butt-Head
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Edd
Rainbow Dash
Master Shake
Nigel Uno
Danny Phantom
Abigail Lincoln
Eric Cartman
Eddy
Twilight Sparkle
Ferb Fletcher
Dudley Puppy
Francine Smith
Bender
William Murderface
Gumball Waterson
Applejack
Foxxy Love
Hank Hill
Sokka
Grim
Kim Possible
The Warden
Aang (1 lap down)
Chowder (1 lap down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (1 lap down)
Flapjack (2 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (2 laps down)
Early Cuyler (DNF; accident)
Katara (DNF; accident)
Alejandro (DNF: accident)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Stan Smith (DNF; engine)
Alexander: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 16 of 36 races;
Eric Cartman; 430 points
Abigail Lincoln; 428 points
Peter Griffin; 425 points
Master Shake; 419 points
Homer Simpson; 418 points
Eddy; 415 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 414 points
Ed/Meatwad/Nigel Uno; 413 points
Frylock; 409 points
Edd; 407 points
Timmy Turner; 405 points
Beavis; 393 points
Danny Phantom/William Murderface; 391 points
Butt-Head; 389 points
Francine Smith; 379 points
Rainbow Dash; 378 points
Phineas Flynn; 369 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 367 points
Bender; 362 points
Early Cuyler; 358 points
Gumball Waterson; 347 points
Ferb Fletcher; 344 points
Stan Smith; 341 points
Foxxy Love; 333 points
Twilight Sparkle; 323 points
Dudley Puppy; 320 points
Grim; 319 points
Aang; 313 points
Alejandro; 291 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 278 points
Chowder; 267 points
Sokka/Flapjack/Katara; 266 points
Kim Possible; 265 points
Hank Hill; 240 points
Ben Tennyson; 238 points
The Warden; 234 points
Kenny McCormick; 207 points
Applejack; 181 points*
(*) – Applejack is penalized 100 points for assault.
Alexander: And that's the race! It's good to turn right occasionally, isn't it? Next week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads to the Bluegrass State and Kentucky Speedway for the Quaker State 400! With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, I'm Adam Alexander. See you next week, everyone!
I'll be seeing you at Kentucky! And we may have another feud brewing as well...
Chapter 20: In An Angel's Arms
Our third side story takes place immediately following the Toyota Save/Mart 350 at Sonoma Raceway. After that race ended, which had Homer Simpson victorious, we saw Phineas Flynn get mercilessly beaten up at the hands (hooves) of the pony Applejack while in the middle of an interview with a pit reporter. This is what happened afterwards;
Phineas's crew chief/girlfriend, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro has noticed that Phineas has not reported back to the team's garage. Concerned, she starts to go out and look for him. She looks throughout a good portion of the pit area and is then terrified by what she sees next;
Isabella: Oh my God, Phineas!
There she sees Phineas, laying there, beaten, bruised, bloody, etc. She rushes up to him and asks in a panicked state;
Isabella: My God, what happened? Who did this to you?
Phineas: (shakily) A-A-Applejack!
Isabella: (gasp) You mean the pony?
Phineas: (shakily) Y-yes!
Phineas starts to whimper as Isabella checks for broken bones, and discovers there aren't any. As she picks him up to take him to her rental car, Phineas buries his face into Isabella's chest and starts to cry.
Isabella: It's okay, Phineas. I got you.
Phineas continues to sob as Isabella carries him to her car. He's calmed down by the time they get there. After Isabella straps him in, she says;
Isabella: You hang tight; I'm gonna go confront that pony!
Phineas: B-but you don't have to!
Isabella: I have to give her a piece of my mind!
And with that, Isabella leaves to track down Applejack. She finds her just outside of her team's garage.
Isabella: Hey Applejack!
Applejack turns to see Isabella staring her down, but is not frightened.
Isabella: I've got bones to pick with you! How dare you, beat on my boy like that! He did nothing to you!
Applejack: Did you even see the damn replay? He fuckin' spun me out; he fuckin' deserved what I gave him!
Isabella: No he didn't!
Isabella trudges up to Applejack and says;
Isabella: Now you listen to me! You'd better straighten things up with Phineas, and soon, or so help me!
Applejack: Oh really? Well lemme ask ya this; why the fuck should I have to answer to a goddamn Jew?
Isabella: Here's why..!
Isabella delivers a very hard punch smack into Applejack's nose, breaking it. Applejack groans and clutches her nose as blood runs out. Isabella grabs Applejack by the face, takes a sample of the blood with her finger, and licks it.
Isabella: How ya like that, bitch?
Isabella spits in Applejack's face, throws her to the ground, and walks away, leaving her lay there. Isabella goes back to her car, where Phineas is still there waiting.
Phineas: Well?
Isabella: Well I punched her right in the nose; had to be done.
Phineas: (sigh)
Isabella straps herself in and drives to her hotel room, a Holiday Inn Express in the middle of Sonoma. When they get there, she lifts Phineas out, and gently lays him down on a bed in the hotel room. She then leaves for a moment, and returns with a first-aid kit and a blanket. She then takes Phineas's shirt and pants off, so she can examine his body for cuts and bruises. And there are many of them! So she takes some disinfectant and soap to wash each wound. She then bandages every wound, and kisses them. She also kisses each bruise. Finally, she wraps Phineas in the blanket. Phineas is so touched by all of this that he starts to cry again.
Isabella: Awwww!
Isabella reaches out and gives Phineas a big hug, and softly rubs his back in an effort to comfort him.
Phineas: (sobbing) Why did this have to happen to me?
Isabella: Shhh.
As Phineas continues to sob and cry, Isabella holds him in her arms. This goes on for quite a while. Gradually, Phineas calms down, but his breathing is still shaky. He speaks;
Phineas: (shakily) You know, I don't think I wanna race at Kentucky next week! We could always get Candace to drive the car. Or Perry, maybe.
Isabella: No, what kind of talk is that? You're Phineas Flynn, for God's sake! I just know you'll recover! And you'll do amazing at Kentucky.
Phineas: (sniff) You mean it?
Isabella: Of course!
Phineas: (sniff) I-I guess I could run the race next week.
Isabella gives Phineas a tender kiss on the cheek.
Isabella: You'll do great. Trust me.
Isabella continues to hold Phineas for a while longer, then they pull apart. Then Isabella takes tender hold of Phineas's face;
Isabella: Hey Phineas? I want you to know...I'll always be here for you...as I am right now...whenever you need me.
As Phineas's face bestows a smile, Isabella gives him a nice, long kiss on the lips, bringing him much needed relief and contentment. They pull apart and look into each other;
Phineas: I love you so much, Isabella!
Isabella: (kisses Phineas on the cheek) I love you, too Phineas!
...
Isabella: I don't know about you, but I'm in the mood for food!
Phineas: Yeah, me too. Pizza?
Isabella: Yes, of course!
Phineas gets dressed, then he and Isabella head out of the hotel room and over to the Pizza Hut that's just next door. They gorge themselves on a large New York style pepperoni pizza until they can't eat another bite.
Later that night, they return to the hotel, exhausted. As they're both about to go to bed, Phineas asks;
Phineas: Hey Isabella? Did Eric Cartman really say that gingers don't have souls?
Isabella: Oh yeah, he did, and everyone made a big fuss over it. You shouldn't.
Phineas: Yeah, I know. Actually, that Cartman kinda reminds me of Buford, don't you think?
Isabella: ...yeah, he does!
They share a laugh.
Phineas: Oh, and by the way, I'm not gonna beat up Applejack. That would be below me, and I don't want to lose any points. I want a shot at the championship!
Isabella: (kisses Phineas) Good call! So...I'll be seeing you at Kentucky, right?
Phineas: You bet!
The pair settles into their bed.
Phineas: Goodnight!
Isabella: Goodnight!
They share one last kiss and drift to sleep...at peace, until next week, when they will participate in the Quaker State 400...
Chapter 21: Quaker State 400
We're in Sparta, KY (no, not SPARTA!) at Kentucky Speedway. It is the most recent edition to the NASCAR circuit, and it is here that the drivers of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will battle each other for glory in the Quaker State 400! Kentucky Speedway is a 1.5 mile tri-oval. The turns are banked at 14 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 8-10 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 4 degrees.
The race will be a night race, 400 miles long over 267 laps. The weather is cloudy, with some wind, but that shouldn't be a factor here!
Starting grid;
Beavis
Rainbow Dash
Stan Smith
Applejack
Danny Phantom
Phineas Flynn
Early Cuyler
Bender
Dudley Puppy
Butt-Head
Homer Simpson
Master Shake
Eddy
Spongebob SquarePants
Nigel Uno
Twilight Sparkle
Ed
Francine Smith
Ferb Fletcher
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Peter Griffin
Eric Cartman
Frylock
Timmy Turner
Foxxy Love
Edd
Aang
Meatwad
Abigail Lincoln
Alejandro
The Warden
William Murderface
Hank Hill
Gumball Waterson
Chowder
Kim Possible
Blooregard
Sokka
Grim
Flapjack
Ben Tennyson
Kenny McCormick
Katara
TNT?
Alexander: We're live from the Bluegrass State, just about 45 minutes away from Cincinnati! Last week, we turned left and right, there was bumpin' and grindin', cars spun, and even punches were thrown! Tonight, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is in Sparta KY, at Kentucky Speedway, for the running of the Quaker State 400! With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, I'm Adam Alexander.
Dallenbach: Guys, before we talk about anything else, there's something I have to bring up; Phineas and Applejack. Remember what happened last week? Applejack was on Phineas like a wild animal!
Petty: Seriously, that was a worse beatdown since when Danny Phantom beat up Meatwad back at Texas. And Applejack may have been docked 100 points, but you know whose really feelin' the pressure? Joe Gibbs! These team owners have a role in controlling their drivers' behavior, and if things don't straighten up, and fast, Gibbs will be in just as much doo-doo as his drivers.
Alexander: Speaking of points, Eric Cartman, who's still winless is still our points leader, albeit by only one point over Abigail Lincoln, who won at Pocono. Cartman starts 22nd, Abigail starts 29th, and we'll see how that plays out. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Looney Tune Yosemite Sam!
Yosemite Sam: Ladies and gentletoons, start yer engines, ya varmints!
The field of stock cars all start their 865 hp engines and take some time to warm them up. Then the pace car leads them all out onto the track.
Alexander: And the cars are coming out onto the track; let's see how they'll line up; Beavis, coming off a top 5 finish at Sonoma is on the pole, and in 2nd place is the pony Rainbow Dash. In 3rd place is the CIA's very own Stan Smith, and in 4th is Applejack, after that violent mishap last week. Danny Phantom, the ghost boy is 5th, and Phineas Flynn, having recovered from that beating is 6th. In 7th is the squid Early Cuyler, driving for the famed Wood Brothers and in 8th place is Bender. 9th place is Dudley Puppy, and in 10th is Beavis's teammate Butt-Head. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Kyle Petty will be on the radio;
Petty: Hey Phineas, it's Kyle Petty from TNT, you got me?
Phineas: Yes. Yes I do.
Petty: Hey, so how you holdin' up after, you know?
Phineas: Well she did beat me up pretty badly there. Luckily she didn't break anything, otherwise I wouldn't be here! In the car, that is. But yeah, I'm doing much better now, and believe me, I'm rarin' to go!
Petty: Well how do you like your chances for tonight?
Phineas: I don't know, I mean we are starting 6th and all...oh who am I kidding! I like our chances of course! Hell, I may even have a shot at winning this thing!
Petty: And what of Applejack?
Phineas: I'm not gonna hit her back; that would be below me. I just hope we can peace sometime, me and her. But seriously, those ponies are real pieces of work!
Petty: (chuckles) Well thanks for talking with us, and good luck.
Phineas: Thanks. Take care, you guys!
Dallenbach: Well regardless of what happens, Joe Gibbs needs to put a leash or something on those ponies of his.
Alexander: Amen. Now let's get word from our pit reporters. Marty Snider?
Snider: Adam, Beavis has been relatively quiet so far, but he scored a top 5 last week, and has his first pole of the season. He thinks this could be the start of something big, which he'll need if he wants a shot at the championship. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Marty, Rainbow Dash suffered a major setback after her wreck a couple of weeks ago. She finished 12th last week, and is starting 2nd tonight. She too will need something big to get a shot at the championship. Ralph Sheheen?
Sheheen: Matt, we all saw how Phineas Flynn got brutally beaten...right in front of you, in fact. But as he suggested when talking with Kyle, he has recovered. His car is real good as well, and he really could win this one. Chris Neville?
Neville: Ralph, Applejack is starting just two spots ahead of Phineas in the 4th position. She's been saying a number of things over the radio, including that she doesn't regret attacking Phineas, and only wishes she could've done more damage. Back to you, Adam.
Alexander: Thanks, Chris. Well gang, it looks like we're ready to go!
The pace car leaves the racecourse for pit road. The cars move slowly, and then accelerate to the line.
Alexander: Green flag is in the air, and we are racing at Kentucky!
Beavis maintains the lead at the very start of the race. A ways back, on lap 3, Applejack falls out of the top 5. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash is right up there with Beavis, trying to take the lead. Beavis holds her off, though.
On around lap 8, Stan Smith joins the mix to make it a three-way battle for the lead. On lap 12, he gets around Rainbow Dash to get an opportunity to take the lead from Beavis. And on lap 18, he takes the lead. Back behind them, on lap 23, Phineas Flynn makes it into the top 5.
Lap 26; as Beavis lurks back in 3rd, Rainbow Dash is looking to take the lead from Beavis. The two battle each other intensely for position. Then, on lap 33, Rainbow Dash gets inside of Stan Smith going through turns 1 & 2 and takes the lead. On lap 38, Rainbow Dash gets loose in turn 4, and one lap later Stan Smith takes the lead back.
Around this time, Abigail Lincoln, who started back in 29th, has failed to make any real progress so far;
Abigail: This car is just driving like shit!
Then, on lap 45...
Alexander: We've got a smoker in turn 1!
Abigail: Goddammit, the fuckin' engine's blown up!
Kuki: (sniff)
Alexander: And we have a caution!
On lap 45, Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet blows its engine. Both she and her crew chief Kuki Sanban express their frustration as she coasts her car into the garage, ending their night.
William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota, running 1 lap down in 34th gets the free pass.
And so the other cars go into the pits for their first pit stops of the night, all taking four tires and fuel. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Stan Smith
Beavis
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Phineas Flynn
Bender
Homer Simpson
Applejack
Dudley Puppy
Master Shake
The race restarts on lap 50. Beavis gets the better start and jumps into the lead. Danny Phantom follows him closely so that he may get into 2nd. As Stan Smith and Rainbow Dash jockey for 3rd position, Phineas Flynn slips by the both of them on lap 57 to take the 3rd spot.
Back up front, Danny Phantom is trying to take the lead from Beavis, but for a number of laps, he keeps getting blocked off. This goes on until lap 64, at which point Danny has lost his patience. He increases his grip on the steering wheel as his hands start to glow...
Dallenbach: What the hell's goin' on here?
Alexander: I dunno, but the #16 car just turned transparent...and oh my God, he's gone right through Beavis to take the lead!
Dallenbach: He just drove right through him as if he wasn't there!
Petty: That's incredible!
On lap 64, Danny Phantom uses his special powers to turn his #16 3M Ford into a ghost. He then drives right through Beavis's #24 Drive To End Hunger Chevrolet to take the lead, and unghosts his car afterwards.
Sam: Yeah, go Danny!
Beavis: What the fuck did he just do?
Daria: It's okay, we still have a long way to go.
Beavis: That fuckin' cheater!
But for Beavis, things aren't getting any better at the moment. Next thing he knows, Phineas Flynn is right behind him, challenging him for 2nd place. Beavis manages to hold hid ground until lap 73, when Phineas manages to slip under Beavis to take the 2nd position. On lap 77, Stan Smith falls out of the top 5.
On lap 80...
Alexander: The #10 car is off the pace on the backstretch!
Steve: What's going on, Mom?
Francine: The brakes are gone!
Steve: (gasp) You mean..?
Francine: (sigh) Yeah, it looks like it's all over for us.
By lap 80, the brakes on Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet have failed. She carefully coasts her car on the apron through pit road and into the garage, and retires her car from the race.
Around lap 87, Phineas Flynn is within striking distance of Danny Phantom, and is challenging him for the lead. Danny is still in the lead on lap 94 when green flag pit stops begin. During pit stops...
Rarity: Whoa, back up! Back up!
Twilight: Ugh!
While going in for pit stop, Twilight Sparkle makes the mistake of stopping her #11 FedEx Toyota too far forward in her pit box, so she has to back up before she gets any service. She manages to get her service and get out unscathed, but her earlier mistakes costs her track position!
Everything else goes without a hitch. The following is the top 10 when pit stops are complete on lap 100;
Danny Phantom
Phineas Flynn
Beavis
Homer Simpson
Rainbow Dash
Bender
Applejack
Master Shake
Eddy
Spongebob SquarePants
On lap 101...
Alexander: Trouble! Turn 2!
Petty: Two cars have crashed; the #17 and the #56!
Alexander: And we have caution out on the racetrack!
On lap 101, Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford gets loose, spins and clips the right-rear of Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota. Both cars go hard into the outside and retaining wall. They are unable to get going again, but Timmy and Meatwad are okay. They're both taken to the infield care center as their cars are taken into the garage area.
Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, running 1 lap down in 30th gets the free pass.
This caution occurred right after green-flag pit stops, so no one goes in to pit. The top 10 at the restart will be the same as it was when green-flag pit stops were completed on lap 100.
And so we restart on lap 104. Right at the get-go, Homer Simpson makes a slingshot move on Phineas Flynn to take 2nd. However, he's unable to catch up to Danny Phantom, and on lap 110, Phineas takes 2nd place back.
Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, is moving up. By lap 114, she's up to 3rd, and by lap 119 she's challenging Danny Phantom for the lead. She gets into the lead on lap 122.
Eventually, yet another challenger appears. Bender had gotten into the top 5 back on the restart. On lap 125 he makes it into 2nd place, and by lap 132 is challenging Rainbow Dash for the lead. Rainbow Dash makes a great effort to block Bender; this pays off until lap 137 when Bender gets by for the lead. On lap 140, Eddy cracks the top 5.
Bender is still in the lead on lap 142 when green-flag pit stops begin. Everyone goes in for four tires and fuel, and this time no one makes any mistakes! When green-flag pit stops are complete on lap 146, the top 10 is as follows;
Bender
Rainbow Dash
Phineas Flynn
Beavis
Eddy
Danny Phantom
Homer Simpson
Applejack
Master Shake
Nigel Uno
Phineas Flynn gets back up to 2nd on lap 148, and by lap 154 is challenging Bender for the lead. On lap 159, after a long session of blocking by Bender, Phineas makes a slingshot move to get back in the lead.
Rainbow Dash gets back up to 2nd on lap 163; on lap 171, she's within striking distance of Phineas Flynn. As she proceeds to challenge him for the lead, on lap 175 her teammate Applejack makes it into the top 5.
On lap 182, Phineas Flynn gets real loose in turn 2, almost spinning out. He saves it, but loses the lead to Rainbow Dash. She's still in the lead on lap 187 when...
Alexander: Car in the wall!
Petty: The #29 is hard in the wall!
Alexander: Caution is out.
Dallenbach: Uh, I think Phineas's brother may be responsible.
On lap 187, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford gets in the left-rear of Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet. Edd's car starts to spin to the left, he overcorrects and the car goes hard right and head-on into the outside retaining wall. The car is unable to get going again...
Nazz: Oh my God, are you okay?
Edd: Yes, but I must say; that Ferb may be a boy genius, but he is most unequivocally incapable of piloting a motor vehicle.
...but Edd is okay. He gets out of the car, which is taken to the garage area as he is taken to the infield care center.
Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 21st gets the free pass.
The rest of the cars make their pit stops, and this will be the top 10 at the restart;
Rainbow Dash
Phineas Flynn
Beavis
Danny Phantom
Applejack
Eddy
Master Shake
Bender
Nigel Uno
Stan Smith
We restart on lap 192. Applejack immediately makes a slingshot move on Beavis to get around him and Danny Phantom and take 3rd place. Shortly thereafter, she's challenging her earlier victim, Phineas Flynn for 2nd.
On lap 198, Applejack taps Phineas in the left-rear while in turn 3, getting him loose, allowing her to get by. Back behind them, on lap 200, Bender falls out of the top 10.
And so Applejack sets her sights on the leader, who happens to be none other than her teammate, Rainbow Dash. She gets into striking distance on lap 205, and the battle for the lead begins. Rainbow Dash is able to hold off her teammate until lap 209, when Applejack slips by to take the lead.
Then on lap 213, Rainbow Dash loses 2nd place to Phineas Flynn. Applejack, meanwhile, is still in the lead on lap 217 when...
Alexander: Smoke! Turn 1!
Cartman: Oh fuck my ass!
Petty: The #14 car has lost its engine.
Alexander: Caution is out.
Dallenbach: And he's our points leader, too! What a tough break!
On lap 217, Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet blows its engine. This is a particularly tough break for Cartman, seeing as how he is the points leader, and will likely lose it when this race is over. A very dejected Cartman coasts his car around the track, into the pits, and into the garage, and his race is over.
Spongebob's SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 18th gets the free pass.
The other cars make their last pit stops of the race. And so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
Applejack
Phineas Flynn
Rainbow Dash
Beavis
Stan Smith
Danny Phantom
Nigel Uno
Eddy
Master Shake
Homer Simpson
We are restarted on lap 222. On lap 225 Beavis gets around Rainbow Dash to take 3rd place. Danny Phantom gets around Stan Smith on lap 230 to get back into the top 5. On lap 236, Early Cuyler gets around Master Shake to get back in the top 10.
Meanwhile, the top 2 remains the same. It's still Applejack in the lead, with Phineas Flynn in 2nd. The thing that was motivating him here was revenge, of the more honorable sort. Remember how he got beaten up by her after the previous race at Sonoma? Well, instead of beating her up right back, Phineas thought, beating her on the track would be a much better way of getting back at her.
On lap 245, he's within striking distance of her, thus commencing the battle for the win. He almost gets by on lap 250, but Applejack gets a great run off turn 4 and is able to stay ahead. As she continues to hold Phineas off on lap 255...
Alexander: The #93 car is way off the pace!
Lois: What's the hell's goin' on?
Peter: The car won't handle the track or anything; I think we've lost our rear suspension!
Lois: Shit! Better bring her in, Peter.
Peter: Damn!
On lap 255, Peter Griffin's rear suspension breaks, thus making the car impossible to handle. So Peter has no choice but to park it in the garage and retire from the race, which he does. Meanwhile, the race stays under green.
On lap 259, we have a lead change! Phineas Flynn gets by Applejack going into turn 1 to take the lead back. He pulls away for a little while, but Applejack catches back up, and gets back in the lead on lap 264 going into turn 3.
The white flag waves on lap 267, signaling the final lap. Applejack is still in the lead, holding off Phineas through turns 1 and 2. As they go through turns 3 and 4 for the final time...
Alexander: Phineas makes his move...
Petty: They're side-by-side through turn 4!
Dallenbach: It's gonna be close!
Alexander: Checkered flag...
All: PHINEAS!
Alexander: By just 9 thousandths of a second!
Petty: That's incredible!
Phineas: HA! Take that, you pony bitch!
Isabella: I'm so proud of you, Phineas!
Phineas: Hell yeah!
Applejack: Damn! Looks like he's beat me fair and square...he's gotten me.
A photo finish occurs at the line which has Phineas Flynn beating Applejack by just 0.009 seconds to win the Quaker State 400. Behind them, Beavis takes 3rd, Rainbow Dash finishes 4th, Danny Phantom places 5th, Stan Smith comes in 6th, Nigel Uno takes 7th, Eddy gets 8th, Homer Simpson places 9th, and Early Cuyler rounds out the top 10.
After the other cars go into the pits after the cool-down lap, Phineas does a donut in the tri-oval as the fans cheer for him. He then takes the checkered flag and does his victory lap.
He then parks the car in Victory Lane. After a moment, he gets out, celebrates, and everyone cheers as the champagne and confetti are released. He takes a swig of champagne, then Marty Snider moves in for the interview;
Snider: Phineas, congratulations on this win. And what an amazing finish!
Phineas: Yeah, and what could be more fitting? I'd been wanting to get back at Applejack, but I wanted to beat her on the track, rather than actually beat her up. And I beat her for the win in a photo finish, so like I said, what could be more fitting?
Snider: Besides that, you needed this win for the points.
Phineas: Oh absolutely! We're still looking for a chance to go for the championship, and this win really helped us out a lot with that.
Snider: And do you have anything to say to Applejack?
Phineas: Well...you put up a great race, but I got you, so it looks like we're even. And hopefully, we've reached a closure of some sort.
Snider: Well great job out there, Phineas.
Phineas: Thanks, Marty!
Phineas's crew chief and girlfriend Isabella Garcia-Shapiro appears beside him and they kiss.
Snider: Matt?
Yocum: Applejack was on the losing end of the photo finish. Applejack, any thoughts?
Applejack: (sigh) He beat me; what more can I say? This must be what I deserve for what I did to him...hopefully we can make peace before it gets real ugly.
Yocum: Well, I wish you luck with that. Adam?
Alexander: Thanks, guys. Well I don't know about you guys, but I really enjoyed that finish! Now let's see how they all fared;
And here's how the cartoons finished the Quaker State 400;
Phineas Flynn
Applejack
Beavis
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Stan Smith
Nigel Uno
Eddy
Homer Simpson
Early Cuyler
Bender
Dudley Puppy
Spongebob SquarePants
Ed
Master Shake
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Frylock
Ferb Fletcher
Butt-Head (1 lap down)
Foxxy Love (1 lap down)
Twilight Sparkle (1 lap down)
Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
William Murderface (1 lap down)
The Warden (1 lap down)
Kenny McCormick (2 laps down)
Hank Hill (2 laps down)
Alejandro (2 laps down)
Katara (2 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (2 laps down)
Grim (2 laps down)
Sokka (3 laps down)
Kim Possible (3 laps down)
Flapjack (3 laps down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (4 laps down)
Aang (4 laps down)
Chowder (4 laps down)
Peter Griffin (DNF; suspension)
Eric Cartman (DNF; engine)
Edd (DNF; accident)
Timmy Turner (DNF; accident)
Meatwad (DNF; accident)
Francine Smith (DNF; brakes)
Abigail Lincoln (DNF; engine)
Alexander: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 17 of 36 races;
Homer Simpson; 453 points
Eddy; 451 points
Nigel Uno; 450 points
Master Shake; 448 points
Ed; 443 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 442 points
Frylock/Eric Cartman; 436 points
Beavis; 435 points
Peter Griffin; 432 points
Danny Phantom; 431 points
Abigail Lincoln; 429 points
Rainbow Dash; 419 points
Phineas Flynn/Meatwad; 416 points
Butt-Head; 414 points
William Murderface/Edd; 412 points
Timmy Turner; 409 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 400 points
Bender; 396 points
Early Cuyler; 392 points
Francine Smith; 381 points
Stan Smith; 380 points
Ferb Fletcher; 370 points
Gumball Waterson; 369 points
Foxxy Love; 357 points
Dudley Puppy; 352 points
Twilight Sparkle; 344 points
Grim; 333 points
Aang; 322 points
Alejandro; 308 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 288 points
Katara; 282 points
Sokka; 279 points
Kim Possible/Flapjack; 277 points
Chowder; 275 points
Hank Hill; 258 points
The Warden; 254 points
Ben Tennyson; 253 points
Kenny McCormick; 226 points
Applejack; 225 points
Alexander; Next time on NASCAR on TNT, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads back to the restrictor-plate racing at Daytona in the Coke Zero 400! With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, I'm Adam Alexander. See you at Daytona, everyone!
After the victory celebrations, Phineas Flynn is in his team's garage cleaning up when a certain rival driver shows up;
Applejack: Uh, Phineas?
Phineas: Applejack?
Applejack: Well, uh, you beat me out there, so, I just wanted to apologize for what happened last week.
Phineas: Ah, well I find it difficult to blame you entirely. That's what racing in NASCAR does to you, it pumps you up, it ignites your temper! Just look at Kurt and Kyle Busch!
Applejack: Yeah, you're right! (laugh)...(sigh) The points penalty still sucks, though.
Phineas: Well remember I once got docked 50 points for making love to my crew chief!
Both: (hysterical laughter)
...
Applejack: But, we're cool right?
Phineas: Yeah, we are. Now come here, you!
At that instant, Phineas pulls Applejack in for a big hug.
Both: (sigh)
After a moment, they pull apart.
Applejack: Right, well, I guess I'll be seeing you at Daytona.
Phineas: Yeah. See ya!
The two both leave the garage and the racetrack, to rest up and prepare for next week.
Some race, huh? And another feud has come and gone. With the way things have gone, you can bet that there will be more to come! Next time, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads back to Daytona International Speedway for the Coke Zero 400. I'll see you at Daytona!
Chapter 22: Coke Zero 400
We're back at Daytona International Speedway, where the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will be pack racing with restrictor plates once again in the Coke Zero 400! I actually attended this race in real life just last Saturday night; and I had a blast! Anyway, Daytona International Speedway is a 2.5-mile tri-oval. The turns are banked at 31 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 18 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 2 degrees. And like I mentioned before, this race again features restrictor plates to slow the cars down, and has cars racing in huge packs, which can result in big wrecks...
The race will be 400 miles long, run over 160 laps. It will be a night race. There are some clouds out, so no rain is expected, so there's nothing to worry about in that regard.
Starting grid;
Danny Phantom
Rainbow Dash*
William Murderface
Stan Smith
Beavis
Phineas Flynn
Abigail Lincoln
Meatwad
Edd
Timmy Turner
Ferb Fletcher
Master Shake
Eric Cartman
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Early Cuyler
Gumball Waterson
Eddy
Twilight Sparkle
Butt-Head
Spongebob SquarePants
Peter Griffin
Francine Smith
Nigel Uno
Frylock
Ed
Homer Simpson
Dudley Puppy
Foxxy Love
Applejack
The Warden
Aang
Grim
Kenny McCormick
Sokka
Kim Possible
Chowder
Ben Tennyson
Hank Hill
Katara
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Bender
Flapjack
Alejandro
(*) – Rainbow Dash's qualifying time was disallowed on account of illegal air hosing inside the cockpit that would've given her an unfair aerodynamic advantage; therefore she will start the race in 42nd position.
I'll turn it over now to NASCAR on TNT;
Alexander: Hello, and welcome back to the World Center of Racing, Daytona International Speedway! Last time we were here, we ran 500 miles, and the pony known as Twilight Sparkle won the Great American Race! Tonight, we run under the lights in the Coke Zero 400! With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, I'm Adam Alexander.
Dallenbach: Yeah, we've seen in recent years the races at this track become oh so chaotic towards the end. You may recall back in the Daytona 500 when the #39 of Kenny McCormick flipped into Lake Lloyd and drowned, only to die and keep coming back week in and week out.
Petty: Not to mention that this track could be a breeding ground for more feuds. So far we've had Early Cuyler and William Murderface, sort of, Danny Phantom and Meatwad, Nigel Uno and Twilight Sparkle, and most recently Phineas Flynn and Applejack. Whatever happens, it will be chaotic!
Alexander: Yes sir, but only one character will come out a winner. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Disney mascot, Goofy!
Goofy: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines, ah-hyuck!
The 43 cars start their engines. Although their horsepower is cut to 445 due to the restrictor plates, they still manage to evoke a sense of pure, unadulterated power. They warm up and then roll out for the pace laps;
Alexander: Now let's see how they'll line up for tonight's race; The ghost boy Danny Phantom starts on the pole. Rainbow Dash qualified 2nd but will drop to 42nd due to illegal modifications. In 3rd place is the death metal bass player William Murderface and Stan Smith starts 4th. Beavis is 5th, and last week's winner Phineas Flynn starts in the 6th position. Abigail Lincoln will roll off in 7th, and in 8th place is Michael Waltrip Racing's Meatwad. The boy genius Edd is 9th, and Timmy Turner rounds out the top 10. As you look through the rest of the line-up, Wally will dial someone up on the radio;
Dallenbach: Applejack, it's Wally Dallenbach from TNT, you got me?
Applejack: Yeah, Wally.
Dallenbach: First off, how are things between you and Phineas now?
Applejack: Oh, we're cool now. I really overreacted when he spun me out there; and I'm still 2 points behind Kenny, so...
Dallenbach: Well, how do you feel about tonight?
Applejack: Hey, this is pack racing we're doing here; even Alejandro could win this, and he's starting dead last!
Dallenbach: Well, that's it, I guess. Good luck!
Applejack: 10-4, thanks.
Alexander: Right, now let's see what our pit reporters have to say. Marty Snider?
Snider: Adam, Eric Cartman took a relatively large blow last week; he fell way out of the points lead after he blew his engine. However, he starts 13th, and with the playing field of the restrictor-plate tracks, he could come roaring back here tonight. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Marty, Rainbow Dash would be starting 2nd were it not for that illegal modification with the air hoses. Instead, she starts 42nd; quite a hurdle to overcome. I f she did win, she'd be tying the modern era record for worst starting position to win from. Ralph Sheheen?
Sheheen: Matt, Applejack is down to last place in the standings, still 2 points behind Kenny McCormick after her assault on Phineas Flynn. Those two may be getting along now, but simply put, her championship hopes may already be over. Chris Neville?
Neville: Ralph, our new points leader is Homer Simpson, who comes off another top 10 from last week and starts 26th tonight. Now Homer has been complaining about the car lacking a bit of grip, but he's still confident for a good race. Back to you, Adam.
Alexander: Thanks, everyone.
The pace car pulls off onto pit road, and shortly thereafter the cars accelerate to the line under the guise of the green flag.
Alexander: And we're underway once again at Daytona!
Pretty much everyone has already moved up a spot since Rainbow Dash had to drop to the rear of the field. Danny Phantom meanwhile holds his lead position for the first 4 laps, with Stan Smith right on his tail. On lap 5, William Murderface, with Beavis on his rear, shoots by to take the lead. He's still in the lead on lap 8 when the caution comes out;
Dallenbach: Wait, what are we under caution for?
Alexander: You won't believe this, guys; there's a My Little Pony!
Dallenbach: What?
Alexander: There's a My Little Pony doll on the back straightaway!
Petty: That's incredible!
Alexander: Look at it, there it is!
Dallenbach: You know what pony that is, Kyle?
Petty: I believe that is Derpy Hooves.
Dallenbach: The retarded one?
Petty: Yeah.
Alexander: Well this is one of the most unreal things I've ever seen.
On lap 8, don't ask me how it happens, but somehow, a Derpy Hooves My Little Pony doll comes out of the grandstands and ends up down on the back straightaway, right in the area that the cars drive on, so they have to bring out the caution. Track crews are sent to pick up the doll, and find no additional debris.
The race is restarted on lap 11. Danny Phantom makes a slingshot move on William Murderface to take the lead back. Stan Smith follows him by, and he makes a slingshot move on lap 17 to take the lead.
On lap 24, Rainbow Dash makes it into the top 30.
On lap 29, Beavis gets by Murderface, and the two shoot by Stan Smith and Danny Phantom, and so Beavis is now in the lead.
But then, on lap 33, we have new challengers for the lead. Phineas Flynn, with Meatwad on his rear, they're side-by-side with Beavis and Murderface. On lap 37, Phineas shoots into the lead.
Then on lap 41, the cars start to go in for green-flag pit stops. Meatwad, Frylock and Aang are all caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve drive-thru penalties. But everything else goes well, and when green-flag pit stops are complete on lap 47, the top 10 at the restart is as follows;
Phineas Flynn
Danny Phantom
Beavis
Stan Smith
William Murderface
Edd
Eric Cartman
Gumball Waterson
Timmy Turner
Hoagie P. Gilligan
On lap 50, Rainbow Dash cracks the top 20.
Eric Cartman cracks the top 5 on lap 56. With Edd on his rear bumper, he runs side-by-side with Phineas Flynn for a good number of laps. On lap 64, Cartman gets a better run off of turn 4 and takes the lead.
On lap 69, Cartman and Edd swap positions, and Edd leads for a while. On lap 75, they swap back, and Cartman is back in the lead.
Now we go back to around mid-pack. Kenny McCormick is running in the 24th position, coming up on a three-way battle for 21st featuring Francine Smith, Spongebob SquarePants and Dudley Puppy. On lap 81, as they're going through the tri-oval, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford just taps the left-rear of Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet, and then taps Spongebob's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet. Both cars overcorrect, and Francine's car runs hard into Kenny's car...
Alexander: Whoa, look out, we've got trouble! This is gonna hurt!
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet catches some air and goes hard into the catchfence and grinds against it. The car is badly ripped up as it goes back down on the racetrack and flips around some. Six other cars are involved, including The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet, Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota, Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge, and Sokka's #38 Modspace Ford. The red flag is thrown out immediately as emergency crews scramble to the wrecked #39 car, fearing the worst...
Petty: Yep.
Alexander: Yep.
Dallenbach: Mm-hmm.
Alexander: Keep your fingers crossed, folks.
Then suddenly, the window net of the car comes down, and he emerges from the wreckage.
Dallenbach: Oh my God, he's alive!
Alexander: Kenny McCormick has gotten out of the car under his own power, and doesn't appear to be seriously injured!
Petty: That's incredible!
Alexander: It really is.
Kenny McCormick only has minor injuries has he's transported to the infield care center. Meanwhile, track crews continue to clean up the wreckage. The #78, #22, #88, #99 and #10 cars were able to get back to the pits to attempt repairs, but all the other cars have been totaled.
After the track is cleared, the race goes from red flag to yellow flag. The cars then go in to make their pit stops. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Eric Cartman
Edd
Beavis
Phineas Flynn
Timmy Turner
Gumball Waterson
Danny Phantom
Stan Smith
Ferb Fletcher
Hoagie P. Gilligan
The race is restarted on lap 86. Edd gets ahead of Eric Cartman to take the lead, and Edd and Cartman get ahead a little bit, running 1st and 2nd respectively. Meanwhile, on lap 92, Rainbow Dash makes it into the top 15.
Then on lap 97, we have two more challengers for the lead. Timmy Turner, backed by Gumball Waterson is in hot pursuit of Cartman and Edd. After several laps of battle, Timmy and Gumball take the top 2 spots on lap 102, with Timmy in the lead. They do a swap on lap 106, giving Gumball the lead.
On lap 108...
Alexander: Looks like we have a car off the pace.
Nigel: We've lost 4th gear! We've lost 4th gear!
Rachel: Goddammit! Better bring her in so we can work on it.
Nigel: (sigh) 10-4.
On lap 108, Nigel Uno's #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet loses the 4th gear of its transmission, thus disallowing him from maintaining the pace. He's forced to take his car into the garage so they can try to repair it.
On lap 109, Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet gets back on the track, 28 laps down in 34th place.
On lap 113, the leaders swap again, handing the lead back to Timmy.
On lap 114, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford re-emerges, 34 laps down in 35th place.
On lap 116, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge comes back out, 36 laps down in 36th place.
On lap 119, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet comes back out, 39 laps down in 37th place.
Now we go to lap 120, where Katara is running back in the 15th position. As she's going down the backstretch...
Katara: I'm gonna take this damn field out!
She then waves her hand around in her car...
Dallenbach: What is that?
Alexander: Uh...that's water rising out of Lake Lloyd!
Petty: That's impossible!
Dallenbach: What the hell's gonna happen now?
Katara uses her waterbending powers to manipulate water out of nearby Lake Lloyd. The water moves towards turn 3. Then...
Alexander: The water's in turn 3, oh my God!
Dallenbach: Big crash!
Petty: Eight cars are in it, red flag is out!
Alexander: That was just unbelievable!
Going through turn 3 on lap 120, Katara places the water down there. The water causes eight cars to crash, including Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet, Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Chevrolet, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet, Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet, Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford, Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford, Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge, and Chowder's #37 Poynt Ford.
Katara: That went well! (cackles)
The red flag is thrown out and the cars are stopped on the backstretch so they can clean up turn 3. The only cars able to get back up and running are the #48 and the #15. All the others are totaled, but the drivers are okay, and they're all taken to the infield care center.
When the track is cleaned up, the red flag is replaced with the yellow flag. The field then goes into the pits for tires and fuel, and so here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Timmy Turner
Gumball Waterson
Eric Cartman
Danny Phantom
Edd
Beavis
Stan Smith
Ferb Fletcher
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Phineas Flynn
The race restarts on lap 125.
On lap 126, Rainbow Dash gets into the top 10.
On lap 127, Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet is back on the track, 47 laps down in 38th place.
On lap 134, a lead change occurs. Eric Cartman, now with Danny Phantom as a drafting partner, goes by Timmy and Gumball to take the lead. Danny, meanwhile, takes 2nd. They swap on lap 138, and so Danny assumes the lead.
One lap later...
Homer: Oh, fuck my ass!
Alexander: And our points leader, Homer Simpson has blown his engine!
Dallenbach: Caution is out.
Petty: And his race is over.
On lap 139, Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota blows its engine. The caution comes out as he coasts his broken machine into the garage area, ending his race.
The rest of the field makes their final pit stops of the race. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Danny Phantom
Eric Cartman
Edd
Timmy Turner
Gumball Waterson
Beavis
Phineas Flynn
Ferb Fletcher
Stan Smith
Rainbow Dash
We restart on lap 142. Danny Phantom manages to hold the lead until lap 146, when Cartman gets back into the lead. On lap 150, Rainbow Dash makes it into the top 5. On lap 155, she's in 2nd. She and the leader, Eric Cartman, start to pull away a little.
The white flag flies on lap 160. Rainbow Dash looks for a way around, but Cartman holds her off. He's still holding her off through the final turn...
Dallenbach: They're on the home stretch!
Alexander: Checkered flag...
All: OH!
Dallenbach: Cartman's in the wall!
Alexander: And Rainbow Dash wins it!
Dallenbach: More cars are wrecking, #17, #5, #87, #29, #56...
Rainbow Dash: WOOOOOO! Yeah, we did it, Fluttershy!
Fluttershy: Yay.
Petty: Man, that's an ugly finish!
At the very end, Rainbow Dash puts Eric Cartman in the wall to win the Coke Zero 400. Danny Phantom gets 2nd, Beavis takes 3rd, Phineas Flynn comes in 4th, Ferb Fletcher places 5th, Stan Smith finishes 6th, Hoagie P. Gilligan places 7th, Peter Griffin gets 8th, William Murderface takes 9th, and Twilight Sparkle rounds out the top 10.
Others get caught up in Cartman's crash, including Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford, Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet, Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet, and Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota.
After that mess, Rainbow Dash is celebrating in Victory Lane, cheering amidst the showers of champagne and confetti. She takes a swig of champagne as Marty Snider moves in for the interview;
Snider: Rainbow Dash, an amazing win for you tonight! Care to tell us how that happened?
Rainbow Dash: Well, I certainly didn't want to wreck him. I guess he just got loose when he got his rear into my front. Of course, had he not done that, he would've won, so I'm glad it happened, I just don't think it had to have been that nasty; oh well!
Snider: How important would you say this win is for you?
Rainbow Dash: Oh man, I really needed it! I too am looking for a shot at the championship, so it certainly helps!
Snider: OK, well great job out there today!
Rainbow Dash: Thanks.
Snider: Adam?
Alexander: Thanks, Marty. Now let's see how things played out;
And here's how they finished the Coke Zero 400;
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Beavis
Phineas Flynn
Ferb Fletcher
Stan Smith
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Peter Griffin
William Murderface
Twilight Sparkle
Eddy
Master Shake
Katara
Applejack
Early Cuyler
Ed
Aang
Eric Cartman
Gumball Waterson
Abigail Lincoln
Timmy Turner
Edd
Meatwad
Francine Smith
Dudley Puppy
Bender
Foxxy Love
Homer Simpson (DNF; engine)
Butt-Head (DNF; accident)
Frylock (DNF; accident)
Kim Possible (DNF; accident)
Flapjack (DNF; accident)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; accident)
Hank Hill (DNF; accident)
Grim (DNF; accident)
Chowder (DNF; accident)
Spongebob SquarePants (47 laps down)
Nigel Uno (DNF; transmission)
The Warden (DNF; accident)
Ben Tennyson (DNF: accident)
Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Sokka (DNF; accident)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Alexander: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 18 of 36 races;
Eddy; 484 points
Master Shake; 480 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 474 points
Danny Phantom; 475 points
Beavis; 473 points
Ed; 471 points
Homer Simpson; 469 points
Peter Griffin; 468 points
Rainbow Dash; 466 points
Eric Cartman; 464 points
Phineas Flynn; 457 points
Nigel Uno; 456 points
Frylock; 450 points
William Murderface; 448 points
Abigail Lincoln; 443 points
Butt-Head; 439 points
Meatwad; 437 points
Edd; 435 points
Timmy Turner; 433 points
Early Cuyler; 421 points
Stan Smith; 418 points
Bender; 414 points
Ferb Fletcher; 409 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 407 points
Francine Smith; 401 points
Gumball Waterson; 395 points
Twilight Sparkle; 378 points
Foxxy Love; 374 points
Dudley Puppy; 371 points
Aang; 349 points
Grim; 342 points
Katara; 313 points
Alejandro; 311 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 299 points
Kim Possible; 290 points
Flapjack; 289 points
Chowder; 283 points
Sokka; 281 points
Hank Hill; 268 points
The Warden; 259 points
Ben Tennyson; 257 points
Applejack; 255 points
Kenny McCormick; 227 points
Alexander: Wow, all of that crashing, particularly near the end; typical Daytona, eh? Next week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads up north to New Hampshire Motor Speedway for the Lenox Industrial Tools 301! With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty, I'm Adam Alexander. Have a great week, and we'll see you at New Hampshire!
Late-race mayhem, particularly on the last lap, really is quite commonplace at Daytona; trust me, I've been there! Anyways, I guess I'll be seeing you at New Hampshire!
Chapter 23: Lenox Industrial Tools 301
We've just passed the halfway mark of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series season. And now, we start the 2nd half of the season at New Hampshire Motor Speedway, where the series will stage round 19 of the season, the Lenox Industrial Tools 301. New Hampshire Motor Speedway, located in Loudon, NH is a 1.058 mile oval. The turns utilize progressive banking, from 4 degrees on the inside, to 12 degrees on the outside. The straightaways are banked at 1 degree.
The race will be 301 miles, 301 laps. Bright and sunny weather will persist throughout the day.
Starting line-up;
Edd
Bender
Abigail Lincoln
Ferb Fletcher
Meatwad
Applejack
Eric Cartman
Dudley Puppy
Francine Smith
Aang
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Butt-Head
Kenny McCormick
Peter Griffin
Ed
Rainbow Dash
Beavis
Sokka
Kim Possible
Stan Smith
Eddy
Nigel Uno
Frylock
Katara
Phineas Flynn
Danny Phantom
Master Shake
Twilight Sparkle
Homer Simpson
Foxxy Love
Timmy Turner
Spongebob SquarePants
The Warden
Hank Hill
Gumball Waterson
William Murderface
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Chowder
Ben Tennyson
Alejandro
Flapjack
Grim
Early Cuyler
This will be the last race TNT will cover for the year; I'll turn it over to them one more time;
Alexander: The NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series season is half-over, but there's still lots more racing to be done! We're located in beautiful rural New Hampshire for the final NASCAR race on TNT, where the series is prepared to run the 19th race of the season, the Lenox Industrial Tools 301! With Wally Dallenbach and Kyle Petty one more time, I'm Adam Alexander.
Dallenbach: Guys, since we're halfway through the season, I have to confess something; this Cartoon Cup Series has been more exciting than the Sprint Cup Series; mainly, in my opinion, because of points; the top 26 drivers are separated by less than 100 points; less than 90, in fact!
Petty: There's that, and there's also the special powers we've seen; airbending, waterbending, ghosting, fairy magic, unicorn magic, and we've even seen Early Cuyler pull a shotgun a couple of times! Wonder what incredible abilities we'll see in races to come?
Alexander: I suppose we'll find out. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Looney Tune, Sylvester!
Sylvester: Sufferin' succotash, ladies and gentletoons! Start your engines!
The cars all start their engines, and warm up. When they're warmed up, they roll out for the pace laps.
Alexander: Now let's see how they'll line up for today's race. The boy genius Edd has his first pole of the season, and the robot Bender starts in 2nd. Abigail Lincoln is in 3rd, and Ferb Fletcher, driving for Richard Petty Motorsports is 4th. Meatwad starts 5th, and the pony Applejack is in 6th. Stewart-Haas Racing's Eric Cartman is 7th, and the dog Dudley Puppy will roll out in 8th. Francine Smith will be in 9th, and the airbender Aang rounds out the top 10. As you look through the rest of the grid, Kyle Petty's on the radio;
Petty: Eddy, its Kyle Petty from TNT, you got me?
Eddy: Got ya, Kyle.
Petty: So you're leading the points halfway through the season; how you feelin'?
Eddy: Real good. I just wish I could build some ground! The close points race is great for the fans, but it really stresses us out, you know?
Petty: How do you feel about today's race?
Eddy: I don't know. We're starting back in 21st and this is a tough track. But I believe we'll manage somehow.
Petty: You plan on scamming any of the other drivers out of their positions?
Eddy: (laughs)
Petty: Good luck, man.
Eddy: 10-4, thanks.
Alexander: OK, let's check in with our pit reporters one more time. Marty Snider?
Snider: Adam, Eric Cartman had his first win stolen from him by the pony Rainbow Dash after she put him head-on in the wall. He finished 18th in that race. Today he starts in 7th, still looking for that first victory. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Marty, Rainbow Dash seems to be very headstrong going into this race. Even though she's starting in 14th, her win last week has given her a much needed boost in momentum, and could do well again this week. Ralph Sheheen?
Sheheen: Matt, our pole-sitter Edd is in a major predicament. He's fallen down to 18th in the points, after a series of mediocre runs. But he's now in a position where he could get another win, and maybe get out of this slump. Chris Neville?
Neville: Ralph, one driver who's certainly not in such a slump is Phineas Flynn. He finished 4th at Sonoma, won at Kentucky, and finished 4th again at Daytona. He may be starting 25th, but he was really good in practice, and that may mean something. Adam?
Alexander: Thank you, Chris.
The field goes through turn 4, the pace cars pulls into the pits, the cars creep forward and then accelerate as the green flag is shown.
Alexander: The green flag is out, and we're racing in New Hampshire!
At the start of the race, Edd and Bender remain side-by-side with each other, but Edd manages to keep his bumper ahead of Bender's, and barely holds on to the lead. Edd leads the first 10 laps in this manner, then Bender jumps ahead and leads for a little bit. He then falls back to 4th by lap 19. Then on lap 22...
Bender: Ugh! The damn brakes are shot!
Farnsworth: Damn! Bring her in.
Alexander: Bender is off the pace; apparently his brakes are gone!
Petty: That's incredible!
On lap 22, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge loses its brakes, and Bender is forced to give up his good run to go into the garage and attempt repairs.
Edd has gotten back into the lead, but then Abigail Lincoln takes it from him on lap 27. Edd falls back to 3rd as Ferb Fletcher gets by to challenge for the lead. Meatwad gets up to 3rd on lap 28 and lurks behind Abigail and Ferb.
Another lead change occurs on lap 34; Ferb Fletcher takes the lead. He stays in the lead until lap 41, when Abigail Lincoln takes the lead back. Meatwad gets up to 2nd on lap 45, and passes Abigail for the lead on lap 51. By lap 58, Eric Cartman has made it up to 3rd and is lurking behind Meatwad and Abigail.
Then, on lap 61...
Alexander: Big crash! Turn 3!
Dallenbach: The #34, #88, and #11 are all involved!
Alexander: Caution is out for the first time.
On lap 61, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet gets loose, spins and clips the left-rear of Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance, which then gets into the right-rear of Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota. All cars go into the wall and are totaled.
Twilight: Those goddamn bitches...
All three of the drivers get out unharmed. But as Foxxy and Katara are about to talk it over, Twilight's horn starts to glow...
Katara and Foxxy Love suddenly are unable to talk, or even breathe. Magic is being released from Twilght Sparkle's horn and is strangling Katara and Foxxy with extreme force. They try to overpower the magic and take a breath, but they just can't.
Twilight: I find your lack of driving skills disturbing!
Before long, Katara and Foxxy start to feel numb, and their eyes are closing. They feel about ready to die when...
Official: Twilight, get in the ambulance!
Twilight releases Katara and Foxxy Love as she's taken on the ambulance for the mandatory trip to the infield care center. Katara and Foxxy have to be assisted onto another ambulance.
Meanwhile, Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford, running 1 lap down in 32nd gets the free pass.
The rest of the field then comes in for their first pit stops; all take four tires and fuel. This will be the top 10 at the restart;
Meatwad
Abigail Lincoln
Eric Cartman
Edd
Ferb Fletcher
Aang
Kenny McCormick
Peter Griffin
Francine Smith
Rainbow Dash
The race restarts on lap 66. Abigail Lincoln gets the better start of the two leaders and so she jumps out into the lead. Eric Cartman gets into 2nd on lap 72 and starts to catch up to Abigail. By lap 77 he's challenging for the lead, but can't get it. Further back, on lap 84, Aang gets into the top 5.
Eric Cartman is still challenging Abigail Lincoln for the lead on lap 92 when Edd sneaks by them both and gets back in the lead. Further back, on lap 96, Aang falls back out of the top 5.
By lap 101, Edd is being challenged for the lead, by Eric Cartman. Edd manages to hold him off until lap 105, when Cartman sneaks by and takes the lead. Cartman pulls away a little bit. Meanwhile, on lap 110, Phineas Flynn cracks the top 10.
His stepbrother, Ferb Fletcher is making a comeback around this time. He's suddenly challenging for the lead on lap 118 when...
Alexander: Smoke on the front straightaway!
Petty: Kenny McCormick has lost his engine...
Dallenbach: And we got trouble in turn 2!
Alexander: The #18 car has been spun around, and the caution is out.
Petty: My God, that's a ton of damage!
Dallenbach: I think the #48 may have been involved.
Applejack: Argh! What was that butt-headed dumbass thinkin'?
On lap 118, Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet gets in the left-rear of Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, putting it hard into the outside wall, and severely crunching up the rear end. Applejack is able to get her car going again, and his going on the apron as the rest of the field goes by under caution. When she sees the #48 in her rearview in turn 4...
Applejack: Teach you to mess with me!
...she swerves hard right into the path of Butt-Head, blocking his path. This standoff goes on for a few seconds before Butt-Head is able to steer around Applejack, who reluctantly heads into the garage to attempt repairs.
Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes in for pit stops. The Warden is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. Anyways, the top 10 at the restart will be as follows...
Eric Cartman
Ferb Fletcher
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
Aang
Meatwad
Rainbow Dash
Ed
Peter Griffin
Hoagie P. Gilligan
The race is restarted on lap 123. Eric Cartman jumps ahead of the field. He holds the lead up until lap 130, when he loses the lead to Ferb Fletcher. As Ferb begins to pull away, both Ed and Peter Griffin fall out of the top 10 at laps 135 and 140, respectively.
Ferb then loses ground to the rest of the pack, and by lap 144, Aang, who's up to 2nd is challenging him for the lead. As that's happening, on lap 149 Eric Cartman falls out of the top 5, and on lap 153 Rainbow Dash gets into the top 5.
On lap 159, Aang makes it into the lead. On lap 163...
Alexander: Car in the wall!
Dallenbach: That's Kim Possible!
Petty: And Stan Smith!
Alexander: And the caution is out once again.
On lap 163, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet gets loose and spins out, taking Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet with her. Both cars are damaged and will have to go to their garages for repairs. But right after that happens...
All: OH!
Alexander: Rainbow Dash with a hard hit! Eric Cartman, we're hearing, involved.
Petty: And this was on the caution flag, wasn't it?
Right after the caution flag comes out, Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet gets into the left-rear of Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota, sending it head-on into the ouside retaining wall exiting turn 2.
Rainbow Dash: What the fuck was that?
Fluttershy: Umm, uh...
Rainbow Dash: Oh, forget it...
Rainbow Dash tries to get her car going again. She backs it up, but it sputters and stops dead near the apron of the track.
Rainbow Dash: Argh! That fatty's gonna get it!
Alexander: Rainbow Dash got it to the middle of the track, that's convenient. Now the helmet's off.
Dallenbach: She may be looking for somebody.
Alexander: You think? Matt?
Yocum: Adam, I believe the car she's looking for is the Office Depot Chevrolet. Now, Rainbow Dash said on the radio a number of comments about the #14, and then she said, 'NASCAR, I hope you're listening; I will pay Eric Cartman back.'
Dallenbach: I think she's gonna try and pay him back with her helmet.
Rainbow Dash, who's very angry, gets out of the car, helmet in hand, waiting for Eric Cartman to come back around. When he does...
Dallenbach: OK, here we go.
Kyle: The #20 has her helmet off, look out, dude!
Yocum: Let's see the accuracy...
...
Alexander: And it's a shot!
Rainbow Dash gallops right up to Eric Cartman's car and throws her helmet right at it, aiming for the driver's side window. It misses the window and hits the sheet metal right behind the window. She's then escorted from the scene by track crews.
Cartman: She threw her helmet at my car!
Kyle: I told ya, that's what's goin' on, dude.
Cartman: Well that's just gay, it was her fault! I was just standing my ground; she turned herself around!
Kyle: Yeah, 10-4, dude.
Alexander: And guess what, Wally?
Dallenbach: Uh, is there an invitation out to Rainbow Dash by NASCAR?
Alexander: To come visit after the race!
Rainbow Dash boards a NASCAR official's SUV and is driven into the infield, where she gets out and heads to the NASCAR trailer.
Meanwhile, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, running 1 lap down in 26th gets the free pass.
The other cars go into the pits for service, and the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Aang
Ferb Fletcher
Abigail Lincoln
Meatwad
Peter Griffin
Eric Cartman
Edd
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Ed
Phineas Flynn
Alexander: Let's check in with Matt.
Yocum: Rainbow Dash, obviously very frustrated with Eric Cartman.
Rainbow Dash: You know, everyone thinks Cartman's this good guy. He's not the good guy he acts like he is. The caution was out, and he wrecked me. And, he's a piece of shit!
Rainbow Dash is then escorted into the NASCAR trailer.
Alexander: And we apologize for that language.
Dallenbach: She may have to spend the night in the NASCAR trailer.
We restart on lap 171. Aang gets a jump on the rest of the field and pulls away a little bit from the field. While he's up there, Peter Griffin gradually moves up the field. He gets up to 3rd on lap 181, to 2nd on lap 189, and by lap 195 he is challenging Aang for the lead.
Peter Griffin is leading the race for the first time on lap 201. Aang then starts to fall back. He's fallen out of the top 5 by lap 214.
On lap 215, Hoagie P. Gilligan makes it into the top 5. He's all the way up to 2nd on lap 228. He's about to pass Peter Griffin for the lead on lap 234 when green flag pit stops start. When Hoagie goes in to pit on lap 236...
Snider: Oh, they dropped the jack! They dropped the jack on the #2 car!
Hoagie: Goddammit, quit fuckin' off and get me back out there!
While making a pit stop, they drop the jack on Hoagie P. Gilligan's #2 Miller Lite Dodge. They're able to get the jack back up and get him back on the track, but Hoagie loses lots of track position.
When green flag pit stops are complete on lap 241, the top 10 is as follows;
Peter Griffin
Abigail Lincoln
Meatwad
Ferb Fletcher
Edd
Aang
Dudley Puppy
Phineas Flynn
Francine Smith
Ed
On lap 248, Dudley Puppy finally makes it into the top 5. On lap 263 he makes it up to 2nd, and by lap 270 is within striking distance of Peter Griffin, who's still in the lead. On lap 276, Dudley Puppy makes it into the lead. But on lap 284, Peter Griffin takes the lead right back. Dudley Puppy gradually falls back after this; by lap 295 he has fallen back outside of the top 5.
For Peter Griffin, the race is now pretty much in the bag. He takes the white flag on lap 301 and never looks back...
Alexander: Coming through turn 4 for the final time, checkered flag is out; Peter Griffin wins at New Hampshire!
Peter: Yeah, we won AGAIN! You guys are awesome!
Lois: No, you're awesome, Peter!
Peter: Wooo!
Peter Griffin wins the Lenox Industrial Tools 301. Meatwad claims 2nd, Edd gets 3rd, Ferb Fletcher places 4th, Abigail Lincoln finishes 5th, Dudley Puppy takes 6th, Aang comes in 7th, Francine Smith takes 8th, Ed finishes 9th, and Phineas Flynn rounds out the top 10.
After doing a burnout, Peter Griffin can be found in Victory Lane, celebrating amidst the showers of champagne and confetti. He takes a swig of champagne as Marty Snider moves in for the interview;
Snider: Peter Griffin, an amazing win here at New Hampshire!
Peter: Not really. The only guy challenging me there was that dog, and he fell way back afterwards, plus I was in the front all day, so...
Snider: But you and Homer Simpson are also the only two drivers to have won more than once this season.
Peter: Yeah, that's true! I guess we're better than everyone else right now, heh heh!
Snider: Well, great job out there.
Peter: Thanks!
Peter Griffin's wife/crew chief Lois Griffin appears beside him and they kiss.
Snider: Adam?
Alexander: Thanks, Marty. Now let's see how things went down;
And here's how our beloved cartoon characters finished the Lenox Industrial Tools 301;
Peter Griffin
Meatwad
Edd
Ferb Fletcher
Abigail Lincoln
Dudley Puppy
Aang
Francine Smith
Ed
Phineas Flynn
Beavis
Nigel Uno
Eddy
Danny Phantom
Homer Simpson
Eric Cartman
Timmy Turner
Butt-Head
Master Shake
Hoagie P. Gilligan
The Warden (1 lap down)
Sokka (1 lap down)
Frylock (1 lap down)
Hank Hill (1 lap down)
Spongebob SquarePants (1 lap down)
Early Cuyler (2 laps down)
Gumball Waterson (2 laps down)
William Murderface (2 laps down)
Grim (2 laps down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (3 laps down)
Flapjack (3 laps down)
Chowder (3 laps down)
Alejandro (4 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (4 laps down)
Rainbow Dash (DNF; accident)
Stan Smith (DNF; accident)
Kim Possible (DNF; accident)
Applejack (DNF; accident)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; engine)
Twilight Sparkle (DNF; accident)
Katara (DNF; accident)
Foxxy Love (DNF; accident)
Bender (DNF; accident)
Alexander: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 19 of 36 races;
Peter Griffin; 516 points
Eddy; 515 points
Ed/Beavis; 506 points
Danny Phantom/Master Shake; 505 points
Homer Simpson/Hoagie P. Gilligan; 498 points
Eric Cartman; 493 points
Phineas Flynn; 491 points
Nigel Uno; 488 points
Abigail Lincoln; 483 points
Meatwad; 480 points
Edd; 477 points
Rainbow Dash; 475 points
Frylock; 472 points
Butt-Head; 465 points
William Murderface; 464 points
Timmy Turner; 460 points
Ferb Fletcher; 450 points
Early Cuyler; 439 points
Francine Smith; 437 points
Spongebob SquarePants/Stan Smith; 426 points
Bender; 416 points
Gumball Waterson; 412 points
Dudley Puppy; 409 points
Aang; 387 points
Twilight Sparkle; 382 points
Foxxy Love; 376 points
Grim; 357 points
Alejandro; 322 points
Katara; 316 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 313 points
Sokka; 303 points
Flapjack; 302 points
Kim Possible; 297 points
Chowder; 295 points
Hank Hill; 288 points
The Warden; 282 points
Ben Tennyson; 267 points
Applejack; 261 points
Kenny McCormick; 232 points
(One last update; Rainbow Dash will not receive any monetary fines or point penalties, but she will be on probation for the next 7 races.)
Alexander: There you have it! This then, concludes TNT's coverage of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series. The rest of the season will be covered on ESPN, so tune in to them next time, when they head to the legendary Indianapolis Motor Speedway to run the Crown Royal 400! This is Adam Alexander, Wally Dallenbach, and Kyle Petty saying thank you for watching NASCAR on TNT!
I have no further comments, except that I'll be seeing you at Indianapolis! And yes, it's that Indianapolis...
Chapter 24: Crown Royal 400
Now, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is at one of, if not the most important, prestigious race courses in the entire world; Indianapolis Motor Speedway! Despite earning its reputation as the mother of all IndyCar racing venues, NASCAR has run here since the year 1994. Now, cartoon characters will take to the Brickyard in the event known as the Crown Royal 400!
The actual track itself is a 2.5-mile rectangular oval; there are 1/8-mile long "short chutes" between turns 1 &2, and turns 3 & 4. The turns are all banked at 9 degrees each, while the straights aren't banked at all.
The race will be 400 miles over 160 laps. There are some clouds out, but it's still sunny, and no rain is expected, so no worries!
Starting grid;
Spongebob SquarePants
Ferb Fletcher
Nigel Uno
William Murderface
Twilight Sparkle
Butt-Head
Timmy Turner
Phineas Flynn
Frylock
Stan Smith
Eric Cartman
Bender
Edd
Meatwad
Abigail Lincoln
Francine Smith
Early Cuyler
Homer Simpson
Danny Phantom
Beavis
Eddy
Rainbow Dash
Kenny McCormick
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Peter Griffin
Master Shake
Ed
Applejack
Gumball Waterson
Dudley Puppy
Foxxy Love
Katara
Hank Hill
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Chowder
Alejandro
Ben Tennyson
Aang
The Warden
Flapjack
Kim Possible
Grim
Sokka
All of the races from here to the end of the season will be broadcast on ESPN; take it away, guys...
Allen Bestwick: Hello race fans, and thanks for tuning in to NASCAR on ESPN! We'll be covering the series for the rest of the season, and today, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is at the famed Indianapolis Motor Speedway, where our beloved cartoon characters will battle for glory in the Crown Royal 400! Hello again everyone, Allen Bestwick alongside Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, thanks for joining us.
Jarrett: Allen, at this point, we're just over halfway through the season, and often this is around where tensions start to pick up. In fact, the best example would be Rainbow Dash, who's on probation for that helmet-throwing incident with Eric Cartman at New Hampshire.
Petree: Actually Dale, all of the Joe Gibbs Racing ponies have a history of harsh behavior. All I'll say is you may recall back at Pocono, when they released that statement saying that they'd tolerate and love their fellow drivers. So far, they haven't really upheld that.
Bestwick: I think while we're at it, guys, right now, the top 25 drivers are separated by just 100 points!
Jarrett: Well that's largely because all the drivers have had ups and downs, not just a few. But this really is one hell of a points race we have brewin'.
Petree: 25 drivers only 100 points apart, halfway through the season. Take that, Sprint Cup!
Bestwick: Yes, well, let's now go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Jedi Padawan, Ahsoka Tano!
Ahsoka: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines, and may the Force be with you!
And once again, 43 automotive beasts start their 865 hp engines. They take some time to warm up, and then roll out following the lead of the pace car.
Bestwick: Now that the cars are rolling, let's see how they've lined up; the animated sponge, Spongebob SquarePants is on pole, the British-born Ferb Fletcher is in 2nd. In 3rd place is another British character Nigel Uno, and in 4th is the death metal bassist William Murderface. The pony Twilight Sparkle starts 5th, and in 6th place is Butt-Head. In 7th spot is Timmy Turner, and in 8th is the triangle-headed Phineas Flynn. In 9th spot is the box of French fries, Frylock, and rounding out the top 10 is Stan Smith. As you look through the rest of the grid, Dale Jarrett will be on the radio;
Jarrett: Peter Griffin, it's Dale Jarrett from ESPN, you got me?
Peter: Loud and clear, Dale.
Jarrett: How's it feel leading the points, big guy?
Peter: Uh, it feels good and all, but then there's that loudmouth Eddy. He's one point behind me, and he hasn't shut up about how he plans to beat me! That kid certainly has another thing comin'!
Jarrett: Well, how do you feel about this race?
Peter: As long as I still have the points lead, I'm happy. And I think we can do that, even though we're starting 25th.
Jarrett: Well, good luck with that out there.
Peter: Thanks, Dale.
Bestwick: Okay, now let's get some stuff from our pit reporters. Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, Rainbow Dash is currently back in 15th in points, starting back in 22nd, and is even on probation for her helmet throw on Eric Cartman. Perhaps all of this has quieted and subdued her, and maybe she won't be quite as aggressive. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, Eric Cartman may have had a couple run-ins with Rainbow Dash, but that doesn't seem to be phasing him today. He's currently 9th in points, starts 11th, and is feeling real confident right now. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, Eddy is one point out of the lead in the standings, along with a good cushion ahead of 3rd place. He starts 21st, 4 spots ahead of points leader Peter Griffin. He's looking to get back in the lead. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, Beavis has been on a steady rise these last few races. He's now tied with Ed for 3rd in the point standings. Believe it or not however, he still hasn't won a race! So they're looking to change that today. Allen?
Bestwick: Thanks, Vince.
And so the pace car now retreats into pit road. The green flag flies, and the cars accelerate.
Bestwick: Green flag, and we're racing at the Brickyard!
Right at the start, Nigel Uno gets up to 2nd past Ferb Fletcher. Spongebob SquarePants manages to lead the first lap before Nigel passes him to take the lead on lap 2. Ferb Fletcher falls out of the top 5 on lap 8.
William Murderface gets by Spongebob SquarePants on lap 12, and is challenging Nigel Uno for the lead by lap 15. Nigel gets loose in turn 4 on lap on lap 21, allowing Murderface to take the lead.
Meanwhile, on lap 26, Spongebob SquarePants falls out of the top 5.
Then, Nigel Uno reclaims the lead on lap 29. William Murderface gets loose in turn 2 on lap 30, and falls back. Nigel Uno is still in the lead on lap 33 when...
Bestwick: Big trouble!
Jarrett: We have two cars in the wall in turn 3!
Petree: I believe Meatwad and Early Cuyler are in this one.
Bestwick: And caution is out for the first time at Indy.
On lap 33, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota spins in turn 3, clipping the right-rear of Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford. Both cars go hard into the outside retaining wall and are totaled. Both drivers get out; they're okay, but Early Cuyler is outraged! He gets out wielding a sawed-off shotgun...
Early: Argh!
Meatwad: AAAHHHH!
Early Cuyler points the shotgun at Meatwad and fires multiple shots at him. Meatwad frantically runs around dodging the shells as Early continues to shoot at him.
Early: You're dead, bitch!
Meatwad: I-I didn't mean it, I'm sorry!
Despite this, Early continues to shoot at Meatwad until a NASCAR official tasers him. Early goes down, dropping his shotgun as the ultra high voltage knocks out his muscle control. He's lifted up and put in the NASCAR official's SUV and taken into the NASCAR trailer.
Meanwhile, the race has been red-flagged, and the rest of the cars have been stopped on the backstretch. This is because the shots that Early Cuyler fired hit the track surface, breaking up the asphalt and forming potholes. Track crews are dispatched to fill in the holes.
When the potholes are fixed, the race goes from red back to yellow. Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford, running 1 lap down in 37th gets the free pass.
The field goes into the pits for four tires and fuel. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Nigel Uno
William Murderface
Twilight Sparkle
Timmy Turner
Frylock
Ferb Fletcher
Spongebob SquarePants
Stan Smith
Francine Smith
Eric Cartman
The race restarts on lap 38. William Murderface spins his tires when he hits the gas, enabling Twilight Sparkle to move up to 2nd. She tries to get by Nigel Uno to take the lead, but Nigel manages to hold her off. On lap 44, she starts to fall back.
Timmy Turner gets up to the 2nd spot on lap 47. Two laps later, he's challenging Nigel Uno for the lead. On lap 52 he makes a slingshot move on Nigel going down the back straightaway to take the lead.
On lap 58 Ferb Fletcher falls out of the top 10.
Twilight Sparkle gets up to 2nd on lap 61. She's challenging Timmy Turner for the lead on lap 65 when…
Bestwick: We've a crash! Back straightaway!
Petree: Francine Smith's in the wall and on her roof, sliding down the track!
Jarrett: Looks like she blew a tire…
Bestwick: Uh ,no, something shot at her from the infield.
On lap 65, something shoots from the infield, hitting and cutting the left-rear tire of Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet. The total impact is so great that it causes Francine's car to turn sideways and flip over on its roof. It slides a ways down the track, then stops. Miraculously, she gets out unharmed and goes on the mandatory trip to the infield care center.
Jarrett: What do you mean?
Petree: You're saying something shot her tire out?
…
Bestwick: Uh, guys? Those are Tusken Raiders.
Jarrett: Huh?
Bestwick: THERE ARE TUSKEN RAIDERS CAMPED OUT IN THE INFIELD!
Jarrett: (gasp) That's impossible!
Petree: You have got to be kidding me!
Jarrett: Wait, haven't we seen these things in a movie somewhere?
Bestwick: They do look like things you'd see in a movie, don't they?
It is discovered that Tusken Raiders, extraterrestrial humanoids thought to only exist on a certain extragalactic desert planet which shall remain nameless, have set up a camp in the infield of the speedway, over by the backstretch. One of them had shot at Francine Smith's car with a sniper rifle, and that's what caused the crash.
Stan: Wait, there are other aliens here?
Roger: Yes! They're the ones who shot out Francine's tire and made her crash!
Stan: Oh my God! Uh, are you gonna do anything?
Roger: No, I'm unarmed! I hope the officials can do something! At least Frannie's okay.
Stan: I know, thank God!
NASCAR officials are sent into the infield of the track, armed with automatic rifles to confront the Tuskens. When the Tusken with the rifle sees them, he points his sniper at them. The officials then open fire on all of the Tuskens, riddling them with bullets that rip through their flesh, skin and organs. In no time, all the Tuskens are dead, and the officials pack their bodies, camping gear and weapons into their SUVs to dispose of them.
Meanwhile, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 30th gets the free pass.
The rest of the cars go in for pit stops. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Timmy Turner
Twilight Sparkle
Nigel Uno
Frylock
Spongebob SquarePants
Stan Smith
Eric Cartman
Bender
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
We restart on lap 70.
Bestwick: We have a car off the pace!
Edd: The transmission's discombobulated!
Nazz: Dammit…
On the lap 70 restart, the transmission on Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet goes kaput, and he can't get out of first gear. Edd limps the car around the track, onto pit road, and into the garage.
On lap 77, we have a new leader. Frylock, who restarted in 4th, gets around Timmy Turner to take the lead for the first time in this race. On lap 82, Butt-Head gets back into the top 10.
On lap 86, Twilight Sparkle falls out of the top 5.
On lap 89, Nigel Uno gets back into 2nd, and then on lap 90 gets by Frylock to take the lead back. For several laps, Frylock tries extremely hard to take the lead back, but Nigel holds him off. On lap 95, Frylock falls back.
On lap 100…
Bestwick: Smoke! Backstretch!
Abigail: We'vve blown up, goddammit!
Kuki: Urrgh! (pounds fist)
Bestwick: Caution.
On lap 100, Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmers Insurance Chevrolet blows its engine. The caution flag flies as Abigail coasts her car onto pit road and into the garage, and her day is done.
Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
Once more, the cars go into the pits for service. This then, will be the top 10 at the restart.
Nigel Uno
Frylock
Timmy Turner
Stan Smith
Bender
Eric Cartman
Butt-Head
Twilight Sparkle
Spongebob SquarePants
Ferb Fletcher
The race is restarted once again, this time on lap 104. For the moment, Nigel Uno retains the lead. On lap 108, Spongebob SquarePants falls out of the top 10.
Then on lap 110, Kenny McCormick cracks the top 10.
The next lead change occurs on lap 111; Stan Smith, who restarted in 4th, gets by Nigel Uno for the lead. On lap 114, Bender, who started in 5th, moves up into 2nd. Stan Smith loses the lead to Bender on lap 120.
The two continue to fight each other, with Stan Smith regaining the lead on lap 122. On lap 127, Eric Cartman gets into the top 5.
On lap 130…
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 1!
Jarrett: Butt-Head has crashed!
Petree: He and Ferb Fletcher!
Bestwick: Caution is out.
On lap 130, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford is clipped in the right-rear by Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet, which is then also clipped in the right-rear by Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota. Homer gets through unharmed, but Ferb and Butt-Head have both gone head-on into the wall and can't get going again. The two drivers get out of their wrecked machines unharmed and exchange a few words;
Butt-Head: You're stupid!
Ferb: You're the one who's stupid!
Butt-Head: Why you..!
At this point, NASCAR officials break it up before any violence erupts, and both drivers are taken on the mandatory trip to the infield care center.
Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford, running 1 lap down in 25th gets the free pass.
The other cars make their last pit stops at the race. This will be the top 10 at the restart;
Stan Smith
Bender
Frylock
Nigel Uno
Eric Cartman
Timmy Turner
Spongebob SquarePants
Kenny McCormick
William Murderface
Phineas Flynn
We restart on lap 134. Stan Smith gets a great start and pulls away from the field. On lap 142, Eric Cartman is up to 3rd. At the same time, Kenny McCormick cracks the top 5.
Cartman gets by Bender for 2nd on lap 144, and on lap 148 Kenny moves up into 3rd.
Both Cartman and Kenny want to catch Stan Smith, but Stan just keeps building his lead. When the white flag comes out on lap 160, he is ahead by a good few seconds over Cartman and Kenny. But then…
Bestwick: Going through the last turn…
All: OH!
Jarrett: Stan Smith's in the wall!
Petree: Can he make it to the checkered?
Going through the final turn, Stan Smith goes a bit wide to pass a lapped car, but can't handle the different route, and his #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet smacks into the wall exiting the turn. He continues to the checkered flag, but his efforts are in vain. Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick get by him before he gets there.
Bestwick: Eric Cartman wins at the Brickyard!
Cartman: Yes, I won! Suck it, bitches!
Kyle: Awesome, dude!
Stan: Goddammit! Damn lapped car can't make way, shit!
Eric Cartman wins the Crown Royal 400. His teammate Kenny McCormick finished 2nd, giving Stewart-Haas Racing a 1-2 finish. Stan Smith settles for 3rd, Bender takes 4th, Frylock gets 5th, Timmy Turner takes 6th, Nigel Uno comes in 7th, Spongebob SquarePants claims 8th, William Murderface places 9th, and Phineas Flynn rounds out the top 10.
Eric Cartman does his victory lap, and is then in Victory Lane amidst showers of champagne and confetti. He celebrates, takes a swig of champagne, and Dr. Jerry Punch moves in for the interview.
Dr. Punch: Eric Cartman, you've finally won; congratulations! How ya feelin'?
Cartman: I'm just glad I finally won, really. And it's so awesome that my first win is here at Indianapolis! Yeah, and if it weren't for that lapped car, I don't think it would've happened.
Dr. Punch: So you're acknowledging the opinion that you got lucky?
Cartman: Maybe, but who cares? I needed the win! And maybe I'd still be leading the points if we hadn't blown up back at Kentucky.
Dr. Punch: You're really feelin' more confident after this win, huh?
Cartman: Hell yeah!
Dr. Punch: Well great job out there.
Cartman: Whatever, man.
Dr. Punch: Allen?
Bestwick: Thanks, Doc. Now let's look at the results;
And here's how our cartoon characters finished the Crown Royal 400;
Eric Cartman
Kenny McCormick
Stan Smith
Bender
Frylock
Timmy Turner
Nigel Uno
Spongebob SquarePants
William Murderface
Phineas Flynn
Twilight Sparkle
Rainbow Dash
Applejack
Homer Simpson
Master Shake
Danny Phantom
Ed
Aang
Grim
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Beavis
The Warden
Peter Griffin
Eddy
Dudley Puppy
Katara (1 lap down)
Hank Hill (1 lap down)
Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (1 lap down)
Chowder (1 lap down)
Foxxy Love (1 lap down)
Sokka (2 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (2 laps down)
Kim Possible (2 laps down)
Alejandro (2 laps down)
Flapjack (3 laps down)
Ferb Fletcher (DNF; accident)
Butt-Head (DNF; accident)
Abigail Lincoln (DNF; engine)
Edd (DNF; transmission)
Francine Smith (DNF; accident)
Early Cuyler (DNF; accident)
Meatwad (DNF; accident)
Bestwick: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 20 of 36 races;
Eric Cartman; 540 points
Peter Griffin; 537 points
Eddy; 535 points
Master Shake; 534 points
Danny Phantom/Ed; 533 points
Beavis; 529 points
Homer Simpson; 528 points
Nigel Uno; 527 points
Phineas Flynn; 525 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 522 points
Frylock; 512 points
Rainbow Dash; 507 points
William Murderface; 500 points
Timmy Turner; 499 points
Abigail Lincoln; 488 points
Edd/Meatwad; 481 points
Butt-Head; 471 points
Stan Smith; 468 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 463 points
Bender/Ferb Fletcher; 457 points
Early Cuyler; 441 points
Francine Smith; 440 points
Dudley Puppy/Gumball Waterson; 428 points
Aang; 441 points
Twilight Sparkle; 409 points
Foxxy Love; 389 points
Grim; 382 points
Katara; 334 points
Alejandro; 331 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 328 points
Sokka; 315 points
Flapjack; 310 points
Chowder; 309 points
Kim Possible; 307 points
Hank Hill; 305 points
The Warden; 304 points
Applejack; 292 points
Ben Tennyson; 278 points
Kenny McCormick; 274 points
Bestwick: Join us next time as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads back to Pocono for the Pennsylvania 400. With Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, I'm Allen Bestwick. Thanks for watching, folks!
You know, I forgot to mention that this is the second most prestigious NASCAR race, behind only the Daytona 500. And the fat boy from South Park not only got his first win here, but he also rclaimed the point standings! Who would've thought? So, I'll be seeing you at Pocono!
Chapter 25: Pennsylvania 400
Last time around (no pun intended), we were at Indianapolis, the motor racing capital of the world. The NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is now back at Pocono Raceway in Pennsylvania, where we will witness the running of the Pennsylvania 400! For those of you who forgot the track description from last time, here it is again; Pocono Raceway is not an oval per se, it's a triangle. It features a 3,600-foot-long frontstretch which leads into a sharp turn 1, which is banked at 14 degrees. This leads into the backstretch, which goes well over half the length of the frontstretch before going into the 90-degree-angle turn 2, known as the Tunnel Turn. This is banked at 8 degrees. This leads to a shortstretch that leads into a very sharp turn 2, which is banked at 6 degrees. This leads back onto the frontstretch, completing a lap.
This race, just like the last one here, will be 400 laps over 160 miles. As for weather, the skies are completely covered in clouds, none of which are rain clouds, so the race will still proceed smoothly.
Starting order;
Phineas Flynn
Dudley Puppy
Aang
Meatwad
Early Cuyler
Francine Smith
Butt-Head
Bender
Spongebob SquarePants
Gumball Waterson
Timmy Turner
Twilight Sparkle
Ferb Fletcher
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Peter Griffin
Rainbow Dash
Frylock
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
Kenny McCormick
Beavis
Eddy
Homer Simpson
Master Shake
Danny Phantom
Ed
Stan Smith
Eric Cartman
Nigel Uno
Applejack
Foxxy Love
William Murderface
Katara
Sokka
Ben Tennyson
Kim Possible
Alejandro
Chowder
Grim
The Warden
Hank Hill
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Flapjack
Tuning to ESPN;
Bestwick: Last time, we were at the famed Indianapolis Motor Speedway, where Eric Cartman scored a surprise victory to reclaim the points lead. Right now, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is in Pennsylvania, returning to the Tricky Triangle, Pocono Raceway, for the running of the Pennsylvania 400! I'm Allen Bestwick, alongside Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, thanks for having us in for the race.
Jarrett: Allen, last week before that race, we mentioned how incredibly close the points are. Well here's something we didn't mention last week; 18 different winners in 20 different races!
Petree: Yes, Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin are the only drivers to have won twice so far this season. And everyone else has won either once or not at all. I think we're approaching a new record, guys!
Bestwick: Well, let's now go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome the first ever adult cartoon, Fritz the Cat!
Fritz: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
And the 43 racing machines all start their engines. They warm up and then the pace car leads them out.
Bestwick: Now let's see how they're lining up for today's race; Phineas Flynn, driving for Richard Petty Motorsports in on pole, and the dog Dudley Puppy is in 2nd. In 3rd place is the airbender Aang, and in 4th is Meatwad. The squid Early Cuyler, driving for the Wood Brothers is 5th, and in 6th is Francine Smith. The retarded Butt-Head starts 7th, and the robot Bender is 8th. Spongebob SquarePants, driving for Furniture Row Racing is 9th, and Gumball Waterson rounds out the top 10. As you look through the rest of the grid, Andy Petree's on the phone;
Petree: Meatwad, it's Andy Petree from ESPN, you got me?
Meatwad: Yeah, Andy.
Petree: How you doin' after what happened between you and Early Cuyler?
Meatwad: I'm doing alright. It's actually sort of laughable, the way he's done more damage to the track than any of the other drivers, you know?
Petree: Well, are you feelin' good about today?
Meatwad: Heh! I'm starting 4th today, so you know I'll do well!
Petree: So...Early is starting in 5th, are you going to hit him back?
Meatwad: Uh, if I get the chance, I may.
Petree: Good luck out there, man.
Meatwad: 10-4.
Bestwick: Well then, let's see what our pit reporters have to say. Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, don't ask me how it happened, but Early Cuyler did not get punished for shooting at Meatwad and putting all those potholes in the track. He starts 5th today and doesn't appear to be the least bit phased. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, you may recall how Francine Smith got her tire shot out by those Tusken Raiders who were camped out in the infield. She seems to have recovered nicely, as she's starting 6th, and is looking forward to the start of this race. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, this is the first time in a long time that Gumball Waterson is in the spotlight. He's been finishing quietly in the back of the field throughout the season, and starts 10th today. We'll see how he makes that work. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, Master Shake is 4th in the points, but guess how many wins he has under his belt? None. And he has his work cut out for him today as he's starting 24th. Still looking for that first win. Back to you, Allen.
Bestwick: Thanks, guys.
After the warm-up laps are complete, the pace car pulls into the pits. The field continues to creep forward, and then are turned loose as the green flag is shown.
Bestwick: And we're racing at Pocono!
Phineas Flynn is quickly shuffled back to 3rd as Dudley Puppy and Aang claim first 2nd. Meatwad falls out of the top 5 on lap 2. Meanwhile, Dudley Puppy holds the lead, then Aang takes it from him on lap 7.
Then on lap 11, Phineas Flynn gets by Dudley Puppy for 2nd, and on lap 13 is challenging Aang for the lead. Aang has a slip-up in lap 17 that allows Phineas to take the lead.
Then Francine Smith starts to move up. She gets up to 4th on lap 18, 3rd on lap 21, and 2nd on lap 24. As she's challenging Phineas for the lead on lap 27...
Bestwick: We have a crash in turn 2!
Jarrett: Frylock's head-on in the wall!
Bestwick: Caution is out.
Petree: Yeah, there's no way his car will get going again.
On lap 27, Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet clips the right-rear of Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota, turning it head-on into the outside retaining wall. The car is totaled, but Frylock gets out unharmed as he's taken to the infield care center.
Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge, running 1 lap down in 42nd gets the free pass.
The cars all go into four tires and fuel. Everything proceeds smoothly, and so here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Phineas Flynn
Francine Smith
Dudley Puppy
Early Cuyler
Aang
Butt-Head
Meatwad
Gumball Waterson
Timmy Turner
Hoagie P. Gilligan
The race restarts on lap 32. Francine Smith gets off to a better start and immediately takes the lead from Phineas. Phineas manages to keep up, though. Francine slips up on lap 40, enabling Phineas to take the lead back.
On lap 41, Meatwad falls out of the top 10.
On lap 45, Francine Smith gets back in the lead. On lap 47, Early Cuyler makes it up to 2nd. He gets within striking distance of Francine on lap 50. He tries to pass, but Francine holds him off. Then, on lap 56, he's just able to get his front bumper past Francine's front bumper when this happens;
Bestwick: There's smoke on the backstretch!
Jarrett: The #47 car has blown-
Petree: We've got more trouble in turn 3!
Bestwick: Edd and Abigail Lincoln have wrecked each other in turn 3. Caution is out.
Kuki: Oh my God, are you okay?
Abigail: (sigh) I'm alright. I just need to talk to that scrawny-ass nerd who just wrecked me...
On lap 56, William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota blows its engine. Right after that happens, Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet and Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet make contact, both get loose and crash hard into the wall, unable to get back up and running. As Murderface's car rolls into the pits spewing smoke, Edd and Abigail get out of their cars and face each other;
Abigail: What the hell was that?
Edd: We just got loose; it was unavoidable.
Abigail: Well maybe if you hadn't made contact with me...
Edd and Abigail are called to the ambulance before anything bad can happen and they're both taken to the infield care center.
Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 35th gets the free pass.
The other cars go into the pits for tires and fuel. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Early Cuyler
Francine Smith
Dudley Puppy
Phineas Flynn
Butt-Head
Gumball Waterson
Aang
Timmy Turner
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Spongebob SquarePants
We restart on lap 61. Dudley Puppy gets up to 2nd on lap 63. Early Cuyler, meanwhile is able to hold the lead until Dudley takes it from him on lap 68.
On lap 72...
Bestwick: There's a car off the pace in turn 3!
Baljeet: Ferb, what the hell's going on?
Ferb: Ah, the damn tranamission's broken! Shit!
On lap 72, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford breaks its transmission, forcing Ferb to bring it into the garage and throw in the towel.
Dudley Puppy continues to lead as Butt-Head advances. He gets up to 3rd on lap 75, and up to 2nd on lap 80. By lap 84, he's challenging Dudley Puppy for the lead. Dudley is still holding off Butt-Head on lap 89 when...
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 1!
Jarrett: The #88 car is around!
Petree: She manages to keep it off the wall.
Bestwick: And we have a caution.
On lap 89, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet gets loose and spins out. Fortunately, she's able to keep it off the wall and any other cars.
Clara: You alright there, black girl?
Foxxy: Yeah, I'm fine. And don't be callin' me 'black girl,' dammit!
Clara: But that's what you are, isn't it?
Foxxy: (facepalm) Ugh!
Foxxy Love enters the pits, gets a fresh set of tires, and gets back out on the track, still on the lead lap.
Sokka's #38 ModSpace Ford, running 1 lap down in 33rd gets the free pass.
The field goes into the pits for service, and the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Dudley Puppy
Butt-Head
Early Cuyler
Francine Smith
Gumball Waterson
Phineas Flynn
Aang
Spongebob SquarePants
Timmy Turner
Bender
The race is restarted on lap 92. Butt-Head takes the lead on lap 95. Then on lap 99, Gumball Waterson gets up to 3rd. He's up to 2nd on lap 104. Then on lap 109, Gumball takes the lead.
On lap 113, we take a look at something brewing outside of the top 10. Meatwad, who started the race in the top 5, is now running in 12th. He was running 11th less than a lap ago, but got passed by Danny Phantom. Just after they come out of turn 2, Meatwad just makes contact with Danny Phantom's left-rear...
Petree: Huge crash on the short chute!
Bestwick: Danny Phantom's around and he's upside down! Into the guardrail, side over side, end over end!
Jarrett: Yeah, looks like the roof flaps didn't catch it in time, and now he's stopped upside down right by the safety truck.
Petree: That's a horrible crash!
On lap 113, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota just makes contact with Danny Phantom's 3M Ford, spinning it out with such force that the roof flaps are unable to catch it in time. The car goes airborne and flips violently as it impacts the inside retaining wall, eventually coming to rest upside down by the safety truck.
Sam: (gasp) Holy shit!
Danny: Damn you Meatwad! Damn you all to hell!
Sam: Oh Danny, please tell me you're okay!
Danny: (sigh) I'm fine, I'm just fuckin' pissed right now.
Sam: Well at least you're alright.
Danny Phantom gets out of the car unharmed, and is looking to throw his helmet at Meatwad, but is called by the track crews into the ambulance before he can do anything. He's then taken into the infield care center.
Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford, running 1 lap down in 31st gets the free pass.
Once again, the field goes into the pits for service, and so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
Gumball Waterson
Dudley Puppy
Butt-Head
Early Cuyler
Phineas Flynn
Francine Smith
Timmy Turner
Bender
Spongebob SquarePants
Aang
We restart on lap 118. Butt-Head gets up to 2nd place on lap 121. He challenges Gumball Waterson for the lead, and gets it on lap 125. On lap 130, Phineas Flynn falls out of the top 5.
Butt-Head is still in the lead on lap 135 when...
Bestwick: Big trouble on the backstretch!
Jarrett: Kenny McCormick has slammed into the wall just before turn 2, and caution is out.
Petree: Look at that! The engine is out of that thing!
Jarrett: Oh my God! I think they-
Petree: Don't you dare say it, Dale!
Jarrett: (sigh)
On lap 135, Master Shake's #55 Aaron's Toyota gets into the back of Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, causing him to veer into the infield grass and slam right into the Armco barrier. He's headed over 190 mph on impact; the impact is with such great force that is actually causes the engine to dislodge and be thrown away from the car!
Track crews and emergency personnel are immediately dispatched to the scene. They have to extricate Kenny from the car. It turned out that the force of the head-on impact had overpowered the safety gear; Kenny's head had slapped forward and he suffered a basilar skull fracture. As he's extricated from the car, he's not showing any signs of life.
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Meanwhile, the race is red-flagged so that track crews can clean up the wreck.
...
When the wreck and all the debris from it are cleared, the race goes from red flag back to yellow flag. Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 28th gets the free pass.
The other cars make their last pit stops of the race, and the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Butt-Head
Gumball Waterson
Early Cuyler
Dudley Puppy
Timmy Turner
Phineas Flynn
Bender
Spongebob SquarePants
Francine Smith
Aang
The race is restarted on lap 140; it's come down to a 20-lap shootout to the checkered flag! Butt-Head gets off to an excellent start and pulls away from the field a little bit. Meanwhile, we have a three-way battle; Gumball Waterson, Early Cuyler and Dudley Puppy are all battling for 2nd. Dudley Puppy gets up to 3rd on lap 144. Early Cuyler takes that position back on lap 147. As Dudley Puppy gets up to 3rd again on lap 151, Gumball Waterson gets away from them.
On lap 155, Francine Smith gets back into the top 5.
On lap 160, the white flag flies, signaling the final lap. Butt-Head has a commanding lead. By the time he goes through turn 3 for the last time, no one has anything left for him...
Bestwick: The checkered flag is in the air, and Butt-Head will win the Pennsylvania 400!
Butt-Head: YES! Goddammit, I've finally won in this stupid thing! WOOOO!
Butt-Head wins the Pennsylvania 400. Gumball Waterson places 2nd, Dudley Puppy takes 3rd, Early Cuyler claims 4th, Francine Smith finishes 5th, Bender gets 6th, Timmy Turner takes 7th, Phineas Flynn comes in 8th, Spongebob SquarePants takes 9th, and Aang rounds out the top 10.
Shortly thereafter, Butt-Head is celebrating in Victory Lane, finally enjoying the spoils of a win. As he takes a swig of champagne, Dr. Jerry Punch proceeds with the interview;
Dr. Punch: Butt-Head, congratulations on your first win!
Butt-Head: You know I used to think NASCAR was stupid; a bunch of dumbasses goin' around in circles...
Dr. Punch: You were going in triangles, Butt-Head.
Butt-Head: Yes, well I've learned that driving a racecar is serious business; and it's finally paid off for me!
Dr. Punch: You really needed this win, huh?
Butt-Head: Yeah, well, I'm just glad to have won one!
Dr. Punch: Well great job out there.
Butt-Head: Thanks, Doc!
Dr. Punch: Dave?
Burns: Danny Phantom was involved in that horrible crash on lap 113. What happened there, Danny?
Danny: The piece of meat just hit me, spun me and I flipped over. To me, it was his fault. And that's what he is; just an insignificant piece of meat!
Burns: Yeah, he's frustrated. Vince?
Welch: What's your side of the story, Meatwad?
Meatwad: Well, I wanted to move back over, he hadn't completed the pass, I wouldn't give in, he wouldn't give in, and it happened. I really think it was both our fault, and I hope we can through this, you know?
Welch: Sounds very sportsmanlike. Allen?
Bestwick: Thanks, Vince. Now let's see where they finished.
And here's how our cartoons finished the Pennsylvania 400;
Butt-Head
Gumball Waterson
Dudley Puppy
Early Cuyler
Francine Smith
Bender
Timmy Turner
Phineas Flynn
Spongebob SquarePants
Aang
Meatwad
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Twilight Sparkle
Peter Griffin
Stan Smith
Eric Cartman
Homer Simpson
Rainbow Dash
Master Shake
Eddy
Nigel Uno
Beavis
Ed
Foxxy Love
Applejack
Hank Hill
The Warden
Kim Possible (1 lap down)
Sokka (1 lap down)
Alejandro (1 lap down)
Grim (1 lap down)
Katara (1 lap down)
Ben Tennyson (2 laps down)
Flapjack (2 laps down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (2 laps down)
Chowder (3 laps down)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Danny Phantom (DNF; accident)
Ferb Fletcher (DNF; transmission)
Edd (DNF; accident)
Abigail Lincoln (DNF; accident)
William Murderface (DNF; engine)
Frylock (DNF; accident)
Bestwick: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 21 of 36 races;
Eric Cartman; 568 points
Peter Griffin; 567 points
Phineas Flynn; 564 points
Nigel Uno; 560 points
Master Shake/Eddy; 559 points
Homer Simpson; 555 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan/Ed; 554 points
Beavis; 551 points
Danny Phantom; 539 points
Timmy Turner; 536 points
Rainbow Dash; 533 points
Butt-Head; 519 points
Frylock; 513 points
Meatwad; 512 points
William Murderface; 502 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 498 points
Stan Smith; 497 points
Bender; 495 points
Abigail Lincoln; 491 points
Edd; 485 points
Early Cuyler; 482 points
Francine Smith; 479 points
Aang; 475 points
Gumball Waterson; 471 points
Dudley Puppy; 470 points
Ferb Fletcher; 462 points
Twilight Sparkle; 440 points
Foxxy Love; 409 points
Grim; 395 points
Katara; 346 points
Alejandro; 345 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 337 points
Sokka; 330 points
Hank Hill/Kim Possible; 323 points
The Warden; 321 points
Flapjack; 320 points
Chowder; 317 points
Applejack; 311 points
Ben Tennyson; 289 points
Kenny McCormick; 281 points
Bestwick: Well, we have just five races to go until the Chase for the Cartoon Cup! Next week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will go road racing at the famous Watkins Glen International, in the Finger Lakes 355 at the Glen! With Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, I'm Allen Bestwick saying farewell from Pocono, and have a great week!
Before I go, I would like to explain this Chase for the Cartoon Cup that Allen Bestwick mentioned;
The Chase for the Cartoon Cup is a 10-race "playoff" taking place across the last 10 races of the season. The drivers who are in the top 10 in points automatically get in the Chase. Also, there are two wild cards that go to the two drivers 11th-20th in points who have the most wins.
After the Federated Auto Parts 400 at Richmond International Raceway, the points for the Chase drivers will be reset. They will all be tied at 2,000 points, with one bonus point for each victory during the "regular season." The two wild card drivers don't get any bonus points.
If the Chase were to start right now, the drivers competing for the Cartoon Cup Series Championship would be as follows; Eric Cartman, Peter Griffin, Phineas Flynn, Nigel Uno, Master Shake, Eddy, Homer Simpson, Hoagie P. Gilligan, Ed, Beavis (these drivers would get in automatically), Danny Phantom, and Timmy Turner (these two drivers would get the wild cards). Unfortunately, there are five more races before the Chase, so we'll just have to see how things play out.
So, that's pretty much it! I'll see you at Watkins Glen!
Chapter 26: Bar Fight
We now go into another side story, which takes place on Friday night, after qualifying at Watkins Glen has taken place.
We're at a bar in Binghamton, New York, which is not too far from Watkins Glen. Hanging out at this bar is Danny Phantom and his girlfriend/crew chief Sam Manson, as well as Master Shake, Frylock and Meatwad. They're all casually relaxing, having some drinks, and chatting about NASCAR business.
Danny: Dude, you did not too well in qualifying!
Frylock: Yeah, I know. I messed up in that bus stop chicane; that thing really threw me off! I was lucky to get into the top 30!
Shake: Well I'm starting 19th, so ha ha!
Danny: I'm in the top 10, so screw you all!
They all share a laugh. Then they take another swig of their drinks.
Sam: Hey, how 'bout them ponies?
Meatwad: (scoff) What about them? Loving and tolerant my ass!
Danny: I know, right? Remember when Rainbow Dash threw her helmet at Eric Cartman?
Frylock: I know; they looked exactly like Robby Gordon and Michael Waltrip.
Shake: (imitating Rainbow Dash) The caution was out and he wrecked me! And he's a piece of shit! Waaa!
All: (laughing)
Meatwad: I know you are, but what is he?
All: (laughing hysterically)
They all take some more swigs of their drinks, and then relax for a while.
Meatwad: Oh hey Danny? Sorry about wrecking you last week, dude.
Danny: That's alright. I just wanna make the Chase, is all.
Meatwad: Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna make it there.
Frylock: Me neither.
Shake: Well I'm gonna make the Chase! And I'm goin' for that championship!
Sam: (pats Danny on the back) Good luck getting past my boy Danny!
Shake: Oh you're on, sister!
They all take a while to have some more of their drinks. Then...
Frylock: Hey Shake! Meatwad! You guys wanna play some pool?
Shake: Oh hell yeah!
Meatwad: Do I ever!
Frylock: Awesome!
Shake, Frylock and Meatwad all flock to a nearby pool table, where they get an eight-ball rack set up in a triangular formation. Shake takes his turn first; he strikes the rack with the cue ball, and three balls make it into the pockets right off the bat.
Shake: Yes! I rule at this!
While that's going on, Sam gets close to Danny;
Sam: Bars can be very depressing. You wanna...liven things up a bit?
Danny pulls Sam in for a passionate kiss. The two are then making out intensely, pulling their bodies up against each other, and caressing each other. They both are quivering with tremors of lust as they start to stick each other's tongues in, making these tremors even stronger...
...
By the time Shake, Frylock and Meatwad have finished their round of pool (Shake won), Danny and Sam are still making intense love. Meatwad has become extremely annoyed. Eventually, he turns to Danny and Sam and says aloud;
Meatwad: Get a room, you two!
Sam: Hey Danny, check it out! The piece of meat is jealous!
Danny and Sam laugh.
Meatwad: I'm not jealous! I'm just real annoyed with your constant making out!
Danny: Yeah, well I was real annoyed when you flipped me over at Pocono!
Meatwad: And now that you mention it...I'm glad I wrecked you!
Fueled by his hormones, as well as the alcohol in his system, this is where Danny really begins to get outraged. He gets up from his seat and stands right in front of Meatwad, staring him down with an angry expression.
Danny: Say that again! I dare you!
Meatwad: OK. (clears throat) I'M GLAD I WRECKED YOU!
Danny punches Meatwad hard in the face. This then causes both of their fuses to be blown;
Meatwad: Oh it's on, bitch!
Danny and Meatwad start to punch each other relentlessly. They attack each other like wild animals, punching and kicking each other in whatever weak spots they think they can get at. Other customers try to back off as Danny and Meatwad try to hit each other with beer bottles, sending glass fragments flying.
Sam, Shake and Frylock both look on, horrified as Meatwad pounces on Danny and just won't stop attacking. Fueled by the alcohol inside their systems, neither Danny nor Meatwad are about to quit.
By the time Danny turns the momentum around to his favor, security has been summoned. As Danny and Meatwad continue to attack each other, the security guards pull them apart; they try to break free from their respective vicelike grips, trying to get at each other, but to no avail. As Danny Phantom and Meatwad are both hauled out of the bar, all Sam Manson, Master Shake and Frylock can do is look at each other, shaking their heads...
Chapter 27: Finger Lakes 355 at the Glen
The NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is now at the legendary Watkins Glen International. This is where round 22 of the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series will be held. It will be dubbed the Finger Lakes 355 at the Glen. This is one of the most special races on the circuit because it is not an oval; it's a road course! Featuring both left and right turns! Here's how the track is laid out; the pit straight ends in a sharp ninety-degree right-hander (turn 1). After a short straightaway, they'll go through a sweeping right-hander (turn 2), followed by a sweeping left-hander (turn 3) followed by another sweeping right-hander (turn 4). The cars then go onto the backstretch, which is ended by a tight right-left-left-right chicane (turns 5-8) known as the "bus stop." Then comes turn 9, which is a sweeping right-hander close to 180 degrees in radius. This goes into a fairly long straightaway, which leads into a sharp left-hander (turn 10) that's close to 90 degrees in radius. One more short straightaway leads into a 90 degree right-hander (turn 11) that leads back onto the pit straight, completing a lap.
The race will be 90 laps around, for a total of 220.5 miles (which equals 354.86 kilometers). The sky is cloudy, but none of them are storm clouds, and the sun is still out, so it's still a beautiful day!
Starting order;
Edd
Ferb Fletcher
William Murderface
Abigail Lincoln
Stan Smith
Francine Smith
Dudley Puppy
Early Cuyler
Danny Phantom
Bender
Rainbow Dash
Spongebob SquarePants
Foxxy Love
Meatwad
Timmy Turner
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Homer Simpson
Eddy
Master Shake
Twilight Sparkle
Peter Griffin
Beavis
Eric Cartman
Nigel Uno
Ed
Aang
Butt-Head
Phineas Flynn
Frylock
Gumball Waterson
Kenny McCormick
Applejack
Flapjack
Katara
Ben Tennyson
Kim Possible
Chowder
Sokka
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Alejandro
Grim
Hank Hill
The Warden
ESPN?
Bestwick: Hello race fans, and welcome to the famed Watkins Glen International! We're on our second road race of the season, the Finger Lakes 355! We're 21 races into the season, with 5 races to go until the Chase, and things just keep on heating up. With Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, I'm Allen Bestwick.
Jarrett: I don't know about you, but this points race never ceases to amaze me; now we have 27 drivers within 100 points of each other; how's about that! That's just incredible!
Petree: And on top of that, after Butt-Head won last week at Pocono, we now have 19 different winners, tying the record! And we still have 15 races to go!
Bestwick: Yeah, this really will be a record-breaking season. Anyway, let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Fat Albert!
Albert: Hey, hey, hey ladies and gentletoons! Start your engines!
The field of 43 cars sends a combined force of 37,195 hp through the premises of Watkins Glen International. After warming up, they're all led out by the pace car.
Bestwick: And here's how they'll line up for today's race; the boy genius Edd, driving for Richard Childress Racing is on pole, and in 2nd is the British-born Ferb Fletcher. The death metal bassist William Murderface starts 3rd, and Abigail Lincoln is in 4th. Husband and wife, Stan and Francine Smith are in 5th and 6th places. The dog Dudley Puppy is in 7th, and the squid Early Cuyler is 8th, driving for the Wood Brothers. Danny Phantom, coming off that horrible crash last week is 9th, and the robot Bender rounds out the top 10. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Dale Jarrett will be on the radio;
Jarrett: Edd, it's Dale Jarrett from ESPN, you got me?
Edd: Loud and clear.
Jarrett: Hey, how do you like your chances to make the Chase?
Edd: Uh, not too well. Sure the points are close, but we're like, 22nd, and I don't like that, so...
Jarrett: At least you're in a real good spot to win this race.
Edd: I am looking forward to starting on the pole, yes.
Jarrett: Do you think you'll have any better chances of making of the Chase if you do win?
Edd: Maybe, but I doubt it.
Jarrett: Either way, good luck to you.
Edd: 10-4.
Bestwick: Alright, now let's check in with our pit reporters. Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, Danny Phantom had that crash last week as we all know, and rumor is last Friday night, he was kicked out of a bar after getting in a fight with Meatwad! He starts 9th, and is hoping to make a bit of a comeback. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, it's true. Meatwad and Danny Phantom did get in a fight at a bar and were kicked out. Now as for Meatwad, unlike Danny, he may not make it into the Chase. Unless he can pull off a miracle, of course. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, Butt-Head got his first win last week, but he's in kind of a pickle. Not only is he well outside of the top 12 in points, but he's starting 27th today. Also this is a road course; we'll just have to see how he fares. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, you mentioned Butt-Head; his teammate Beavis still hasn't scored his first win. He may be starting back in 22nd, but he is just inside the top 10 in points; so he only needs to hold that spot. Allen?
Bestwick: Thanks Vince. Looks like we're ready to get underway!
The pace car pulls off onto pit road, the cars creep towards the line, and then the green flag is shown.
Bestwick: And we're road racing!
Ferb Fletcher gets the better start and takes the lead from Edd going into turn 1. Going through that turn, Timmy Turner goes off-course and loses a lot of track position.
By lap 3, Abigail Lincoln has moved up to 2nd. Ferb Fletcher manages to hold her off for a while, but then she takes the lead on lap 8.
On lap 11, Dudley Puppy cracks the top 5.
Then on lap 14, Edd gets back up to 2nd place. He challenges Abigail for the lead, and gets it on lap 17. He leads until lap 19, when Abigail takes it back.
On lap 20, Beavis makes it into the top 15.
On lap 23...
Bestwick: Big pile-up on the backstretch!
Jarrett: About 6 cars near the back of the field are involved.
Bestwick: Caution is out.
A pile-up occurs on the backstretch on lap 23. Those involved include Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet, Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet, Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford, and Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge. The #18, #7, and #34 are able to make it back to their garages, but the #13, #51 and #23 are totally out of commission. Their drivers are taken to the infield care center as their cars are towed from the scene.
The other cars make their first pit stops of the race. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
Abigail Lincoln
Edd
Ferb Fletcher
William Murderface
Dudley Puppy
Early Cuyler
Bender
Francine Smith
Stan Smith
Danny Phantom
The race restarts on lap 26. Dudley Puppy gets up to 3rd before the lap is over. He's up to 2nd on lap 30, and after a battle with Abigail Lincoln, takes the lead on lap 33.
On lap 37...
Petree: There's a spinout in turn 1!
Foxxy: Goddammit!
Clara: Oh, you spun out. Typical black girls, think they can drive so well...
Foxxy: Shut the fuck up!
On lap 37, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet spins out going into turn 1. She goes into the paved runoff area, but doesn't go into the wall. She goes back out on the track, but not before losing lots of track position.
On lap 41, Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge goes back on the track, 18 laps down in 38th place.
On lap 45, Beavis makes it into the top 10.
Dudley Puppy is being challenged for the lead by Ferb Fletcher on lap 48. Ferb just gets his bumper ahead of Dudley on lap 52 when…
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 11!
Jarrett: The #38 and the #42 have crashed in turn 11!
Petree: We have caution on the racetrack.
On lap 52, Sokka's #38 Modspace Ford and Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet make contact, lose control, run off course and into the wall outside of turn 11. The #38 can make it back to the pits, but the #42 is totaled. Alejandro gets out and is taken to the infield care center as his car is towed into the garage.
Meanwhile, Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford goes back on the track, 29 laps down in 39th place.
The rest of the field goes into the pits to get tires and fuel. While that's going on;
Rarity: Uh, you were speeding on pit road.
Twilight: That's a bunch of bullshit!
Rarity: Looks like you'll have to do a drive-thru.
Twilight: Goddammit!
Twilight Sparkle is caught speeding on pit road, and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. Anyway, the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Ferb Fletcher
Dudley Puppy
Edd
Early Cuyler
Abigail Lincoln
William Murderface
Francine Smith
Bender
Stan Smith
Beavis
We restart on lap 55. Abigail Lincoln falls out of the top 5 two laps later. Ferb Fletcher continues to lead.
On lap 60…
Bestwick: Smoke in turn 10!
Jarrett: The #98 has blown up!
Hank: Dang it, we've lost our engine!
Peggy: Oh my! Looks like we're done.
Petree: No caution.
On lap 60, Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford blows its engine while going through turn 10. The race stays under green as Hank coasts his car through turn 11, on pit road and into the garage area, ending his race.
On lap 62, Applejack's #18 M&M's Ford returns to the track, 39 laps down in 40th place.
Edd then starts to mount a comeback, getting back up to 2nd on lap 62, and getting into striking distance of Ferb Fletcher on lap 64. On lap 65…
Bestwick: Whoa, the #9 car almost lost it in the bus stop!
Petree: Edd is now back in the lead.
Baljeet: What just happened?
Ferb: Damn thing nearly spun out, and then Edd just drove by!
Baljeet: That's okay, we'll come back.
On lap 65, Ferb Fletcher gets real loose going through the bus stop chicane, almost spinning out. This allows Edd to take the lead back.
On lap 68, Sokka returns to the track, 16 laps down in 39th place.
Edd is still leading on lap 72 when...
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 1!
Jarrett: Multiple cars have crashed in turn 1!
Petree: Looks like the #37, #49 and #32 are involved.
Bestwick: Caution is out.
On lap 72, a multi-car wreck occurs on lap 72, involving Chowder's #37 Poynt Ford, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, and Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Ford. All cars suffer heavy damage. The drivers all get out and bicker over the incident, but the argument is dispersed before it can get violent. They are all then taken to the infield care center.
Because of all the debris that is on the track, the race has to be red-flagged so the mess can be cleaned up. The field is stopped on the backstretch. While cleanup is still taking place, this happens;
Bestwick: And just a moment ago, a fan somehow gets out of the infield area, comes out on the track and is trying to get Peter Griffin's autograph!
Jarrett: (laughing) Do you think alcohol had anything at all to do with that? (chuckles)
Petree: Peter's goin' 'you're not gonna believe what just happened here, guys.' He jumps over the guardrail, runs back up and gets apprehended here.
Bestwick: Yeah, he might get a free ride home.
During the red flag, a fan jumps over the infield guardrail, runs right up to Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota with a hat and a pen and asks Peter for an autograph. Peter declines, the fan gives up, runs back into the infield, and is later arrested by track security.
Peter: Lois, you won't believe it; this guy just jumped over the fence, he runs right up to my car, hands me a hat and a Sharpie and he says 'will you sign this?'
Lois: (chuckles)
Peter: And I'm like, 'I'm a little busy right now, buddy!' He's like, 'come on man, have the balls!' I'm like 'come on, I'm busy here!' and then he just ran off!
Lois: (laughs) That is just nuts!
Peter: I know, and I thought I did stupid stuff when I was drunk!
Both: (laughing)
When clean-up is complete, the race goes back to a yellow-flag. The cars then make their final pit stops of the race. This will be the top 10 at the restart;
Edd
Ferb Fletcher
Early Cuyler
Dudley Puppy
William Murderface
Beavis
Abigail Lincoln
Bender
Francine Smith
Stan Smith
The race is restarted on lap 75. Beavis cracks the top 5 before the lap is over. On lap 77, Ferb Fletcher is back in the lead.
As Ferb continues to lead, Beavis begins to advance. By lap 80, he's up to 3rd, and then on lap 85, he's up to 2nd.
When the white flag flies on lap 90, Beavis starts to challenge Ferb Fletcher for the win. Try as he may, however, Ferb holds him off. That is, until turn 11...
Jarrett: And Ferb just got way loose!
Petree: Beavis takes the lead!
Ferb: GODDAMMIT!
Bestwick: It is over. The checkered flag is out, and Beavis will win at the Glen!
Beavis: YYYEAHH! I fuckin' did it!
Daria: Wow, we actually won! That's awesome!
Ferb Fletcher almost loses control in the final turn, allowing Beavis to slip by and win the Finger Lakes 355 at the Glen, while Ferb settles for 2nd. Early Cuyler finishes 3rd, Dudley Puppy places 4th, Edd comes in 5th, Abigail Lincoln takes 6th, William Murderface claims 7th, Bender gets 8th, Francine Smith takes 9th, and Spongebob SquarePants rounds out the top 10.
Beavis is then in Victory Lane, enjoying the spoils of the win. After he has some champagne, Dr. Jerry Punch moves in for the interview;
Dr. Punch: A spectacular win for you here at the Glen, Beavis!
Beavis: I used to think NASCAR was just a bunch of dumbasses going around in circles, but-
Dr. Punch: That's what Butt-Head said. And you were on a road course this time.
Beavis: I know. And I think it's awesome that I won on one.
Dr. Punch: And it looks like this also really helped your chances for the Chase.
Beavis: Yeah. I want a shot at that title!
Dr. Punch: Well great job in the car.
Beavis: Thanks.
Dr. Punch: Allen?
Bestwick: Thanks, Doc. Now let's take a look at the race results;
And here's how our beloved animated friends finished the Finger Lakes 355 at the Glen;
Beavis
Ferb Fletcher
Early Cuyler
Dudley Puppy
Edd
Abigail Lincoln
William Murderface
Bender
Francine Smith
Spongebob SquarePants
Rainbow Dash
Danny Phantom
Gumball Waterson
Stan Smith
Ed
Aang
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Eddy
Peter Griffin
Homer Simpson
Meatwad
Timmy Turner
Eric Cartman
Nigel Uno
Master Shake
Twilight Sparkle
Butt-Head
Foxxy Love
Frylock
Kenny McCormick
Phineas Flynn
Sokka (16 laps down)
Grim (17 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (DNF; accident)
The Warden (DNF; accident)
Chowder (DNF; accident)
Katara (28 laps down)
Hank Hill (DNF; engine)
Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Applejack (39 laps down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; accident)
Flapjack (DNF; accident)
Kim Possible (DNF; accident)
Bestwick: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 22 of 36 races;
Beavis; 598 points
Eric Cartman; 592 points
Peter Griffin; 589 points
Eddy; 585 points
Ed; 583 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 581 points
Nigel Uno; 580 points
Homer Simpson; 579 points
Master Shake; 578 points
Phineas Flynn; 577 points
Danny Phantom; 571 points
Rainbow Dash; 566 points
Timmy Turner; 558 points
William Murderface; 539 points
Butt-Head; 536 points
Meatwad; 535 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 532 points
Bender; 531 points
Abigail Lincoln; 530 points
Frylock; 528 points
Stan Smith; 527 points
Edd; 525 points
Early Cuyler; 523 points
Francine Smith; 514 points
Dudley Puppy; 511 points
Ferb Fletcher; 506 points
Aang; 503 points
Gumball Waterson; 502 points
Twilight Sparkle; 458 points
Foxxy Love; 425 points
Grim; 406 points
Katara; 353 points
Alejandro; 350 points
Sokka; 342 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 340 points
The Warden; 330 points
Hank Hill; 329 points
Kim Possible; 326 points
Chowder; 325 points
Flapjack; 320 points
Applejack; 315 points
Ben Tennyson; 299 points
Kenny McCormick; 295 points
Bestwick: Well, there you have it! Four more races to go until the Chase! Join us next week as we return to Michigan International Speedway for the Pure Michigan 400! With Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, I'm Allen Bestwick, saying good-bye from Watkins Glen, and thanks for watching!
Meanwhile, Meatwad is about to leave when he sees Danny Phantom and Sam Manson approaching him.
Danny: Uh, Meatwad?
Meatwad: Danny?
Danny: I...I'm sorry about last night.
Meatwad: Me too. We were both drunk, and I was jealous...
Danny: Well, you were created by a mad scientist; you could get him to create a mate for you.
Meatwad: Yeah, I guess. (sigh)
Danny and Meatwad then shake on it, officially making peace...again.
Danny: (sigh) I'll see you at Michigan.
Meatwad: Yeah, see ya.
As Meatwad leaves, Danny turns to Sam, tears forming in his eyes.
Danny: I'm sorry, Sam! (sob)
Sam gives Danny a hug as he starts to sob.
Sam: (softly) It's okay, Danny. It's all over now. Shhh.
Sam continues to hold Danny and gives him a kiss on the cheek as he keeps sobbing. After a while, he calms down.
Danny: We'd better go.
Sam: Yeah, let's get out of here.
And so Danny Phantom and Sam Manson depart from Watkins Glen International, in order to rest up for the next race that lay ahead of them...
Well, we have our 20th winner of the season...a new record! And this points race just keeps on heating up! It could very well get even hotter next week as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series returns to Michigan International Speedway for the Pure Michigan 400. I'll be seeing you there!
Chapter 28: Pure Michigan 400
With only 4 races left until the Chase, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series returns to Michigan International Speedway for round 23 of the season, the Pure Michigan 400! Now in case you forgot, Michigan International Speedway is a 2-mile D-shaped oval, located in the Irish Hills west of Detroit. The turns are banked at 18 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 12 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 5 degrees.
The race will be 400 miles long and 200 laps. The skies are bright and sunny!
Starting order;
Master Shake
Foxxy Love
Twilight Sparkle
Stan Smith
Dudley Puppy
Danny Phantom
Early Cuyler
Abigail Lincoln
Gumball Waterson
Katara
Nigel Uno
Ed
Applejack
Homer Simpson
William Murderface
Peter Griffin
Bender
Phineas Flynn
Meatwad
Eric Cartman
Butt-Head
Rainbow Dash
Eddy
Timmy Turner
Frylock
Spongebob SquarePants
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Beavis
Edd
Francine Smith
Aang
Kenny McCormick
Ferb Fletcher
Ben Tennyson
The Warden
Chowder
Alejandro
Hank Hill
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Grim
Kim Possible
Sokka
Flapjack
Tuning to ESPN;
Bestwick: With 20 different winners in the season, and with only four races left until the Chase, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is back at Michigan International Speedway. Cars will reach speeds in excess of 215 mph as our cartoons continue to fight for a spot in the Chase in the Pure Michigan 400! With Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, I'm Allen Bestwick, thanks for tuning in.
Jarrett: Well, it's official guys, we have a new record! After Beavis's spectacular win last week at Watkins Glen, we're up to 20 different winners; that has happened before in NASCAR!
Petree: Yeah, and we're up to 28 drivers within a hundred points! Although I think it should also be noted that the top 12 or 13 drivers have broken away some; maybe these will be our drivers contending for the championship?
Bestwick: Maybe, but someone could come up and steal that last spot from someone, you never know. Anyway, let's now go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome cartoon superhero Space Ghost!
Space Ghost: Ladies and gentletoons. Start your engines!
The 43 stock cars all start their muscular 865 hp engines and create tremors down the spine of Michigan International Speedway. They warm up, and then the pace car leads them out.
Bestwick: Now let's see how they'll start this; the drinking cup Master Shake has his first pole, and the mystery-solving musician Foxxy Love is 2nd. In 3rd is the unicorn Twilight Sparkle, and in 4th is Stan Smith. The dog Dudley Puppy is starting 5th, and in 6th is his teammate Danny Phantom. The squid Early Cuyler is in 7th and in 8th is Abigail Lincoln. Gumball Waterson of all people is 9th, and the waterbender Katara rounds out the top 10. As you look through the rest of the grid, Andy Petree's on the phone;
Petree: Master Shake, it's Andy Petree from ESPN, you got me?
Shake: Got ya, Andy.
Petree: Well, you're in a good spot to make the Chase, but you still haven't won. How do you plan on changing that today?
Shake: Just hold this lead as long as we can, and make a charge at the end if we have to. That's all.
Petree: Hey I was wondering; what if you went on to win the championship without actually winning a race?
Shake: Oh, I wouldn't go for that. You have to win at least one race in order to win the title, right?
Petree: Well good luck with that.
Shake: Thanks, Andy.
Bestwick: Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, we have a new points leader; Beavis grabbed a hold of the points lead after his big win last week at Watkins Glen. He has his work cut out for him again, as he is starting 28th, but he could pull it off again here today. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, Danny Phantom is currently in a position to get a wild card spot for the Chase for the Cartoon Cup. He's 11th in points with one win. He starts 6th today, and could improve his position in the standings. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, it's pretty much safe to say that Twilight Sparkle will not be making the Chase. She's way back in 29th in the points. So now she's just going for wins. She's in a great spot to do that today, as she's starting 3rd. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, the other driver currently in the other wild card spot is Rainbow Dash. She's still on probation for that helmet-throwing incident at New Hampshire. She starts 22nd, so she too has her work cut out for her. Allen?
Bestwick: Thank you, Vince.
After completing the pace laps, the pace car retreats onto the pit road. The cars then accelerate under the guise of the green flag.
Bestwick: We are racing at Michigan!
As Master Shake gets the jump on the rest of the field, Twilight Sparkle battles Foxxy Love for 2nd. It takes a while, but on lap 4, Foxxy Love starts to pull away from Twilight, maintaining her position.
By lap 9, Foxxy has caught up with Master Shake. Shake manages to hold her off, until lap 14, when Foxxy Love takes the lead.
On lap 18, Twilight Sparkle falls out of the top 5.
On lap 21, Master Shake starts to challenge Foxxy Love to get the lead back. On lap 26, Foxxy gets loose in turn 2, allowing Master Shake to retake the lead.
On lap 30, Foxxy Love falls back to 3rd. Stan Smith now sets his sights on the leader. He's caught Shake by lap 33, but can't make the pass. Then, on lap 34...
Bestwick: There's smoke in turn 3!
Timmy: Dammit, we've lost our engine!
Cosmo: You've got to be fucking kidding me!
Jarrett: The #17 car has blown its engine.
Bestwick: Caution is out.
Petree: This will really hurt Timmy Turner's hopes of making the Chase.
On lap 34, Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford blows its engine. Both Timmy and his crew chief Cosmo express their frustration as Timmy coasts the car into pit road and into the garage, ending their race.
Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge, running 1 lap down in 37th gets the free pass.
The other cars go into the pits to make their first pit stops of the race, all getting four tires and fuel. This will be the top 10 at the restart;
Master Shake
Stan Smith
Foxxy Love
Dudley Puppy
Early Cuyler
Twilight Sparkle
Abigail Lincoln
Gumball Waterson
Katara
Danny Phantom
The race restarts on lap 38. Two laps later, Stan Smith is in the lead. On lap 43, Foxxy Love falls out of the top 5.
On lap 49, Master Shake reclaims the lead. On lap 54, Twilight Sparkle gets back in the top 5.
Dudley Puppy gets up to 2nd on lap 59. By lap 63 he's challenging Master Shake for the lead. Shake manages to hold him off for a while, then Dudley gets by for the lead on lap 69.
Master Shake loses 2nd spot to Stan Smith on lap 73. Stan then catches Dudley Puppy on lap 79. But then on lap 80...
Bestwick: Big trouble in turn 1!
Jarrett: The #11 and #34 cars have wrecked each other!
Petree: Caution.
On lap 80, Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota and Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford make contact going through turn 1. This causes them both to lose control, and then overcorrect; both cars run head-on into the wall, and are too heavily damaged to continue.
Twilight Sparkle and Katara get out of their cars and face each other...
Twilight: What the fuck was that all about?
Katara: Hey, you ran into me!
Twilight: You wouldn't give me room!
Katara: I'm going to kick your ass...
Luckily, track crews are able to break it up before any violence ensues. The two drivers are taken to the infield care center as their broken racecars are towed away.
Meanwhile, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, running 1 lap down in 33rd gets the free pass.
The other cars go into the pits for service, and the top 10 at the restart is as follows;
Dudley Puppy
Stan Smith
Master Shake
Gumball Waterson
Early Cuyler
Abigail Lincoln
Danny Phantom
Applejack
William Murderface
Bender
We restart on lap 85. Stan Smith gets the better start and takes the lead. Master Shake moves back up to 2nd on lap 88. Dudley Puppy then has a minor slip-up on lap 93 that allows Shake to take the lead back once again.
On lap 99, Gumball Waterson is up to 2nd. He catches Master Shake on lap 103. It's a heated battle for the lead, but on lap 110, Gumball snatches the lead from Master Shake.
On lap 111...
Bestwick: The #22 is way off pace!
Farnsworth: Damage report, Bender!
Bender: We've lost our fuckin' brakes! Goddammit!
Farnsworth: (sigh) God fuck us all.
On lap 111, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge loses its brakes. Bender coasts his car into the pits and into the garage, and his day is over.
Gumball Waterson is still leading on lap 115 when...
Petree: Big crash! Turn 3!
Jarrett: The #15 and #78 are involved.
Bestwick: And we have a caution!
A three-car pile-up occurs on lap 115, involving Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota, Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford, and Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet. None of these cars are able to continue. The drivers get out unharmed and are taken to the infield care center as their cars are towed to the garage.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 30th gets the free pass.
The rest of the cars go into the pits for service, and so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
Gumball Waterson
Master Shake
Stan Smith
Dudley Puppy
Early Cuyler
Abigail Lincoln
Foxxy Love
Danny Phantom
Applejack
William Murderface
The race is restarted on lap 120. Foxxy Love makes it back into the top 5 on lap 123. William Murderface falls out of the top 10 on lap 127.
Stan Smith and Master Shake battle for 2nd for a while, then Shake pulls away on lap 132. Shake then catches up with Gumball Waterson on lap 137, and then on lap 140...
Bestwick: There's smoke in turn 1!
Meatwad: We're blown up, guys. Dammit!
On lap 140, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota blows its engine. The caution flag is waved as Meatwad's car goes into the garage area and retires from the race.
Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 28th gets the free pass.
Once again, the cars get service in the pits, and this will be the top 10 at the restart;
Gumball Waterson
Master Shake
Stan Smith
Abigail Lincoln
Dudley Puppy
Early Cuyler
Danny Phantom
Applejack
Foxxy Love
William Murderface
And so we restart on lap 144. Master Shake reclaims the lead on lap 148. Abigail Lincoln falls out of the top 5 on lap 153, as does Stan Smith on lap 157.
Early Cuyler gets up to 2nd on lap 163. He catches Master Shake on lap 168, but is unable to get by him before lap 174, which is when green-flag pit stops commence. After green flag pit stops are finished on lap 180, the top 10 is as follows;
Master Shake
Early Cuyler
Gumball Waterson
Dudley Puppy
Applejack
Stan Smith
Abigail Lincoln
William Murderface
Foxxy Love
Danny Phantom
Gumball Waterson gets back up to 2nd on lap 185. It takes him all the way up until lap 192 to catch back up with Master Shake. After a heated battle, Gumball reclaims the lead on lap 197, with Shake still hot on his tail.
The white flag flies on lap 200. Master Shake is still right behind Gumball Waterson, looking for a way around. Coming out of turn 2...
Bestwick: And Gumball just tagged the wall!
Jarrett: Master Shake takes the lead!
Petree: This may very well have cost Gumball the race.
On the final lap, Gumball Waterson makes the minor impact with the wall coming out of turn 2, allowing Master Shake to go sailing by to reclaim the lead. Sure enough, Gumball has nothing left for Shake as he goes through the final turn...
Bestwick: Through the final turn, checkered flag is out, and Master Shake wins at Michigan!
Shake: Woo-hoo, we've finally won one! YES!
Capitalizing on the slip-up, Master Shake wins the Pure Michigan 400, with Gumball Waterson settling for 2nd. Dudley Puppy takes 3rd, Applejack claims 4th, Early Cuyler places 5th, Stan Smith finishes 6th, Abigail Lincoln gets 7th, Foxxy Love takes 8th, Danny Phantom places 9th, and William Murderface rounds out the top 10.
After being in the top 10 in points for the longest time without a win, Master Shake is finally celebrating in Victory Lane. After he takes a swig of champagne, Dr. Jerry Punch moves in for the interview;
Dr. Punch: Master Shake, finally a winner! Congratulations!
Shake: What can I say, I dominated! I stayed up front, I led a lot of laps, and this time it's finally paid off for me!
Dr. Punch: You did one heck of a job fighting those other drivers, too.
Shake: Yeah, they put up a fight, but I got back up front too. But I got to hand it to Gumball, he did great, too. And he would've won, too!
Dr. Punch: Lucky for you that he slipped up there, huh?
Shake: Maybe, but I capitalized and that was skill. And now I'm here, in Victory Lane!
Dr. Punch: Great job in the car today.
Shake: Thanks, Doc!
Dr. Punch: Allen?
Bestwick: Thanks, Doc, now here are your race results;
And here's how they finished the Pure Michigan 400;
Master Shake
Gumball Waterson
Dudley Puppy
Applejack
Early Cuyler
Stan Smith
Abigail Lincoln
Foxxy Love
Danny Phantom
William Murderface
Aang
Rainbow Dash
Eric Cartman
Phineas Flynn
Butt-Head
Homer Simpson
Edd
Nigel Uno
Peter Griffin
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Francine Smith
Kenny McCormick
Ferb Fletcher(1 lap down)
Beavis (1 lap down)
Ed (1 lap down)
Eddy (1 lap down)
The Warden (2 laps down)
Grim (2 laps down)
Kim Possible (2 laps down)
Flapjack (2 laps down)
Sokka (3 laps down)
Alejandro (3 laps down)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (3 laps down)
Hank Hill (4 laps down)
Chowder (4 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (5 laps down)
Meatwad (DNF; engine)
Frylock (DNF; accident)
Spongebob SquarePants (DNF; accident)
Bender (DNF; brakes)
Twilight Sparkle (DNF; accident)
Katara (DNF; accident)
Timmy Turner (DNF; engine)
Bestwick: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 23 of 36 races;
Master Shake; 626 points
Eric Cartman; 623 points
Beavis; 618 points
Peter Griffin; 614 points
Phineas Flynn/Homer Simpson; 607 points
Danny Phantom/Nigel Uno; 606 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 605 points
Eddy; 603 points
Ed; 602 points
Rainbow Dash; 598 points
William Murderface; 573 points
Abigail Lincoln; 567 points
Stan Smith; 566 points
Butt-Head; 565 points
Early Cuyler; 562 points
Timmy Turner; 559 points
Dudley Puppy; 553 points
Edd; 552 points
Gumball Waterson; 545 points
Meatwad; 542 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 537 points
Aang; 536 points
Francine Smith/Bender; 535 points
Frylock; 534 points
Ferb Fletcher; 527 points
Foxxy Love; 462 points
Twilight Sparkle; 461 points
Grim; 422 points
Alejandro; 362 points
Sokka/Katara; 355 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 351 points
The Warden; 347 points
Applejack; 345 points
Kim Possible; 341 points
Hank Hill; 339 points
Flapjack/Chowder; 334 points
Kenny McCormick; 319 points
Ben Tennyson; 307 points
Bestwick: Now there are 13 races left in the season, and only three until the Chase! The NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will return to Bristol next week! Until then, with Dale Jarret and Andy Petree, I'm Allen Bestwick. Thanks for watching, everybody!
I'll see you at Bristol!
Chapter 29: Irwin Tools Night Race
Welcome back to Thunder Valley! The NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series has returned to the world's fastest half-mile, Bristol Motor Speedway for the Irwin Tools Night Race! Located in Bristol, TN, this is one of the shortest on the NASCAR circuit – only 0.533 miles long! And the speeds are faster than other half-mile tracks due to its high banking of 26-30 degrees in the turns (as well as 6-10 degree banking in the straights). It's pretty narrow as well, which will make passing difficult. Another distinct feature is two pit roads – one on the frontstretch, one on the backstretch.
The race will be 500 laps, adding for a total of 266.5 miles. Obviously it will be a night race. It is a clear night sky, too!
Starting order;
Bender
Frylock
Meatwad
Edd
Ferb Fletcher
Timmy Turner
Francine Smith
Spongebob SquarePants
Aang
Rainbow Dash
Ed
Gumball Waterson
Dudley Puppy
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Phineas Flynn
Peter Griffin
Eric Cartman
Butt-Head
Eddy
Early Cuyler
Twilight Sparkle
Nigel Uno
Homer Simpson
Danny Phantom
Master Shake
Stan Smith
Abigail Lincoln
Beavis
William Murderface
Foxxy Love
Ben Tennyson
Kenny McCormick
Katara
Applejack
The Warden
Kim Possible
Sokka
Flapjack
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Alejandro
Hank Hill
Grim
Chowder
Now tuning to ESPN;
Bestwick: We have now returned to one of the absolute toughest tracks on the NASCAR circuit! With the Chase drawing ever closer, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series returns to the coliseum that is Bristol Motor Speedway! Tonight, drivers will once again fight for a spot in the championship hunt in the Irwin Tools Night Race! Hi, I'm Allen Bestwick, with Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, thanks for having us in for the race.
Jarrett: This really is a tough, dangerous track. It's very difficult to pass, there are two pit roads, and the laps are very short, so you lose time very quickly. And the narrow amount of space makes wrecks occur much more easily.
Petree: Not to mention that these drivers are going to be much more aggressive than they were last time we were here. Because this time, a chance at the championship is on the line, and there are still oh so many drivers with a mathematical shot at getting into the Chase.
Jarrett: I know, there are 28 drivers within 99 points of each other! That's just unheard of!
Bestwick: That won't matter in a few weeks, because the Chase will be underway. So then, we're about ready to get started at Bristol; let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome the Muppets, Statler & Waldorf!
Statler: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
Waldorf: Then start going in circles for three hours!
Both: DOHOHOHOHOHO!
All of the cars then fire their 865 hp engines, sending tremors through Bristol Motor Speedway. After taking a moment to warm up, the pace car leads them out.
Bestwick: Well the cars are taking the pace laps around the track, now let's see how they've lined up; our pole-sitter tonight is the robot Bender, and in 2nd is the box of French fries Frylock. Frylock's teammate Meatwad is right behind him in 3rd, and Edd is 4th. The British-born Ferb Fletcher will start 5th and in 6th spot is Timmy Turner. Francine Smith, driving for Tommy Baldwin Racing is 7th, and in 8th place is Spongebob SquarePants. The airbender Aang starts 9th and rounding out the top 10 is the Pegasus Rainbow Dash. As you look through the rest of the field, Dale Jarrett is on the radio;
Jarrett: Hey Rainbow Dash, it's Dale Jarrett from ESPN, you got me?
Rainbow Dash: 10-4, Dale.
Jarrett: So how do you like your Chase chances at this point?
Rainbow Dash: Very well, actually, even if it does come with a wild card. The bonus point for winning at Daytona would be nice, but at least I'll be in the Chase for the championship, and that's what counts.
Jarrett: How about this track? How do you like it?
Rainbow Dash: (chuckles) This really is more of a fan's track than it is a driver's track. Cars are banging each other, they're getting lapped real quickly, but we're starting 10th, so I think we can pull it off. Oh hey Dale?
Jarrett: Yeah?
Rainbow Dash: Don't you think it would be 20% cooler if I won the championship?
Jarrett: Huh?
Rainbow Dash: It's a pony thing, you wouldn't understand.
Jarrett: Alright, well thanks for speaking with us, and good luck out there.
Rainbow Dash: 10-4.
Bestwick: Weird. Okay, let's get some pit stories. Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, our pole-sitter Bender is in probably his best position yet. He still hasn't won a race, but he's starting on the pole here at Bristol, where qualifying spots are very important. He may pull it off here tonight. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, Gumball Waterson has been on a surge as of late. These last 3 races, he's finished 2nd, 13th and 2nd. He may not make the Chase, but a visit to Victory Lane just may be inevitable. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, Frylock is the only member of Michael Waltrip Racing who hasn't won a race. He came close to winning at Sonoma, but lost in the last turn to Homer Simpson. He starts 2nd tonight and could change that. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, our points leader Master Shake will have his work cut out for him in maintaining that lead, especially since he's starting 25th, while Eric Cartman stating 19th. Actually, they may both make the Chase either way, but I'm sure Shake would like to go in as the leader. Allen?
Bestwick: Thanks, Vince.
The pace car retreats into the front stretch pit road, and the green flag flies almost immediately.
Bestwick: And we're green at Bristol!
Bender leads the first 6 laps of the race, and then Frylock takes the lead away. The two continue to battle for the lead. Meanwhile, on lap 11, Ed makes it into the top 10.
Meatwad then makes it into 2nd on lap 17, and vigorously battles Frylock for the lead. It takes a while, but Meatwad gets into the lead on lap 25. Further back on lap 32, Twilight Sparkle makes it into the top 15.
Frylock regains the lead on lap 38. Then Edd gets up to 2nd on lap 45. He starts to challenge Frylock for the lead on lap 51. Then on lap 59...
Bestwick: Whoa!
Jarrett: Frylock almost spun out there!
Petree: He saved it, but he's lost the lead.
On lap 59, Frylock gets very loose going through turn 3, almost spinning out. He saves it, but this major slip-up allows Edd to jump into the lead.
Meanwhile, Ferb Fletcher gets up to 3rd on lap 67. He's up to 2nd by lap 76. He's challenging Edd for the lead by lap 84. However, he cannot get past; Edd blocks him wherever he tries to get around. By lap 91, he starts to fall back.
Edd is still in the lead on lap 101 when...
Bestwick: Big trouble on the backstretch!
Jarrett: Multiple cars have crashed; about 7 cars are involved!
Petree: Caution.
On lap 101, a big multi-car crash occurs on the backstretch. The involved cars include William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota, Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet, Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet, Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford, Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet and Sokka's #38 Modspace Ford. The #47, #21, and #5 are all able to go to their garages for repairs, but all the other cars are totaled. They're all towed away as the drivers are taken to the infield care center.
Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
The other cars go into the pits for four tires and fuel. Master Shake is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. So then, this will be the top 10 at the restart.
Edd
Ferb Fletcher
Frylock
Meatwad
Francine Smith
Aang
Rainbow Dash
Timmy Turner
Dudley Puppy
Ed
The race is restarted on lap 106. Edd holds the lead for a while, and then Ferb Fletcher moves into 1st place on lap 116.
Twilight Sparkle moves into the top 10 on lap 125.
On lap 131, Francine Smith makes it up to 3rd. After some more battling, she moves past Edd for 2nd on lap 138. Then she catches up to Ferb Fletcher on lap 144. On lap 149, this happens...
Bestwick: Ferb almost loses it!
Jarrett: Francine makes contact, and she's now in the lead!
Petree: That looked intentional to me.
On lap 149, Francine Smith makes contact with Ferb Fletcher, almost spinning out his #9 DeWalt Ford. This allows Francine to get by in her #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet.
Ferb: What the fuck was that?
Baljeet: Don't worry about it, we'll come back.
Meanwhile, on lap 161, Rainbow Dash cracks the top 5.
Then on lap 173, Frylock has made it back up to 2nd. By lap 182 he's right on Francine's bumper. On lap 188, in a form of poetic justice, Frylock bumps Francine, getting her loose in turn 1. This allows Frylock to take the lead back.
Francine: What the hell was that all about?
Steve: Karma, Mom. Karma.
Francine: Damn French fries!
On lap 196, Meatwad is up to 2nd. He's then challenging his teammate Frylock for the lead. This fight is still going on on lap 209 when...
Bestwick: And there's smoke on the frontstretch!
Spongebob: Oh crabs, we've blown up!
Jarrett: The #78 has lost an engine, and the caution is out.
On lap 209, Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet blows its engine. The caution is thrown out as Spongebob rolls his car into pit road and into the garage; his race is over.
Eddy's #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 22nd gets the free pass.
Everyone else goes in for pit stops. This time, no one is caught speeding on pit road; nothing else goes wrong either. So this will be the top 10 at the restart;
Frylock
Meatwad
Francine Smith
Ferb Fletcher
Rainbow Dash
Edd
Ed
Aang
Twilight Sparkle
Timmy Turner
The race restarts on lap 214.
On lap 221, Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet returns to the track, 120 laps down in 37th place.
On lap 230, Meatwad takes the lead. Frylock reclaims it on lap 234.
On lap 237, Ed cracks the top 5.
On lap 241, Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford gets back on the track, 140 laps down in 38th place.
Rainbow Dash is up to 3rd on lap 249. Then she's up to 2nd by lap 257.
Meanwhile, on lap 260, William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota is back on the track, 160 laps down in 39th place.
By lap 264, Frylock and Rainbow Dash are running side-by-side. For eight laps straight, this keeps up. Then on lap 272, a lapped car holds up Frylock, allowing Rainbow Dash to get by and take the lead.
Frylock: Damn lapped cars!
As Rainbow Dash continues to lead, Meatwad gets back up to 2nd on lap 270. He's caught up with Rainbow Dash on lap 281. Rainbow Dash holds the lead all the way up until lap 293, when she's held up by lapped traffic, enabling Meatwad to slip by for the lead.
Rainbow Dash: God damn these lapped cars!
Meatwad is still in the lead on lap 305 when...
Bestwick: Trouble! Turn 2!
Petree: The #51 car is head-on into the wall and totaled!
Jarrett: There's no way she's going back out.
Bestwick: And the caution is out.
On lap 305, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet gets loose, overcorrects and slams head-on into the outside retaining wall in turn 2. The car is totaled. Kim gets out unharmed and is then taken to the infield care center as her wrecked machine is towed away.
Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 21st gets the free pass.
The other cars then make their pit stops. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Meatwad
Rainbow Dash
Frylock
Ed
Ferb Fletcher
Twilight Sparkle
Aang
Edd
Francine Smith
Timmy Turner
We restart on lap 310. Meatwad holds the lead until lap 323, when Rainbow Dash reclaims 1st place.
Ed makes it up to 3rd on lap 329. He's up to 2nd on lap 336. By lap 345 he's challenging Rainbow Dash. For now, however, it's to no avail as Rainbow Dash manages to hold him off.
Meanwhile, on lap 356, Twilight Sparkle gets in the top 5.
Then on lap 363, Rainbow Dash has a slip-up going through turn 4. Nothing major, but it does allow Ed to slip by and claim the lead.
Ed: Ha ha ha, pathetic pony!
Twilight Sparkle meanwhile is up to 3rd by lap 372. She then battles her teammate Rainbow Dash for a while, and then claims 2nd place on lap 382. A short while later, she catches up with Ed. Ed retains the lead, and then gets loose in turn 2 on lap 391, enabling Twilight to move into the lead.
Twilight Sparkle is still in the lead on lap 399 when…
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 1!
Jarrett: The #49 car has spun around.
Bestwick: Caution is out.
Petree: At least he managed to keep it off the walls and other cars.
On lap 399, the caution flag waves when Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota spins out in turn 1. Fortunately, he's able to keep it off the walls and other cars, and doesn't suffer any damage. He does have to get new tires, though.
Nigel Uno's #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 18th gets the free pass.
Everyone else makes their last pit stops of the race. This then will be the top 10 at the restart;
Twilight Sparkle
Ed
Rainbow Dash
Meatwad
Frylock
Ferb Fletcher
Aang
Edd
Francine Smith
Timmy Turner
And so we restart on lap 404. Twilight Sparkle holds on to the lead. On lap 415 Rainbow Dash is up to 2nd. She and Twilight Sparkle are dueling vigorously for the lead. Rainbow Dash then moves back up to 1st on lap 429.
On lap 441 Twilight Sparkle falls back to 3rd as Ed passes her for 2nd.
Then on lap 452, Ed begins to challenge Rainbow Dash to take the lead back. Rainbow Dash fights gallantly for many laps, but Ed retakes the lead on lap 465.
Rainbow Dash loses 2nd place to Twilight Sparkle on lap 479.
By lap 488 Twilight Sparkle is trying to take the lead back to Ed. But Ed manages to hold her off. The voracity with which they race each other allows Rainbow Dash to catch back up…
The white flag is out on lap 500; Ed is in the lead, with Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash nipping at his heels. However, by the time they're going through turns 3 & 4 for the final time, neither pony is able to make the move…
Bestwick: This is the ponies' last shot…they can't get him! Ed wins at Bristol!
Ed holds off the ponies to win the Irwin Tools Night Race; Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash settle for 2nd and 3rd, respectively. Frylock gets 4th, Ferb Fletcher takes 5th, Aang comes in 6th, Meatwad finishes 7th, Edd places 8th, Francine Smith claim 9th, and Timmy Turner rounds out the top 10.
Ed is now only the third driver this season to have won more than one race thus far; the other two being Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin. So now, for the second time, Ed is enjoying the spoils the win in Victory Lane. After he takes a swig of champagne, Dr. Jerry Punch moves in for the interview;
Dr. Punch: Ed, you're only the third driver to have won twice; how's about that!
Ed: …I don't know. But I won, didn't I?
: Yes, well, what about battling those ponies?
Ed: Ponies are weird! Like Canadians! (laughs)
Dr. Punch: OK seriously Ed, how do you feel about this win?
Ed: Gravy and butter toast! Yum!
Dr. Punch: OK, well great job in the car today.
Ed: JAWBREAKERS!
Dr. Punch: Weird. Allen?
Bestwick: Uh, thanks Doc, I guess.
Jarrett: How is it that someone as retarded as him is allowed to drive?
Bestwick: Hmmm…don't know, don't care. Let's just see the race results;
And here's how our animated friends finished the Irwin Tools Night Race;
Ed
Twilight Sparkle
Rainbow Dash
Frylock
Ferb Fletcher
Aang
Meatwad
Edd
Francine Smith
Timmy Turner
Bender
Gumball Waterson
Phineas Flynn
Butt-Head
Dudley Puppy
Nigel Uno
Eric Cartman (1 lap down)
Eddy (1 lap down)
Danny Phantom (1 lap down)
Homer Simpson (1 lap down)
Hoagie P. Gilligan (1 lap down)
Beavis (1 lap down)
Peter Griffin (1 lap down)
Master Shake (1 lap down)
Stan Smith (2 laps down)
Applejack (2 laps down)
Kenny McCormick (2 laps down)
Grim (2 laps down)
Hank Hill (3 laps down)
Flapjack (3 laps down)
Katara (3 laps down)
The Warden (4 laps down)
Chowder (4 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (5 laps down)
Abigail Lincoln (120 laps down)
Early Cuyler (140 laps down)
William Murderface (160 laps down)
Kim Possible (DNF; accident)
Spongebob SquarePants (DNF; engine)
Foxxy Love (DNF; accident)
Sokka (DNF; accident)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; accident)
Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Bestwick: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 24 of 36 races;
Eric Cartman; 650 points
Ed; 649 points
Master Shake; 646 points
Rainbow Dash/Beavis; 640 points
Phineas Flynn; 638 points
Peter Griffin; 635 points
Nigel Uno; 634 points
Danny Phantom/Homer Simpson; 631 points
Eddy; 629 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 628 points
Butt-Head; 595 points
Timmy Turner; 593 points
Edd; 589 points
Stan Smith; 585 points
Dudley Puppy; 582 points
Meatwad/William Murderface; 580 points
Gumball Waterson; 577 points
Abigail Lincoln; 576 points
Frylock; 575 points
Aang; 574 points
Francine Smith; 571 points
Early Cuyler; 570 points
Bender; 569 points
Ferb Fletcher; 567 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 542 points
Twilight Sparkle; 505 points
Foxxy Love; 466 points
Grim; 438 points
Katara; 368 points
Applejack/Alejandro; 363 points
The Warden; 359 points
Sokka; 358 points
Hank Hill; 354 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 353 points
Flapjack; 348 points
Kim Possible; 347 points
Chowder; 345 points
Kenny McCormick; 336 points
Ben Tennyson; 317 points
Bestwick: Well, we're coming down to the wire! Two races left until the Chase, and the points are incredibly close! Next week we'll be at the famed Atlanta Motor Speedway for the AdvoCare 500! Until then, this is Allen Bestwick, Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree saying so long from Bristol, and we hope to see you at Atlanta!
How about that? We're this far into the season, and Ed is only the 3rd driver to win more than once! I wish NASCAR had this many winners in real life. Anyway, I'll be seeing you at Atlanta!
Chapter 30: AdvoCare 500
For round 25 of the season, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is now at one of the absolute fastest tracks on the NASCAR circuit, Atlanta Motor Speedway. This is where the cartoon drivers will fight each other for glory in the AdvoCare 500! Located in Hampton GA, just south of Atlanta, Atlanta Motor Speedway is a 1.54-mile quad-oval. The turns are banked at 24 degrees, and the straights are banked at 5 degrees.
The race is actually 500.5 miles long, and will be run over 325 laps. It will be a Sunday night race, taking place on Labor Day weekend. There are some clouds out, but no rain is expected!
Starting line-up;
Butt-Head
Edd
Early Cuyler
Spongebob SquarePants
Twilight Sparkle
Foxxy Love
Abigail Lincoln
Frylock
Francine Smith
Ferb Fletcher
Eric Cartman
Danny Phantom
Timmy Turner
Meatwad
Aang
Nigel Uno
Peter Griffin
Bender
Beavis
Rainbow Dash
Applejack
Master Shake
Stan Smith
Phineas Flynn
Eddy
Homer Simpson
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Dudley Puppy
Ed
Gumball Waterson
Kenny McCormick
Ben Tennyson
William Murderface
Katara
Grim
Chowder
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Sokka
Kim Possible
Hank Hill
Flapjack
Alejandro
The Warden
ESPN?
Bestwick: We're now just two races away from the Chase, and the competition just continues to heat up! Last week, Ed just held off Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash to become only the third driver to win twice this season, joining Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin. Tonight, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is located at one of its most famous, popular and fastest tracks, Atlanta Motor Speedway, for the AdvoCare 500! I'm Allen Bestwick, along with Wally Dallenbach and Benny Parsons, thanks for having us in this Labor Day weekend!
Jarrett: Guys, we've been talking a lot about how very close the points are, but really, it would seem like our Chase contenders may have been determined; you may notice how the top 12 in points have a bit of a breakaway over the others.
Petree: It is true; Hoagie P. Gilligan is a solid 33 points ahead of Butt-Head. But knowing these Cartoon Cup Series drivers, well, you never really know what will happen!
Bestwick: Indeed. Well, it looks like we're about set; let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Disney icon Mickey Mouse!
Mickey: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
The 43 cars fire up their 865 hp engines. After a moment of warming up, they're led out by the pace car.
Bestwick: Now let's see how they've lined up; Butt-Head, driving for Hendrick Motorsports is on pole, and alongside him in 2nd is Edd. The squid Early Cuyler is 3rd, and in 4th place is Spongebob SquarePants. The pony Twilight Sparkle is in 5th, and Foxxy Love will start 6th. Abigail Lincoln will start 7th, and the box of French fries Frylock will roll out in 8th. Francine Smith will go from 9th, and rounding out the top 10 is Ferb Fletcher. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Andy Petree is on the phone;
Petree: Butt-Head, it's Andy Petree from ESPN, you got me?
Butt-Head: Whatever, man.
Petree: So you're 13th in points, over 30 out of the wild card spot. How ya feelin'?
Butt-Head: This is stupid! Bunch of dumbasses goin' around in circles!
Petree: Uh, what?
Butt-Head: Yeah! Yeah it's stupid! It's like, just a bunch of dumbasses goin' around in circles!
Petree: Uh, you are aware that you're live on ESPN, right?
Butt-Head: Uh, E, S, PN. Ha, he is peein'! (laughs)
Petree: Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna sign off, now.
Bestwick: Uh, yeah, let's just have our pit reporters talk to us. Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, although he doesn't seem to have a clue as to what's going on, Butt-Head is in a predicament. He's 13th in points, and over 30 points out of 12th with two races until the Chase. He has tons of work. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, Early Cuyler may be well out of Chase contention, so he'd really just like some wins. He starts 3rd tonight, and this is his hometown track, so he'd probably like to win here more than anywhere. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, Hoagie P. Gilligan is one of those in position for a wild card spot in the Chase, though he'd rather be up there in the top 10. He starts 27th tonight, and will really have to work at that. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, Eddy is the other driver in a wild card position. He too has loads of work if he's to get into the top 10, as he starts 25th. And of course, he's also looking to get into the top 10. Back to you, Allen.
Bestwick: OK, thanks, guys.
The pace car retreats into the pits, and then the cars accelerate under the guise of the green flag.
Bestwick: Green flag is in the air, we are underway at Atlanta!
Butt-Head and Edd remain side-by-side for the first 7 laps, with Butt-Head retaining the lead by just a little bit. On lap 8, Edd manages to fully get by him and take the lead.
Butt-Head drops to 3rd as Early Cuyler moves up to 2nd on lap 13. By lap 18, he's challenging Edd for the lead. Early slips by on lap 23, and is now in the lead.
On lap 29, Rainbow Dash moves into the top 15.
Her teammate Twilight Sparkle is up to 3rd on lap 34, and on lap 38 she's up to 2nd. By lap 45, she's challenging Early Cuyler for the lead. On lap 51, Early Cuyler has a minor slip-up allowing Twilight to take the lead.
Twilight Sparkle is still leading on lap 54 when...
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 2!
Petree: The #17 and #56 cars have crashed!
Jarrett: Caution is out.
On lap 54, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota gets loose and clips Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford. Both cars totally lose control and go hard into the wall, and are therefore unable to continue.
Timmy: Ugh! I wish that had never happened!
Cosmo: According to Da Rules, Timmy, I can't change the past!
Timmy: DAMMIT!
The drivers get out of their cars unharmed and are taken to the infield care center as their cars are towed away.
Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge, running 1 lap down in 35th gets the free pass.
Everyone else goes into the pits for four tires and fuel. This then, will be the top 10 at the restart;
Twilight Sparkle
Early Cuyler
Edd
Butt-Head
Foxxy Love
Abigail Lincoln
Ferb Fletcher
Danny Phantom
Eric Cartman
Frylock
The race restarts on lap 58. Early Cuyler gets the jump on Twilight Sparkle to take the lead back. Twilight reclaims the lead on lap 60.
Foxxy Love gets up to 2nd on lap 64. It takes a while, but she manages to catch up to Twilight Sparkle on lap 72. Twilight manages to block Foxxy for a long while, getting Foxxy agitated...
Foxxy: You best get outta my way bitch, or you gonna be dead!
On lap 80, Foxxy bumps Twilight in her rear, causing her to slip up a bit, just enough for Foxxy Love to get by and claim the lead.
Twilight: What the hell was that all about?
Rarity: Just keep driving, Twilight.
Twilight: 10-4, whatever.
Early Cuyler is back up to 2nd on lap 87. Edd is up to 3rd two laps later. By lap 95, it's become a three-way battle for the lead; Foxxy Love in the lead, Early Cuyler in 2nd, Edd in 3rd.
On lap 99, they're all single-file, bumper-to-bumper. Edd uses this to his advantage. He breaks off, thus doing a slingshot move to propel himself past Early and Foxxy to reclaim the lead.
Edd: Consume and digest my particles of dust, bitches!
On lap 103, Early Cuyler gets back up to 2nd. Meanwhile, as Edd continues to lead on lap 111...
Murderface: Oh we just lost the engine! PIECE OF SHIT!
Bestwick: The #47 car is spewing smo-
Jarrett: Uh, we have a crash in turn 4!
Petree: The #32 and #98 cars have wrecked, and we have a caution.
Hank: Dang it, was that stupid Warden even watching where the hell he was goin'?
On lap 111, William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota blows its engine. While that's occuring, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford spins out in turn 4, taking Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford with it. Both cars go into the wall hard enough to disable them. Hank and The Warden get out of their cars, talk it over, and are then taken to the infield care center as their wrecked machines are taken away.
Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, running 1 lap down in 31st gets the free pass.
The other cars get tires and fuel in the pits. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
Edd
Early Cuyler
Foxxy Love
Twilight Sparkle
Abigail Lincoln
Ferb Fletcher
Frylock
Butt-Head
Francine Smith
Spongebob SquarePants
We restart on lap 116. Abigail Lincoln is up to 3rd before the lap is over. Meanwhile, on lap 123, Francine Smith falls out of the top 10.
Early Cuyler gets back in the lead on lap 130. Abigail Lincoln is up to 2nd on lap 135. A battle for the lead ensues shortly thereafter. Said battle lasts until lap 142, when Abigail slingshots past Early for the lead.
Abigail: Heh heh heh, sucker!
Early: Dammit, a nigger just passed me! GODDAMMIT!
Edd reclaims 2nd on lap 148. He catches Abigail on lap 153, and the two start to run side-by-side three laps later. This goes on until lap 160, when Edd falls back, allowing Abigail to retain the lead, pulling away a little bit.
Abigail Lincoln is still in the lead on lap 167 when...
Bestwick: And we've trouble in turn 3, two more cars have crashed!
Jarrett: The #22 and #36 cars got together and are totaled.
Petree: Caution is out.
On lap 167, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge gets very tight and crosses into the path of Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet. Both cars are drug into the wall and are totaled. Bender and Stan leave their cars unhurt and enter the ambulance as their cars are taken to the garage area.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 29th gets the free pass.
The rest of the field make their pit stops. Aang and Applejack are both caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve drive-thru penalties.
Applejack: DAMMIT! What the FUCK!
This will be the top 10 at the restart;
Abigail Lincoln
Edd
Early Cuyler
Twilight Sparkle
Foxxy Love
Spongebob SquarePants
Ferb Fletcher
Butt-Head
Francine Smith
Frylock
The race restarts on lap 172. On lap 177, Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford has irreparable electrical trouble and has to retire from the race. On lap 183, Edd makes a slingshot on Abigail Lincoln and takes the lead back.
Early Cuyler very shrewdly passes Abigail Lincoln for 2nd on lap 190. As he sets his sights on Edd, Butt-Head falls out of the top 10 on lap 195.
On lap 199, Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet breaks the suspension and has to drop out of the race. On lap 203 Early Cuyler pulls up alongside Edd, and he retakes the lead on lap 207.
Butt-Head gets back into the top 10 on lap 213. By lap 216, Edd has fallen back to 4th. Abigail Lincoln has caught up to Early Cuyler by lap 222. One lap later...
Bestwick: We've got another wreck, this time in turn 1!
Petree: Now the #51 and the #42 cars have taken each other out of it.
Jarrett: And the caution is out once aga- smoke on the backstretch!
Bestwick: The #49 car has just blown its engine, and it's out of the race, too! Unbelievable!
On lap 223, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet and Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet make contact. This causes them both to lose control and slam into the wall and each other, rendering both cars out of commission. As this happens, Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota blows its engine. Fortunately, no one is hurt. Ben gets his car into the garage, and Kim and Alejandro get out of their cars, which are towed away.
Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford, running 1 lap down in 28th gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes in for service. Chowder's #37 Poynt Ford goes to the garage and retires from the race with a broken transmission. Meanwhile, this will be the top 10 at the restart;
Early Cuyler
Abigail Lincoln
Twilight Sparkle
Edd
Foxxy Love
Spongebob SquarePants
Ferb Fletcher
Francine Smith
Frylock
Butt-Head
We are restarted on lap 228. Twilight Sparkle makes it up to 2nd on lap 233. Foxxy Love makes it up to 3rd on lap 240. On lap 246, Twilight Sparkle regains the lead from Early Cuyler.
Edd drops out of the top 5 on lap 252, and Spongebob SquarePants gets back in the top 5 on lap 256.
Early Cuyler regains the lead on lap 261. Foxxy Love gets back to 2nd on lap 267. She catches up to Early on lap 272. Early Cuyler is still leading on lap 276 when...
Jarrett: Oh, big crash! In the quad-oval!
Bestwick: Ed, Eric Cartman...
Jarrett: Rainbow Dash is involved!
Bestwick: And Phineas Flynn is flaming going into turn 1!
Petree: He's knocked the oil cooler off his car, and the oil is on fire.
Bestwick: Phineas Flynn; the car is on fire! Phineas has pulled-
Phineas: Come on, get me the fuckin' fireman! Bring the fuckin' fire extinguisher!
Petree: It'll go out.
A big crash occurs in the quad-oval on lap 276; the involved cars are Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet, Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet, Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota, and Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford. None of these cars are left able to continue. In the crash, Phineas runs hard into the back of Rainbow Dash's car, knocking off the oil cooler and causing the oil to ignite. Phineas pulls up to a fire truck and they put out the fire. All four drivers leave their cars uninjured.
Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, running 1 lap down in 28th gets the free pass.
Everyone else goes in for one last pit stop. And so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
Early Cuyler
Foxxy Love
Twilight Sparkle
Abigail Lincoln
Spongebob SquarePants
Ferb Fletcher
Edd
Francine Smith
Frylock
Butt-Head
We are restarted on lap 284. Abigail Lincoln falls out of the top 5 on lap 291. Twilight Sparkle is back up to 2nd on lap 298. All the while, Early Cuyler continues to lead.
Foxxy Love is up to 2nd by lap 307. Twilight Sparkle keeps up with her, though. The two battle ferociously for 2nd. This is a bad move, as it allows Early Cuyler to get away.
...
And sure enough, when the white flag flies on lap 325, Early Cuyler is up to an insurmountable lead. The checkered flag is now a certainty...
Bestwick: No one has anything for the squid. The checkered flag is out, and Early Cuyler wins at Atlanta!
Early: Wooooooo, yeah! Suck it, everyone else!
Early Cuyler wins the AdvoCare 500. Foxxy Love gets 2nd, Twilight Sparkle takes 3rd, Spongebob SquarePants places 4th, Ferb Fletcher finishes 5th, Frylock finishes 6th, Abigail Lincoln claims 7th, Francine Smith comes in 8th, Edd takes 9th, and Butt-Head rounds out the top 10.
And so Early Cuyler is enjoying the spoils of the win, at his hometown track, no less. He takes a swig of champagne as Dr. Jerry Punch proceeds with the interview;
Dr. Punch:Congratualtions, Early Cuyler! How does it feel to win at your hometown track?
Early: Heh, well I though I'd never win a race at all, but... it means everything to have won here at home!
Dr. Punch: I take it you're just going to go for wins from here on out?
Early: Yeah, there's no way in hell we're gonna make the Chase. Actually, I'm just satisfied to won here; at home, of all places!
Dr. Punch: OK, well great job out there.
Early: Thanks, Doc.
Dr. Punch: Allen?
Bestwick: Thanks, Doc. Now let's see how it all shaped up;
And here's how our wonderful cartoons finished the AdvoCare 500;
Early Cuyler
Foxxy Love
Twilight Sparkle
Spongebob SquarePants
Ferb Fletcher
Frylock
Abigail Lincoln
Francine Smith
Edd
Butt-Head
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Eddy
Homer Simpson
Danny Phantom
Nigel Uno
Peter Griffin
Beavis
Master Shake
Sokka
Katara
Aang
Grim
Gumball Waterson
Kenny McCormick
Dudley Puppy
Applejack
Phineas Flynn (DNF; accident)
Rainbow Dash (DNF; accident)
Eric Cartman (DNF; accident)
Ed (DNF; accident)
Chowder (DNF; transmission)
Ben Tennyson (DNF; engine)
Kim Possible (DNF; accident)
Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Flapjack (DNF; suspension)
Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; electrical)
Bender (DNF; accident)
Stan Smith (DNF; accident)
William Murderface (DNF; engine)
The Warden (DNF; accident)
Hank Hill (DNF; accident)
Timmy Turner (DNF; accident)
Meatwad (DNF; accident)
Bestwick: And here are your point standings;
Here are the current point standings after 25 of 36 races;
Master Shake; 672 points
Beavis; 667 points
Eric Cartman; 665 points
Nigel Uno/Peter Griffin/Ed; 663 points
Homer Simpson; 662 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan/Eddy/Danny Phantom; 661 points
Rainbow Dash; 656 points
Phineas Flynn; 655 points
Butt-Head; 630 points
Edd; 625 points
Early Cuyler; 618 points
Abigail Lincoln; 614 points
Frylock; 613 points
Francine Smith; 607 points
Ferb Fletcher; 606 points
Dudley Puppy; 601 points
Gumball Waterson; 598 points
Aang; 597 points
Timmy Turner; 595 points
Stan Smith; 591 points
William Murderface; 585 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 582 points
Meatwad; 581 points
Bender; 576 points
Twilight Sparkle; 547 points
Foxxy Love; 509 points
Grim; 460 points
Katara; 392 points
Sokka; 384 points
Applejack; 381 points
Alejandro; 373 points
The Warden; 363 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 361 points
Chowder/Kim Possible; 358 points
Flapjack/Hank Hill; 357 points
Kenny McCormick; 356 points
Ben Tennyson; 329 points
Bestwick: Well everyone, we're down to the wire! Four drivers are mathematically in contention for wild card spots in the Chase, and we only have one more race until the Chase starts! That takes place next weekend at Richmond International Raceway. With Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, I'm Allen Bestwick. Thanks for watching, everyone!
Just to clarify, those four drivers mathematically in contention for wild cards are Butt-Head, Edd, Early Cuyler and Abigail Lincoln. Some may say that the roster for the Chase for the Cartoon Cup may have already been decided (realistically speaking), but you never know... Join us at Richmond and find out, why don't you?
Chapter 31: Federated Auto Parts 400
We're now at the deciding race; the race that will decide who competes for the Cartoon Cup Series championship! The race will be dubbed the Federated Auto Parts 400. It will take place at Richmond International Raceway in Richmond, VA. The track is a ¾-mile D-shaped oval. The turns are banked at 14 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 8 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 2 degrees. The race will be run over 400 laps, equaling 300 miles. It is a Saturday night race, with a totally clear night sky and everything!
Now about the Chase; the drivers in the top 10 in points are as follows; Master Shake, Beavis, Eric Cartman, Nigel Uno, Peter Griffin, Ed, Homer Simpson, Hoagie P. Gilligan, Eddy, and Danny Phantom. Then the two drivers currently in position for the wild card spots are Rainbow Dash and Phineas Flynn. Butt-Head, Edd, Early Cuyler and Abigail Lincoln are in mathematical contention to take those spots away. Everyone else has no shot at the title this year. So that's the situation there.
Starting order;
1. Abigail Lincoln
2. Phineas Flynn
3. Eddy
4. Timmy Turner
5. Foxxy Love
6. Stan Smith
7. Bender
8. Dudley Puppy
9. Rainbow Dash
10. Edd
11. Twilight Sparkle
12. Eric Cartman
13. Frylock
14. Hoagie P. Gilligan
15. Kenny McCormick
16. Early Cuyler
17. William Murderface
18. Homer Simpson
19. Butt-Head
20. Danny Phantom
21. Master Shake
22. Ed
23. Beavis
24. Peter Griffin
25. Nigel Uno
26. Ferb Fletcher
27. Applejack
28. Francine Smith
29. Meatwad
30. Aang
31. Katara
32. Grim
33. Ben Tennyson
34. Sokka
35. Kim Possible
36. Chowder
37. Blooregard Q. Kazoo
38. Spongebob SquarePants
39. Gumball Waterson
40. Hank Hill
41. Flapjack
42. The Warden
43. Alejandro
Now tuning to ESPN;
Bestwick: We're live from the Richmond International Raceway in Virginia. This here is the race that will decide the Chase; we still have 4 drivers in contention for wild card spots, and the conditions couldn't be better for tonight's race, the Federated Auto Parts 400! I'm Allen Bestwick, alongside Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, thanks for having us in. So do you guys think our Chase roster is already set?
Jarrett: I'd say it is. I mean come on! Butt-Head is like, 25 points behind Phineas! Also, he's starting 19th and Phineas is in like, 2nd! I think it's set.
Petree: ...I don't know, Dale. Early Cuyler has momentum, Edd is starting 10th, Abigail Lincoln is on the pole, and they could all take some wild card spots away.
Jarrett: I still say we already have our Chase contenders!
Bestwick: We're about to find out. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome monster Wacky Racers, the Gruesome Twosome!
Little Gruesome: Ladies and gentletoons...
Big Gruesome: ...start your engines!
Once more the 43-car field fire up their monster engines and tremors throughout Richmond International Raceway. They then proceed with the pace laps.
Bestwick: Now let's see how they're starting; Abigail Lincoln, driving for Hendrick Motorsports is on the pole; Phineas Flynn, one of our potential Chase contenders is in 2nd. Eddy, another potential Chase contender is 3rd, and starting 4th is Timmy Turner. The mystery-solving musician Foxxy Love starts 5th, and in 6th spot is Stan Smith. The robot Bender will roll out in 7th, and the dog Dudley Puppy will start 8th. Another Chase contender, the pony Rainbow Dash, is 9th, and Edd will round out the top 10. As you look through the rest of the grid, Dale Jarrett will get on the radio;
Jarrett: Abigail Lincoln, it's Dale Jarrett from ESPN, you got me?
Abigail: Hey Dale, how ya doin'?
Jarrett: I'm fine. What about you and your Chase chances?
Abigail: Well it's great that I'm on the pole and all, but I wish Phineas wasn't up here in 2nd. I really think the only way we're gonna get in is if we lead the most laps and win, and he finishes last without leading any laps!
Jarrett: That sounds very tough, although your boyfriend is pretty much locked in.
Abigail: Yeah, Hoagie's had better finishes than me. I just wish I was up there with him, is all.
Jarrett: That sounds sweet. Well good luck to both of you, I guess.
Abigail: Thanks, Dale.
Bestwick: Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, it should first be noted that Rainbow Dash's probation will be over after this race. That said, she's currently one of the drivers in the wild card position. Since she's starting 9th, she should definitely be able to hold on to that. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, Early Cuyler's Chase hopes may have been slightly refueled after his first career win last week at Atlanta. He himself doesn't think he has a shot left, but neither of us really know what will happen. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, Edd also has a chance at a wild card spot, and he starts 10th. He also has had a bit of an upward momentum swing as of late, and the chances are a bit slim, but maybe he can take advantage of that. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, Butt-Head is the last driver in mathematical contention for a wild card spot. He could steal it away by winning the race, as could Edd, Abigail and Early, although he does start 19th, so he'll have sound ground to make up. Allen?
Bestwick: Thanks, Vince. We are now ready to see who's in and who's out...
The pace car pulls off, and shortly thereafter the green flag waves...
Bestwick: Green flag, we're racing at Richmond!
Phineas Flynn jumps ahead of Abigail Lincoln before the first lap is complete. She gets ahead, enabling her to retain the lead. On lap 8, Eddy falls out of the top 5.
Timmy Turner is up to 2nd by lap 17. It's lap 26 when he's challenging Phineas Flynn. After a heated battle, Timmy gets the lead on lap 35.
Phineas, however, manages to keep up. For a good number of laps, Phineas and Timmy battle harshly for the lead. This allows Stan Smith to gradually catch up with them...
By lap 49, it's a three-way battle for the lead. Stan Smith gets by Phineas Flynn for 2nd on lap 55. He then fights Timmy Turner for the lead for a number of laps. Then on lap 63, Stan is able to tap Timmy's car and make it get loose, enabling Stan to slip by for the lead.
On lap 68, Phineas Flynn also gets by Timmy Turner to take 2nd place back.
On lap 72, Eddy gets back in the top 5.
On lap 75, Phineas has caught up with Stan Smith and tries to take the lead. Stan is still in the lead on lap 80 when...
Bestwick: Car in the wall!
Jarrett: That's Butt-Head! Butt-Head's crashed!
Butt-Head: Goddammit! It's over! God fucking dammit!
Petree: His Chase hopes are gone!
On lap 80, William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota clips Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet, causing it to get loose. Butt-Head overcorrects and goes head-on into the wall in turn 4. The car is totaled. Butt-Head very angrily leaves his car and boards the ambulance as the wreckage is being cleared.
Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford, running 1 lap down in 29th gets the free pass.
During the caution, the rest of the field makes their first pit stops of the race. Dudley Puppy is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. Everything else proceeds smoothly, and this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. Stan Smith
2. Phineas Flynn
3. Timmy Turner
4. Abigail Lincoln
5. Eddy
6. Edd
7. Bender
8. Rainbow Dash
9. Frylock
10. Eric Cartman
The race restarts on lap 85. Edd spins his tires on the restart and falls out of the top 10 three laps later. Abigail Lincoln falls out of the top 5 again on lap 92. Bender gets in to the top 5 on lap 99.
On lap 104, Timmy Turner gets back up to 2nd. He's right on Stan Smith's bumper by lap 111. He taps the bumper on lap 117, getting Stan loose, thus allowing him to retake the lead.
Phineas Flynn loses 3rd place to Eddy on lap 122. Eddy then passes Stan Smith for 2nd on lap 129. He catches up to Timmy Turner by lap 136. But Timmy manages to hold Eddy off. This enables Stan Smith to close the gap on them both.
As Eddy starts to take the lead on lap 142, Stan Smith slips by them both and he ends up in the lead, while Eddy is still in 2nd.
On lap 149, Rainbow Dash cracks the top 5. Phineas Flynn falls out of the top 5 on lap 155.
Meanwhile, Eddy is right on Stan Smith's rear bumper. He taps him on lap 162, almost spinning him out. This allows Eddy to take the lead for the first time. As he continues to lead on lap 169...
Bestwick: We've a crash in turn 1!
Jarrett: Grim and Katara have crashed, and now there's smoke on the backstretch!
Petree: Early Cuyler's blown his engine!
Early: What the FUCK, man! Why did this have to happen now? FUUCK!
Bestwick: That's another driver gone from the Chase!
Early: Damn you, God! I'll never get the championship now! It ain't fuckin' fair, man!
On lap 169, Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge and Katara's #34 Maximum Human Performance Ford both get loose, make contact and slam into the wall in turn 1, knocking both cars out of commission. Then, Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford blows its engine on the backstretch, making it two of the four wild card hopefuls out of it. Early Cuyler expresses his frustration as he coasts on pit road and into the garage.
Meanwhile, Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 23rd gets the free pass.
The rest of the cars go in for tires and fuel. This time, no one is caught speeding, and everything proceeds smoothly. This will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. Eddy
2. Stan Smith
3. Timmy Turner
4. Abigail Lincoln
5. Rainbow Dash
6. Phineas Flynn
7. Frylock
8. Bender
9. Eric Cartman
10. Edd
We restart on lap 174. Eddy retains the lead for the next 9 laps, losing it to Stan Smith on lap 180. Phineas Flynn gets back in the top 5 on lap 187.
Timmy Turner regains 2nd on lap 193. Abigail Lincoln is up to 3rd on lap 200. On lap 205, the two pass Stan Smith on both sides, and continue side-by-side for the lead. On lap 209, Timmy clears Abigail, retaining the lead.
On lap 215...
Bestwick: The #55 car is off the pace on the backstretch!
Jarrett: That's the points leader!
Ignignokt: What the hell's goin' on?
Shake: Our fuckin' transmission just quit! Goddammit!
Petree: At least he's already locked in.
On lap 215, Master Shake's #55 Aaron's Toyota breaks its transmission. Shake, who is the points leader, dejectedly coasts his car on pit road and into the garage, ending his night. He may already be locked in to the Chase, but it's stlll very frustrating for him.
Meanwhile, Stan Smith takes 2nd place back on lap 222. He's caught back up with Timmy Turner by lap 230. After yet another battle for the lead, on lap 237 Stan Smith is in the lead once again.
On lap 242, Frylock cracks the top 5. Abigail Lincoln once again falls out of the top 5 on lap 248.
On lap 255...
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 4!
Petree: Edd has crashed! Another Chase hopeful is out of it!
Edd: (pounds fist on steering wheel repeatedly)
Nazz: Oh, I'm sorry, Double-D!
Edd: Don't be. It's that damn fatass in the #14 car! He eliminated us from Chase contention. Fuck!
Jarrett: They just keep dropping like flies!
On lap 255, Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet clips the right-rear of Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet, turning it around to the right and putting him head-on in the wall. He's unable to continue, leaving Abigail Lincoln the only remaining driver in contention for a wild card spot in the Chase.
Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota, running 1 lap down in 20th gets the free pass.
The cars go into the pits and get their service. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. Stan Smith
2. Timmy Turner
3. Eddy
4. Phineas Flynn
5. Frylock
6. Abigail Lincoln
7. Rainbow Dash
8. Bender
9. Hoagie P. Gilligan
10. Eric Cartman
The race is restarted on lap 261. Eddy gets up to 2nd on lap 268. As he catches back up to Stan Smith, Phineas Flynn moves up to 3rd on lap 272.
Then on lap 280, Eddy does a slingshot move on Stan Smith going down the backstretch to take the lead again.
On lap 286, Frylock drops out of the top 5.
Phineas Flynn is up to 2nd by lap 293. He's on Stan Smith's rear bumper by lap 300. It takes a while, but on lap 308, Phineas manages to get underneath Stan in turn 1, slip by and take the lead.
On lap 315, Eric Cartman drops out of the top 10.
Meanwhile, Stan Smith just will not fall back! He stays right on Phineas's tail, and sure enough, on lap 321, Stan Smith is yet again the race leader.
Eddy is back up to 2nd on lap 327. Stan Smith is still in the lead on lap 333 when...
Jarrett: Another crash!
Bestwick: Dudley Puppy's in the wall.
...
All: AND THERE GOES ABIGAIL LINCOLN!
Petree: Oh, no!
Jarrett: Well, that's it. She's done.
Abigail: Who the fuck just put us in the fence?!
Kuki: The #20 car did it.
Abigail: Urrgh! That pony bitch is gonna get it...
On lap 333, Dudley Puppy spins around in turn 2 and hits the wall. Then, Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota clips the left-rear of Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet, turning it around and putting it head-on in the inside retaining wall, leaving it unable to continue.
Abigail gets out of her wrecked vehicle and waits for the cars to come back around under caution. When they do, Abigail rushes out to the #20 car and throws her helmet at it. It bounces right off the driver's side windshield and almost causes Rainbow Dash to lose control.
Rainbow Dash: What the hell was that all about?
Fluttershy: Please calm down, Dashie! The Chase is at stake!
Rainbow Dash: (sigh) You're right. I'm cool.
As that's happening, Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 18th gets the free pass.
Then the rest of the field goes in for their last pit stops. After they're complete...
Wally: They've caught ya speedin'.
Hoagie: Oh, goddammit! That ain't gonna help. Fuck!
Hoagie P. Gilligan is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. So then this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. Stan Smith
2. Eddy
3. Phineas Flynn
4. Timmy Turner
5. Frylock
6. Rainbow Dash
7. Bender
8. Foxxy Love
9. Eric Cartman
10. Twilight Sparkle
We restart again on lap 340. Twilight Sparkle falls back out of the top 10 on lap 348. Phineas Flynn gets up to 2nd on lap 355, then falls back to 3rd on lap 360.
Stan Smith pulls away from the field with Eddy hot on his tail. After another heated battle, Eddy regains the lead on lap 366. Stan jumps back in the lead on 372, but Eddy takes it back on lap 377.
On lap 378, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford returns to the track, 45 laps down in 36th place.
Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle, who's back in 14th place, has been fighting Kenny McCormick to the death for 13th place. By lap 381, Twilight Sparkle has had enough. As they're going through turn 4, Twilight's horn starts to glow...
Bestwick: OH MY GOD!
Jarrett: A horrible crash at pit road entrance involving the #39...
Petree: The whole left side of that car has been ripped off...right through the driver's side, holy shi-
Jarrett: How the hell did that even happen?
On lap 381, Twilight Sparkle casts magic while going through turn 4. This causes Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet to go into the end of the pit wall with such force that is goes right through, being sliced in two along the driver's side. The race is red-flagged as a result.
Emergency crews scramble to the broken race car to try and rescue Kenny. They make their way through the wreckage and see Kenny's body, one half of it anyway, lying admist the twisted metal, dripping blood and leaking entrails. Personnel on the other side of the pit wall discover the other half of Kenny's body, also leaking blood and guts.
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
When the wreckage and debris is cleared, the race goes from red flag to yellow flag. Hoagie P. Gilligan's #2 Miller Lite Dodge, running 1 lap down in 15th gets the free pass.
We are restarted on lap 386. Stan Smith takes the lead back on lap 393, with Eddy right on him. On lap 399, Stan Smith has a colossal slip-up in turn 4 and almost wrecks, enabling Eddy to take the lead. Eddy takes the white flag on lap 400 and never looks back...
Bestwick: Coming through turn 4, checkered flag, Eddy sweeps at Bristol... at Richmond.
Eddy: Woooo, awesome! Hell yeah!
Jarrett: Where are we, Allen?
Bestwick: We're at Richmond!
Jarrett: You big dummy!
Bestwick: I got too excited!
Petree: (laughs)
Bestwick: I got too excited.
Eddy wins the Federated Auto Parts 400. Stan Smith settles for 2nd, Phineas Flynn gets 3rd, Timmy Turner takes 4th, Bender claims 5th, Frylock places 6th, Rainbow Dash finishes 7th, Foxxy Love comes in 8th, Twilight Sparkle gets 9th and Eric Cartman rounds out the top 10.
Eddy then celebrates in Victory Lane, but we're not going to go into details this time; there's something much bigger and more important that happens later on...
Another celebrations occurs, this time on a stage labeled "Chase For The Cartoon Cup 2012." Front and center is a big, lavish gold trophy. This is the Cartoon Cup. On the stage around the trophy are the twelve drivers who will compete in the Chase for the Cartoon Cup; Eddy, Ed, Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Eric Cartman, Danny Phantom, Nigel Uno, Hoagie P. Gilligan, Master Shake, Beavis, Phineas Flynn and Rainbow Dash.
Each character is named aloud over the P.A. and they take a bow. Then they all take a bottle of champagne, shake them up and pop them open, spraying each other ecstatically as confetti fills the air.
After these festivities, the characters all leave the stage and go to their garages to clean up and go home, all with images with a glowing golden trophy dancing in their heads...
Race results;
1. Eddy
2. Stan Smith
3. Phineas Flynn
4. Timmy Turner
5. Bender
6. Frylock
7. Rainbow Dash
8. Foxxy Love
9. Twilight Sparkle
10. Eric Cartman
11. Danny Phantom
12. Homer Simpson
13. Ed
14. Beavis
15. Hoagie P. Gilligan
16. Nigel Uno (1 lap down)
17. Peter Griffin (1 lap down)
18. Ferb Fletcher (1 lap down)
19. Francine Smith (1 lap down)
20. William Murderface (1 lap down)
21. Meatwad (1 lap down)
22. Spongebob SquarePants (2 laps down)
23. Applejack (2 laps down)
24. Gumball Waterson (2 laps down)
25. Aang (2 laps down)
26. Ben Tennyson (2 laps down)
27. Sokka (3 laps down)
28. Hank Hill (3 laps down)
29. The Warden (3 laps down)
30. Kim Possible (3 laps down)
31. Flapjack (4 laps down)
32. Alejandro (4 laps down)
33. Blooregard Q. Kazoo (4 laps down)
34. Chowder (5 laps down)
35. Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
36. Dudley Puppy (45 laps down)
37. Abigail Lincoln (DNF; accident)
38. Edd (DNF; accident)
39. Master Shake (DNF; transmission)
40. Early Cuyler (DNF; engine)
41. Katara (DNF; accident)
42. Grim (DNF; accident)
43. Butt-Head (DNF; accident)
Point standings after 26 of 36 races;
Eddy/Homer Simpson/Ed/Peter Griffin; 2,002 points*
Eric Cartman/Phineas Flynn/Beavis/Danny Phantom/Rainbow Dash/Hoagie P. Gilligan; 2,001 points*
Nigel Uno/Master Shake; 2,000 points*
Frylock; 651 points
Timmy Turner; 636 points
Stan Smith; 634 points
Ferb Fletcher/Francine Smith; 632 points
Edd/Butt-Head; 631 points
Abigail Lincoln; 621 points
Early Cuyler; 620 points
Gumball Waterson/Aang; 616 points
Bender; 615 points
Dudley Puppy; 609 points
William Murderface; 601 points
Meatwad/Spongebob SquarePants; 600 points
Twilight Sparkle; 582 points
Foxxy Love; 545 points
Grim; 462 points
Sokka; 401 points
Applejack; 400 points
Katara; 395 points
Alejandro; 385 points
The Warden; 378 points
Hank Hill; 373 points
Kim Possible/Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 372 points
Flapjack; 370 points
Chowder; 368 points
Kenny McCormick; 365 points
Ben Tennyson; 347 points
(*) - With the onset of the Chase for the Cartoon Cup, the points for the top 10 drivers plus the two wild card drivers (Nigel Uno and Master Shake) have been reset. These then, are the drivers who will compete for the championship.
One more thing; you may recall that Rainbow Dash was put on probation after her run-in with Eric Cartman back at New Hampshire. As of now, that probation is officially over.
Bestwick: Well everyone, the Chase is on! Next week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads to Chicagoland Speedway for the first race of the Chase, the GEICO 400! This is Allen Bestwick, Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree saying good-bye from Richmond, and we hope to see you at Chicagoland.
Well I don't know about you, but I'm really looking foward to this Chase for the Cartoon Cup! I'll be seeing you there for it at Chicagoland!
Chapter 32: Pre Chase Party
Before we get to the Chase, I'd like to take another short break and present this side story which takes place on the Wednesday evening before the GEICO 400 at Chicagoland Speedway, which is the first race in the Chase.
We're set at the KND treehouse. This is where drivers Nigel Uno, Hoagie P. Gilligan and Abigail Lincoln, as well as crew chiefs Kuki Sanban and Wallabee Beetles hang out. Such is the conversation going on right now;
Wally: So Abby (snicker), how's it feel (snicker) to be the odd man out?
Abigail: Huh? Wait, what do you mean, "odd man out?"
Wally: I just think it's so funny that you didn't make the Chase, while we all did! Ha!
Kuki: Hey!
Abigail: Your girlfriend didn't make it either, Einstein!
Wally looks over at Kuki, who has a rather forlorn look on his face.
Wally: Oh, right. Sorry, Kooks.
Kuki: It's okay, Wally.
Wally: But that doesn't mean I can't still pick on you! (pointing at Abigail). (sing-song) You didn't make the Chase! You didn't make the Chase!
Abigail: (sarcastic) That's very mature, Wally. Real grown-up.
Everyone is suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. Nigel gets up to answer it. He opens the door and much to his surprise, sees the faces of Ed, Eddy, Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Danny Phantom, Rainbow Dash, Eric Cartman, Master Shake, Beavis and Phineas Flynn smiling back at him.
Eddy: Hiya, Nigel!
Nigel: Uh, hey. Uh, what are you all doing here?
Danny: Well, we just thought we should all hang out together before the Chase comes around and we become enemies.
Nigel: Oh, well in that case, come in!
Hoagie, Kuki, Wally and Abby look up and are just as surprised when they see these other characters walking in.
Abigail: What do these weirdos want?
Peter: Relax, we just wanna hang out, and well, relax.
Hoagie then notices Master Shake, the fast food drink. The mere sight of him builds up his appetite.
Hoagie: Hey, can I drink out of you?
Shake: Uhhh...
Before Shake can answer, Hoagie knocks him down and is on top of him. He grabs hold of Shake's straw and starts to suck out the milkshake as Shake struggles.
Shake: Get off- get off me, you maniac!
As Nigel and Wally pull Hoagie off of Shake, Ed finds his way towards the refrigerator. He looks for something good, but can't find anything. Then when he opens the pantry, his eyes pop out of his head.
Ed: CHUNKY PUFFS! Yum yum yum!
Eddy: Hey, give me some of those Chunky Puffs, Lumpy!
As Ed and Eddy dig into some Chunky Puff cereal (even though it's the evening), Homer and Peter become aware of their own appetites.
Homer: Hey, you guys got any Duff Beer?
Peter: Or Pawtucket Patriot Ale?
Nigel: Uh, we're kids. We don't drink.
Homer: D'OH!
Peter: Dammit! Okay, someone tell me why we're at a kid's treehouse and not the Drunken Clam or Moe's Tavern?
Beavis: What? It's a cool treehouse. And these controls are wicked!
Beavis then spots a big red button.
Beavis: What's this button do?
Hoagie: No, don't touch that!
Hoagie fortunately manages to stop Beavis from starting the self-destruct sequence. Meanwhile, Kuki is showing Rainbow Dash to her room.
Rainbow Dash: Rainbow Monkeys? Seriously?
Kuki: Yeah! I just LOVE Rainbow Monkeys!
Rainbow Dash: Well I'm not impressed!
Kuki: What?
Rainbow Dash: I may be a pony, but I'm no sissy. And these Rainbow Monkeys are sissies! YOU"RE a sissy!
Wally overhears this argument as he's having a Coke and walks towards them...
Kuki: You could never spread love, you meanie!
Rainbow Dash: I'm gonna tolerate and love the shit outta you!
Wally: Hey Dash! Back off! I may not like Rainbow Monkeys either, but that's my girl you're fuckin' with!
Rainbow Dash: Seriously? OK, why the hell would someone like you date someone like her?
Wally: Hey, she's a great girl, alright? And with an attitude like that, you deserve to die alone, asshole!
Rainbow Dash gasps as she hears these words. Kuki gives Wally a kiss on the cheek as they watch her walk away in shame.
But all-in-all, things are going well. Danny was playing hide-and-seek with Eddy, and would always win by going ghost. Abigail was arm wrestling with Beavis; she won approximately 6 times out of 10. And Hoagie was showing Phineas the room where the hamsters power the house.
Phineas: This place is run by hamsters?
Hoagie: You know it! The Kids Next Door all use hamsters to power their treehouses. We prefer it over having to pay some crooked electric company!
Phineas: That's awesome!
Cartman: That's gay.
Phineas and Hoagie turn to see Cartman standing there with them.
Phineas: Hey, this is cooler than anything you'd ever make!
Cartman: Shut up, ginger! You don't have a soul!
Phineas: (gasp)
Hoagie: Get out of here!
Cartman: Fine, I'll go. (under his breath) Fatass.
Hoagie: (gasp)...
...
All of the visiting characters are still at the treehouse by the time night falls. Nigel then calls them all to attention and speaks;
Nigel: Well, we all really enjoyed having you guys here. You all are, shall I say, very interesting, unique, quirky characters. And I mean that in a good way! Anyways-
Danny: Hey Nigel, I'm curious. What do the Kids Next Door actually do?
Nigel: Oh, we defend kids from evil adults, teenagers and the like. I know many of you are those things, but we love you guys!
All: Awwww.
NIgel: But anyways, you're all real cool characters, it was great hanging out with all of you, I consider us all friends, and well, I'm looking forward to racing you all in the Chase for the Cartoon Cup!
At this point, all the visiting characters are ready to leave. They all exchange handshakes and hugs with the Kids Next Door, who wave them good-bye as they all head out back to their respective homes.
...
Much later that night, Abigail is changing out of her clothes in preparation to hit the sack when she realizes that she hasn't seen Hoagie since the other characters left. She leaves her own room, still in her bra and panties, and heads to Hoagie's room to check on him. She enters and notices Hoagie sitting on his bed, watching TV. The TV is showing a paid program. The paid program is advertising the P90X fitness gear. Hoagie sits there, looking at all the perfectly sculpted male bodies, and has a very melancholy look on his face. Abigail sees his face and knows exactly what's up. She plops right down beside Hoagie and puts an arm around him, surprising him.
Hoagie: W-what are you doing here?
Abigail: It's okay, Hoagie. I know what you're thinking, so listen; I don't care if you're chubby.
Hoagie: (sigh)
Abigail: (kisses Hoagie on cheek) Listen, those media types are the ones who are ugly. So you have some love handles, so what? The boy sitting by me right now is perfect just the way he is.
Hoagie: Cartman called me a fatass!
Abigail: Cartman's an asshole! He doesn't have a soul!
Hoagie: That's what he said to Phineas!
Abigail: Yes, well, listen to me. You're flawless. You are beautiful. (whispers in Hoagie's ear) And I love you just the way you are.
Abigail then pulls Hoagie in for a kiss. He moans into it as their lips lock together. The two caress each other and Hoagie feels blissful emotions as Abigail touches his body, which she loves as-is. Eventually, the two start to tongue each other's mouths, exchanging spittle. They make out for about 5 minutes more, then Hoagie says;
Hoagie: Thanks, Abby! I needed that. You're beautiful, too, and I love you.
Abigail kisses Hoagie on the cheek again and the two remain embraced for several minutes. Then Abigail gets up.
Abigail: (sigh) Well it is late! Sorry, but I need some sleep.
Hoagie: Yeah, me too... You know, (giggle) you look real nice in those undergarments!
Abigail: (giggles, then kisses Hoagie) Well, goodnight, Hoagie.
Hoagie: Goodnight.
The couple share one more kiss, then Abigail retires back to her own room for sleep, to rest up for the last few races remaining in the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series season...
Chapter 33: GEICO 400
THE CHASE IS ON!
But seriously, we're now in the Chase for the Cartoon Cup; 10 races left in the season. The first race in the Chase is the GEICO 400, which takes place at Chicagoland Speedway, located in Joliet, IL in the Chicago area. The track is a 1.5 mile D-shaped oval. The turns are banked at 18 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 11 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 5 degrees.
The race will actually 400.5 miles, and will be run over 267 laps. The skies are bright and sunny, which will make for a slick track, but at least there's no worries about rain!
And I suppose now that it's the Chase, I'll now start including something I should have had from the start; I will now include the car numbers with the characters' names, so readers can at least somewhat remember who's in what car.
Starting grid;
* - denotes Chase contender.
1. 48 - Butt-Head
2. 24 - Beavis*
3. 15 - Frylock
4. 18 - Applejack
5. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
6. 83 - Homer Simpson*
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
8. 56 - Meatwad
9. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
10. 16 - Danny Phantom*
11. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
12. 29 - Edd
13. 55 - Master Shake*
14. 36 - Stan Smith
15. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
16. 88 - Foxxy Love
17. 31 - Eddy*
18. 93 - Peter Griffin*
19. 17 - Timmy Turner
20. 14 - Eric Cartman*
21. 27 - Ed*
22. 1 - Nigel Uno*
23. 87 - Gumball Waterson
24. 10 - Francine Smith
25. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
26. 26 - Aang
27. 22 - Bender
28. 39 - Kenny McCormick
29. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
30. 21 - Early Cuyler
31. 47 - William Murderface
32. 99 - Dudley Puppy
33. 7 - Grim
34. 49 - Ben Tennyson
35. 38 - Sokka
36. 32 - The Warden
37. 37 - Chowder
38. 42 -Alejandro
39. 34 - Katara
40. 98 - Hank Hill
41. 23 - Flapjack
42. 51 - Kim Possible
43. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
I'll now turn it over to NASCAR on ESPN;
Bestwick: The Chase is on, race fans! We've just 10 races left in the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series, and with the onset of the Chase, the top 12 drivers are separated by a mere 2 points! And now we're here, at Chicagoland Speedway, where we'll witness the opening round of the Chase, the GEICO 400! I'm Allen Bestwick, with Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, thanks for tuning in. So who do you guys like in the Chase?
Jarrett: Rainbow Dash!
Petree: Uh, why?
Jarrett: Why not? She's a very strong and aggressive driver. And now that she's off probation, that'll really allow her to shine! And just who the hell are you picking, Andy?
Petree: I think I'll go with Danny Phantom. Aside from him also being a great driver, there's that ghosting power he does with his car. He's only used it a couple times this year, but it could get him out of trouble, and there will be trouble! What about you Allen?
Bestwick: If I had to choose someone, I guess it would be Homer Simpson. I really don't know why, to tell you the truth. Of course he's up in the lead with Peter Griffin, Ed, and Eddy; I really don't know why I like Homer more than the others, but I'm going with him.
Jarrett: We should all place bets!
Bestwick: Uh, we'll talk about that later, Dale. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: And now, for the most famous words in motorsports, here to give the command, please welcome cartoon character Woody Woodpecker!
Woody: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines! (laughs)
The engines all roar to life, with higher RPMs cranking underneath the hoods of the Chase contenders. They warm up, and are then led off by the pace car.
Bestwick: Butt-Head, who just missed the Chase is on pole; his teammate Beavis, who is in the Chase is 2nd. In 3rd place is the box of French fries Frylock and in 4th is the pony Applejack. Another pony, Twilight Sparkle is 5th, and Chase contender Homer Simpson is 6th. Starting 7th is Phineas Flynn, also a Chase contender, and the piece of meat Meatwad is 8th. Abigail Lincoln, coming off that run-in with Rainbow Dash is 9th, and rounding out the top 10 is Chase contender Danny Phantom. And as you look through the rest of the field, Andy Petree will talk to one of our Chase contenders;
Petree: Hey Danny Phantom, it's Andy Petree from ESPN, you got me?
Danny: What's up, Andy?
Petree: Well first, I guess I'll ask you about the track. I know your team historically has done well at these types of tracks.
Danny: Yeah, well then that's just me. Timmy and Dudley both sucked in qualifying, especially Dudley. But remember, I'm the one in the Chase, here!
Petree: What about the Chase? What are your thoughts on that?
Danny: Oh I'm SO looking forward to this. The other characters are cool and all, but none of them are taking that damn championship from me. I'm winning that thing!
Petree: That actually reminds me, when are we going to get to see your car ghost? We've only seen it a couple times!
Danny: (chuckles) Well maybe if there's lapped traffic, or a big pile-up in front of me, then I'll go ghost. I don't know, we'll see.
Petree: Well good luck.
Danny: Thanks, Andy.
Bestwick: Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, this is Rainbow Dash's first race since New Hampshire in which she's not on probation. When you consider her headstrong nature, and the fact she's starting 11th, this could really play in her favor. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, Beavis was 2nd place headed into the Chase, and has the highest starting position of all the Chase contenders. Right now, the only thing stopping him is his teammate Butt-Head, but he's currently in the best possible position. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, Master Shake went from 1st in points going into Richmond to 12th going out after losing his transmission. Now he's starting 6th highest out of the Chase contenders and is hellbent on regaining the points lead. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, Homer Simpson is one of only four drivers to have won more than once, making him one of the points leaders. He starts 6th, and Eddy starts 17th, so Homer in the best position alongside that of Beavis. Allen?
Allen: Thanks guys, the Chase is about to start!
The pace car retreats, the cars creep forward, then accelerate as the green flag flies.
Bestwick: Green flag is out, we're underway at Chicago, and the Chase is on!
Butt-Head maintains the lead as Frylock gets up to 2nd on lap 3. Frylock then gains the lead on lap 7.
Butt-Head has fallen to 5th on lap 12.
Applejack moves up to 2nd on lap 15. After a battle with Frylock, on lap 19 she takes the lead.
On lap 21, Rainbow Dash cracks the top 10.
Meanwhile, we have a fierce battle going on for 6th place, between Homer Simpson and Phineas Flynn. Phineas swerves around looking to get by, occasionally bumping Homer in his rear, but Homer holds on, that is, until lap 27, when Phineas makes a slingshot move on Homer going out of turn 2 to pass him.
Isabella: That a boy, Phineas!
Homer: Dammit, I'm not losing this race to a goddamn ginger!
Marge: Relax, it's only lap 27.
On lap 34, Phineas passes Butt-Head to crack the top 5. Homer sees this and is frustrated, knowing that he could get ahead of him in the Chase.
Homer: D'OH!
Marge: It's okay Homey, we'll come back.
Back up front, we have another challenger for the lead; Twilight Sparkle. She and Applejack go at it like bitter enemies, then on lap 39, Twilight takes the lead. She's still leading on lap 45 when...
Bestwick: Car in the wall! Turn 1!
Jarrett: The #36 of Stan Smith is in the wall and totaled.
Petree: Caution is out.
Stan: What the fuck, man! I'm not even in the Chase!
Roger: Peter's a jackass. And he's fat, what more can I say?
Stan: (sigh)
On lap 45, Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota clips the right-rear of Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outler Chevrolet, causing it to slam head-on into the wall, rendering the car inoperable. Stan is very disappointed, but unhurt. He gets out of his car and is taken to the infield care center as the wreckage is cleaned up.
William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota, running 1 lap down in 33rd gets the free pass.
All the other cars go into the pits for their first round of service. This then will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
2. 18 - Applejack
3. 15 - Frylock
4. 24 - Beavis*
5. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
6. 48 - Butt-Head
7. 83 - Homer Simpson*
8. 16 - Danny Phantom*
9. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
10. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
The race restarts on lap 50. Applejack is shuffled back to 5th by lap 54. Phineas Flynn gets up to 2nd on lap 60.
On lap 63...
Jarrett: The #56 is trailing smoke!
Meatwad: We've blown up! Dammit!
Petree: No caution.
On lap 63, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota blows its engine. Meatwad coasts into the pits and into the garage, and his day is over.
Homer Simpson cracks the top 5 on lap 68. Phineas Flynn falls back to 3rd on lap 71, and then drops to 4th when Homer passes him on lap 75.
Homer: Ha ha ha, suck it, ginger!
Frylock regains the lead from Twilight Sparkle on lap 79. Homer Simpson moves up to 2nd on lap 82, then Twilight takes 2nd back on lap 86.
Butt-Head falls out of the top 10 on lap 89.
On lap 93...
Bestwick: We've got trouble in turn 3!
Petree: Early Cuyler and Francine Smith have wrecked.
Jarrett: Caution.
On lap 93, Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford and Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet both get loose and make contact. The contact makes them both lose total control and they hit the wall. Both cars are totaled. Francine and Early get out of their cars and face each other;
Francine: What the hell was that?
Early Cuyler points his sawed-off shotgun at Francine.
Early: Wouldn't you like to know?
Francine: Oh please don't shoot! I didn't mean it! I-
Early Cuyler fires his shotgun above Francine's head.
Francine: Please don't kill me! I have a family!
Luckily, NASCAR officials confiscate Early's gun and escort him off the premises.
Meanwhile, Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
Everyone else goes into the pits for tires and fuel. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 15 - Frylock
2. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
3. 83 - Homer Simpson*
4. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
5. 18 - Applejack
6. 24 - Beavis*
7. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
8. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
9. 16 - Danny Phantom*
10. 55 - Master Shake*
The restart occurs on lap 98. Applejack gets another bad start and is shuffled back to 10th by lap 102.
Twilight Sparkle gets back in the lead on lap 105. Homer Simpson gets up to 2nd on lap 110. After some heated racing, on lap 114, Homer Simpson takes the lead.
Homer: Suck it, pony!
Marge: Go Homey!
Twilight: Goddammit!
Rarity: This race isn't even half over, Twilight. You'll be fine.
Twilight: Fuck you, Rarity!
Twilight Sparkle falls to 3rd on lap 116, and to 4th on lap 119.
Phineas Flynn falls out of the top 5 on lap 123.
Then on lap 124, Frylock is within striking distance of Homer Simpson. Homer loses the lead on lap 128.
On lap 133, Rainbow Dash is up to 6th, battling Abigail Lincoln for 5th. Abigail manages to pull away a bit on lap 135. Then on lap 139...
Bestwick: Trouble on the backstretch!
Jarrett: That's Timmy Turner in the wall!
Cosmo: Dude, are you alright?
Timmy: I'm pissed! That fuckin' slut can't drive a fuckin' racecar! DAMMIT! What the FUCK!
On lap 139, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet touches the left rear of Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford, causing him to spin and then slam into the inside retaining wall, totaling his car.
Nigel Uno's #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 24th gets the free pass.
The other cars make their pit stops, and this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 15 - Frylock
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*
3. 24 - Beavis*
4. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
5. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
6. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
8. 55 - Master Shake*
9. 18 - Applejack
10. 16 - Danny Phantom*
We restart on lap 144. Beavis gets up to 2nd on lap 149. But Frylock pulls away before he can take the lead. He loses 2nd place to Homer Simpson on lap 153.
Applejack falls out of the top 10 on lap 155.
Twilight Sparkle moves back to 3rd on lap 158. She's up to 2nd again on lap 163. Frylock manages to hold her off for a while, then Twilight passes him on lap 169.
Twilight: Fuck yeah, I'm back in the lead!
On lap 174, Rainbow Dash cracks the top 5.
Homer Simpson regains 2nd on lap 177. He catches Frylock on lap 181. Just two laps later, Homer does a slingshot move going down the frontstretch to pass Frylock.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
On lap 186...
Bestwick: We've got smoke in turn 3!
Petree: Caution's out.
Jarrett: The #48 has blown up!
Butt-Head: You've got to be fucking kidding me!
On lap 186, Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet blows its engine. He coasts his car into the garage, ending his day.
Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, running 1 lap down in 23rd gets the free pass.
The rest of the field get their service in the pits. The top 10 will be as follows at the restart;
1. 83 - Homer Simpson*
2. 15 - Frylock
3. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
4. 24 - Beavis*
5. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
6. 55 - Master Shake*
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
8. 16 - Danny Phantom*
9. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
10. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
The race is restarted on lap 191. Applejack gets back in the top 5 on lap 197. Frylock is back in the lead on lap 201.
Twilight Sparkle is back up to 2nd on lap 205. She catches up with Frylock on lap 211. She races valiantly, but Frylock holds her off.
Rainbow Dash is up to 3rd on lap 216.
Around lap 222, a heated battle for position is going on, between 5th place Beavis and 6th place Danny Phantom. Beavis very aggressively holds off Danny for several laps. On lap 227...
Danny: That's it! I'm going ghost...
Bestwick: Whoa, the #16 car just went transparent!
Jarrett: And it just drove right THROUGH the #24 car!
Sam: Go Danny!
Petree: That's exactly what me and him were talking about before, right there!
On lap 227, Danny Phantom ghosts his #16 3M Ford, allowing him to drive right through Beavis's #24 Drive To End Hunger Chevrolet, passing him for 5th place.
On lap 229...
Jarrett: Another crash!
Bestwick: Gumball Waterson in the fence, caution is out.
On lap 229, Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota gets loose going out of turn 2, spins and slams the inside retaining wall in the same way Timmy Turner did 90 laps earlier, except Gumball made no contact with anyone; he just lost it.
Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 22nd gets the free pass.
The rest of the field make their last pit stops of the race. And so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 15 - Frylock
2. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
3. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
4. 83 - Homer Simpson*
5. 16 - Danny Phantom*
6. 24 - Beavis*
7. 18 - Applejack
8. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
9. 55 - Master Shake*
10. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
We are restarted on lap 234. Phineas Flynn spins his tires on the restart and drops out of the top 10 before the lap is over. Rainbow Dash is up to 2nd on lap 239. Applejack is back in the top 5 on lap 245.
At around lap 251, Rainbow Dash has caught up with Frylock. A ferocious battle for the lead ensues. Rainbow Dash bumps into the lead on lap 255, then Frylock takes it back on lap 258, then it's Frylock on lap 260, then it's Rainbow Dash again on lap 263, then it's Frylock once more on lap 265. He's still in the lead on lap 267 when the white flag flies. Frylock retains the lead, but then, going into turn 3...
Bestwick: There goes Rainbow Dash!
Jarrett: Right underneath Frylock!
Frylock: DAMMIT! We just lost the race! Fuck!
Petree: Frylock doesn't seem to have anything left.
Bestwick: Checkered flag is out, Rainbow Dash wins the GEICO 400!
Rainbow Dash: YES! We did it! We're gonna win that fuckin' championship! Woo!
Fluttershy: Yay.
Rainbow Dash wins the GEICO 400. Frylock settles for 2nd, Twilight Sparkle gets 3rd, Applejack takes 4th, Homer Simpson places 5th, Danny Phantom comes in 6th, Abigail Lincoln finishes 7th, Beavis gets 8th, Master Shake places 9th, and Edd rounds out the top 10.
After a burnout and a victory lap, Rainbow Dash is in Victory Lane, cheering loudly as she celebrates the win. As she has a swig of champagne, Dr. Jerry Punch is ready for an interview;
Dr. Punch: Rainbow Dash, what a way to start the Chase! How ya feelin'?
Rainbow Dash: Simply awesome! You know, I just drove right under that box of French fries, and we did it! And yeah, this is an awesome way to start the Chase!
Dr. Punch: What about the championship?
Rainbow Dash: I'm winning that championship! No one's taking it from me! If I had male genitalia, I'd tell them all to suck it! Woo!
Dr. Punch: OK, weird, well, great job out there and good luck!
Rainbow Dash: Thanks, dude!
Dr. Punch: Allen?
Bestwick: Alright, let's see how everyone did;
GEICO 400 race results;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
2. 15 - Frylock
3. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
4. 18 - Applejack
5. 83 - Homer Simpson*
6. 16 - Danny Phantom*
7. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
8. 24 - Beavis*
9. 55 - Master Shake*
10. 29 - Edd
11. 93 - Peter Griffin*
12. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
13. 31 - Eddy*
14. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
15. 1 - Nigel Uno*
16. 14 - Eric Cartman*
17. 27 - Ed*
18. 88 - Foxxy Love
19. 39 - Kenny McCormick
20. 22 - Bender
21. 47 - William Murderface
22. 99 - Dudley Puppy
23. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants (1 lap down)
24. 7 - Grim (1 lap down)
25. 9 - Ferb Fletcher (1 lap down)
26. 26 - Aang (1 lap down)
27. 49 - Ben Tennyson (1 lap down)
28. 32 - The Warden (1 lap down)
29. 23 - Flapjack (2 laps down)
30. 51 - Kim Possible (2 laps down)
31. 42 - Alejandro (2 laps down)
32. 34 - Katara (2 laps down)
33. 38 - Sokka (3 laps down)
34. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo (3 laps down)
35. 98 - Hank Hill (4 laps down)
36. 37 - Chowder (5 laps down)
37. 87 - Gumball Waterson (DNF; accident)
38. 48 - Butt-Head (DNF; engine)
39. 17 - Timmy Turner (DNF; accident)
40. 21 - Early Cuyler (DNF; accident)
41. 10 - Francine Smith (DNF; accident)
42. 56 - Meatwad (DNF; engine)
43. 36 - Stan Smith (DNF; accident)
Bestwick: And here are your point standings;
Point standings after 27 of 36 races;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,048 points
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*; 2,042 points
3. 16 - Danny Phantom*; 2,039 points
4. 24 - Beavis*; 2,037 points
5. 55 - Master Shake*/93 - Peter Griffin*; 2,035 points
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn*/31 - Eddy*; 2,033 points
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*; 2,031 points
10. 1 - Nigel Uno*/14 - Eric Cartman*/27 - Ed*; 2,029 points
13. 15 - Frylock; 693 points
14. 29 - Edd; 664 points
15. 5 - Abigail Lincoln; 658 points
16. 9 - Ferb Fletcher; 651 points
17. 17 - Timmy Turner; 641 points
18. 22 - Bender; 639 points
19. 48 - Butt-Head; 637 points
20. 10 - Francine Smith/36 - Stan Smith; 635 points
22. 26 - Aang; 634 points
23. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 631 points
24. 11 - Twilight Sparkle/47 - William Murderface/21 - Early Cuyler; 624 points
27. 87 - Gumball Waterson; 623 points
28. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants; 621 points
29. 56 - Meatwad; 602 points
30. 88 - Foxxy Love; 571 points
31. 7 - Grim; 482 points
32. 18 - Applejack; 441 points
33. 38 - Sokka; 410 points
34. 34 - Katara; 407 points
35. 42 - Alejandro; 396 points
36. 32 - The Warden; 394 points
37. 39 - Kenny McCormick; 390 points
38. 51 - Kim Possible; 386 points
39. 23 - Flapjack; 385 points
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo/98 - Hank Hill; 382 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 376 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 364 points
Bestwick: And so the first race of the Chase for the Cartoon Cup is in the books! Next week the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series heads back to New Hampshire for the 2nd race of the Chase, the Sylvania 300! With Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, I'm Allen Bestwick. Thanks for watching, folks!
What a way to start off the Chase, huh? Well, I'll be seeing you at New Hampshire!
Chapter 34: Sylvania 300
With the onset of the Chase, things have already started to heat up a great deal. The second race of the Chase (and the 28th overall this season) takes place at New Hampshire Motor Speedway, located in Loudon, NH. The track is a 1.058 mile oval. The turns are banked at 12 degrees, and the straightaways are banked at 1 degree.
The race will be dubbed the Sylvania 300, and will be 300 miles run over 300 laps.
Starting grid;
* - denotes Chase contender
1. 22 - Bender
2. 1 - Nigel Uno*
3. 56 - Meatwad
4. 88 - Foxxy Love
5. 27 - Ed*
6. 93 - Peter Griffin*
7. 99 - Dudley Puppy
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
10. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
11. 83 - Homer Simpson*
12. 31 - Eddy*
13. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
14. 17 - Timmy Turner
15. 16 - Danny Phantom*
16. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
17. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
18. 55 - Master Shake*
19. 24 - Beavis*
20. 29 - Edd
21. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
22. 87 - Gumball Waterson
23. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
24. 39 - Kenny McCormick
25. 26 - Aang
26. 47 - William Murderface
27. 36 - Stan Smith
28. 18 - Applejack
29. 10 - Francine Smith
30. 21 - Early Cuyler
31. 48 - Butt-Head
32. 15 - Frylock
33. 7 - Grim
34. 34 - Katara
35. 32 - The Warden
36. 98 - Hank Hill
37. 38 - Sokka
38. 49 - Ben Tennyson
39. 42 -Alejandro
40. 51 - Kim Possible
41. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
42. 23 - Flapjack
43. 37 - Chowder
Now tuning to ESPN;
Bestwick: We're just one race into this Chase and things have already gotten exciting. After some fierce driving, we have a new points leader; Rainbow Dash! She of course will be looking to hold off eleven drivers, and thirty-one more drivers in round 28 of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series, the Sylvania 300! I'm Allen Bestwick, with Dale Jarrett and Andy Petree, thanks for joining us!
Jarrett: Speaking of Rainbow Dash, I just want to point out; you may remember last time we were here was when she got put on probation for those 7 races.
Petree: Right. She threw her helmet at Eric Cartman after he took her out, then said the S word on camera. But everyone needs to remember that there's much more at stake here; both Cartman and Rainbow Dash are in the Chase. Point penalties could be a major setback, if not a disaster.
Bestwick: Indeed, we have seen in the past how this track can blow the fuses of many a driver. So now let's go trackside for the command.
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome all the way from Africa, Timon and Pumbaa!
Timon: Ladies and gentletoons, hakuna matata!
Pumbaa: It means 'start your engines!'
And so the 43 cars send a combined force of 37,160 hp through the premises of New Hampshire Motor Speedway. They warm up before being led out by the pace car.
Bestwick: Now let's see how they've lined up; the robot Bender is on the pole, and in 2nd is Chase contender Nigel Uno. Meatwad, driving for Michael Waltrip Racing is 3rd, and the mystery-solving musician Foxxy Love is 4th. Chase contenders Ed and Peter Griffin are 5th and 6th, respectively. In 7th is the dog Dudley Puppy, 8th is Eric Cartman, another Chase contender, and rounding out the top 10 are Chase contenders Hoagie P. Gilligan and Phineas Flynn. As you look through the rest of the grid, Dale Jarrett will be on the radio;
Jarrett: Eric Cartman, it's Dale Jarrett from ESPN, you got me?
Cartman: What's up, Dale?
Jarrett: Well first off,what about you and Rainbow Dash, now that there are higher stakes with the Chase and all?
Cartman: I nevr thought I'd say this, but you're right. I normally don't do this, but I may actually keep my cool today, so I don't get penalized. I'm just glad I'm starting ahead of that pony.
Jarrett: So how you likin' the track?
Cartman: The track's alright. It may not be the most fun, but we seem to be handling it real well, at least. Looking forward to the race.
Jarrett: OK, well good luck with that, and thanks for speaking with us.
Cartman: 10-4.
Bestwick: Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, Rainbow Dash has the best start of our Chasers, winning the first race and leading the points. But remember, this was where she got put on probation earlier in the year, so the real challenge will be to not a blow a fuse today. She rolls out 13th. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, Eric Cartman was not only the driver Rainbow Dash feuded with, he also had a very mediocre run last week at Chicago, and has fallen somewhat behind in the Chase. Needless to say, he has his work cut out for him. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, after being reduced to a wild card spot in the Chase, Master Shake has come back up to 5th in the standings, tied with Peter Griffin. Shake does have some ground to make up today though, as he's starting 18th while Peter is starting 6th. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, while Nigel Uno may be behind in the standings, he has the best starting spot of all the Chasers; 2nd. He had great times in practice, and seems to be in very good shape overall. Allen?
The pace car pulls off onto pit road; shortly thereafter the green flag flies.
Bestwick: Green flag, we're racing at New Hampshire!
As Bender retains the lead, Nigel Uno has fallen back to 4th by lap 4. Foxxy Love is up to 2nd by lap 7. On lap 12 she makes a slingshot move on Bender to take the lead.
On lap 15, Dudley Puppy makes it into the top 5.
Meatwad is up to 2nd by lap 19. With Bender right on his tail, they both catch up with Foxxy Love on lap 24, making it a three-way battle for the lead. On lap 31, Meatwad gets by Foxxy going out of turn 4 to take the lead.
As Bender falls back, Dudley Puppy gradually catches up. He's up to 2nd on lap 40. However, Meatwad manages to hold off Dudley, even though he's driving very hard. Around lap 48, he falls back, and Foxxy passes him on lap 52 to take 2nd back.
Foxxy Love catches Meatwad on lap 59. Two laps later...
Jarrett: Smoke in turn 3!
Frylock: Ah, we've blown up! We're done. Shit!
Petree: The #15 has blown an engine, and now there's a crash in turn 2!
Bestwick: Abigail Lincoln in the wall, caution is out!
Abigail: ARRGH!
Kuki: It's okay, we're not even the Chase.
Abigail: It's not okay! We got put in the fuckin' wall by a fuckin' fast food drink! Fuck!
On lap 61, Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota blows it's engine. Right after that happens, Master Shake's #55 Aaron's Toyota clips the right-rear of Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet, spinning it hard to the right and putting it head-on in the wall. As Frylock coasts into his garage, Abigail gets out of her totaled car unharmed and is taken to the infield care center.
Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford, running 1 lap down in 32nd gets the free pass.
The other cars go in for their first pit stops of the race. Edd is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. Everything else goes as planned, and so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 56 - Meatwad
2. 88 - Foxxy Love
3. 99 - Dudley Puppy
4. 22 - Bender
5. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
6. 1 - Nigel Uno*
7. 27 - Ed*
8. 83 - Homer Simpson*
9. 17 - Timmy Turner
10. 93 - Peter Griffin*
The race restarts on lap 66. Timmy Turner gets a bad start and falls out of the top 10.
Meanwhile, there is a very intense battle for position. Nigel Uno is ferociously contending with his friend Hoagie P. Gilligan to get back in the top 5. Around lap 71, Nigel begins hitting Hoagie's rear bumper trying to make him give way, but Hoagie still holds his ground. By lap 80, he still hasn't given up.
Hoagie: Dammit, give up already!
Then on lap 81, Nigel manages a slingshot move going into turn 1, passing Hoagie and getting back up to 5th.
Nigel: Ha! Take that, friend!
On lap 84, Dudley Puppy is once again battling Meatwad for the , Meatwad holds him off... until lap 90;
All: Whoa!
Jarrett: Meatwad almost spun out there!
Bestwick: Dudley Puppy's in the lead.
On lap 90, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota gets very loose in turn 4, almost spinning out. He saves it, but this allows Dudley Puppy to slip by and take the lead.
On lap 96, Ed falls out of the top 10.
By lap 101 Meatwad has caught back up with Dudley Puppy. After battling for several laps, Meatwad takes the lead back on lap 107.
On lap 111 Bender falls out of the top 5.
Foxxy Love gets back up to 2nd on lap 116. She's still catching up to Meatwad on lap 123 when...
Bestwick: Trouble at pit road entrance!
Petree: Ferb Fletcher has gone head-on into the end of the pit wall!
Jarrett: He just got loose, slid and slammed right into that wall! Unbelievable!
On lap 123, Ferb Fletcher gets very loose going through turns 3 and 4. His #9 DeWalt Ford slides through the turn 4 apron in such a path that causes it to slam into the end of the pit wall, slicing through the front end of the car. Ferb, luckily, is unharmed. He gets out of his car and is taken to the infield care center as the wreckage.
Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, running 1 lap down in 26th gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes into the pits and take tires and fuel. This then, will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 56 - Meatwad
2. 99 - Dudley Puppy
3. 88 - Foxxy Love
4. 1 - Nigel Uno*
5. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
6. 83 - Homer Simpson*
7. 22 - Bender
8. 17 - Timmy Turner
9. 93 - Peter Griffin*
10. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
The race is restarted on lap 128. Meatwad holds the lead as Foxxy Love makes her way back up to 2nd on lap 133.
Homer Simpson cracks the top 5 on lap 137.
Further back is another heated battle for position. Peter Griffin, running in 9th is having a very difficult time holding off Rainbow Dash, whose trying to take the spot away. On lap 144...
Rainbow Dash: Have some of this, fatso...
Bestwick: We may have trouble...he saved it!
Jarrett: Rainbow Dash almost wrecked Peter Griffin!
Rainbow Dash: HA!
Peter: Fuck! I'm gonna kill that pony!
On lap 144, Rainbow Dash gets hard into the back of Peter Griffin going into turn 3, almost spinning him out. Rainbow Dash passes Peter as he just saves himself from wrecking.
At around lap 153, Foxxy Love has caught up with Meatwad. Meatwad holds Foxxy off for a number of laps, then on lap 160 Foxxy Love takes the lead away.
Peter Griffin gets back in the top 10 on lap 169.
On lap 176...
Bestwick: And there's a car off the pace in turn 3.
Nazz: What's going on?
Edd: I think an essential part of the suspension has just been discombobulated. Shit!
On lap 176, Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet breaks the suspension, forcing Edd to retreat into the garage and retire from the race.
On lap 180 Meatwad has caught back up with Foxxy Love. On lap 186, right after he takes the lead back...
Bestwick: Wreck in turn 4 - that's the pole-sitter!
Petree: Bender is in the wall in turn 4, and that car is totaled!
Bender: (pounds fist repeatedly on steering wheel)
On lap 186, Timmy Turner's#17 Best Buy Ford taps the rear end of Bender's #22 Shell Dodge, causing it to get loose. Bender overcorrects, the car swerves to the right and goes head-on in the wall in turn 4, knocking it out of commission. Bender gets out of the car, and as the wreckage is being cleared, waits for Timmy to come back around...
When Timmy does come back around, Bender throws his helmet at Timmy's car. The helmet ricochets right off the window net, shocking Timmy.
Timmy: What the hell! I didn't do that on purpose!
Cosmo: Don't worry about it, you're still doing fine.
Timmy: (sigh)
As Bender leaves the track, Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 23rd gets the free pass.
The other cars go into the pits for service. Right afterwards, this happens;
Cosmo: They just caught you speeding on pit road.
Timmy: WHAT?! We were doing so well! Goddammit!
Timmy Turner is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 56 - Meatwad
2. 88 - Foxxy Love
3. 1 - Nigel Uno*
4. 83 - Homer Simpson*
5. 99 - Dudley Puppy
6. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
7. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
8. 93 - Peter Griffin*
9. 14 - Eric Cartman*
10. 27 - Ed*
We restart on lap 191. Foxxy Love gets a bad start and falls out of the top 5 on lap 193.
By lap 200, Dudley Puppy has made it back up to 2nd. He's caught up to Meatwad by lap 206. On lap 213, Dudley gets underneath Meatwad going into turn 1, enablig him to slip by and take the lead.
But Meatwad won't give up. He reclaims the lead on lap 217. But then Dudley takes it back on lap 221, then it's Meatwad on lap 225, then Dudley on lap 230. Meatwad takes the lead back again on lap 233, but this time, Dudley Puppy falls back afterward.
Meatwad is still in the lead on lap 240 when...
Bestwick: Another crash; it's the #17 car!
Jarrett: Timmy Turner has wrecked in turn 1!
Petree: Looks like he blew a left-rear tire.
Bestwick: Caution is out.
On lap 240, Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford blows the left-rear tire, causing it to swerve hard-right and slam into the wall in turn 1. The car is toast, but Timmy gets out unharmed and is taken to the infield care center as the wreck is cleaned up.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 21st gets the free pass.
All the other cars then make their last pit stops of the race. Butt-Head has to retire from the race due to brake failure. And so the top 10 at the restart will be this;
1. 56 - Meatwad
2. 99 - Dudley Puppy
3. 1 - Nigel Uno*
4. 83 - Homer Simpson*
5. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
6. 88 - Foxxy Love
7. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 27 - Ed*
10. 31 - Eddy*
The race is restarted on lap 245. Dudley Puppy regains the lead on lap 252. Then Meatwad takes it back on lap 256. By lap 264, Dudley Puppy has fallen out of the top 5.
On lap 271 Homer Simpson also falls out of the top 5.
Around lap 275, Nigel Uno and Hoagie P. Gilligan are once again battling for position - this time for 2nd. Hoagie takes the position on lap 281, but then on lap 284, Nigel takes it back, and proceeds to catch up with Meatwad...
By lap 292, the battle for the win is on; Meatwad is in the lead, with Nigel Uno right behind him. Nigel rear-ends Meatwad on lap 296, nearly causing him to lose it, but Meatwad holds on.
On lap 299...
Bestwick: Meatwad's in the wall!
Meatwad: SHIT!
Jarrett: He may have lost this race.
On lap 299, Meatwad gets tight and hits the wall in turn 3. He keeps going, but falls back to 2nd and appears to be out of contention.
Meanwhile, Nigel Uno takes the white flag on lap 300 and never looks back;
Bestwick: Out of turn 4, checkered flag, Nigel Uno wins at New Hampshire!
Rachel: YES!
Nigel: Woo, we won that one!
Rachel: Awesome job, Nigel!
Nigel Uno wins the Sylvania 300, while Meatwad settles for 2nd. Hoagie P. Gilligan takes 3rd, Foxxy Love finishes 4th, Homer Simpson gets 5th, Dudley Puppy places 6th, Eric Cartman comes in 7th, Ed claims 8th, Eddy finishes in 9th, and Rainbow Dash rounds out the top 10.
After doing a burnout on the front straightaway and taking the checkered flag, Nigel Uno cheers and celebrates in Victory Lane. As he takes a swig of champagne, Dr. Jerry Punch moves in for the interview;
Dr. Punch: Nigel Uno, coming off a mediocre start to the Chase, how does this feel?
Nigel: Oh, it certainly does make me feel better about the Chase. It sucked that we didn't get a bonus point for winning at Talladega, but this win helped us out a great deal more.
Dr. Punch: Hey don't you think you got lucky?
Nigel: Maybe, but I never really liked Meatwad anyways. Who cares, I won!
Nigel Uno's crew chief/girlfriend, Rachel T. McKenzie pops up beside him, and they kiss.
Sylvania 300 race results;
1. 1 - Nigel Uno*
2. 56 - Meatwad
3. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
4. 88 - Foxxy Love
5. 83 - Homer Simpson*
6. 99 - Dudley Puppy
7. 14 - Eric Cartman*
8. 27 - Ed*
9. 31 - Eddy*
10. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
11. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
12. 93 - Peter Griffin*
13. 55 - Master Shake*
14. 24 - Beavis*
15. 16 - Danny Phantom*
16. 39 - Kenny McCormick
17. 47 - William Murderface
18. 18 - Applejack
19. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
20. 36 - Stan Smith
21. 21 - Early Cuyler
22. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants (1 lap down)
23. 87 - Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
24. 10 - Francine Smith (1 lap down)
25. 26 - Aang (1 lap down)
26. 7 - Grim (1 lap down)
27. 34 - Katara (1 lap down)
28. 32 - The Warden (2 laps down)
29. 42 - Alejandro (2 laps down)
30. 98 - Hank Hill (2 laps down)
31. 38 - Sokka (2 laps down)
32. 51 - Kim Possible (3 laps down)
33. 49 - Ben Tennyson (3 laps down)
34. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo (4 laps down)
35. 23 - Flapjack (4 laps down)
36. 37 - Chowder (5 laps down)
37. 48 - Butt-Head (DNF; brakes)
38. 17 - Timmy Turner (DNF; accident)
39. 22 - Bender (DNF; accident)
40. 29 - Edd (DNF; suspension)
41. 9 - Ferb Fletcher (DNF; accident)
42. 5 - Abigail Lincoln (DNF; accident)
43. 15 - Frylock (DNF; engine)
Point standings after 28 of 36 races;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,082 points
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*; 2,081 points
3. 1 - Nigel Uno*; 2,076 points
4. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*; 2,072 points
5. 31 - Eddy*/16 - Danny Phantom*; 2,068 points
7. 93 - Peter Griffin*/24 - Beavis*; 2,067 points
9. 14 - Eric Cartman*/43 - Phineas Flynn*/Master Shake*; 2,066 points
12. 27 - Ed*; 2,065 points
13. 15 - Frylock; 694 points
14. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 670 points
15. 36 - Stan Smith; 669 points
16. 29 - Edd; 668 points
17. 5 - Abigail Lincoln; 659 points
18. 10 - Francine Smith; 655 points
19. 9 - Ferb Fletcher; 654 points
20. 26 - Aang; 653 points
21. 47 - William Murderface; 651 points
22. 11 - Twilight Sparkle; 649 points
23. 21 - Early Cuyler/17 - Timmy Turner; 647 points
25. 56 - Meatwad; 646 points
26. 22 - Bender; 645 points
27. 87 - Gumball Waterson/48 - Butt-Head; 644 points
29. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants; 643 points
30. 88 - Foxxy Love; 612 points
31. 7 - Grim; 500 points
32. 18 - Applejack; 467 points
33. 34 - Katara; 424 points
34. 38 - Sokka; 423 points
35. 39 - Kenny McCormick; 418 points
36. 42 - Alejandro; 411 points
37. 32 - The Warden; 410 points
38. 51 - Kim Possible; 398 points
39. 98 - Hank Hill; 396 points
40. 23 - Flapjack; 394 points
41. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 392 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 384 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 375 points
Next race; AAA 400 at Dover International Speedway. See you there!
Chapter 35: AAA 400
Two Chase races down, eight to go! The NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is now ready for it's 28th race of the season, the AAA 400! The race is to be staged at the Dover International Speedway in Dover, DE. The track is a one-mile oval. The turns are banked at degrees, and the straightaways are banked at degrees. The race will be 400 miles, 400 laps!
Starting grid;
* - denotes Chase contender
1. 16 - Danny Phantom*
2. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
3. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
4. 55 - Master Shake*
5. 93 - Peter Griffin*
6. 17 - Timmy Turner
7. 36 - Stan Smith
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
10. 31 - Eddy*
11. 24 - Beavis*
12. 48 - Butt-Head
13. 83 - Homer Simpson*
14. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
15. 27 - Ed*
16. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
17. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
18. 29 - Edd
19. 1 - Nigel Uno*
20. 10 - Francine Smith
21. 99 - Dudley Puppy
22. 39 - Kenny McCormick
23. 18 - Applejack
24. 21 - Early Cuyler
25. 56 - Meatwad
26. 88 - Foxxy Love
27. 34 - Katara
28. 47 - William Murderface
29. 15 - Frylock
30. 22 - Bender
31. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
32. 38 - Sokka
33. 7 - Grim
34. 49 - Ben Tennyson
35. 42 - Alejandro
36. 23 - Flapjack
37. 87 - Gumball Waterson
38. 51 - Kim Possible
39. 32 - The Warden
40. 37 - Chowder
41. 26 - Aang
42. 98 - Hank Hill
43. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Tuning to ESPN;
Bestwick: Well, we're two races into the Chase. Last week Nigel Uno won for the first time since Talladega, and Rainbow Dash is leading the standings by just one point over Homer Simpson. Now our animated drivers are getting set to the Monster Mile, Dover International Speedway for Round 3 of the Chase for the Cartoon Cup, the AAA 400. I'm Allen Bestwick with former champion driver Dale Jarrett and former champion crew chief Andy Petree, thanks for having us in for the race.
Jarrett: This here is definitely one of the most difficult tracks on the NASCAR circuit. The high speed and high banks on a 1-mile course is one thing, but there's something even more difficult to deal with; pit road. More specifically the entrance; it's the tightest, toughest one on the circuit. We've seen many a driver mess up that pit entrance with disasterous results.
Petree: And on top of all that is the points situation. Earlier, Allen mentioned Rainbow Dash's one-point lead over Homer Simpson. Well it just so happens that a short ways behind them, eight drivers are within four points of each other! I got a feeling this is where things really get out of hand!
Bestwick: Well, this is Dover, after all. And in this Cartoon Cup Series, anything is possible. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Image Comics superhero, Spawn!
Spawn: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
The 865 hp engines all ignite, rev up and warm up, and then the pace car leads them out.
Bestwick: And here's how they'll line up for today's race; Chase contender Danny Phantom, driving for Roush Fenway Racing is on pole, and the pony Twilight Sparkle is 2nd. In 3rd place is Abigail Lincoln, and in 4th is Chase contender Master Shake. Peter Griffin, also a Chase contender is 5th, and in 6th spot is Timmy Turner. Stan Smith, driving for Tommy Baldwin Racing is 7th, and Chase contender Eric Cartman is 8th. And rounding out the top 10 are Chase contenders Rainbow Dash and Eddy. As you look through the rest of the field, Andy Petree's on the radio;
Petree: Hey Master Shake, it's Andy Petree from ESPN, you got me?
Shake: Hey Andy.
Petree: Hey, you've been kinda out of the spotlight since the Chase started, and now you're starting 4th, how you feeling?
Shake: Well, the 4th place starting spot is nice and all, but it's just a start. I would like a win, sure, but what I really want is the championship! That's what I'm here for!
Petree: We were talking in the booth earlier about the difficulty of this track. How do you feel about pit road entrance?
Shake: I'll admit I had a close brush or two during practice (chuckles). But I don't think we'll have problems there. I know a lot of drivers have, but I don't think we will.
Petree: Alright, well thanks for talking with us and good luck out there.
Shake: 10-4, thanks.
Bestwick: Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Believe it or not, Allen, this is the first time a Chase contender is starting on the pole. Passing here is also somewhat difficult, so Danny Phantom is in a real good spot at the moment. The challenge will be to hold everyone else off. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, Homer Simpson is really licking his chops right now, as he's only one point behind Rainbow Dash in the standings. He is however starting four spots behind her, but considering how good they've been in practice, this shouldn't be an issue. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, Phineas Flynn probably has the most to gain right now, as he's not been to big a factor so far, and he's starting back in 17th. He has ground to pick up, but it's a long race, and a long Chase. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, Rainbow Dash may be ahead of Homer, but she's not out of the woods. There are four Chasers starting ahead of her, and any of them could take the points lead. We'll see how that plays out. Back to you, Allen.
The pace car pulls through the tight pit road entrance, then the field is turned loose by the green flag.
Bestwick: We are underway at Dover!
As Danny Phantom pulls out in front, Abigail Lincoln contends with Twilight Sparkle for 2nd. Abigail takes 2nd on lap 5. On lap 9, Master Shake gets by Twilight for 3rd.
On lap 11...
Bestwick: Big crash on the backstretch, over 10 cars are involved!
Jarrett: They're all piled up, tore up and all the rest, what the hell!
Petree: How the heck did that happen?
Bestwick: I guess someone made contact and took the others with them. Either way, this certainly is the biggest crash we've seen in a long time!
On lap 11, a big crash occurs on the backstretch; 11 cars are involved. The cars in the wreck are Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota, Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge, Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota, Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet, Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet, Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, Chowder's #37 Poynt Ford, Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford and Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford. The #7, #87, #51, #32 and #98 are able to limp back to their garages to attempt repairs, but all the others are totaled. The drivers of these cars all get out unharmed, and the race is red-flagged so they can clean up the wreckage.
Eventually, on lap 18 the race is restarted. This time, Danny Phantom doesn't get ahead so easily; Abigail Lincoln is right on his tail. They fight very hard for the lead, allowing Master Shake to catch back up with them.
By lap 25 it's become a three-way battle for the lead. On lap 29 Master Shake takes 2nd from Abigail Lincoln. He sets his sights on Danny Phantom, and sure enough, on lap 33 Master Shake is the new leader.
Then Abigail Lincoln is up to 2nd on lap 39. It takes a while, but by lap 47 she's caught up with Master Shake. They duke it out for a while, then Abigail takes the lead on lap 54.
Next thing we know, Twilight Sparkle is looking to take 2nd from Master Shake. The two race each other for many laps, but Shake holds off Twilight.
While that goes on, Abigail Lincoln starts to pull away. On lap 67, Twilight Sparkle takes 2nd from Master Shake.
Abigail is still leading on lap 71 when...
Bestwick: We have a smoker in turn 1!
Jarrett: It's the #99 car!
Petree: Dudley Puppy's blown his engine!
Bestwick: Caution is out.
On lap 71, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford blows it's engine. Dudley coasts his car onto pit road into the garage, and his race is over.
Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
On lap 72, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford returns to the track, 61 laps down in 33rd place.
The rest of the cars go and make their first pit stops of the race. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
2. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
3. 55 - Master Shake*
4. 16 - Danny Phantom*
5. 36 - Stan Smith
6. 14 - Eric Cartman*
7. 17 - Timmy Turner
8. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
9. 24 - Beavis*
10. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
The race restarts on lap 76. By lap 80, Twilight Sparkle has fallen back to 5th.
On lap 81, Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford returns to the track, 70 laps down in 34th place.
On lap 86 Stan Smith makes it up 2nd, and on lap 89 is fighting Abigail Lincoln for the lead. After some hard-edged racing, on lap 95 Stan Smith takes the lead.
By lap 100 Twilight Sparkle has made it back up to 2nd. On lap 106 she's caught up with Stan Smith. Stan, however, holds her off. Meanwhile, Danny Phantom, who's now in 3rd proceeds to catch up with Stan and Twilight.
On lap 110, Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota returns to the track, 99 laps down in 35th place.
By lap 113, it's become a three-way battle for the lead. Danny Phantom passes Twilight Sparkle for 2nd on lap 117. Then on lap 123, Danny passes Stan Smith to get back in the lead.
On lap 128, Master Shake falls out of the top 5.
On lap 129, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet returns to the track, 118 laps down in 36th place.
Stan Smith gets back up to 2nd on lap 133. He then fights hard to hold off Twilight Sparkle, allowing Danny Phantom to pull away some. Then on lap 140...
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 1!
Jarrett: Two cars in the wall; the #48 and the #21!
Petree: Caution is out.
Early: BASTARD!
Butt-Head: Fuckin' moron!
On lap 140, Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford and Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet make contact, get loose and slam into the wall in turn 1. Both cars are totaled. The drivers get out, argue for a little bit, then they're taken to the infield care center as the wreckage is cleared.
Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota, running 1 lap down in 23rd gets the free pass.
On lap 141, Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge returns to the track, 130 laps down in 37th place.
The rest of the cars take to the pits for tires and fuel. This then will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 16 - Danny Phantom*
2. 36 - Stan Smith
3. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
4. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
5. 14 - Eric Cartman*
6. 55 - Master Shake*
7. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
8. 31 - Eddy*
9. 17 - Timmy Turner
10. 83 - Homer Simpson*
We restart on lap 145. As Danny Phantom gets ahead of the pack, Twilight Sparkle passes Stan Smith for 2nd on lap 149. Eric Cartman is up to 3rd on lap 154.
By lap 160 Twilight Sparkle is right on the back bumper of Danny Phantom. Danny tries to hold her off, but Twilight gets by him on lap 165, taking the lead for the first time.
On lap 171, Eric Cartman moves up to 2nd. By lap 178 he's caught up with Twilight Sparkle. They race each other for several laps, then on lap 184, Cartman is the new leader.
On lap 189, Eddy makes it into the top 5.
Danny Phantom is back up to 2nd on lap 195. Eric Cartman holds him off for a few laps, then Danny is back in the lead again on lap 201.
Abigail Lincoln is back up to 3rd on lap 205. She and Eric Cartman begin a battle for 2nd, which allows Danny Phantom to pull away some. He's still in the lead on lap 212 when...
Bestwick: We got trouble at pit road entrance!
Jarrett: Francine Smith has gone head-on into the end of the pit wall!
Petree: Her car is totaled for sure!
Jarrett: I told you that pit entrance is extreme!
Roger: Oh my God, that was Francine who just crashed!
Stan: What?! Is she okay?
Roger: Looks like, but her car is toast.
Stan: (sigh) Well, at least you and me are still in it to win it!
Roger: Yeah.
On lap 212, Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet loses control going into turn 4. The car spins, heads straight for the end of the pit wall and slams head-on into it, totaling the car. Francine gets out unharmed and is taken to the infield care center.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 21st gets the free pass.
The rest of the cars go to the pits and get service. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 16 - Danny Phantom*
2. 14 - Eric Cartman*
3. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
4. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
5. 31 - Eddy*
6. 36 - Stan Smith
7. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
8. 55 - Master Shake*
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
10. 83 - Homer Simpson*
The race restarts on lap 217. Eddy's up to 3rd by lap 221. On lap 226 Stan Smith gets back in the top 5.
Eddy's up to 2nd on lap 232. He tries to get by Danny Phantom for several laps. Then on lap 238, Eddy gets underneath Danny going to turn 3, allowing Eddy to slip by and take the lead.
On around lap 244, Eric Cartman regains 2nd place. Then on lap 249 he catches up with Eddy. They race each other for a number of laps, then on lap 255, Cartman does a slingshot move to retake the lead.
On lap 260, Danny Phantom starts to challenge Eddy for 2nd spot. They race each other, allowing Eric Cartman to pull away some.
Danny Phantom reclaims 2nd on lap 266. It's lap 274 by the time he catches up with Eric Cartman. Danny reclaims the lead on lap 279. Then on lap 283...
Jarrett: Another crash!
Bestwick: Edd and Foxxy Love have crashed in turn 3!
Petree: Caution is out.
Foxxy: How do you like that? Totaled by a skinny white-ass geek. FUCK!
On lap 283, Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet and Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet make contact, lose control and go hard into the wall in turn 3, disabling both cars. Edd and Foxxy get out do some bickering, then they're taken to the infield care center as their cars are towed away and the debris is cleaned up.
Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford, running 1 lap down in 20th gets the free pass.
Once again, the other cars get tires and fuel in the pits. And so this will be the top
10 at the restart;
1. 16 - Danny Phantom*
2. 14 - Eric Cartman*
3. 31 - Eddy*
4. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
5. 36 - Stan Smith
6. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
7. 55 - Master Shake*
8. 17 - Timmy Turner
9. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
10. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
We are restarted on lap 288. Abigail Lincoln is back up to 2nd by lap 294. She tries to take the lead back from Danny Phantom, but falls back, and on lap 301, Eddy takes the 2nd spot away.
On lap 306, Master Shake gets back in the top 5.
On lap 310, Stan Smith gets back up to 2nd place. Danny Phantom loses ground to him, then on lap 317, he loses the lead to Stan Smith.
Danny Phantom keeps up with him, though. The two continue the battle for the lead for a good number of laps. Danny gets the lead back on lap 322, then Stan takes it on lap 327, then Danny regains it again on lap 330. On lap 334...
Bestwick: We have trouble in turn 2!
Jarrett: Several cars have crashed; the #9, the #78...
Petree: The #18 is involved as well.
Bestwick: And we have a caution!
A multi-car crash occurs in turn 2 on lap 334. The cars involved are Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford, Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet, and Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota. None of these cars are able to continue. All of the drivers get out and talk it over, and are then taken to the infield care center as the track is being cleaned.
Bender's #22 Shell Dodge, running 1 lap down in 19th gets the free pass.
All the other cars proceed to make their last pit stops of the race. Everything goes well, and so the following will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 16 - Danny Phantom*
2. 36 - Stan Smith
3. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
4. 31 - Eddy*
5. 55 - Master Shake*
6. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
7. 14 - Eric Cartman*
8. 17 - Timmy Turner
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
10. 83 - Homer Simpson*
The race gets restarted on lap 340. Timmy Turner makes it into the top 5 on lap 347.
Abigail Lincoln is up to 2nd once again on lap 353. Try as she may, however, she can't catch up with Danny Phantom. Stan Smith takes 2nd place back on lap 360.
By lap 368, Stan Smith has caught back up with Danny Phantom. They start to race each other for the lead once again. Stan gets up to the lead on lap 373, then Danny Phantom takes it back on lap 378, then Stan gets back up front on lap 382, then it's Danny on lap 387, then it's Stan again on lap 391.
Stan Smith holds Danny Phantom off relentlessly through the last few laps of the race. By lap 398, Danny has lost his patience;
Danny: I'm going ghost...
Bestwick: The #16 car has just gone ghost...
Jarrett: And he's driving right through the #36!
Petree: Danny Phantom's in the lead!
Danny: Yes!
Stan: No! That ghost faggot cheated! Goddammit!
On lap 398, Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford goes ghost. He drives right through Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet to take the lead.
Danny Phantom takes the white flag on lap 400 and never looks back...
Bestwick: Checkered flag, Danny Phantom wins at Dover!
Sam: I'm so proud of you, Danny!
Danny: Yeah, we won! Woo-hoo, awesome!
Danny Phantom wins the AAA 400, while Stan Smith settles for 2nd. Abigail Lincoln places 3rd, Eric Cartman comes in 4th, Master Shake gets 5th, Eddy takes 6th, Rainbow Dash claims 7th, Homer Simpson finishes 8th, Timmy Turner places 9th, and Hoagie P. Gilligan rounds out the top 10.
Shortly thereafter, Danny Phantom celebrates in Victory Lane, takes a swig of champagne, and then Dr. Jerry Punch moves in for the interview;
Dr. Punch: Danny Phantom with an amazing win here at Dover!
Danny: These ghost powers really do come in handy, you know. If I was just a normal kid, I probably wouldn't have won at all this year, and this is my second win; self-explanatory.
Dr. Punch: Well apparently, you're now three points out of the lead in the standings; how you feelin' about that?
Danny: I do feel much better about my chances - what am I saying here? I'm winning that friggin' championship! You can bet on that, Doc!
Dr. Punch: Will you win the championship by going ghost?
Danny: Hey, whatever it takes, man. Whatever it takes.
Dr. Punch: Alright, well great job out there.
Danny: Thanks, dude.
Danny Phantom's crew chief/girlfriend Sam Manson appears by his side, and they kiss.
AAA 400 race results
1. 16 - Danny Phantom*
2. 36 - Stan Smith
3. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
4. 14 - Eric Cartman*
5. 55 - Master Shake*
6. 31 - Eddy*
7. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
8. 83 - Homer Simpson*
9. 17 - Timmy Turner
10. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
11. 27 - Ed*
12. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
13. 93 - Peter Griffin*
14. 24 - Beavis*
15. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
16. 1 - Nigel Uno*
17. 39 - Kenny McCormick
18. 56 - Meatwad
19. 22 - Bender
20. 47 - William Murderface (1 lap down)
21. 38 - Sokka (1 lap down)
22. 26 - Aang (1 lap down)
23. 34 - Katara (1 lap down)
24. 32 - The Warden (64 laps down)
25. 18 - Applejack (DNF; accident)
26. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants (DNF; accident)
27. 9 - Ferb Fletcher (DNF; accident)
28. 98 - Hank Hill (72 laps down)
29. 87 - Gumball Waterson (100 laps down)
30. 88 - Foxxy Love (DNF; accident)
31. 29 - Edd (DNF; accident)
32. 51 - Kim Possible (120 laps down)
33. 7 - Grim (130 laps down)
34. 10 - Francine Smith (DNF; accident)
35. 48 - Butt-Head (DNF; accident)
36. 21 - Early Cuyler (DNF; accident)
37. 99 - Dudley Puppy (DNF; engine)
38. 49 - Ben Tennyson (DNF; accident)
39. 37 - Chowder (DNF; accident)
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; accident)
41. 23 - Flapjack (DNF; accident)
42. 42 - Alejandro (DNF; accident)
43. 15 - Frylock (DNF; accident)
Point standings after 29 of 36 races;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,119 points
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*; 2,117 points
3. 16 - Danny Phantom*; 2,116 points
4. 14 - Eric Cartman*/31 - Eddy*; 2,107 points
6. 55 - Master Shake*/2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*; 2,106 points
8. 1 - Nigel Uno*; 2,104 points
9. 27 - Ed*/43 - Phineas Flynn*/93 - Peter Griffin*; 2,098 points
12. 24 - Beavis*; 2,097 points
13. 36 - Stan Smith; 712 points
14. 5 - Abigail Lincoln; 701 points
15. 15 - Frylock; 695 points
16. 17 - Timmy Turner; 682 points
17. 29 - Edd; 681 points
18. 11 - Twilight Sparkle; 679 points
19. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 677 points
20. 47 - William Murderface/26 - Aang; 675 points
22. 56 - Meatwad; 672 points
23. 9 - Ferb Fletcher; 671 points
24. 22 - Bender; 670 points
25. 10 - Francine Smith; 665 points
26. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants; 661 points
27. 87 - Gumball Waterson; 659 points
28. 21 - Early Cuyler; 655 points
29. 48 - Butt-Head; 653 points
30. 88 - Foxxy Love; 626 points
31. 7 - Grim; 511 points
32. 18 - Applejack; 486 points
33. 38 - Sokka; 446 points
34. 39 - Kenny McCormick/34 - Katara; 445 points
36. 32 - The Warden; 430 points
37. 42 - Alejandro; 413 points
38. 98 - Hank Hill; 412 points
39. 51 - Kim Possible; 410 points
40. 23 - Flapjack; 397 points
41. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 396 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 389 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 381 points
Next race; Good Sam Roadside Assistance 500 at Talladega Superspeedway.
Chapter 36: Good Sam Roadside Assistance 500
In this installment, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series, returns to the largest, most dangerous track on the NASCAR circuit; Talladega Superspeedway! This track, located in Talladega AL, is a 2.66 mile long tri-oval. Turns 1 & 2 are banked at 33 degrees, turn 3 is banked at 32.4 degrees, turn 4 is banked at 32.5 degrees, the tri-oval is banked at 16.5 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 3 degrees. It should also be noted that this track's start/finish line is located after pit road exit, not in the center of the tri-oval like the others.
Furthermore, on this track the cars use restrictor plates to slow them down. This leads to the cars racing in large, tight packs, drafting off one another is a huge deal, and if something goes wrong, chances are the other cars will be involved in a big wreck...
This race will be dubbed the Good Sam Roadside Assistance 500. It will be 500.5 miles long, run over 188 laps.
Starting grid;
* - denotes Chase contender
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
2. 39 - Kenny McCormick
3. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
4. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
5. 83 - Homer Simpson*
6. 31 - Eddy*
7. 56 - Meatwad
8. 22 - Bender
9. 1 - Nigel Uno*
10. 14 - Eric Cartman*
11. 55 - Master Shake*
12. 27 - Ed*
13. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
14. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
15. 93 - Peter Griffin*
16. 17 - Timmy Turner
17. 16 - Danny Phantom*
18. 18 - Applejack
19. 24 - Beavis*
20. 47 - William Murderface
21. 99 - Dudley Puppy
22. 29 - Edd
23. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
24. 15 - Frylock
25. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
26. 36 - Stan Smith
27. 34 - Katara
28. 21 - Early Cuyler
29. 88 - Foxxy Love
30. 26 - Aang
31. 48 - Butt-Head
32. 10 - Francine Smith
33. 38 - Sokka
34. 42 - Alejandro
35. 37 - Chowder
36. 51 - Kim Possible
37. 98 - Hank Hill
38. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
39. 32 - The Warden
40. 23 - Flapjack
41. 7 - Grim
42. 87 - Gumball Waterson
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson
ESPN?
Bestwick: Welcome to Talladega Superspeedway, the biggest, most treacherous track in NASCAR! We're 30 races into the season, six to go in the Chase for the Cartoon Cup, and the point standings are still unbelievably close! But with how things transpire here at Talladega, drafting, and the Big One, the Chase situation could be turned topsy-turvy here in the Good Sam Roadside Assistance 500. Hello again, I'm Allen Bestwick, alongside champion driver Dale Jarrett and champion crew chief Andy Petree.
Jarrett: You're certainly right about how the standings could be flip-turned. With how much of a factor drafting is here, cars can go literally from the back to the front in only a few laps. And with the restrictor plates leveling the playing field, this really is anybody's race!
Petree: But of course the one big thing that all drivers must look out, not that it would help much is the big wreck; we actually had a big wreck last week at Dover, which is a short track, in which 11 cars were involved! If we had that big a wreck there, I can only imagine how big a wreck we'll have here!
Bestwick: Whatever happens, it's guaranteed that this WILL be intense! Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Hanna-Barbera character Jonny Quest!
Jonny: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
And so the cars fire up their engines, which for this race only have 445 hp thanks to the restrictor plates, but are still powerful nonetheless. Then the field is led out by the pace car.
Bestwick: Well, let's see how they're lined up; Rainbow Dash, the current points leader is on pole, and Kenny McCormick of all people is in 2nd. Phineas Flynn, whose in the Chase, and his brother Ferb Fletcher are 3rd and 4th. Chase contenders Homer Simpson and Eddy are 5th and 6th. Meatwad, driving for Michael Waltrip Racing is 7th, and the robot Bender is in 8th. Rounding out the top 10 are Chase contenders Nigel Uno and Eric Cartman. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Dale Jarrett will contact one of our drivers on the radio;
Jarrett: Homer Simpson, it's Dale Jarrett from ESPN, you got me?
Homer: What's up, Dale?
Jarrett: Well first off, you're 2nd in the points, just two points behind Rainbow Dash. How do you plan on taking the lead away?
Homer: Whatever happens, I just want to finish at least three spots ahead of her, and ahead of everyone else, too! I know the last race is when it counts, but I'd like to take that points lead now, and I know that can!
Jarrett: It certainly is anybody's race. That reminds me, how you likin' the racing on this track?
Homer: It's nice being able to draft with people and move up the field; the risk of crashing I could do without. I still like it, though.
Jarrett: And if the Big One happens?
Homer: I just hope I'm not in it!
Jarrett: Well, good luck out there.
Homer: Thanks, Dale.
Bestwick: Dr. Jerry Punch?
Dr. Punch: Allen, Rainbow Dash in in the best possible position right now. She's the points leader, and she's on the pole. However, qualifying isn't that important here, so others could come up from the back and challenge her for position. We'll see how that goes. Dave Burns?
Burns: Doc, after being killed and revived so many times, Kenny McCormick seems to have overcame that as of late. What's more, he's starting 2nd today, and with this being anybody's race, this could be the break he's looking for. Jamie Little?
Little: Dave, Danny Phantom, who's 3rd in the standings is only three points behind Rainbow Dash, which puts him well within striking distance. He is starting 17th, but at this track, that shouldn't be a problem. Vince Welch?
Welch: Jamie, Peter Griffin hasn't made much of an impact since starting the Chase as one of the points leaders. He starts 15th, and today is looking to make a big bang in the Chase with this race. Allen?
The pace car pulls off onto pit road, the cars advance steadily through the tri-oval, and then they all go full throttle when the green flag is waved.
Bestwick: We are underway at Talladega!
The field stays pretty much even through the first half of lap 1, but then the outside line gets the better run through turns 3 and 4, pushing Kenny McCormick into the lead.
Before long, everyone from around 12th all back is now running three-wide, each car staying in the draft to stay in the pack.
On around lap 9, a four-car draft consisting of Eric Cartman, Master Shake, Hoagie P. Gilligan and Peter Griffin cuts to the inside and gradually closes in on the lead. By lap 14 Eric Cartman has passed his teammate Kenny McCormick for the lead. As soon as the cars behind him get by Kenny, they all get in line in front of him.
On lap 19;
Bestwick: Rainbow Dash is on the apron!
Jarrett: And now she's back in line, she's saved it!
Petree: That's incredible!
Rainbow Dash: What in the hell was that?
Fluttershy: It'a alright, we're only 19 laps in this thing, we'll come back.
On lap 19, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford clips Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota going into turn 1, sending it out of the draft and into the apron. Fortunately, Rainbow Dash is able to save herself from crashing. She drops back to 23rd place before getting back in front of the draft, with none other than her teammate, Twilight Sparkle.
Back up front, Kenny McCormick is looking to get back in the lead. With Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher drafting with him, on lap 25 Kenny manages to get by Eric Cartman for the lead. He, Phineas and Ferb get back in line once they've all cleared Cartman.
Then on lap 30, Phineas and Ferb both get out of line; they do a slingshot move, getting out in clean air, gaining extra speed and slipping by Kenny McCormick going down the backstretch. Once they've both cleared him, they get back in line.
Then, Cartman and everyone drafting with him gradually start to catch back up. He's almost right alongside Phineas Flynn on lap 38 when...
Bestwick: Smoke in turn 1!
Jarrett: Hank Hill's blown his engine, and there's no way he'll make it back around.
Petree: Caution is out.
Hank: Dammit! I'm gonna kick that mechanic's ass!
On lap 38, Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford blows it's engine. Hank is unable to coast the car back all the way around the track, and his car comes to a stop on the backstretch, which brings the field under caution. A wrecker is dispatched to push Hank's broken racing machine the rest of the way around and onto pit road, where it's then pushed into the garage; Hank Hill's race, at this point is over.
Then, the rest of the cars go into pit road for their first pit stops of the race. William Murderface is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty;
Murderface: That is bullshit! I was only like a mile an hour over the limit!
Offdensen: That's beside the point. You'll just have to serve the penalty.
Murderface: FUCK!
Anyway, this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
2. 14 - Eric Cartman*
3. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
4. 55 - Master Shake*
5. 39 - Kenny McCormick
6. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
7. 93 - Peter Griffin*
8. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
9. 31 - Eddy*
10. 1 - Nigel Uno*
The race restarts on lap 42. Right from the getgo, the outside line gets the better restart, sending Ferb Fletcher into the lead.
Several laps later, the pack is once again three-wide from around 13th on back.
On around lap 48, Master Shake, who's now leading the inside draft, begins to catch up with Phineas Flynn. On lap 51, Shake manages to get just ahead of Ferb Fletcher, and so takes the lead.
On lap 55, with the help of her teammates Twilight Sparkle and Applejack, Rainbow Dash gets back in the top 10.
On lap 61, Hoagie P. Gilligan and Abigail Lincoln both get out of line and do a slingshot move around Master Shake, with Hoagie now in the lead. The two get back in line once they've both cleared Shake.
Six laps later, Peter Griffin and Eddy both get a run to the inside of the others, and then they get up front, with Peter in the lead.
On lap 72, Rainbow Dash falls back out of the top 10.
On lap 74, Eddy manages to slingshot around Peter Griffin and take the lead. He's still in the lead on lap 78 when...
Bestwick: Trouble! Turn 3!
Jarrett: Multiple cars in the back have crashed!
Petree: Looks like the #7, #23 and #49 are all involved.
Bestwick: Caution is out.
A multi-car crash occurs in turn 3 on lap 78. The involved cars are Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge, Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet, and Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota. Neither of the cars are left able to continue. Fortunately, all of the drivers get out unharmed.
The other cars go into the pits for tires and fuel. This time, no one gets caught speeding. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 93 - Peter Griffin*
2. 31 - Eddy*
3. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
4. 55 - Master Shake*
5. 39 - Kenny McCormick
6. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
10. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
We restart on lap 82. On lap 87, Rainbow Dash, backed by Nigel Uno, gets back in the top 5. Around this time, the field goes three-wide again.
On lap 93, Homer Simpson gets back in the top 10.
On lap 98, Kenny McCormick, backed by Abigail Lincoln, draft by Master Shake, Hoagie P. Gilligan, Eddy and Peter Griffin. Thus, Kenny is back in the lead.
On lap 101, Homer Simpson is back in the top 5.
On lap 106, Eric Cartman falls out of the top 10.
Meanwhile, Kenny McCormick continues to lead. On around lap 111, Abigail Lincoln falls back, and Homer Simpson then claims 2nd place, right behind Kenny.
On lap 117...
Bestwick: We've got smoke in the tri-oval!
Jarrett: The Warden appears to have blown up!
Petree: Caution is out.
On lap 117, The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford blows its engine. The car coasts along the apron, trailing plumes of smoke. It comes to a stop in turn 2; a wrecker is sent to push the car back around onto pit road and into the garage, and The Warden's day is over.
The other cars make their pit stops. The following will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 39 - Kenny McCormick
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*
3. 93 - Peter Griffin*
4. 55 - Master Shake*
5. 14 - Eric Cartman*
6. 31 - Eddy*
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
8. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
9. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
10. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
The race is restarted on lap 121. Kenny McCormick is back in the lead on lap 125.
Rainbow Dash falls out of the top 10 on lap 130.
On lap 136...
Mai: What the hell's going on?
Aang: Dammit, the transmission's busted! Fuck!
On lap 136, Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford breaks its transmission. Aang limps onto pit road, into the garage, and the race is over for him.
Then on lap 141, Rainbow Dash goes on a hard charge up the field, getting up to 5th by lap 143. On lap 147 she's all the way up to 2nd place. By lap 151, she's side-by-side with Kenny McCormick, fighting for the lead, but Kenny just manages to hold her off. Then on lap 155...
Petree: Another blown engine!
Bestwick: That's Chowder in the #37.
Jarrett: And the caution is out once again.
On lap 155, Chowder's #37 Poynt Ford blows its engine in turn 3. Chowder coasts his car onto pit road, into the garage and retires from the race.
Then, all the other cars take on four tires and fuel; their last pit stops of the race. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 39 - Kenny McCormick
2. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
3. 83 - Homer Simpson*
4. 55 - Master Shake*
5. 93 - Peter Griffin*
6. 56 - Meatwad
7. 22 - Bender
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
10. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
The race restarts on lap 159. Kenny McCormick falls back to 3rd on lap 164, with Rainbow Dash taking the lead. Then, Homer Simpson takes the lead on lap 166, then Kenny takes it back on lap 169.
On lap 170, Meatwad gets in the top 5. Eric Cartman follows suit on lap 174.
By lap 179, Eric Cartman is up to 2nd, and Meatwad is up 3rd. On lap 182, Meatwad slingshots off of Cartman going through turns 3 & 4, clearing him, and then moving alongside Kenny McCormick. As they're headed to the tri-oval, Rainbow Dash aggressively hits Cartman in the rear, causing him to lose control...
Bestwick: And the #20 car just slammed Cartman into the wall-
Jarrett: And he's taking everyone with him - they're all crashing!
...
Bestwick: The entire field was in that wreck, and we've only got six laps to go!
Petree: Only Kenny McCormick and Meatwad got away clean!
Near the end of lap 182, Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota aggressively hits Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet in the rear, causing Cartman to lose control and snap sideways, headed right into the wall. The other cars behind them all get caught up in this incident - no one is able to escape the melee. Every single car runs into another car and/or the wall, left damaged and unable to continue. Thus, in the blink of an eye, the entire field of cars is taken out of the race, with Kenny McCormick and Meatwad the only drivers still in it to win it.
The race is subsequently red-flagged for, let's just say a long time, so that the wreckage can be cleaned up. Fortunately, every driver involved is uninjured.
...
Eventually the debris is all cleaned off the track, the race gets back under caution, and is restarted on lap 187, with Kenny and Meatwad the only drivers left on the track.
When the white flag flies on lap 188, both Kenny and Meatwad are still side-by-side. They remain this way going through turns 1 & 2. Once they get on the backstretch, they begin to bump n' grind on each other. They keep this up going through turns 3 & 4, still managing to retain control. Then as they're going towards the tri-oval on their way to the finish line, both cars get hooked onto each other, and then break apart with such force that they're both sent barrel rolling into the air...
Jarrett: Oh, no, no! Meatwad and Kenny McCormick have crashed in the last lap on the straightaway. What a shame!
Bestwick: It looks like neither Meatwad nor Kenny will finish this race.
Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota and Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet are both sent flipping violently through the tri-oval of Talladega Superspeedway. They then come to a stop, less than 1,000 feet from the finish line. Kenny and Meatwad both get out of their cars. They stare at each other intently for a few seconds. Surprisingly though, they don't throw any punches or any profanities. Instead, they both take off running...
Bestwick: Hey, wait a minute! There's something going on on the track down there.
Petree: Oh my God, they're racing each other on foot!
Jarrett: These characters will not quit!
Kenny and Meatwad both race each other on foot to the finish line. They're running neck and neck. The fans are clustered up to the fence, loudly cheering them both on. As the two characters close in on the finish line, the flagman waves the checkered flag. When they're within a few feet, Meatwad and Kenny both dive for the line. Meatwad's hand comes about a tenth of an inch short, but Kenny's hand just manages to get over the line.
Bestwick: And Kenny McCormick wins! You'll never see anything like that in a hundred lifetimes! It was completely illegal and in no way will count, but man, that was something!
Jarrett: It was, that was really good!
Kenny McCormick stands triumphantly before all the fans, cheering and celebrating the "win." A dejected Meatwad turns and walks away.
Later, in Victory Lane;
Track Announcer: Ladies and gentleman, NASCAR fans, your eyes on Talladega's famed victory lane as we get ready for trophy time following an exciting running of the Good Sam Roadside Assistance 500. First, a very brief explanation; because the drivers that finished 1st and 2nd got out of their cars, they have officially been disqualified. So now, the winner - he was 3rd, he's now #1; Eric Cartman!
Both Meatwad and Kenny McCormick are disqualified for leaving their cars; thus Eric Cartman, who was 3rd when the big wreck happened, is declared the official winner of the Good Sam Roadside Assistance 500. Everything that happens after this point is pretty much irrelevant, so let's just see the results;
Good Sam Roadside Assistance 500 race results;
1. 14 - Eric Cartman* (DNF; accident)
2. 20 - Rainbow Dash* (DNF; accident)
3. 83 - Homer Simpson* (DNF; accident)
4. 55 - Master Shake* (DNF; accident)
5. 43 - Phineas Flynn* (DNF; accident)
6. 93 - Peter Griffin* (DNF; accident)
7. 27 - Ed* (DNF; accident)
8. 1 - Nigel Uno* (DNF; accident)
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan* (DNF; accident)
10. 31 - Eddy* (DNF; accident)
11. 24 - Beavis* (DNF; accident)
12. 16 - Danny Phantom* (DNF; accident)
13. 5 - Abigail Lincoln (DNF; accident)
14. 29 - Edd (DNF; accident)
15. 9 - Ferb Fletcher (DNF; accident)
16. 22 - Bender (DNF; accident)
17. 10 - Francine Smith (DNF; accident)
18. 88 - Foxxy Love (DNF; accident)
19. 11 - Twilight Sparkle (DNF; accident)
20. 47 - William Murderface (DNF; accident)
21. 17 - Timmy Turner (DNF; accident)
22. 18 - Applejack (DNF; accident)
23. 48 - Butt-Head (DNF; accident)
24. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants (DNF; accident)
25. 36 - Stan Smith (DNF; accident)
26. 42 - Alejandro (DNF; accident)
27. 38 - Sokka (DNF; accident)
28. 99 - Dudley Puppy (DNF; accident)
29. 21 - Early Cuyler (DNF; accident)
30. 87 - Gumball Waterson (DNF; accident)
31. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; accident)
32. 51 - Kim Possible (DNF; accident)
33. 34 - Katara (DNF; accident)
34. 15 - Frylock (DNF; accident)
35. 37 - Chowder (DNF; engine)
36. 26 - Aang (DNF; transmission)
37. 32 - The Warden (DNF; engine)
38. 49 - Ben Tennyson (DNF; accident)
39. 23 - Flapjack (DNF; accident)
40. 7 - Grim (DNF; accident)
41. 98 - Hank Hill (DNF; engine)
42. 39 - Kenny McCormick (Disqualified)
43. 56 - Meatwad (Disqualified)
Point standings after 30 of 36 races;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,162 points
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*; 2,159 points
3. 14 - Eric Cartman*; 2,153 points
4. 16 - Danny Phantom*; 2,148 points
5. 55 - Master Shake*; 2,147 points
6. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan/31 - Eddy*; 2,142 points
8. 1 - Nigel Uno*; 2,140 points
9. 43 - Phineas Flynn*; 2,138 points
10. 93 - Peter Griffin*; 2,137 points
11. 27 - Ed*; 2,135 points
12. 24 - Beavis*; 2,130 points
13. 5 - Abigail Lincoln; 733 points
14. 36 - Stan Smith; 721 points
15. 29 - Edd; 711 points
16. 17 - Timmy Turner/15 - Frylock; 705 points
18. 11 - Twilight Sparkle; 704 points
19. 9 - Ferb Fletcher; 701 points
20. 47 - William Murderface; 699 points
21. 22 - Bender; 698 points
22. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 693 points
23. 10 - Francine Smith; 692 points
24. 26 - Aang; 683 points
25. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants; 681 points
26. 48 - Butt-Head; 674 points
27. 87 - Gumball Waterson; 673 points
28. 56 - Meatwad; 672 points
29. 21 - Early Cuyler; 670 points
30. 88 - Foxxy Love; 652 points
31. 7 - Grim; 515 points
32. 18 - Applejack; 508 points
33. 38 - Sokka; 463 points
34. 34 - Katara; 456 points
35. 39 - Kenny McCormick; 445 points
36. 32 - The Warden; 437 points
37. 42 - Alejandro; 431 points
38. 51 - Kim Possible; 422 points
39. 98 - Hank Hill; 415 points
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 409 points
41. 23 - Flapjack; 402 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 398 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 387 points
Next race; Bank Of America 500 at Charlotte Motor Speedway.
Chapter 37: Bank of America 500
We're four races into the Chase, and with the Chasers separated by 32 points, it's still anybody's race! Round 31 of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series takes place at what is considered to be NASCAR's "hometown" track, Charlotte Motor Speedway! Located in Concord, NC, in the Charlotte area (duh!), Charlotte Motor Speedway is a 1.5 mile quad-oval. The turns are banked at 14 degrees, and the straights are banked at 5 degrees.
This race, called the Bank Of America 500, is a Saturday night race. It will be 501 miles long, run over 334 laps.
Starting grid;
* - denotes Chase contender
1. 48 - Butt-Head
2. 24 - Beavis*
3. 18 - Applejack
4. 27 - Ed*
5. 56 - Meatwad
6. 93 - Peter Griffin*
7. 17 - Timmy Turner
8. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
9. 10 - Francine Smith
10. 1 - Nigel Uno*
11. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
12. 31 - Eddy*
13. 88 - Foxxy Love
14. 55 - Master Shake*
15. 16 - Danny Phantom*
16. 14 - Eric Cartman*
17. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
18. 83 - Homer Simpson*
19. 39 - Kenny McCormick
20. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
21. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
22. 29 - Edd
23. 47 - William Murderface
24. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
25. 22 - Bender
26. 15 - Frylock
27. 36 - Stan Smith
28. 26 - Aang
29. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
30. 21 - Early Cuyler
31. 99 - Dudley Puppy
32. 87 - Gumball Waterson
33. 49 - Ben Tennyson
34. 37 - Chowder
35. 23 - Flapjack
36. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
37. 98 - Hank Hill
38. 51 - Kim Possible
39. 42 - Alejandro
40. 32 - The Warden
41. 34 - Katara
42. 38 - Sokka
43. 7 - Grim
Now tuning on to ESPN;
Bestwick: Last week was un-freakin'-believable! The entire field, except for two, were taken out in a massive pileup on lap 182, then those two survivors were disqualified for leaving their cars, and Eric Cartman went from being 3rd to being the winner! Tonight, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series goes under the lights in NASCAR's hometown track in Charlotte for Round 31 of the season, the Bank Of America 500! Hello again, I'm Allen Bestwick, alongside champion driver Dale Jarrett, and champion crew chief Andy Petree, thanks for joining us tonight.
Jarrett: We're getting to the halfway point in this Chase, and it's still everyone's race! Beavis, who's down in 12th, is a mere 32 points behind our points leader, Rainbow Dash! This means everyone still has at least a mathematical shot at the points lead.
Petree: Yes, but there won't be as big of a chance of huge wrecks. We don't have the pack racing here that we have at Talladega; that's what allowed for that wreck that wiped out the whole field to happen last week. True, the drivers won't have to worry about that here, but they won't have the same passing opportunities, so...
Jarrett: But if you look at the starting grid, those ahead in the Chase are starting further back, and those behind in the Chase are starting closer to the front.
Bestwick: Yes, well let's just agree that anything can happen, okay? Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome superhero turned lawyer, Harvey Birdman!
Harvey: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
And so the field of 43 cars fire and rev up their engines, which are now back up to 865 hp. After warming up, they're led out by the pace car.
Bestwick: Now let's see the starting grid; Butt-Head, who's had a rather disappointing season is on the pole, and his teammate Beavis, who's in the Chase, is 2nd. In 3rd is the pony Applejack, and Ed, who's also in the Chase is 4th. Meatwad, coming off that fiasco at Talladega is 5th, and in 6th is Chase contender Peter Turner, from Roush Fenway Racing is 7th, and Chase contender Phineas Flynn is 8th. Then in 9th spot is Francine Smith, and rounding out the top 10 is Chase contender Nigel Uno. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Andy Petree will dial someone up;
Petree: Hey Eddy, it's Andy Petree from ESPN, you got me?
Eddy: Yeah, I got you, Andy.
Petree: Hey, so how are you feeling about this track? What's the most difficult part?
Eddy: Oh, it's not so difficult - not for me, anyways. The only difficult part will be getting past the other Chasers.
Petree: Indeed you are tied with Hoagie for 6th, 20 points outside the lead. How are you planning to capitalize on that?
Eddy: Same old strategy; get up to the front and hope the others have trouble. I, of course haven't had any trouble, but unfortunately, neither have any of the others.
Petree: And if they do have trouble?
Eddy: I just hope they don't take me with them! (laughs)
Petree: Well thanks for talking to us, and good luck tonight.
Eddy: Thanks.
After the pace laps are finished, the pace car retreats to pit road, then the cars are turned loose under the guise of the green flag.
Bestwick: And we are underway!
Applejack moves up to 2nd on lap 5. Meanwhile, Butt-Head retains the lead, opening up a reasonable gap between himself and Applejack.
Meatwad moves up to 3rd on lap 9. He and Applejack begin a heated battle for 2nd. This allows Butt-Head to pull away some more.
But then, on lap 15, both Applejack and Meatwad are passed by Ed and Peter Griffin. After that, they begin to chip away at Butt-Head's lead.
By lap 21, they've successfully caught up, and now it's a three-way battle for the lead. On lap 26, Ed slips by the inside of Butt-Head through turn 3, taking the lead.
On lap 32, Peter Griffin gets by Butt-Head for 2nd place. By lap 36 he's battling Ed for the lead. Peter then takes the lead on lap 39. He's still in the lead on lap 47...
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 2!
Jarrett: Abigail Lincoln is head-on in the wall, and her car is destroyed!
Petree: Caution is out.
Kuki: Oh my god, are you alright?!
Abigail: Yeah, I'm fine. (under her breath) Damn pony!
On lap 47, Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota clips the right-rear of Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet going through turn 2. This causes Abigail's car to spin to the right and go head-on into the outside retaining wall, totaling the car. Abigail gets out unharmed.
Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, running 1 lap down in 36th gets the free pass.
The rest of the cars go in for their first pit stops of the race. Stan Smith is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 93 - Peter Griffin*
2. 27 - Ed*
3. 48 - Butt-Head
4. 24 - Beavis*
5. 56 - Meatwad
6. 18 - Applejack
7. 88 - Foxxy Love
8. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
9. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
10. 31 - Eddy*
The race restarts on lap 52. Butt-Head regains the lead on lap 55. Beavis gets up to 2nd on lap 59.
He and Butt-Head duke it out for a while. Beavis moves into the lead on lap 63.
Then on lap 67, Meatwad gets back up to 3rd place. By lap 72, he's in a three-way battle for the lead with Beavis and Butt-Head.
On lap 73...
Roger: What the fuck's happening?
Stan: The goddamn transmission just quit!
Roger: Ugh, shit!
On lap 73, Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet blows its engine. Stan relunctantly coasts his car on pit road and into the garage, and is forced to retire from the race.
Then on lap 78, Meatwad pulls a power move through turn 4, and gets by Beavis and Butt-Head on the outside, taking the lead.
However, this hard racing has enabled a fourth driver to get up in the mix. Applejack gets by Butt-Head for 3rd on lap 81, and then slithers by Beavis for 2nd on lap 79.
She's caught up to Meatwad on lap 86. Try as she might to take it away, Meatwad holds on to the lead, and is still doing so on lap 94 when...
Bestwick: And we have trouble in turn 3!
Petree: Timmy Turner and Frylock have both wrecked!
Jarrett: Caution is out.
Timmy: I wish that hadn't happened!
Cosmo: I can't change the past, Timmy. Da Rules say so.
Timmy: Damn!
On lap 94, Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota gets loose, overcorrects, then clips the rear fender of Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford, turning him around. Both cars go hard into the outside retaining wall and are unable to continue, but Timmy and Frylock get out unhurt.
Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford, running 1 lap down in 30th gets the free pass.
The rest of the field takes to pit road for tires and fuel. Spongebob SquarePants and Ferb Fletcher will have to serve drive-thru penalties for speeding on pit road. But everything else proceeds smoothly, and this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 56 - Meatwad
2. 18 - Applejack
3. 24 - Beavis*
4. 48 - Butt-Head
5. 88 - Foxxy Love
6. 27 - Ed*
7. 10 - Francine Smith
8. 1 - Nigel Uno*
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
10. 31 - Eddy*
The race is restarted on lap 99. Ed gets back in the top 5 on lap 103. Applejack takes the lead on lap 107.
Butt-Head is back up to 2nd on lap 113. He dukes it out with Applejack for awhile, then retakes the lead on lap 118.
On lap 121, Foxxy Love gets back in the top 5.
Meanwhile, Beavis is back up to 2nd on lap 126. He tries to challenge his teammate, but Butt-Head holds him off.
On lap 129, Hoagie P. Gilligan falls out of the top 10.
Ed is back in the top 5 on lap 131.
Back up front, on lap 136, Beavis finally takes the lead from Butt-Head.
On lap 141...
Bestwick: Smoke on the backstretch!
Jarrett: The #9 car's blown it's engine.
Petree: Caution is out.
On lap 141, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford blows it's engine. Ferb coasts his car into the garage, and his night is over.
Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
All the other cars go to the pits for tires and fuel. This time, no one is caught speeding. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 24 - Beavis*
2. 48 - Butt-Head
3. 56 - Meatwad
4. 88 - Foxxy Love
5. 27 - Ed*
6. 18 - Applejack
7. 31 - Eddy*
8. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
9. 93 - Peter Griffin*
10. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
We restart on lap 146. By lap 150, Foxxy Love has moved up to 2nd place. Butt-Head takes 2nd back on lap 153, but Foxxy takes it right back on lap 160.
After clearing Butt-Head, Foxxy begins to catch up to Beavis. It's lap 167 when she's reached striking distance. It takes a while, but Foxxy Love surges into the lead on lap 174.
Butt-Head reclaims 2nd on lap 169, then catches back up with Foxxy Love on lap 180. He fights her for a while, then Butt-Head once again reclaims the lead on lap 185.
On lap 190...
Bestwick: Wreck in turn 1!
Petree: Edd is hard in the wall!
Jarrett: I think he blew a tire.
Bestwick: And the caution is out once again.
On lap 190, Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet blows a left-rear tire going into turn 1, causing it to spin to the right and go into the wall head-on, rendering the car out of commission. Luckily, Edd gets out uninjured.
Bender's #22 Shell Dodge, running 1 lap down in 25th gets the free pass.
The rest of the cars make their pit stops, and so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 48 - Butt-Head
2. 88 - Foxxy Love
3. 24 - Beavis*
4. 27 - Ed*
5. 31 - Eddy*
6. 93 - Peter Griffin*
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
8. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
9. 18 - Applejack
10. 56 - Meatwad
The race is restarted on lap 195. Foxxy Love regains the lead on lap 200, but Butt-Head takes it back on lap 204.
Then on lap 209, Ed makes it back to 2nd. Eddy follows him up to 3rd on lap 213. He then takes 2nd from Ed on lap 215. Eddy then quickly catches up with Butt-Head, and takes the lead on lap 219.
Ed takes 2nd from Butt-Head on lap 222. He then sets out to catch Eddy.
Ed has caught up with Eddy by lap 228. The two fight hard for the lead, with Eddy managing to hold off Ed - that is, until lap 235, when Ed slithers by on the inside to reclaim the lead.
On lap 239...
Petree: Yet another crash!
Bestwick: Twilight Sparkle in the wall, caution is out.
Twilight: Ugh! Fuckin' robot!
Rarity: Hey, you okay?
Twilight: I'm alright.
On lap 239, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge clips the right-rear of Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota in turn 4, causing it to slam into the outside retaining wall. The car is totaled. Twilight is mad, but she's unscathed.
William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota, running 1 lap down in 23rd gets the free pass.
Once again the other cars get their service on pit road. The following will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 27 - Ed*
2. 31 - Eddy*
3. 24 - Beavis*
4. 48 - Butt-Head
5. 93 - Peter Griffin*
6. 88 - Foxxy Love
7. 56 - Meatwad
8. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
10. 10 - Francine Smith
The race is brought back under green on lap 244. Butt-Head gets a terrific start, and by lap 248 is once again in the lead.
On lap 253, Eddy falls out of the top 5.
On lap 259, Hoagie P. Gilligan falls out of the top 10.
On lap 263, Ed starts to challenge Butt-Head for the lead. He fights long and hard, but Butt-Head holds him off, using every part of the track necessary. By lap 270, Ed starts to fall back.
Then on lap 275, Beavis gets back up to 2nd place. He catches back up with Butt-Head on lap 281. Again, Butt-Head is able to hold the lead, and is still doing so on lap 288 when...
Bestwick: Big trouble in turn 4!
Jarrett: Two cars have wrecked, the #22 and the #47, caution is out!
On lap 288, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge and William Murderface's #47 Bush Baked Beans Toyota make contach with each other, lose control, and go hard into the wall in turn 4, knocking both cars out of the race. The drivers are unhurt, though.
Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 21st gets the free pass.
Now, the other cars make their last pit stops of the race. After pit stops are complete, this happens...
Fluttershy: Um, they caught you speeding.
Rainbow Dash: ...BULLSHIT!
Fluttershy: We'll just have to serve the penalty.
Rainbow Dash: Ugh! God-fucking-dammit!
Rainbow Dash will have to serve a drive-thru penalty for speeding on pit road. Anyway, the following will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 48 - Butt-Head
2. 24 - Beavis*
3. 27 - Ed*
4. 31 - Eddy*
5. 88 - Foxxy Love
6. 10 - Francine Smith
7. 93 - Peter Griffin*
8. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
10. 1 - Nigel Uno*
The race is restarted once again on lap 293. Eddy falls back out of the top 5 on lap 297, and Ed gets back up to 2nd on lap 303.
Hoagie P. Gilligan falls out of the top 10 on lap 310.
Ed catches up with Butt-Head on lap 314. This is where the battle for the win commences. After intense racing, Ed gets in the lead on lap 320. Then Butt-Head reclaims the lead on lap 324, then it's Ed on lap 326, then Butt-Head on lap 331.
The white flag flies on lap 334. Butt-Head is leading, with Ed right on his rear bumper. Butt-Head holds the lead the majority of the way through, then Ed gets a run through turn 4...
Bestwick: Ed gets a run through turn 4, checkered flag is out, is gonna be close...
All: ED!
Jonny: You got him, buddy!
Ed: I did? YES! Woo-hoo!
Ed wins the Bank of America 500, while Butt-Head settles for 2nd. Foxxy Love finishes 3rd, Beavis claims 4th, Francine Smith takes 5th, Peter Griffin gets 6th, Phineas Flynn places 7th, Eddy takes 8th, Hoagie P. Gilligan comes in 9th, and Nigel Uno rounds out of the top 10.
As Ed celebrates in Victory Lane, let's see the race results;
1. 27 - Ed*
2. 48 - Butt-Head
3. 88 - Foxxy Love
4. 24 - Beavis*
5. 10 - Francine Smith
6. 93 - Peter Griffin*
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
8. 31 - Eddy*
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
10. 1 - Nigel Uno*
11. 55 - Master Shake*
12. 56 - Meatwad
13. 16 - Danny Phantom*
14. 39 - Kenny McCormick
15. 14 - Eric Cartman*
16. 18 - Applejack
17. 99 - Dudley Puppy
18. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
19. 21 - Early Cuyler
20. 83 - Homer Simpson*
21. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
22. 7 - Grim (1 lap down)
23. 98 - Hank Hill (1 lap down)
24. 26 - Aang (2 laps down)
25. 32 - The Warden (2 laps down)
26. 42 - Alejandro (2 laps down)
27. 34 - Katara (2 laps down)
28. 87 - Gumball Waterson (2 laps down)
29. 23 - Flapjack (3 laps down)
30. 51 - Kim Possible (3 laps down)
31. 38 - Sokka (3 laps down)
32. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo (4 laps down)
33. 37 - Chowder (4 laps down)
34. 49 - Ben Tennyson (5 laps down)
35. 22 - Bender (DNF; accident)
36. 47 - William Murderface (DNF; accident)
37. 11 - Twilight Sparkle (DNF; accident)
38. 29 - Edd (DNF; accident)
39. 9 - Ferb Fletcher (DNF; engine)
40. 17 - Timmy Turner (DNF; accident)
41. 15 - Frylock (DNF; accident)
42. 36 - Stan Smith (DNF; transmission)
43. 5 - Abigail Lincoln (DNF; accident)
Point standings after 31 of 36 races;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,185 points
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*; 2,183 points
3. 27 - Ed*/14 - Eric Cartman*; 2,182 points
5. 55 - Master Shake*; 2,180 points
6. 31 - Eddy*/16 - Danny Phantom*; 2,179 points
8. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*; 2,177 points
9. 93 - Peter Griffin*; 2,176 points
10. 43 - Phineas Flynn*; 2,175 points
11. 1 - Nigel Uno*; 2,174 points
12. 24 - Beavis*; 2,171 points
13. 5 - Abigail Lincoln; 734 points
14. 36 - Stan Smith; 723 points
15. 10 - Francine Smith; 721 points
16. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 720 points
17. 48 - Butt-Head; 718 points
18. 29 - Edd; 717 points
19. 11 - Twilight Sparkle; 711 points
20. 17 - Timmy Turner; 709 points
22. 15 - Frylock; 708 points
23. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants/22 - Bender/47 - William Murderface; 707 points
26. 9 - Ferb Fletcher; 706 points
27. 56 - Meatwad/26 - Aang/87 - Gumball Waterson; 703 points
29. 21 - Early Cuyler; 695 points
30. 88 - Foxxy Love; 694 points
31. 18 - Applejack/7 - Grim; 537 points
33. 38 - Sokka; 476 points
34. 39 - Kenny McCormick; 475 points
35. 34 - Katara; 473 points
36. 32 - The Warden; 456 points
37. 42 - Alejandro; 449 points
38. 51 - Kim Possible; 436 points
39. 98 - Hank Hill; 434 points
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 421 points
41. 23 - Flapjack; 417 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 409 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 397 points
Next race; Hollywood Casino 400 at Kansas Motor Speedway.
Chapter 38: Hollywood Casino 400
Halfway through the Chase for the Cartoon Cup, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is now set to run at Kansas Speedway. Located in Kansas City, KS, this track is a 1.5-mile tri-oval. The turns are banked at 17-20 degrees, the frontstretch is banked at 10.4-11 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 5 degrees.
The race will be dubbed the Hollywood Casino 400. It will be 400 miles over 267 laps.
1. 24 - Beavis*
2. 21 - Early Cuyler
3. 1 - Nigel Uno*
4. 56 - Meatwad
5. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
6. 93 - Peter Griffin*
7. 88 - Foxxy Love
8. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
9. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
10. 16 - Danny Phantom*
11. 26 - Aang
12. 31 - Eddy*
13. 51 - Kim Possible
14. 55 - Master Shake*
15. 47 - William Murderface
16. 14 - Eric Cartman*
17. 27 - Ed*
18. 83 - Homer Simpson*
19. 22 - Bender
20. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
21. 47 - William Murderface
22. 18 - Applejack
23. 39 - Kenny McCormick
24. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
25. 15 - Frylock
26. 17 - Timmy Turner
27. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
28. 29 - Edd
29. 48 - Butt-Head
30. 99 - Dudley Puppy
31. 10 - Francine Smith
32. 36 - Stan Smith
33. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
34. 7 - Grim
35. 49 - Ben Tennyson
36. 37 - Chowder
37. 23 - Flapjack
38. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
39. 98 - Hank Hill
40. 42 - Alejandro
41. 32 - The Warden
42. 34 - Katara
43. 38 - Sokka
Now turning over to ESPN;
Bestwick: We're halfway through the Chase for the Cartoon Cup, and things quite likely couldn't ge any tenser; just five races to go in the season, and the 12 Chasers are separated by a mere 14 points! Today, those standings will be shifted dramatically as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series runs Round 32 of the season, the Hollywood Casino 400! Hello again, I'm Allen Bestwick with champion driver Dale Jarrett and champion crew chief Andy Petree, thanks for having us in for the race.
Jarrett: Guys, this is by far unheard of in the history of NASCAR; five races to go, 12 drivers separated by 14 points! It really makes me wish we had this kind of action in the Sprint Cup Series. And on top of that, we have a different track, as well!
Petree: That's right, the track has been repaved since we've been here last. It's been a challenge for these race teams to come up with a proper set up for this new track surface, so it's quite uncertain how well these vehicles will handle this pavement, as is the likelihood for crashes.
Bestwick: These are, indeed the kinds of things that can really shake up the Chase standings. Now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome the head of Sealab 2020, Captain Michael Murphy!
Captain Murphy: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
The engines all fire up in cacophonous unison, warm up, and then the cars are all led out on the pace laps.
Bestwick: As the cars are all rolling out, let's see how they'll line up for today's race. Beavis, currently last of all the Chasers in the standings is on pole, and Early Cuyler, driving for the Wood Brothers is 2nd. Nigel Uno, another Chase contender is 3rd, and in 4th is the wad of meat, Meatwad. Chase contenders Phineas Flynn and Peter Griffin are 5th and 6th, respectively. Foxxy Love, coming off an excellent run last week at Charlotte is 7th, and in 8th is Chase contender Hoagie P. Gilligan. Ferb Fletcher, driving for Richard Petty Motorsports is 9th, and rounding out the top 10 is another Chase contender, the ghost-boy Danny Phantom. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Dale Jarrett's on the phone;
Jarrett: Hey Phineas Flynn, it's Dale Jarrett from ESPN, you got me?
Phineas: Yes, yes I do.
Jarrett: Well, you're 10th in the standings, but you're only 10 points behind Rainbow Dash. How do you like that?
Phineas: It's nice to be this close to the lead, but it's so messed up that everyone else is! Bet you wish your live-action Sprint Cup Series was like this, huh?
Jarrett: We were just talking about that! (laughs) But seriously, this track will be unpredictable, what with repaving and all.
Phineas: Yeah, this car hasn't been doing as well as we'd like; of course, none of them probably have. But we are looking to make adjustments as needed, yes.
Jarrett: Well, good luck with that, and thanks for speaking with us.
Phineas: 10-4.
...
When the pace laps are finished, the pace car pulls off onto pit road, the field creeps along, then goes full speed ahead when the green flag flies.
Bestwick: We are underway!
Beavis pulls ahead of the field with Early Cuyler right on his rear bumper. Early tries very hard to take the lead, but Beavis holds him off. This allows the rest of the field to catch back up with them...
By lap 9, it's escalated to a four-way battle for the lead, with Nigel Uno and Meatwad getting involved. On lap 12, Nigel Uno gets by Early Cuyler for 2nd, and sets his sights on Beavis. On lap 17, as Meatwad passes Early for 3rd, Nigel gets inside of Beavis going through turns 3 & 4 to take the lead.
Meatwad passes Beavis for 2nd on lap 23. He's right on Nigel Uno by lap 28. While that goes on, on lap 25, Early Cuyler passes Beavis for 3rd. By lap 30, both Meatwad and Early Cuyler are battling Nigel Uno for the lead. On lap 33, Meatwad gets a great run on the outside of turn 2 to get by Nigel and get in the lead.
On lap 37, Early Cuyler gets by Nigel Uno for 2nd, and then starts to catch up to Meatwad. Another battle for the lead starts on lap 43. Then on lap 46...
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 2!
Jarrett: Grim and Applejack have wrecked in turn 2, caution is out!
Grim: DAMN! I hate those fuckin' ponies!
Mandy: Just shut up and get out of the car.
Grim: (sigh)
On lap 46, Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge and Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota make contact going through turn 2. This causes both cars to completely lose control and slam into the outside retaining wall. Both cars are totaled. Both Grim and Applejack exit the wreckage, they argue for a while, and then they're taken to the infield care center while the wreckage is being cleaned.
Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota, running 1 lap down in 33rd gets the free pass.
The rest of the field goes in for their first pit stops of the race; four tires and fuel. After pit stops, this happens;
Murderface: What the hell are you talkin' about?!
Offdensen: Well somehow, the fuel tank got stuck on the car, and that's a stop-go penalty.
Murderface: Seriously?! FUCK!
William Murderface will have to serve a stop-go penalty for removing equipment from the pits; the fuel tank got stuck on his #47 Bush's Baked Beans Chevrolet. Meanwhile, here will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 56 - Meatwad
2. 21 - Early Cuyler
3. 1 - Nigel Uno*
4. 24 - Beavis*
5. 93 - Peter Griffin*
6. 88 - Foxxy Love
7. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
8. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
9. 26 - Aang
10. 51 - Kim Possible
The race restarts on lap 51. Beavis gets a great start, and takes the lead on lap 55. Early Cuyler moves up to 2nd on lap 56, and by lap 60 has caught up with Beavis.
Peter Griffin moves up to 3rd on lap 63.
On lap 65...
Bestwick: Trouble in turn 3!
Petree: Ferb Fletcher in the wall, caution is out.
Jarrett: I think his teammate took him out!
Ferb: Was that Phineas?!
Baljeet: Uh, yes.
Ferb: That fuckin' ASSHOLE! Goddammit!
On lap 65, Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford clips the right-rear of Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford, causing the #9 car to turn hard-right and go head-on into the wall in turn 3, disabling it. Ferb is unhurt, but furious. He yells extremely vulgar things at the #43 car as it passes back around under caution, and is then taken to the infield care center.
Hank Hill's #98 Curb Records Ford, running 1 lap down in 33rd gets the free pass.
No one pits; we restart on lap 70. Early Cuyler gets the lead before the lap is over. But Beavis takes it right back on lap 75.
Peter Griffin makes it up to 2nd on lap 79.
By lap 84, Peter Griffin has caught up with Beavis. He puts up a major fight, but Beavis holds him off. By lap 90, Peter starts to fall back.
Then, on lap 94...
Bestwick: We've got smoke in turn 1.
Jarrett: The #99 of Dudley Puppy's lost it's engine.
Petree: Caution out again!
Dudley: Ah, we've blown up, Kitty. We're done.
Kitty: (sigh)
On lap 94, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford blows its engine going through turn 1. Dudley coasts his car all the way back around, onto pit road and into the garage, and his day is done.
Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 28th gets the free pass.
Everybody else goes into the pits for four tires and fuel. Stan Smith and Edd are caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve drive-thru penalties. And so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 24 -Beavis*
2. 93 - Peter Griffin*
3. 21 - Early Cuyler
4. 56 - Meatwad
5. 88 - Foxxy Love
6. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
7. 1 - Nigel Uno*
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 26 - Aang
10. 39 - Kenny McCormick
The race restarts on lap 99.
By lap 104, Foxxy Love has made it up to 2nd. Peter Griffin makes a great effort to take the spot back, so Foxxy has to put effort into holding him off. This allows Beavis to pull away some.
On around lap 110, Peter Griffin starts to fall back, allowing Foxxy Love to start catching up with Beavis.
By lap 117, Foxxy Love is right on Beavis's tail, and it's a battle for the lead. It takes quite a lot of swerving and blocking, but on lap 124, Foxxy Love slips inside Beavis going into turn 1, and takes the lead.
But Beavis keeps right up with her. The two continue to go at it vigorously. On lap 130, Beavis takes the lead back. He's still in the lead on lap 137 when...
Bestwick: We got a crash in turn 1!
Jarrett: The #22 and #78 are involved, caution out again!
On lap 137, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge and Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet make contact in turn 1, lose control and go into the outside retaining wall, taking both cars out of the race. The two characters get out unharmed and are taken to the infield care center as the wreckage is cleared.
Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
All the others get their tires and fuel on pit road, and the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 24 -Beavis*
2. 88 - Foxxy Love
3. 93 - Peter Griffin*
4. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
5. 1 - Nigel Uno*
6. 21 - Early Cuyler
7. 56 - Meatwad
8. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
9. 51 - Kim Possible
10. 16 - Danny Phantom*
We restart on lap 142.
Foxxy Love falls out of the top 5 on lap 147.
On lap 151, Phineas Flynn moves up to 2nd. By lap 155, he's challenging Beavis for the lead. Then on lap 159...
Jarrett: Another crash!
Bestwick: Twilight Sparkle hard in the wall!
Rarity: You alright?
Twilight: Yeah, but this car's not.
On lap 159, Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota loses control in turn 2 and goes hard in the wall, totaling the car. Twilight gets out unhurt.
Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy, running 1 lap down in 26th gets the free pass.
No one pits; we restart on lap 164. Phineas jumps into the lead on lap 169. Beavis sticks with him, and on lap 175 takes the lead right back.
Peter Griffin gets back up to 2nd on lap 179. Then, on lap 183...
Petree: Smoke!
Kuki: What's happening?
Abigail: We've blown up, dammit!
Bestwick: Caution is out.
On lap 183, Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet blows its engine. Abigail coasts on pit road into the garage and retires from the race.
Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford, running 1 lap down in 25th gets the free pass.
The other cars go into the pits for service. This then, will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 24 -Beavis*
2. 93 - Peter Griffin*
3. 43 -Phineas Flynn*
4. 1 - Nigel Uno*
5. 21 - Early Cuyler
6. 88 - Foxxy Love
7. 51 - Kim Possible
8. 56 - Meatwad
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
10. 31 - Eddy*
The race is restarted on lap 188. By lap 192, Nigel Uno has made it up to 2nd.
Starting on lap 197, he challenges Beavis for the lead. After charging at him for a while, on lap 203, Nigel Uno does a slingshot move going down the backstretch to take the lead from Beavis.
On lap 204...
Bestwick: Big crash, Stan and Francine Smith have crashed together in turn 4, caution is out!
Stan: What the hell was that?
Francine: What was that all about?
Roger: Uh...
Steve: ...
On lap 204, Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet and Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet take each other out going through turn 4. After the crash, Stan and Francine talk things over, share an embrace, and are promptly taken to the infield care center.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 23rd gets the free pass.
No one pits; we restart on lap 209. Beavis gets back in the lead on lap 215.
Foxxy Love gets back in the top 5 on lap 220.
On lap 225...
Bestwick: Trouble; Ben Tennyson, engine failure. Caution is out.
On lap 225, Ben Tennyson's America Israel Racing Toyota blows its engine. Ben coasts into the garage, and his race his over.
Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford, running 1 lap down in 23rd gets the free pass.
From here, the cars make their last pit stops of the race. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 24 -Beavis*
2. 1 - Nigel Uno*
3. 93 - Peter Griffin*
4. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
5. 88 - Foxxy Love
6. 51 - Kim Possible
7. 21 - Early Cuyler
8. 56 - Meatwad
9. 31 - Eddy*
10. 16 - Danny Phantom*
We restart on lap 230.
Rainbow Dash cracks the top 10 on lap 237.
Peter Griffin gets back up to 2nd on lap 242. After going at him for several laps, he takes the lead on lap 248. Beavis takes it back on lap 253, then it's Peter on lap 258, then Beavis again on lap 264.
Beavis is leading when the white flag flies on lap 267. Peter Griffin is right behind him. Beavis maintains the lead going through turns 1 & 2, and onto the backstretch. Then in turn 3...
All: OH!
Petree: Beavis is in the wall!
Beavis: FUCK!
Jarrett: He's out of it.
Bestwick: Checkered flag is out, Peter Griffin wins at Kansas!
Lois: We did it, Peter!
Peter: Yes, we won! Woo-hoo!
Peter Griffin wins the Hollywood Casino 400, while Beavis settles for 2nd. Nigel Uno takes 3rd, Rainbow Dash claims 4th, Homer Simpson finishes 5th, Phineas Flynn places 6th, Kim Possible comes in 7th, Foxxy Love gets 8th, Early Cuyler finishes 9th, and Meatwad rounds out the top 10.
As the rest of the field files into the pits after the cool-down lap, Peter is busy doing doughnuts in the tri-oval under the guise of a cheering crowd. He takes the checkered flag and drives into Victory Lane with it.
Once there, after resting a moment, Peter emerges from the car, and celebrates amidst the plume of confetti. He takes a swig of champagne, and then he and his wife/crew chief Lois Griffin share a kiss.
Hollywood Casino 400 race results;
1. 93 - Peter Griffin*
2. 24 - Beavis*
3. 1 - Nigel Uno*
4. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
5. 83 - Homer Simpson*
6. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
7. 51 - Kim Possible
8. 88 - Foxxy Love
9. 21 - Early Cuyler
10. 56 - Meatwad
11. 16 - Danny Phantom*
12. 55 - Master Shake*
13. 14 - Eric Cartman*
14. 27 - Ed*
15. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
16. 31 - Eddy*
17. 26 - Aang
18. 47 - William Murderface
19. 15 - Frylock
20. 17 - Timmy Turner
21. 29 - Edd
22. 48 - Butt-Head
23. 39 - Kenny McCormick
24. 87 - Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
25. 34 - Katara (1 lap down)
26. 38 - Sokka (1 lap down)
27. 37 - Chowder (2 laps down)
28. 23 - Flapjack (2 laps down)
29. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo (2 laps down)
30. 98 - Hank Hill (3 laps down)
31. 42 - Alejandro (3 laps down)
32. 32 - The Warden (4 laps down)
33. 49 - Ben Tennyson (DNF; engine)
34. 10 - Francine Smith (DNF; accident)
35. 36 - Stan Smith (DNF; accident)
36. 5 - Abigail Lincoln (DNF; engine)
37. 11 - Twilight Sparkle (DNF; accident)
38. 22 - Bender (DNF; accident)
39. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants (DNF; accident)
40. 99 - Dudley Puppy (DNF; engine)
41. 9 - Ferb Fletcher (DNF; engine)
42. 7 - Grim (DNF; accident)
43. 18 - Applejack (DNF; accident)
Point standings after 32 of 36 races;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,225 points
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*; 2,224 points
3. 93 - Peter Griffin*; 2,223 points
4. 1 - Nigel Uno*; 2,216 points
5. 24 - Beavis*; 2,215 points
6. 43 - Phineas Flynn*; 2,214 points
7. 14 - Eric Cartman*; 2,213 points
8. 16 - Danny Phantom*/55 - Master Shake*/Ed*; 2,212 points
11. 31 - Eddy*; 2,207 points
12. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*; 2,206 points
13. 5 - Abigail Lincoln; 742 points
14. 29 - Edd/48 - Butt-Head; 740 points
16. 56 - Meatwad; 738 points
17. 47 - William Murderface/15 - Frylock/17 - Timmy Turner; 733 points
20. 36 - Stan Smith; 732 points
21. 88 - Foxxy Love/21 - Early Cuyler/10 - Francine Smith; 731 points
24. 26 - Aang; 730 points
25. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 724 points
26. 87 - Gumball Waterson; 723 points
27. 11 - Twilight Sparkle; 718 points
28. 22 - Bender; 713 points
29. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants; 712 points
30. 9 - Ferb Fletcher; 709 points
31. 7 - Grim; 539 points
32. 18 - Applejack; 538 points
33. 39 - Kenny McCormick; 497 points
34. 38 - Sokka; 494 points
35. 34 - Katara; 492 points
36. 32 - The Warden; 468 points
37. 51 - Kim Possible; 463 points
38. 42 - Alejandro; 462 points
39. 98 - Hank Hill; 448 points
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 436 points
41. 23 - Flapjack; 433 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 426 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 408 points
Next race; TUMS Fast Relief 500 at Martinsville Speedway.
Chapter 39: TUMS Fast Relief 500
As the Chase standings continue to be mind-numbingly close, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series prepares to race for the 33rd time this season. Today's race will be held at NASCAR's last remaining original course; Martinsville Speedway. It is the shortest track on the NASCAR circuit, at only 0.526 miles long. It is characterized by long straightaways and short, tight turns; this is what gives the track it's nickname, "The Paperclip." The turns are banked at 12 degrees, and the straights are banked at 0 degrees.
The race will be dubbed the TUMS Fast Relief 400. It will be run over a total 500 laps, adding up to 263 miles.
Starting grid;
1. 31 - Eddy*
2. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
3. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
4. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
5. 16 - Danny Phantom*
6. 27 - Ed*
7. 55 - Master Shake*
8. 99 - Dudley Puppy
9. 88 - Foxxy Love
10. 14 - Eric Cartman*
11. 17 - Timmy Turner
12. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
13. 36 - Stan Smith
14. 24 - Beavis*
15. 10 - Francine Smith
16. 1 - Nigel Uno*
17. 47 - William Murderface
18. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
19. 48 - Butt-Head
20. 83 - Homer Simpson*
21. 93 - Peter Griffin*
22. 39 - Kenny McCormick
23. 18 - Applejack
24. 88 - Foxxy Love
25. 15 - Frylock
26. 22 - Bender
27. 21 - Early Cuyler
28. 29 - Edd
29. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
30. 87 - Gumball Waterson
31. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
32. 56 - Meatwad
33. 34 - Katara
34. 7 - Grim
35. 49 - Ben Tennyson
36. 98 - Hank Hill
37. 38 - Sokka
38. 32 - The Warden
39. 42 - Alejandro
40. 51 - Kim Possible
41. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
42. 37 - Chowder
43. 23 - Flapjack
Now tuning on to ESPN;
Bestwick: We're past the halfway mark in the Chase for the Cartoon Cup, and the standings continue to be astronomically close, with just 19 points separating 1st place from 12th place! With this kind of competition, it looks like the Chase standings will be turned topsy-turvy yet again as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series runs its 33rd race of the season, the TUMS Fast Relief 500. Hello again, Allen Bestwick alongside championship driver Dale Jarrett and championship crew chief Andy Petree.
Jarrett: Allen, I can tell you from experience that this track is really hard on the cars' brakes! The turns on this track are very tight, and you're going 500 miles around here, so if you're not careful, your brakes could give out at a very crucial point in this thing.
Petree: Not to mention how tight these cars will be running together. It's pretty much a one-groove track, and it's the shortest in NASCAR, and this brings in the element that this track is known for; aggressive bumping and grinding throughout the race, which could do a number on these cars' bumpers. And like you said, Allen, with the Chase standings as close as they are, this could bust wide open.
Bestwick: Well, we're about to find out. Let's now go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Wacky Racers, the Ant Hill Mob!
Ant Hill Mob: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
All of the cars fire and rev up their 865 hp engines. After warming up, the pace car leads them out.
Bestwick: Cars are rolling out, here's how they're lined up; Eddy and Hoagie P. Gilligan, both Chase contenders, are in 1st and 2nd. Ferb Fletcher, from Richard Petty Motorsports is 3rd, and the pony Twilight Sparkle is 4th. Chase contenders Danny Phantom and Ed are 5th and 6th, respectively. Another Chase contender, Master Shake is 7th, and the dog Dudley Puppy is in 8th. In 9th is the mystery-solving musician, Foxxy Love, and rounding out the top 10 is Chase contender Eric Cartman. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Andy Petree will dial someone up;
Petree: Hoagie Gilligan, it's Andy Petree from ESPN, you got me?
Hoagie: How's it goin', Andy?
Petree: Goin' good, what about you? You're last in the points, but you're only 19 points back, and starting 2nd.
Hoagie: Yeah, I would prefer that we further up in the Chase standings. But it's great that I'm up here in 2nd to start this thing. And yes, I think we really have a shot to move up in the standings, too.
Petree: How about this track? You're on one of the toughest tracks on the NASCAR circuit, it's tight, and everyone's pushing each other, how do you think you'll handle that?
Hoagie: I think I'll be fine if I just stay up front...oh wait, there's the lapped traffic. Damn! Oh well. Hey, Andy?
Petree: Yeah?
Hoagie: You know what would make this better? If Abby was here in the Chase with me. I think it'd be really fun and cool, me and her, in the Chase together, racing for the championship, you know?
Petree: I bet. Well Hoagie, thanks for talking with us, and good luck.
Hoagie: 10-4, thanks!
After the pace laps are finished, the pace car pulls onto pit road, then the cars go full throttle out of turn 4 as the green flag flies.
Bestwick: And we are racing at Martinsville!
Eddy leads the first 9 laps.
Then on lap 10, Ferb Fletcher gets underneath Eddy in turns 3 and 4, enabling him to slip by and take the lead.
On lap 18, Twilight Sparkle makes it up to 2nd. By lap 25 she's right up on Ferb Fletcher's bumper. For several laps, Twilight rear-ends Ferb, trying to get him to give way. Ferb holds on for a while though.
Then on lap 31, Twilight hits Ferb with such force that Ferb goes wide through turns 1 & 2, allowing Twilight to slip underneath him and take the lead.
Twilight: Sucker!
Ferb: Goddamn pony!
Baljeet: Relax, Ferb. We'll come back.
On lap 40, Eric Cartman falls out of the top 10.
Eddy gets back up to 2nd on lap 49. By lap 60 he's caught up to Twilight Sparkle. It is here that Twilight gets a taste of her own medicine; Eddy rear-ends her for a number of laps, trying to get by. On lap 70, Twilight Sparkle slips up in turns 3 and 4, allowing Eddy to go inside of her and take the lead.
Ferb Fletcher gets back up to 2nd on lap 75.
Eddy is still leading on lap 84 when;
Bestwick: Big trouble at the back of the field!
Jarrett: Caution is out.
Petree: About five cars are involved!
A multi-car crash occurs on the backstretch on lap 84. The cars involved are Chowder's #37 Poynt Ford, Flapjack's #23 North Texas Pipe Chevrolet, Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford, Ben Tennyson's #49 America Israel Racing Toyota, and Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet. All five cars are totaled, but the drivers are all okay, and they're taken to the infield care center.
Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford, running 1 lap down in 29th gets the free pass.
All the other cars enter pit road for four tires and fuel. After pit stops, this happens;
Francine: But I wasn't speeding!
Steve: Just serve the penalty, Mom.
Francine: Ugh!
Francine Smith is caught speeding on pit road and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty.
Top 10 at restart;
1. 31 - Eddy*
2. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
3. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
4. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
5. 99 - Dudley Puppy
6. 16 - Danny Phantom*
7. 88 - Foxxy Love
8. 55 - Master Shake*
9. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
10. 1 - Nigel Uno*
The race restarts on lap 93.
By lap 101, Dudley Puppy has made it up to 2nd. He starts to challenge Eddy for the lead on lap 107. After some bumping, on lap 113, Dudley Puppy makes his way into the lead.
On lap 120, Nigel Uno falls out of the top 10.
On lap 126, Foxxy Love gets into the top 5.
Ferb Fletcher makes it back up to 2nd on lap 131. He's right on Dudley Puppy's rear bumper by lap 140. Try as he may, however, Dudley holds onto the lead...
Then, at around lap 148, Foxxy Love catches up with both of them, and it becomes a three-way battle for the lead. Foxxy shoves Ferb out of the way on lap 151 to make it up to 2nd. Then on lap 159, Foxxy does the same to Dudley Puppy...and promptly takes the lead.
Ferb Fletcher then gets back up to 2nd place on lap 164. He quickly catches back up to Foxxy Love, and then snatches the lead right back on lap 171.
On lap 173...
Bestwick: Trouble inturn 1!
Jarrett: We have teammates crashing! Meatwad and Frylock have wrecked in turn 1!
Petree: Caution is out.
Frylock: What the hell was that?!
Meatwad: Asshole!
On lap 173, Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota and Frylock's #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota make contact in turn 1, causing them to lose control. Both cars go hard into the outside retaining wall in turn 1, leaving both cars unable to continue. Meatwad and Frylock get out of their cars, argue for a little bit, and then they're both taken to the infield care center as the wreckage is being cleared.
Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota, running 1 lap down in 26th gets the the free pass.
The rest of the cars go in for four tures and fuel. This time, everything goes without a hitch. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
2. 88 - Foxxy Love
3. 99 - Dudley Puppy
4. 31 - Eddy*
5. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
6. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
7. 55 - Master Shake*
8. 16 - Danny Phantom*
9. 14 - Eric Cartman*
10. 36 - Stan Smith
We restart on lap 182.
Eddy falls out of the top 5 on lap 190.
By lap 197, Stan Smith has made his way from 10th to 2nd. By lap 202, he's challenging Ferb Fletcher for the lead. After some bumping, Stan Smith jumps into the lead on lap 210.
After a number of laps, Foxxy Love starts looking to get back in the lead. On around lap 219, she starts relentlessly rear-ending Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet.
Stan: Damn! See this proves that black people are bad drivers!
Roger: C'mon, Stan! She's just a hot black chick, she doesn't stand a chance.
Then on lap 226, Foxxy Love rear-ends Stan Smith hard enough to make him go wide through turns 1 and 2, allowing Foxxy to take the lead from Stan.
Stan: Arrgh, that bitch!
Stan is reluctant to fall back, however. He stays right on Foxxy's tail, and on lap 233, starts bumping the rear of Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet.
Foxxy: Why, that asshole!
Then on lap 241, Stan Smith slips underneath Foxxy Love to retake the lead.
Stan: Ha ha, sucker!
Twilight Sparkle gets back in the top 10 on lap 249.
Stan Smith is still leading on lap 257 when...
Jarrett: We've got smoke on the frontstretch!
Butt-Head: Dammit, we've blown up!
Bestwick: The #48 has lost its engine, and the caution is out!
On lap 257, Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet blows its engine. Butt-Head coasts back around to pit road and into the garage, and his race his over.
Bender's #22 Shell Dodge, running 1 lap down in 24th gets the free pass.
The rest of the cars take to the pits for tires and fuel. The following occurs after pit stops;
Applejack: What do you mean, the goddamn fuel tank's stuck on the car?!
Pinkie Pie: It's my fault, Applejack, for not letting them get it out first. But you'll just have to serve the stop/go penalty.
Applejack: Fuck you, Pinkie Pie!
Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota is caught with the fuel tank still stuck on the car, and will have to serve a stop/go penalty for removing equipment from pit road. Anyway, the following will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 36 - Stan Smith
2. 88 - Foxxy Love
3. 99 - Dudley Puppy
4. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
5. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
6. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
7. 31 - Eddy*
8. 16 - Danny Phantom*
9. 27 - Ed*
10. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
The restart occurs on lap 266.
Ferb Fletcher reclaims 2nd spot on lap 271, and starts to challenge Stan Smith for the lead. The two bump around for a little while, then Ferb retakes the lead on lap 279.
Foxxy Love gets back up to 2nd on lap 285, and catches up to Ferb Fletcher several laps later. She tries very hard to make him give, but Ferb holds on.
At around lap 300, we have a very fierce battle for 9th place; Eddy is in 9th and Twilight Sparkle is in 10th. Since around lap 270, Twilight Sparkle has relentlessly rear-ended Eddy constantly, trying to make him give away, but Eddy has been reluctant to do so. As a result, the rear bumper of his #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet is quite bent up, and by lap 310, both he and Twilight start to get fed up;
Eddy: When will she quit? My rear bumper's all bent to hell, for God's sake!
Twilight: Why don't you go tell the #31, I wouldn't be hitting his bumper if he'd fuckin' let me go about 40 fuckin' laps ago! Asshole!
Rolf: Uh, let's not fuck with the horny horned pony bitch too much, Ed-boy.
Eddy, however, continues to hold off Twilight, who keeps on bumping him. Her #11 FedEx Toyota hits him particularly hard on lap 318, provoking Eddy to reach his left hand out the window and flip the bird at Twilight Sparkle.
Eddy: Lookin' for trouble, My Little Pussylicker?!
Twilight: Stop flippin' me off and start fuckin' drivin' your shit you little bitch!
Nevertheless, the bumping continues. Eddy flips Twilight off again on lap 323.
Twilight: Yeah, flip me off again motherfucker! I'll dump your shit!
But before she has the chance to do so, Eddy manages to pull away from Twilight Sparkle and get out of her reach. Then, on lap 329...
Bestwick: #11 car's off the pace on the backstretch!
Rarity: Now what?
Twilight: The fuckin' brakes just gave out! Piece of shit!
Rarity: (sigh)
By lap 329, the brakes on Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota have completely given out, and Twilight is forced to retreat to the garage and retire from the race.
Meanwhile, Ferb Fletcher is still leading on lap 338 when...
Bestwick: Car in the wall!
Petree: Murderface has crashed, caution is out!
On lap 338, William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota loses control in turn 3 and goes hard into the outside retaining wall. The car itself is trashed, but Murderface gets out unhurt.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 23rd gets the free pass.
Once again, the field goes into the pits for service. Their are no penalties of any sort this time, and this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
2. 88 - Foxxy Love
3. 36 - Stan Smith
4. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
5. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
6. 99 - Dudley Puppy
7. 17 - Timmy Turner
8. 16 - Danny Phantom*
9. 27 - Ed*
10. 31 - Eddy*
The restart commences on lap 347.
Timmy Turner gets to the top 5 on lap 355.
On lap 361...
Nazz: What's happening?
Edd: Our brakes appear to have been completely worn down to the core. Looks like this competition has been terminated for us.
Nazz: (sigh) Guess so.
On lap 361, Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet loses it's brakes, and Edd is forced to pull into the garage and drop out of the race.
By lap 369, Timmy Turner has made his way up to 2nd place. Several laps later, he and Ferb Fletcher are jousting each other for the lead. On lap 377, Timmy manages to make Ferb go wide through turns 3 and 4, allowing him to take the lead.
Ferb Fletcher manages to keep up with Timmy Turner, however, and manages to snatch the lead right back on lap 385. Timmy starts to fall back.
On lap 394, Sokka's #38 ModSpace Ford retires from the race due to brake failure.
On lap 401, Phineas Flynn makes it up to 2nd. On lap 410, he starts to bump with his step-brother Ferb Fletcher, attempting to take the lead from him. Ferb is still leading on lap 419 when...
Petree: Smoke in turn 1!
Jarrett: The #21 has blown up, caution is out!
On lap 419, Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford blows its engine. Early retreats to his teams garage, ending the race for him.
Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota, running 1 lap down in 22nd gets the free pass.
All of the cars still running proceed to make their last pit stops of the race. Everything proceeds smoothly, and this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
2. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
3. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
4. 31 - Eddy*
5. 36 - Stan Smith
6. 88 - Foxxy Love
7. 17 - Timmy Turner
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 1 - Nigel Uno*
10. 27 - Ed*
The race is restarted once again on lap 428.
Eddy falls out of the top 5 on lap 435.
Timmy Turner falls out of the top 10 on lap 441.
Hoagie P. Gilligan makes it up to 2nd on lap 450. In a matter of a few laps, he's right on Ferb Flethcer, racing him as hard a he can for the lead.
Meanwhile, on lap 464, Phineas Flynn falls out of the top 5.
On lap 472, Dudley Puppy gets back in the top 10.
Hoagie P. Gilligan finally takes the lead on lap 481. Ferb Fletcher holds on, and takes the lead back on lap 486, then Hoagie retakes it on lap 492, then it's Ferb on lap 499.
The white flag flies on lap 500, with Ferb Fletcher trying desperately to hold off Hoagie P. Gilligan for the win. As they go into turn 3...
Bestwick: Hoagie looks to the inside, side-by-side with Ferb, Hoagie jumps ahead, checkered flag - Hoagie Gilligan wins the TUMS Fast Relief 500!
Hoagie: Yes, we freakin' won it!
Wallabee: Awesome drivin', pal!
Hoagie: Yeah!
Ferb: Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!
Hoagie P. Gilligan wins the TUMS Fast Relief 500, while Ferb Fletcher angrilly settles for 2nd. Foxxy Love takes 3rd, Stan Smith places 4th, Phineas Flynn claims 5th, Dudley Puppy finishes 6th, Danny Phantom gets 7th, Timmy Turner comes in 8th, Eric Cartman finishes 9th, and Francine Smith rounds out the top 10.
After doing a mad burnout down the front straightaway, Hoagie Gilligan is celebrating in Victory Lane. His girlfriend, fellow driver Abigail Lincoln is there with him. Hoagie stands triumphantly on his car and cheers as the confetti is released. Hoagie then gets down from his car and takes a swig of champagne. Then Abigail appears beside him, and the couple share a kiss.
TUMS Fast Relief 500 race results;
1. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
2. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
3. 88 - Foxxy Love
4. 36 - Stan Smith
5. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
6. 99 - Dudley Puppy
7. 16 - Danny Phantom*
8. 17 - Timmy Turner
9. 14 - Eric Cartman*
10. 10 - Francine Smith
11. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
12. 83 - Homer Simpson*
13. 27 - Ed*
14. 31 - Eddy*
15. 55 - Master Shake*
16. 24 - Beavis*
17. 1 - Nigel Uno*
18. 39 - Kenny McCormick
19. 22 - Bender
20. 18 - Applejack
21. 93 - Peter Griffin*
22. 5 - Abigail Lincoln (1 lap down)
23. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants (1 lap down)
24. 7 - Grim (1 lap down)
25. 87 - Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
26. 34 - Katara (2 laps down)
27. 26 - Aang (2 laps down)
28. 98 - Hank Hill (3 laps down)
29. 51 - Kim Possible (3 laps down)
30. 32 - The Warden (4 laps down)
31. 21 - Early Cuyler (DNF; engine)
32. 38 - Sokka (DNF; brakes)
33. 29 - Edd (DNF; brakes)
34. 47 - William Murderface (DNF; accident)
35. 11 - Twilight Sparkle (DNF; brakes)
36. 48 - Butt-Head (DNF; engine)
37. 15 - Frylock (DNF; accident)
38. 56 - Meatwad (DNF; engine)
39. 49 - Ben Tennyson (DNF; accident)
40. 37 - Chowder (DNF; accident)
41. 23 - Flapjack (DNF; accident)
42. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; accident)
43. 42 - Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Point standings after 33 of 36 races;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,258 points
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*; 2,256 points
3. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*/43 - Phineas Flynn*; 2,253 points
5. 16 - Danny Phantom*; 2,249 points
6. 14 - Eric Cartman*; 2,248 points
7. 93 - Peter Griffin*; 2,246 points
8. 27 - Ed*/24 - Beavis*/1 - Nigel Uno; 2,243 points
11. 55 - Master Shake; 2,241 points
12. 31 - Eddy; 2,238 points*
13. 88 - Foxxy Love/36 - Stan Smith; 773 points
15. 17 - Timmy Turner; 770 points
16. 10 - Francine Smith; 765 points
17. 5 - Abigail Lincoln; 764 points
18. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 763 points
19. 26 - Aang; 757 points
20. 9 - Ferb Fletcher; 753 points
21. 29 - Edd; 751 points
22. 48 - Butt-Head; 748 points
23. 21 - Early Cuyler/56 - Meatwad; 744 points
25. 47 - William Murderface; 743 points
26. 87 - Gumball Waterson; 742 points
27. 15 - Frylock; 740 points
28. 22 - Bender; 738 points
29. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants; 733 points
30. 11 - Twilight Sparkle; 728 points
31. 18 - Applejack; 562 points
32. 7 - Grim; 559 points
33. 39 - Kenny McCormick; 523 points
34. 34 - Katara; 510 points
35. 38 - Sokka; 500 points
36. 32 - The Warden; 482 points
37. 51 - Kim Possible; 478 points
38. 42 - Alejandro; 463 points
39. 98 - Hank Hill; 462 points
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 438 points
41. 23 - Flapjack; 436 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 430 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 413 points
Next race; AAA Texas 500 at Texas Motor Speedway.
Chapter 40: AAA Texas 500
We've three races left in the season, and the top 12 are still separated by only 20 points! Never in real life has this happened before. And now the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will run round 34 of the season; the AAA Texas 500! This race will be held at the Texas Motor Speedway, located in Fort Worth, TX. It is a 1.5-mile quad-oval. The turns are banked at 24 degrees, and the straights are banked at 0 degrees.
The race will be 501 miles long, run over 334 laps.
Starting grid;
1. 29 - Edd
2. 31 - Eddy*
3. 27 - Ed*
4. 55 - Master Shake*
5. 24 - Beavis*
6. 48 - Butt-Head
7. 1 - Nigel Uno*
8. 47 - William Murderface
9. 15 - Frylock
10. 93 - Peter Griffin*
11. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
12. 16 - Danny Phantom*
13. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
14. 56 - Meatwad
15. 14 - Eric Cartman*
16. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
17. 83 - Homer Simpson*
18. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
19. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
20. 17 - Timmy Turner
21. 39 - Kenny McCormick
22. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
23. 99 - Dudley Puppy
24. 88 - Foxxy Love
25. 26 - Aang
26. 18 - Applejack
27. 22 - Bender
28. 21 - Early Cuyler
29. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
30. 10 - Francine Smith
31. 36 - Stan Smith
32. 87 - Gumball Waterson
33. 98 - Hank Hill
34. 32 - The Warden
35. 7 - Grim
36. 49 - Ben Tennyson
37. 51 - Kim Possible
38. 37 - Chowder
39. 23 - Flapjack
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
41. 42 - Alejandro
42. 34 - Katara
43. 38 - Sokka
ESPN?
Bestwick: So close, yet so far! 20 points separate the top 12, yet we still have three races to go in the season!And now, here we are; at Texas Motor Speedway, where the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is getting set to run round 34 of the season, the eighth race in the Chase for the Cartoon Cup, the AAA Texas 500! Hello again, Allen Bestwick alongside championship driver Dale Jarrett, and championship Andy Petree, thanks for having us in for the race!
Jarrett: Honestly, guys, I just can't get over this points situation! Three races to go, and all twelve our Chasers are still easily in the championship hunt! I don't know how it's happening, but somehow, the point standings are just staying clumped together. Must have to do with the finishing or something.
Petree: All I can say is; this is honestly much more intense than anything we've ever seen in the Sprint Cup Series. I believe the most drivers we've had in contention at the end in that series was six back in 1992. If what we have here keeps going, imagine what the race at Homestead will be like!
Bestwick: Yes, well, we''ll find out soon enough. But for now, we'll be racing here at Texas, so let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome the leader of the SMurfs, Papa Smirf!
Papa Smirf: Ladies and gentletoons, smirf your engines!
43 865 hp engines fire up once again. They warm up, and then proceed with the pace laps.
Bestwick: Ed, Edd n Eddy, all drive for Richard Childress Racing, all occupy the top three spots, with Edd on pole, of course. Then in 4th place is Michael Waltrip Racing's Master Shake. Beavis and Butt-Head are 5th and 6th, respectively. Nigel Uno, another Chase contender is 7th, and in 8th is the death metal bass player, William Murderface. In 9th is Frylock, one of Master Shake's teammates, and Chase contender Peter Griffin rounds out the top 10. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Dale Jarrett's on the phone;
Jarrett: Hey Nigel Uno, it's Dale Jarrett from ESPN, you got me?
Nigel: Affirmative.
Jarrett: So, uh, how you handlin' this track. What would you say is the biggest issue for you here?
Nigel: Well, this track is pretty slick right now. The sun is out, the skies are clear, the air is hot, so the track is hot. And my crew chief is hot... but seriously, she's done great with this car, and I think we'll do fine in this thing.
Jarrett: Oh, and you're only fifteen points behind Rainbow Dash, but you're tied with Ed and Beavis for eighth in points. How do you plan on handling that?
Nigel: You can't really plan for handling this kind of stuff, Dale. Where everyone else finishes isn't really under my control, you know. I'll just finish as high as I can, and hope for the worst on the other Chasers.
Jarrett: Alright, well good luck with that, and thanks for talking with us.
Nigel: 10-4.
After the warm-up laps have been completed, the pace car retreats on to pit road, the cars continue forward, and are then turned loose under the guise of the green flag.
Bestwick: Green flag, we are underway at Texas.
The Eds all get fantastic starts and pull away from the rest of the field, with Edd leading the way.
On lap 7, Beavis falls out of the top 5.
On lap 12, Edd allows Ed to lead a lap. He takes it back right afterwards, then on lap 15, he lets Eddy lead a lap. Then on lap 16, Edd reassumes the lead.
By lap 21, Master Shake has caught up with the Eds, and is looking to get past them all. Shake is up to 3rd on lap 24, and up to 2nd on lap 29. He then tries to get past Edd, but has a much harder time with him. Then, on lap 36, Master Shake manages to slingshot off of Edd going down the backstretch, and takes the lead.
On lap 41...
Foxxy: Why the hell can't I shift gears?!
Clara: The transmission's gone. Bring her in.
Foxxy: SHIT!
On lap 41, Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet breaks it's transmission, and Foxxy retreats to the pit, into the garage, and retires from the race.
Meanwhile, Master Shake is still leading on lap 48 when...
Bestwick: Car in the wall!
Jarrett: Abigail Lincoln, hard in the wall! Caution is out.
On lap 48, Abigail Lincoln's #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet gets loose in turn 2, overcorrects and goes head-on into the outside retaining wall. The car is totaled, but Abigail gets out unharmed.
Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 36th gets the free pass.
The other cars proceeds onto pit road to make their first pit stops of the race. Everything proceeds smoothly, and the following will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 55 - Master Shake*
2. 29 - Edd
3. 27 - Ed*
4. 31 - Eddy*
5. 48 - Butt-Head
6. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
7. 16 - Danny Phantom*
8. 56 - Meatwad
9. 24 - Beavis*
10. 14 - Eric Cartman*
The restart occurs on lap 53.
Master Shake retains the lead for the next six laps. Edd then takes it from him on lap 59. By lap 64, all the Eds have gotten past Shake.
On lap 70, Twilight Sparkle makes it into the top 5.
On lap 75, Twilight Sparkle makes it up to 3rd. She's up to 2nd by lap 81, and by lap 86 is challenging Edd for the lead. Edd holds her off for a while, then on lap 93, Twilight Sparkle slips into the lead.
Then on lap 99...
Bestwick: Big crash in turn 4! The #36, #10, #9, #21, #87 are all involved!
Petree: I don't know how this happened, but I don't think either of these cars can continue.
Ferb: What just happened?
Stan: How the fuck did this happen?!
Francine: Damn lunatics!
Gumball: Goddammit!
Early: FUUCK!
On lap 99, multiple cars crash in turn 4; Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet, Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet, Ferb Fletcher's #9 DeWalt Ford, Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford, and Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota. None of these cars are able to continue. Stan, Francine, Ferb, Early and Gumball all get out of their cars and start to argue with one another. Fortunately, track officials break it up before things can get violent, and everyone is taken to the infield care center.
Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, running 1 lap down in 29th gets the free pass.
Everyone else makes their pit stops, and here will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
2. 29 - Edd
3. 31 - Eddy*
4. 27 - Ed*
5. 56 - Meatwad
6. 55 - Master Shake*
7. 16 - Danny Phantom*
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 1 - Nigel Uno*
10. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
We restart on lap 105.
Meatwad gets a roaring start, and by lap 112 he's taken the lead from Twilight Sparkle.
Edd gets back up to 2nd on lap 115. He charges up to Meatwad, they duke it out for a while, then Edd gets back in the lead on lap 121.
Meatwad, meanwhile, loses ground. And by lap 128, he's out of the top 5.
By lap 133, Eric Cartman is now challenging the Eds. He gets past Ed on lap 137, and past Eddy on lap 142. He catches up to Edd on lap 149. Two laps later...
Bestwick: Trouble on the backstretch!
Petree: The #56 car is around...
Jarrett: And he goes hard into the inside wall, caution is out!
Bestwick: I believe it was the #16 who hit him.
Jarrett: I think you're right, Allen.
Meatwad: URRGH! I'm gonna get that fuckin' phantom..!
On lap 151, Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford clips Meatwad's #56 NAPA Toyota going onto the backstretch. Meatwad spins into the infield, and runs head-on into the inside retaining wall, disabling his vehicle. An outraged Meatwad gets out of his car and waits for Danny to come back around under caution...
When he does, Meatwad marches out to the track and throws his helmet at Danny's car, sending it bouncing off the windshield. In retalitation, Danny angrily floors the gas pedal right in Meatwad's direction trying to run him down, but misses.
Danny: UNNGH!
Sam: Please calm down, Danny! The championship's at stake, here!
Danny: (sigh) You're right. I'm cool, now.
Meanwhile, as the wreckage is being cleaned, Bender's #22 Shell Dodge, running 1 lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
And so the other cars once again make their pit stops under caution. The top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 29 - Edd
2. 14 - Eric Cartman*
3. 27 - Ed*
4. 31 - Eddy*
5. 16 - Danny Phantom*
6. 55 - Master Shake*
7. 1 - Nigel Uno*
8. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
9. 24 - Beavis*
10. 48 - Butt-Head
The race restarts on lap 158.
Eric Cartman falls out of the top 5 on lap 164.
Butt-Head gets in the top 5 on lap 168.
By lap 172, Butt-Head becomes the next one to challenge the Eds. He passes Eddy for 3rd on lap 175, and passes Ed for 2nd on lap 179. By lap 185, he's trying to pass Edd. Edd, however, viciously holds him off. By lap 192, Cartman starts to fall back.
Eddy takes the lead from Edd on lap 198. Then on lap 200...
Petree: Ah, we've got a blown engine.
Murderface: GODDAMMIT! We've lost the fucking engine, goddammit!
Bestwick: William Murderface has blown his engine, and we have a caution.
On lap 200, William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota blows it's engine. Murderface is therefore forced to retreat to his team's garage and withdraw from the race.
Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 25th gets the free pass.
Then, the other cars get their service in the pits. So this, then, will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 31 - Eddy*
2. 29 - Edd
3. 27 - Ed*
4. 55 - Master Shake*
5. 48 - Butt-Head
6. 15 - Frylock
7. 1 - Nigel Uno*
8. 24 - Beavis*
9. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
10. 16 - Danny Phantom*
The race is restarted on lap 205. Edd reassumes the lead on lap 209.
Frylock cracks the top 5 on lap 215.
By lap 219, he's caught up with the Eds and is gearing up to challenge them for position. Meanwhile, on lap 222, Twilight Sparkle falls out of the top 10.
Frylock has made it up to 2nd by lap 229. A few laps after that, he starts to challenge Edd for the lead. A while after that, on lap 237, Frylock takes the lead.
Edd keeps up, though. He stays right on Frylock, and retakes the lead on lap 243.
Frylock keeps up for a while, then, by lap 248, he starts to fall back.
On lap 252...
Bestwick: And we've got trouble...
Petree: Aang's in the wall in turn 1, caution is out!
Aang: UGH! (pounds fist on steering wheel)
On lap 252, Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford loses control in turn 1, causing it to slam into the outside retaining wall. The car itself is rendered out of commission, but Aang gets out under his own power, and his taken to the infield care center.
Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 23rd place gets the free pass.
Once again, the cars get their tires and fuel in the pits. The following will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 29 - Edd
2. 27 - Ed*
3. 15 - Frylock
4. 31 - Eddy*
5. 55 - Master Shake*
6. 93 - Peter Griffin*
7. 48 - Butt-Head
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
10. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
The restart happens on lap 258. Ed captures the lead on lap 260.
Frylock falls out of the top 5 on lap 264.
Edd reclaims the lead on lap 267.
Phineas Flynn falls out of the top 10 on lap 273.
Peter Griffin gets up to the top 5 on lap 277.
By lap 282, Peter is now contending with the Eds. Both Eddy and Ed manage to hold him off, though. This allows Edd to pull away. By lap 289, Peter Griffin start to fall back.
Edd is still leading on lap 294 when...
Bestwick: Big trouble! Turn 3!
Jarrett: Those are teammates crashing!
Petree: Timmy Turner and Dudley Puppy have wrecked each other in turn 3!
Bestwick: Caution is out.
Timmy: Dammit, I wish that hadn't happened!
Cosmo: I've told you before, Timmy. I can't change the past!
Timmy: You're a piece of shit, Cosmo! FUCK!
On lap 294, Timmy Turner's #17 Best Buy Ford and Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford make contact in turn 3. Both cars lose grip, causing them to go into the outside retaining wall, knocking both cars out of commission. Timmy and Dudley get out unharmed, make peace, and are taken to the infield care center.
Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota, running 1 lap down in 20th gets the free pass.
And so the surviving cars make their way onto pit road for their last service stops of the race. When said pit stops are complete, the top 10 at the restart is as follows;
1. 29 - Edd
2. 31 - Eddy*
3. 27 - Ed*
4. 93 - Peter Griffin*
5. 15 - Frylock
6. 55 - Master Shake*
7. 48 - Butt-Head
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 1 - Nigel Uno*
10. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
The race is restarted on lap 302.
Ed, Edd n Eddy all get phenomenal starts and pull far away from the rest of the field. By lap 310, it's realistically come down to them, and they start to go for it;
Edd holds the lead until lap 316, when Ed takes it. Eddy then claims the lead for himself on lap 320. Ed takes the lead back on lap 323. Edd gets back up front on lap 327. Eddy is leading once again on lap 332.
The white flag flies on lap 334; final lap! Ed and Edd chase Eddy through turns 1 & 2, but to no avail. Then they go through turns 3 & 4...
Bestwick: Ed, Edd n Eddy going for the win. Eddy is leading, here come his teammates. They're right on top of him, they're three-wide coming out of turn 4!
Jarrett: It's a drag race, and it's...
All: EDDY!
Eddy: HA! Take that, boys! Yes!
Rolf: You did it, Ed-boy! Rolf is proud!
Eddy: Fuck yeah!
Eddy wins the AAA Texas 500, while Edd and Ed settle for 2nd and 3rd, respectively. Twilight Sparkle takes 4th, Frylock claims 5th, Butt-Head gets 6th, Master Shake comes in 7th, Nigel Uno finishes 8th, Beavis finishes 9th, and Peter Griffin rounds out the top 10.
Eddy does some donuts in the quad-oval, then pulls into victory lane. Before long, he's cheering and celebrating before everyone there. As the post-race festivities continue, let's see how it all turned out;
AAA Texas 500 race results;
1. 31 - Eddy*
2. 29 - Edd
3. 27 - Ed*
4. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
5. 15 - Frylock
6. 48 - Butt-Head
7. 55 - Master Shake*
8. 1 - Nigel Uno*
9. 24 - Beavis*
10. 93 - Peter Griffin*
11. 14 - Eric Cartman*
12. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
13. 16 - Danny Phantom*
14. 83 - Homer Simpson*
15. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
16. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
17. 18 - Applejack
18. 39 - Kenny McCormick
19. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
20. 22 - Bender
21. 7 - Grim (1 lap down)
22. 98 - Hank Hill (1 lap down)
23. 32 - The Warden (1 lap down)
24. 38 - Sokka (1 lap down)
25. 34 - Katara (1 lap down)
26. 51 - Kim Possible (2 laps down)
27. 49 - Ben Tennyson (2 laps down)
28. 42 - Alejandro (2 laps down)
29. 23 - Flapjack (3 laps down)
30. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo (3 laps down)
31. 37 - Chowder (4 laps down)
32. 99 - Dudley Puppy (DNF; accident)
33. 17 - Timmy Turner (DNF; accident)
34. 26 - Aang (DNF; accident)
35. 47 - William Murderface (DNF; engine)
36. 56 - Meatwad (DNF; accident)
37. 87 - Gumball Waterson (DNF; accident)
38. 21 - Early Cuyler (DNF; accident)
39. 9 - Ferb Fletcher (DNF; accident)
40. 10 - Francine Smith (DNF; accident)
41. 36 - Stan Smith (DNF; accident)
42. 5 - Abigail Lincoln (DNF; accident)
43. 88 - Foxxy Love (DNF; transmission)
Point standings after 34 of 36 races;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,290 points
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*; 2,286 points
3. 31 - Eddy*/27 - Ed*; 2,285 points
5. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*; 2,282 points
6. 14 - Eric Cartman*/43 - Phineas Flynn*; 2,281 points
8. 93 - Peter Griffin*/16 - Danny Phantom*; 2,280 points
10. 55 - Master Shake*/1 - Nigel Uno*; 2,279 points
12. 24 - Beavis*; 2,278 points
13. 29 - Edd; 795 points
14. 48 - Butt-Head; 787 points
15. 17 - Timmy Turner; 781 points
16. 15 - Frylock; 780 points
17. 36 - Stan Smith; 776 points
18. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 775 points
19. 88 - Foxxy Love; 774 points
20. 11 - Twilight Sparkle/10 - Francine Smith; 769 points
22. 26 - Aang; 767 points
23. 5 - Abigail Lincoln; 766 points
24. 22 - Bender; 762 points
25. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants/9 - Ferb Fletcher; 758 points
27. 56 - Meatwad; 753 points
28. 47 - William Murderface; 752 points
29. 21 - Early Cuyler; 750 points
30. 87 - Gumball Waterson; 749 points
31. 18 - Applejack; 589 points
32. 7 - Grim; 582 points
33. 39 - Kenny McCormick; 549 points
34. 34 - Katara; 529 points
35. 38 - Sokka; 520 points
36. 32 - The Warden; 503 points
37. 51 - Kim Possible; 496 points
38. 98 - Hank Hill; 484 points
39. 42 - Alejandro; 479 points
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 452 points
41. 23 - Flapjack; 451 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 443 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 430 points
Next race; AdvoCare 500K at Phoenix International Raceway.
Chapter 41: AdvoCare 500K
We're getting down to the wire, here! We've just two races left in the Chase for the Cartoon Cup, and with the twelve Chase drivers separated by an incalculable twelve points, it's still anybody's championship to win! Round 35 of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series takes place at Phoenix International Raceway, located in Avondale, AZ. The track is a 1-mile D-shaped oval. The frontstretch is totally straight, while the backstretch has a kink in it known as the "dogleg." Turns 1 & 2 are banked at 10-12 degrees, the backstretch is also banked at 10-12 degrees, turns 3 & 4 are banked at 8-9 degrees, and the frontstretch is banked at 3 degrees.
This race shall be known as the AdvoCare 500K. Now in real life, both this race and the race at Atlanta are called the AdvoCare 500. The difference is that that one is 500 miles, while this one is 500 kilometers, so to differentiate the two, I'm calling this one the AdvoCare 500K. And since 500 kilometers is equivalent to approximately 312 miles, this race, being on a one-mile long track, will be run over 312 laps.
Starting grid;
1. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
2. 31 - Eddy*
3. 27 - Ed*
4. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
5. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
6. 14 - Eric Cartman*
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
8. 93 - Peter Griffin*
9. 16 - Danny Phantom*
10. 56 - Meatwad
11. 55 - Master Shake*
12. 1 - Nigel Uno*
13. 24 - Beavis*
14. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
15. 83 - Homer Simpson*
16. 39 - Kenny McCormick
17. 18 - Applejack
18. 47 - William Murderface
19. 21 - Early Cuyler
20. 22 - Bender
21. 48 - Butt-Head
22. 29 - Edd
23. 88 - Foxxy Love
24. 99 - Dudley Puppy
25. 17 - Timmy Turner
26. 15 - Frylock
27. 10 - Francine Smith
28. 36 - Stan Smith
29. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
30. 87 - Gumball Waterson
31. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
32. 26 - Aang
33. 49 - Ben Tennyson
34. 37 - Chowder
35. 23 - Flapjack
36. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
37. 42 - Alejandro
38. 98 - Hank Hill
39. 51 - Kim Possible
40. 32 - The Warden
41. 38 - Sokka
42. 34 - Katara
43. 7 - Grim
Tuning on to ESPN;
Bestwick: Eight down, two to go! Before last week the twelve Chase competitors were separated by a mere twelve points. Now, they're separated by an astromically close twelve points! And with that, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is just about ready to embark on it's 35th race of the season here at Phoenix; the AdvoCare 500K! Hello again, I'm Allen Bestwick, alongside championship driver Dale Jarrett and championship crew chief Andy Petree, thanks for having us. First off guys, this track has been repaved since we've been here last, so it will drive differently.
Jarrett: Yes, they are in fact going faster than they were last time, so it will require quicker reflexes on the drivers' parts. And of course, the dogleg is where they're most prone to slip-ups, what with the banking there. Plus, they'll have to watch out for other cars cutting through the apron.
Petree: That aside, I don't think any racing series anywhere in history has ever had a points battle this freakin' intense! Like you said, Allen, we have twelve drivers separated by twelve points - with two races to go! And I would honestly bet that by the finale at Homestead, everyone will still have a shot at the championship.
Bestwick: I wouldn't argue against that, Andy. And we're only 312 laps away from finding out for sure, so with that, let's now go trackside for the command!
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome beloved Looney Tunes characters, Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner!
Wile E.: (holds up two signs that say "Ladies and gentletoons..." and "...start your engines!")
Roadrunner: Beep beep!
The 43 cars fire and rev their engines. They warm up. Then, they're led out onto the track for the pace laps.
Bestwick: Now let's look at our starting grid. Abigail Lincoln, driving for Hendrick Motorsports is on pole, teammates and Chase contenders Eddy and Ed are 2nd and 3rd, and the Blue Deuce of Hoagie P. Gilligan sits in 4th place. In 5th is Ferb Fletcher, driving for Richard Petty Motorsports, and Eric Cartman, from Stewart-Haas Racing is 6th. Ferb's teammate and stepbrother Phineas Flynn is starting 7th, and BK Racing's Peter Griffin is 8th. The half-ghost Danny Phantom will roll out in 9th, and rounding out the top 10 will be Meatwad. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Andy Petree will be on the phone;
Petree: Peter Griffin, it's Andy Petree from ESPN, you got me?
Peter: I got you, Andy.
Petree: I just have to ask; all twelve Chase drivers are within twelve points of each other, you yourself are ten points back, tied with Danny Phantom for eighth place, how do you plan on working with that?
Peter: Hope the other Chasers all crash out of the race! (laughs) But seriously, the way things are going, that may very well have to happen for me to be able to do anything. Nobody's pulling ahead, nobody's falling behind, it's ridiculous! So I'm just gonna do the best I can and hope everyone else...crashes!
Petree: How are you handling this track since it got repaved? I know it's been faster overall, but I know that dogleg's really tough.
Peter: Yeah, and the worse part is, cutting through the apron doesn't get you anywhere! Must be the banking. But yeah, this track rides really well, and I have been enjoying it, yes.
Petree: Alright, that's great. Well, thanks for talking with us, and good luck with the Chase.
Peter: Thanks, Andy.
The pace car pulls down into the pits, and then the field is turned loose by the waving of the green flag.
Bestwick: The green flag is out, and we are racing at Phoenix!
Abigail Lincoln gets an excellent start and pulls away from the field some.
Ferb Fletcher, meanwhile, gets up to 2nd on lap 9.
By lap 15, Ferb Fletcher and Abigail Lincoln are battling for the lead. They go at it for a number of laps, with Ferb slipping by on lap 19.
On lap 24, Beavis gets into the top 10.
Meanwhile, Abigail Lincoln stays right behind Ferb Fletcher. The two cars battle fiercely for the lead, with Ferb holding on.
Rainbow Dash makes it into the top 10 on lap 36.
Abigail Lincoln reassumes the lead on lap 43. By lap 49, Ferb Fletcher starts to fall back.
Homer Simpson makes it into the top 10 on lap 54.
On lap 60, Kim Possible's #51 Phoenix Construction Chevrolet retires from the race due to brake failure.
By lap 63, Homer Simpson is locked in a vicious fight with Rainbow Dash for 9th place.
Rainbow Dash: You're not getting me, lard-ass!
But on lap 69, Homer Simpson cuts through the apron in the dogleg and ends up right in front of Rainbow Dash.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Meanwhile, Abigail Lincoln is still leading on lap 71 when...
Jarrett: Smoke in the dogleg!
Grim: Damn engine's blown! Fuck!
Mandy: Just bring it into the garage.
Grim: Ugh!
Bestwick: The #7 has blown its engine, caution is out.
On lap 71, Grim's #7 SPEED Energy Dodge blows it's engine. Grim reluctantly limps through the pits and into the garage, and withdraws from the race.
Spongebob SquarePants's #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 32nd gets the free pass.
All the other cars proceed ro make their first pit stops of the race. Stan Smith is caught going too fast on pit exit and will have to serve a drive-thru penalty. Everything else goes without a hitch, and the following will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
2. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
3. 14 - Eric Cartman*
4. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
5. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
6. 56 - Meatwad
7. 93 - Peter Griffin*
8. 24 - Beavis*
9. 83 - Homer Simpson*
10. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
The race restarts on lap 77.
Meatwad gets in the top 5 on lap 80.
Rainbow Dash falls out of the top 10 on lap 84.
By lap 89, while Ferb Fletcher stays on Abigail Lincoln's tail, Meatwad gets up to 3rd. He's caught up to them by lap 93, making it a three-way battle for the lead. Meatwad charges by Ferb Fletcher on lap 98. Shortly after, he's on Abigail Lincoln's rear bumper.
Meatwad claims the lead on lap 101, but Abigail takes it right back on lap 106.
Meatwad: DAMN!
Abigail: Ha ha, so long, sucker!
After this, Meatwad falls back.
On lap 113, Master Shake gets up to the top 10.
Eric Cartman makes it up to 2nd on lap 119. He catches up with Abigail Lincoln by lap 124. Cartman tries very hard to pass Abigail, but Abigail blocks him relentlessly.
Cartman: Let me go, you fuckin' nigger!
But she refuses to do so, and Cartman starts falling back on lap 131.
Hoagie P. Gilligan moves up to 2nd on lap 136. He starts to catch up with Abigail, and has done so by lap 142. Three laps later...
Petree: Big trouble! Turn 3!
Bestwick: Edd and Butt-Head have wrecked each other, caution is out!
Jarrett: Major damage to both those cars!
Butt-Head: Fuckin' dumbass!
Nazz: You okay, Double-D?
Edd: Yes. (sigh)
On lap 145, Edd's #29 Jimmy John's Chevrolet and Butt-Head's #48 Lowe's Chevrolet make contact going into turn 3. Both cars lose control and crash hard into the wall and each other, totaling them. Edd and Butt-Head get out of their cars unscathed, they argue for a little while, and then they're both taken to the infield care center.
Francine Smith's #10 GoDaddy Chevrolet, running 1 lap down in 23rd gets the free pass.
The other cars once again take to the pits for tires and fuel. This time, no one gets penalized, and the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
2. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
3. 14 - Eric Cartman*
4. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
5. 56 - Meatwad
6. 83 - Homer Simpson*
7. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
8. 93 - Peter Griffin*
9. 55 - Master Shake*
10. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
We restart on lap 152.
Ferb Fletcher moves up to 3rd on lap 154. Meanwhile, Abigail Lincoln pulls away from the field, with Hoagie P. Gilligan right on her tail.
On lap 160, Homer Simpson makes it into the top 5.
By lap 165, Ferb Fletcher has caught up with Abigail Lincoln and Hoagie P. Gilligan; this turns into a vigorous three-way battle for the lead. Ferb is able to make it past Hoagie for 2nd, but is unable to get past Abigail for the lead. Hoagie, meanwhile, is trying very hard to take 2nd back from Ferb. This competition allows Homer Simpson, who's now up to 4th, to catch up...
Rainbow Dash makes it into the top 5 on lap 173.
By lap 179, it's escalated into a four-way battle for the lead. On lap 184, Homer Simpson gets by Hoagie P. Gilligan for 3rd. After more heated racing, Homer, on lap 189, slips by Ferb Fletcher for 2nd. A few laps later, Homer is challenging Abigail Lincoln for the lead. But again, Abigail manages to hold him off. Homer, meanwhile, has to hold off both Hoagie and Ferb in order to stay in 2nd place. He does so, but someone else is coming...
By lap 200, Rainbow Dash has caught up to the four leaders, turning it into a five-way battle for the lead. Rainbow Dash is able to pass Ferb Fletcher on lap 205 to get up to 4th place. On lap 209...
Bestwick: And we got smoke on the front straightaway.
Dudley: Fuck it, we've blown up!
Kitty: (sigh) We're finished.
Bestwick: Caution is out.
On lap 209, Dudley Puppy's #99 Subway Ford blows it's engine. Dudley manages to limp his car back around the track, through pit entrance and into the garage, and his day is over.
William Murderface's #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota, running 1 lap down in 19th gets the free pass.
The other cars go into the pits for service. After pit stops, here will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*
3. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
4. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
5. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
6. 56 - Meatwad
7. 93 - Peter Griffin*
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 55 - Master Shake*
10. 24 - Beavis*
The restart occurs on lap 206.
On lap 212, Abigail Lincoln has a slip-up in turn 2, allowing Homer Simpson to take the lead.
Abigail: Dammit!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
On lap 217, Ferb Fletcher falls out of the top 5.
On lap 221, Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford retires from the race due to electrical issues.
Rainbow Dash gets up to 2nd on lap 225. She catches up to Homer Simpson by lap 231. Homer relentlessly blocks Rainbow Dash trying to hold her off. This goes on for a good number of laps.
Then, on lap 240, Rainbow Dash slips inside of Homer going through turn 4, gets a run off the turn, and takes the lead.
Rainbow Dash: Suck it, lard-ass!
Homer: D'OH!
Homer, however, refuses to fall back. By lap 246, he's still right behind Rainbow Dash, trying to take the lead back, but Rainbow Dash holds on.
Meanwhile, much further back in the running order, we have Aang, who's running a lap down, trying to get by Kenny McCormick, who is on the lead lap. In other words, Aang wouldn't gain a spot if he did pass Kenny, but he's still trying hard to do so. Kenny holds him off, though. By lap 253, Aang can't take it anymore. As they go through turn 4, Aang sticks his hand out the window and starts waving it around...
All: OH!
Bestwick: The #39 is airborne and into the catchfence!
...
Jarrett: Oh my God! Did they-
Petree: Caution is out!
On lap 253, Aang uses his airbending powers going through turn 4. The use of this psychokinetic ability causes Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet to get airborne and go into the catchfence. The way Aang uses his airbending somehow allows the fence to not suffer a scratch, but Kenny's car his demolished. It plops back down to the racing surface and slides a ways down the middle of the front straightaway.
The race is red-flagged so that the wreckage and debris can be cleared. Meanwhile, emergency crews scramble to the #39 Chevrolet, as Kenny has not gotten out of the car. So they're forced to extricate him. It turned out that Aang had not only put Kenny airborne into the fence and kept the fence intact, he had also uninstalled Kenny's HANS device. Thus, there was nothing to keep his head stable. And so he is extricated from the car, having suffered a basilar skull fracture, and not showing any signs of life.
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
When the wreckage is cleared, the race goes back under caution. Applejack's #18 M&M's Toyota, running 1 lap down in 16th gets the free pass.
And so the rest of the cars go into the pits for their last pit stops of the race. Everything proceeds smoothly, and so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
2. 83 - Homer Simpson*
3. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
4. 14 - Eric Cartman*
5. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
6. 24 - Beavis*
7. 93 - Peter Griffin*
8. 16 - Danny Phantom*
9. 55 - Master Shake*
10. 1 - Nigel Uno*
The race is restarted on lap 260.
Hoagie P. Gilligan and Abigail Lincoln both get bad starts. By lap 266, Abigail has fallen out of the top 10.
On lap 273, Beavis cracks the top 5.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and Homer Simpson are fighting intensely for the win. Homer gets back in the lead on lap 279.
Rainbow Dash stays right on him, though. She gets back in the lead on lap 284.
Master Shake gets up to the top 5 on lap 288.
Nigel Uno cracks the top 5 on lap 293.
Homer Simpson ferociously reassumes the lead on lap 299. Rainbow Dash snatches it right back on lap 305.
On lap 312, the white flag flies, signifying the final lap.
In turn 2...
All: Whoa!
Jarrett: Rainbow Dash almost lost it!
Rainbow Dash: GODDAMMIT!
Petree: Homer takes the lead!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
In turn 2, on the final lap, Rainbow Dash gets very loose, coming close to spinning out. She saves it, but this allows Homer Simpson to take the lead and gain a big interval. Homer, from here, never looks back;
Bestwick: Coming through turn 4 for the final time. The checkered flag is out, and Homer Simpson sweeps at Phoenix!
Marge: We won, Homey!
Homer: YES! We're so getting that championship next week, Marge! Count on it!
Marge: Yeah!
Homer Simpson wins the AdvoCare 500K, while Rainbow Dash settles for 2nd. Beavis takes 3rd, Master Shake gets 4th, Nigel Uno comes in 5th, Peter Griffin places 5th, Danny Phantom claims 7th, Eric Cartman finishes 8th, Phineas Flynn comes in 9th, and Hoagie P. Gilligan rounds out the top 10.
After the other cars have filed back into their garages, Homer Simpson is doing a big-time burnout down the front straightaway in his #83 Burger King Toyota. He takes the checkered flag after that, and shortly thereafter finds himself in Victory Lane. When he emerges from his car, the confetti is released, and Homer stands cheering atop his car, victorious. He then gets down, and takes a swig of champagne. Then his wife and crew chief Marge Simpson appears beside him.
Marge: You were real sweet in that car, Homey.
Homer: (giggles)
The couple then seal their victory with a kiss.
AdvoCare 500K race results;
1. 83 - Homer Simpson*
2. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
3. 24 - Beavis*
4. 55 - Master Shake*
5. 1 - Nigel Uno*
6. 93 - Peter Griffin*
7. 16 - Danny Phantom*
8. 14 - Eric Cartman*
9. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
10. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
11. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
12. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
13. 27 - Ed*
14. 31 - Eddy*
15. 18 - Applejack
16. 56 - Meatwad
17. 21 - Early Cuyler (1 lap down)
18. 47 - William Murderface (1 lap down)
19. 11 - Twilight Sparkle (1 lap down)
20. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants (1 lap down)
21. 22 - Bender (1 lap down)
22. 10 - Francine Smith (1 lap down)
23. 88 - Foxxy Love (1 lap down)
24. 15 - Frylock (1 lap down)
25. 17 - Timmy Turner (2 laps down)
26. 26 - Aang (2 laps down)
27. 36 - Stan Smith (2 laps down)
28. 98 - Hank Hill (2 laps down)
29. 32 - The Warden (2 laps down)
30. 87 - Gumball Waterson (3 laps down)
31. 38 - Sokka (3 laps down)
32. 34 - Katara (3 laps down)
33. 42 - Alejandro (3 laps down)
34. 37 - Chowder (4 laps down)
35. 23 - Flapjack (4 laps down)
36. 49 - Ben Tennyson (5 laps down)
37. 39 - Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
38. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo (DNF; electrical)
39. 99 - Dudley Puppy (DNF; engine)
40. 48 - Butt-Head (DNF; accident)
41. 29 - Edd (DNF; accident)
42. 7 - Grim (DNF; engine)
43. 51 - Kim Possible (DNF; brakes)
Point standings after 35 of 36 races;
1. 83 - Homer Simpson*/20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,333 points
3. 24 - Beavis*/55 - Master Shake*; 2,319 points
5. 1 - Nigel Uno*/93 - Peter Griffin*; 2,318 points
7. 16 - Danny Phantom*/14 - Eric Cartman*; 2,317 points
9. 43 - Phineas Flynn*/2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*/27 - Ed*; 2,316 points
12. 31 - Eddy*; 2,315 points
13. 5 - Abigail Lincoln/15 - Frylock/17 - Timmy Turner; 800 points
16. 29 - Edd; 798 points
17. 88 - Foxxy Love; 795 points
18. 11 - Twilight Sparkle; 794 points
19. 36 - Stan Smith; 793 points
20. 10 - Francine Smith/48 - Butt-Head; 791 points
22. 9 - Ferb Fletcher; 790 points
23. 22 - Bender/26 - Aang; 785 points
25. 56 - Meatwad/78 - Spongebob SquarePants; 782 points
27. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 780 points
28. 47 - William Murderface; 778 points
29. 21 - Early Cuyler; 777 points
30. 87 - Gumball Waterson; 773 points
31. 18 - Applejack; 618 points
32. 7 - Grim; 584 points
33. 39 - Kenny McCormick; 556 points
34. 34 - Katara; 541 points
35. 38 - Sokka; 533 points
36. 32 - The Warden; 518 points
37. 98 - Hank Hill; 500 points
38. 51 - Kim Possible; 497 points
39. 42 - Alejandro; 490 points
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 458 points
41. 23 - Flapjack; 460 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 453 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 438 points
Final race; Ford EcoBoost 400 at Homestead-Miami Speedway.
Chapter 42: Ford EcoBoost 400
Alright, this is it! This is what it's come down to! After 35 races, a grand total of 12 characters are still in contention (at least mathematically) for the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series Championship! Now, the series gears up to run its final race of the season, the Ford EcoBoost 400! This race will be held at Homestead-Miami Speedway, located in Homestead, FL. The track is a 1.5-mile perfect oval. The turns are banked at degrees, and the straights are banked at degrees. The race will be 400.5 miles long, run over 267 laps.
Current Chase standings;
1. 83 - Homer Simpson*/20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,333 points
3. 24 - Beavis*/55 - Master Shake*; 2,319 points
5. 1 - Nigel Uno*/93 - Peter Griffin*; 2,318 points
7. 16 - Danny Phantom*/14 - Eric Cartman*; 2,317 points
9. 43 - Phineas Flynn*/2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*/27 - Ed*; 2,316 points
12. 31 - Eddy*; 2,315 points
As you can see here, all the Chasers are within 18 points of each other, so even if two of them are 14 points ahead of all the rest, everyone still has a shot at the title!
1. 1 - Nigel Uno*
2. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
3. 56 - Meatwad
4. 88 - Foxxy Love
5. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
6. 48 - Butt-Head
7. 7 - Grim
8. 55 - Master Shake*
9. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
10. 10 - Francine Smith
11. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
12. 93 - Peter Griffin*
13. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
14. 14 - Eric Cartman*
15. 15 - Frylock
16. 16 - Danny Phantom*
17. 17 - Timmy Turner
18. 18 - Applejack
19. 83 - Homer Simpson*
20. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
21. 21 - Early Cuyler
22. 22 - Bender
23. 23 - Flapjack
24. 24 - Beavis*
25. 99 - Dudley Puppy
26. 26 - Aang
27. 27 - Ed*
28. 47 - William Murderface
29. 29 - Edd
30. 87 - Gumball Waterson
31. 31 - Eddy*
32. 32 - The Warden
33. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
34. 34 - Katara
35. 98 - Hank Hill
36. 36 - Stan Smith
37. 37 - Chowder
38. 38 - Sokka
39. 39 - Kenny McCormick
40. 51 - Kim Possible
41. 49 - Ben Tennyson
42. 42 - Alejandro
43. 43 - Phineas Flynn*
How's about we turn things over to ESPN one more time;
Bestwick: It's the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series season finale! After almost nine months of hard, dramatic, action-packed racing, thirty-five races to be exact, it all ends here, at Homestead-Miami Speedway. Twelve characters made the Chase for the Cartoon Cup, and all twelve are still in it to win it. But in the end, only one will be victorious after this deciding race, the Ford EcoBoost 400! Hello again, Allen Bestwick alongside championship driver Dale Jarrett and championship crew chief Andy Petree, thanks for having us in for this deciding race! Now guys, who do you like in this championship hunt?
Jarrett: Well, I remember when this Chase started, I picked Rainbow Dash to win the championship. Sure enough, she won the first race, and stayed in the points lead up until now, where she's tied with Homer Simpson. Honestly, especially with them starting right beside each other, I'd be more than willing to flip a coin.
Petree: I picked Danny Phantom when this Chase started; but suddenly I'm not so sure. I think now I'd be willing to go with either Nigel Uno or Hoagie Gilligan. I know starting order doesn't mean that much in the end, but if they were to finish in the same order they started, Nigel and Hoagie would both beat Homer and Rainbow Dash in the standings, so I'd go with either one of them.
Bestwick: I think I picked Homer in the standings when the Chase started, and I'm gonna stay by him. You may have noticed that somehow, while Rainbow Dash was leading the points, Homer managed to stay right up there with him in 2nd while everyone else got shuffled around constantly. I'm picking Homer. Anyway, show's about to 's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome Hanna-Barbera cartoon Wally Gator!
Wally Gator: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
And so the cars start their engines for the last time this season. When they're warmed up, they're led out on the pace laps.
For this occasion, along with the standard pace car, the field is also led by a fleet of nine ceremonial cars, all driving in a V formation. The lead car bears the logo of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series. The other eight cars bear the logos of all the TV networks the participating characters hail from; one for Cartoon Network, one for Nickelodeon, one for FOX, one for [adult swim], one for Comedy Central, one for MTV, one for Disney Channel, and one for The Hub.
Bestwick: As the championship race gets set to begin, let's look at this season finale's starting grid. The 1st and 2nd starting spots are held by Chase contenders Nigel Uno and Hoagie P. Gilligan. In 3rd through 7th are Meatwad, Foxxy Love, Abigail Lincoln, Butt-Head and Grim, neither of whom are in the Chase. Master Shake, who is in the Chase, starts 8th. Rounding out the top 10 are Ferb Fletcher and Francine Smith; they're not in the Chase either. As you look through the rest of the starting grid, Dale Jarrett will dial up one of our points leaders;
Jarrett: Rainbow Dash, it's Dale Jarrett from ESPN, you got me?
Rainbow Dash: Hi.
Jarrett: Hey, I just want to know; how do you plan on beating Homer; not to mention everyone else?
Rainbow Dash: I really couldn't tell you if I knew. This car has performed good all weekend, but not great. Plus, there's Nigel and Hoagie; they're up front; they could be a problem. Homer I'm not that worried about, same goes for everyone else. I just know that I can get to the top 10 and stay ahead of Homer, so I guess if I do that, I'll be A-OK!
Jarrett: Alright, well I guess that's it; I'll leave you to it. Thanks for speaking with us, and good luck. Oh, by the way, I've picked you to win the championship.
Rainbow Dash: Awww, you're sweet! (blows a kiss) Well, enjoy the race, boys!
...
With that, the pace car and all the ceremonial cars pull down onto pit road. The field continues to move slowly, and then the green flag turns them loose one last time.
Bestwick: The season finale is underwa-
Jarrett: Wait, we have smoke on the racetrack-
All: MASTER SHAKE!
Petree: Oh my God!
Bestwick: Master Shake has blown up, and right as the race starts, his title hopes are over! Caution is out.
Shake: ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?! The fucking race has just fucking started! GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT!
Right as the race starts, Master Shake's #55 Aaron's Toyota blows it's engine. Shake vents his anger as his car sputters and stops going into turn 1. A wrecker is summoned to push his car back around the track, onto pit road, and into the garage. With this, Shake is forced to withdraw from the race, ending his championship hopes.
The race gets a proper start on lap 6. Nigel Uno retains the lead until lap 13, when Hoagie P. Gilligan takes it from him.
On lap 16, Peter Griffin moves into the top 10.
Around this time, our attention turns to a battle for 34th. Phineas Flynn, who's in the Chase, and started dead last, on lap 18 passes Katara for that position. For a few more laps, Katara tries to reclaim the spot, but Phineas holds her off. By lap 23, Katara is fed up with it. Going down the backstretch, Katara puts her hand out the window and starts to wave it around...
Bestwick: Big trouble on the back straightaway!
Petree: I don't know how, but Phineas's car is spewing out all its fluids-
Jarrett: He's head-on in the wall!
Phineas: What just happened? WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!
Isabella: I...I don't know!
Bestwick: And just like that, two of our Chasers are already out of it!
On lap 23, Katara uses her waterbending powers to cause all of the fluids in Phineas Flynn's #43 Medallion Financial Ford to erupt out of the car. Gasoline, oil, brake fluid, differential fluid, power steering fluid and all the others spew from the car like geysers and litter the track. This leaves the car unable to turn, and causes it to go head-on into the outside retaining wall in turn 3, totaling the car. All other cars manage to avoid the incident. As for Phineas, he gets out unharmed, but still very distraught over having lost the championship, and is taken to the infield care center. Meanwhile, the race is red-flagged so the wreckage and all the fluids can be cleaned.
But shortly after that, the race is brought back under yellow flag, and is restarted on lap 28.
Nigel Uno reclaims the lead on lap 30.
Meatwad gets up into 2nd on lap 33. By lap 37 he's right on Nigel Uno's rear bumper. They race each other for a while, then Meatwad takes the lead on lap 40.
Around this time, we have a ferocious battle for 24th, between Early Cuyler and Stan Smith. It's gets so ferocious that on lap 44, Early draws his sawed-off shotgun as Stan draws a 9mm glock...
Bestwick: OH MY GOD, THERE'S A GUNFIGHT ON THE TRACK!
Jarrett: The #21 and #36 are shooting at each other!
Petree: How the hell is this possible?!
Early: DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!
Stan: You're not winning this, asshole!
On lap 44, Early Cuyler and Stan Smith start shooting at each other with their guns. For one full lap, the two fire at each other relentlessly from their cars, neither side scoring any hits. Then on lap 45, a car gets in between them...
Bestwick: THE #24 IS HIT!
Petree: He's lost control and he's in the wall!
Jarrett: That's three Chasers out of it!
Beavis: How...what...holy shit!
On lap 45, Beavis's #24 Drive To End Hunger Chevrolet gets in between Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet and Early Cuyler's #21 Motorcraft Ford while they're still shooting at each other. Going into turn 1, a bullet from Stan's 9mm hits Beavis's left-rear tire, causing his car to lose control and slam into the wall. It's unable to continue, and so an upset Beavis vacates his car.
The other cars proceed to make their first pit stops of the race. Everything proceeds smoothly, and the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 56 - Meatwad
2. 1 - Nigel Uno*
3. 88 - Foxxy Love
4. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
5. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
6. 48 - Butt-Head
7. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
8. 93 - Peter Griffin*
9. 16 - Danny Phantom*
10. 14 - Eric Cartman*
We restart on lap 50. Nigel Uno reassumes the lead before the lap is over.
Foxxy Love then moves up to 2nd on lap 56.
Danny Phantom falls out of the top 10 on lap 61.
By lap 67, Foxxy Love is fighting to take the lead from Nigel Uno. On lap 71, Foxxy does a slingshot move around Nigel down the front straightaway and takes the lead.
Around this time, Danny Phantom has been desperately trying to get by Eric Cartman to get back in the top 10. Then, on lap 73...
Danny: I'm going ghost..!
Not only does Danny Phantom go ghost, he creates a clone of himself to keep driving his car. While said clone takes care of that, Danny flies ahead, goes into Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet, and then flies right into Cartman's body, taking complete control of him...
Bestwick: Car in the wall! The #14 car has gone head-on into the pit wall!
Jarrett: Caution is out!
Kyle: What the hell were you thinking!
Cartman: I...I don't know! No really, I don't remember one bit of what happened just now.
Kyle: ...
While they're going through turn 4, Danny Phantom takes complete control of Eric Cartman, causing him to drive head-on into the end of the pit wall, destroying the car. Danny leaves Cartman's body right before the impact, goes back into his car and re-polymerizes with his clone self as the caution flag flies.
Danny: Heh heh heh!
Sam: You sure showed that fat asshole, Danny! (blows a kiss)
Danny: (giggles)
Cartman, meanwhile, still doesn't remember a thing, but at least he gets out unhurt.
Meanwhile, the track is cleaned up, and the race is restarted on lap 80.
On lap 83, Nigel Uno takes the lead back from Foxxy Love.
Further back, on lap 88, Danny Phantom passes Twilight Sparkle for 8th place. Twilight tries to take the spot back, but Danny holds on, and Twilight quickly loses her patience. On lap 93, her horn starts to glow...
Bestwick: Car airborne!
Petree: Danny Phantom is flipping violently down the back straightaway, and comes to a stop near turn 3!
Jarrett: And his car is destroyed, caution is out!
Sam: Holy shit, are you alright?!
Danny: I guess. (sniffs)
Sam: Aw, please don't cry! There's always next year!
Danny: (sigh)
On lap 93, Twilight Sparkle uses pony magic to cause Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford to get airborne and violently flip down the back straightaway. It eventually comes to a stop near the beginning of turn 3. An unhurt, but very disappointed Danny gets out of the car and his taken to the infield care center.
Meanwhile, the rest of the cars get their four tires and fuel. Here will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 1 - Nigel Uno*
2. 88 - Foxxy Love
3. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*
4. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
5. 48 - Butt-Head
6. 56 - Meatwad
7. 93 - Peter Griffin*
8. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
9. 10 - Francine Smith
10. 17 - Timmy Turner
The restart occurs on lap 100.
Abigail Lincoln makes it up to 2nd on lap 105. By lap 109, she's caught up with Nigel Uno. The two race each other for several laps; Abigail gets the lead on lap 115.
On lap 121, Francine Smith falls out of the top 10.
Butt-Head, meanwhile, moves up to 3rd on lap 124, and up to 2nd on lap 129. On lap 133, he's right up on Nigel Uno's tail. It takes a while, but on lap 139, Butt-Head assumes the lead for the first time in this race.
Also going on at this point is another battle for 8th place; this time, Timmy Turner is trying to take the position away from Peter Griffin. For several laps, Peter holds off Timmy, and Timmy gets irritated. By lap 145, he can't take it anymore...
Timmy: I wish this lard-ass was out of this race!
Cosmo: Alright, then...
Bestwick: We got smoke in turn 2; the #93 has blown up!
Peter: Are you SHITTIN' ME?!
Petree: Peter Griffin has lost his engine, caution is out!
Jarrett: Already, half of our Chase contenders have wrecked out of the race! Unbelievable!
On lap 145, Timmy Turner calls on his crew chief, Cosmo, to cast some fairy magic. This fairy magic causes Peter Griffin's #93 Burger King Toyota to blow its engine. An upset Peter coasts his car onto pit road and into the garage, retiring from the race and the title hunt.
Then, the rest of the cars get their service in pit road. And so this will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 48 - Butt-Head
2. 1 - Nigel Uno*
3. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
4. 2- Hoagie P. Gilligan*
5. 56 - Meatwad
6. 88 - Foxxy Love
7. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
8. 17 - Timmy Turner
9. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
10. 15 - Frylock
We restart on lap 150. Nigel Uno once again gets back in the lead on lap 151.
Twilight Sparkle falls out of the top 10 on lap 157.
Hoagie P. Gilligan gets back up to 2nd place on lap 162. Meanwhile, on lap 168, Homer Simpson cracks the top 10.
Rainbow Dash then cracks the top 10 on lap 173.
Meanwhile, Hoagie P. Gilligan claims the lead on lap 179. Nigel Uno keeps up though, and on lap 183, he takes the lead back.
Timmy Turner drops out of the top 10 on lap 188.
Further back, there is fearsome three-way battle for 19th place going on. The 19th spot is currently held by Eddy; Ed is in 20th, and Aang is in 21st. On lap 192, Aang has had enough. Going into turn 1, Aang sticks his hand out the window and waves it around...
Bestwick: And we got big trouble in turn 1!
Jarrett: Ed and Eddy have somehow collided head-on in turn 1!
Petree: Caution is out!
Rolf: What happened, Ed-boy?
Eddy: How should I know? Our cars just turned around by themselves and hit each other!
Rolf: (sigh)
On lap 192, Aang uses his airbending powers on Ed and Eddy. While they're running side-by-side going into turn 1, he causes Ed's #27 Menards Chevrolet and Eddy's #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet to spin towards each other and collide head-on in the turn. The two are both taken out of the race because of this. Ed and Eddy get out, check up on each other, and are then taken to the infield care center.
While the wreckage is being cleaned up, the other cars make their pit stops. After pit stops, the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 1 - Nigel Uno*
2. 2- Hoagie P. Gilligan*
3. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
4. 88 - Foxxy Love
5. 56 - Meatwad
6. 15 - Frylock
7. 48 - Butt-Head
8. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
9. 83 - Homer Simpson*
10. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
We restart on lap 198.
Kenny McCormick cracks the top 10 on lap 203.
Frylock makes it up to 2nd on lap 210. Straightaway he starts to contend with Nigel Uno for the lead. He gets the lead on lap 216.
Butt-Head falls out of the top 10 on lap 222.
Nigel Uno retakes the lead on lap 225.
Hoagie P. Gilligan gets back up to 2nd once again on lap 229. A few laps later, he's fighting Nigel Uno for the lead once again; extra urgently this time, since it is very late in the race. On lap 235, they start to run side-by-side. Then on lap 237, going into turn 3, they make contact...
Bestwick: The leaders are crashing in turn 3!
Petree: It's Nigel Uno and Hoagie Gilligan! They've wrecked in turn 3, and they are out of it! Caution comes out yet again!
Jarrett: You guys do realized what's transpired here, right?
Petree: What's that, Dale?
Jarrett: When we came here, all 12 Chase drivers were in contention for the title. Now, with all these crashes, we have only two left; Homer Simpson and Rainbow Dash! They're running 7th and 8th right now.
Bestwick: Wow! 10 down, now just 2 left! It'll be a 30-lap shootout to the title, fellas!
On lap 235, Nigel Uno's #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet and Hoagie P. Gilligan's #2 Miller Lite Dodge make contact, lose control, and crash hard into the wall in turn 3. Both cars are totaled. Nigel and Hoagie get out of their cars, and they're both furious;
Nigel: What the hell were you thinking?!
Hoagie: Hey, I didn't do anything on purpose! You made contact with me!
Nigel: You lost me my championship!
Hoagie: It was MY championship, baldie!
Nigel: Why, you..!
Petree: Wait, we have a fight!
Bestwick: Nigel and Hoagie have started throwing haymakers at each other, and they're now going at it like angry birds!
Jarrett: Uh, that wasn't funny, Allen!
Bestwick: I'm serious! That's how hard they're fighting- and now NASCAR officials have broken them up!
Petree: Man, those two were both very angry over losing the title like that! Talk about a bitter loss!
After getting out of their cars, Nigel Uno and Hoagie P. Gilligan get into a heated argument. This quickly escalates into a fistfight. The two exchange a series of blows before being broken up by NASCAR officials.
As that mess is being cleared, the surviving cars make their last pit stops of the race. This then, will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 15 - Frylock
2. 56 - Meatwad
3. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
4. 88 - Foxxy Love
5. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
6. 39 - Kenny McCormick
7. 83 - Homer Simpson*
8. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
9. 10 - Francine Smith
10. 17 - Timmy Turner
We restart on lap 240.
Kenny McCormick cracks the top 5 on lap 244.
Meanwhile, Frylock and Meatwad are racing vigorously for the win. Meatwad gets up into the lead on lap 246, but then Frylock takes it back on lap 249. Kenny McCormick, meanwhile, is up to 3rd. Meatwad and Frylock continue to go hard for the win, allowing Kenny to catch up...
By lap 257, it's a three-way battle for the lead. Kenny gets up to 2nd on lap 259, and then, on lap 262, takes the lead from Frylock. Frylock tries to take the lead back, but to no avail.
Kenny McCormick takes the white flag on lap 267 and never looks back...
Jarrett: Incredible to think this character was having fatal crashes the majority of the time.
Petree: And here he is now, leading on the final lap! He must feel like he's in a fairy tale right now!
Bestwick: Coming through turn 4 for the final time. The checkered flag is out, and Kenny McCormick will win the Ford EcoBoost 400!
Kenny: MMMMM-PFMMMM!
Stan: Yeah, we finally did it, buddy!
As Kenny McCormick wins the race, the championship battle has come down to the very end;
Bestwick: And here's Rainbow Dash and Homer Simpson, the last remaining Chasers, fighting for that title.
Jarrett: They're running 6th and 7th right now, they're coming through turn 4!
Petree: And here they come now!
Bestwick: Side-by-side to the line, and our champion is...
Now I know that readers HATE it when writers do this, but I'm going to end this chapter on a cliff-hanger. Besides, with all that's transpired here, it would be kind of more practical to divide this into two chapters. And since this is probably the most intense point of the whole thing, I thought I'd do so here! Feel free to hate on me all you want, but it won't help. You'll just have to tune back in when the next chapter is up; for only then will you find out whether Rainbow Dash or Homer Simpson is the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series champion...
Chapter 43: Ford EcoBoost 400 end
Previously in the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series season finale;
The Chasers started dropping out right from the get-go. Master Shake blew his engine right when the green flag flew, ending his title hopes right off the bat.
On lap 23, Phineas Flynn was taken out when Katara used waterbending on his car, causing all the fluids to spew out, immobilizing him and making him crash.
A gunfight erupted on lap 44 between Early Cuyler and Stan Smith. As Beavis tried to get past them both, his left-rear tire was shot out by Stan, causing him to wreck out of it.
Much later, Danny Phantom used his ghost abilities to take control of Eric Cartman's body, and made him crash head-on into the end of the pit wall on lap 73. But what went around came right back when on lap 93, Twilight Sparkle used pony magic on Danny, making his car go airborne and flip violently down the back straightaway.
More magic came into play on lap 145, when Timmy Turner made a wish to his fairy crew chief, Cosmo. The resulting magic caused Peter Griffin to blow his engine, taking him out of the race and title hunt as well.
Then on lap 192, teammates Ed and Eddy were both wrecked by Aang and his airbending powers, leaving the total number of remaining Chasers to just four.
This whole time, Nigel Uno had led the most laps, and Hoagie P. Gilligan was the only other Chaser to have led a lap. Late in the going, they were battling each other for the lead when on lap 235, they made contact, lost control and both crashed. This then led to a fight.
And so now, there are only two Chase contenders left; Rainbow Dash and Homer Simpson. At this point, they're running in 6th and 7th, battling for 6th place, and of course, the championship. As Kenny McCormick wins the race, the pony and the fat man are coming through the last two turns, and are side-by-side headed towards the checkered flag.
And so, after 36 long, hard and brutal races, filled with intensity, absurdity, and unpredictability, the Cartoon Cup champion is...
All: SIMPSON!
Bestwick: BY FOUR ONE-THOUSANDTHS OF A SECOND, HOMER SIMPSON IS YOUR NASCAR CARTOON CUP SERIES CHAMPION!
Marge: (gasps) Oh my God, we got her Homey! WE'VE WON!
Homer: HOLY CRAP! WE'RE CHAMPIONS! WE'RE FREAKIN' CHAMPIONS, MARGE! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (singing) We are the champions, my friend!
Marge: (singing) And we'll keep on fighting...
Both: (singing) To the end! (laughter)
Rainbow Dash: Well?
Fluttershy: Well...we lost.
Rainbow Dash: ...(sigh) So close. (whispers) So very close.
Both: ...
So regarding the race itself, Kenny McCormick, after many fatal crashes over the course of the season, is the winner of the Ford EcoBoost 400. Meatwad gets 2nd, Frylock takes 3rd, Ferb Fletcher claims 4th, Abigail Lincoln finishes 5th, Homer Simpson places 6th, Rainbow Dash comes in 7th, Foxxy Love takes 8th, Timmy Turner places 9th, and Francine Smith rounds out the top 10.
And after all the other Chasers crashed out of the race, Homer Simpson, who came into this race tied with Rainbow Dash for the points lead, has beaten Rainbow Dash by 0.004 seconds to become NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series champion! My congratulations go out to Homer, Marge, and BK Racing!
After all the other cars have retreated back onto pit road, Kenny McCormick's #39 US Army Chevrolet and Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota are both doing burnouts together on the front straightaway; Kenny is celebrating his race victory, and Homer is celebrating his championship victory. The crowd is cheering wildly for their two winners. Kenny then takes the checkered flag and heads to Victory Lane while Homer parks at the start/finish line, waiting for the championship podium to be set up.
Meanwhile, Kenny McCormick has found his way into Victory Lane. He gets out of his car and stands atop it, celebrating the win as the confetti fills the air. He gets down, takes a swig of champagne, and ESPN's Mike Massaro moves in for the interview.
Massaro: Kenny McCormick, how does it feel being on Victory Lane after all the fatality you've been through this season?
Kenny: Mmmmfpmm fpmmmfpm mmfmmpm mmmpmmfmm, mpfmmpmm pmmmmfm mpmmm fmmmm mmmmmmmmmmpfpfpfppppf. Mpf ffffmmp fpppmmmmmm pmmmmfmmm fpmmmm mmmmmmm fffffffff pppppppp mpffpmmpffpm ppfmmmmmp!
Massaro: I bet. Well how do you think this will help you improve next year?
Kenny: Pfpfpffpfpfpfp mmmmmm. Mpfffffp mmmmmmp fmmmpffmmm mpmmmmmmfm, ppppfffffffmmmmm fmmmm pmmmmmp mffffm ppppfffffmm, ppmmffppffmm mmmmmmm f p m.
Massaro: Alright, well good job out there.
Kenny: Mmmpf.
Massaro: Kenny McCormick, your winner at Homestead.
In time, the championship podium is set up. Standing atop it is the champion, Homer Simpson, his wife and crew chief Marge Simpson, ESPN's Dr. Jerry Punch, NASCAR president Mike Helton, and BK Racing team owner Thomas Ueberall.
Dr. Punch: Homer Simpson, champion by four one-thousandths of a second! Talk to us about what happened back there.
Homer: I was actually pretty nervous, Doc. What with all the other Chasers wrecking out of it, I was afraid that I would crash, too. Heh, then I got even more worried with that damn pony right behind me. I guess I got lucky when I beat her by four one-thousandths of a second, but a win's a win. I know this is corny, but I want to thank our sponsors Burger King and Dr. Pepper, Toyota, BK Racing and Thomas Ueberall for the opportunity, and most of all, my crew chief and lovely wife Marge, for staying by my side through it all!
Dr. Punch: Well, let's talk to her right now. Marge! How's it feel being a NASCAR champion with your husband right now?
Marge: Honestly, before the season started, I thought I was dreaming when Mr. Ueberall came to us with the offer to compete on his race team. And now, now that we're champions, well, I've never been so exhilarated. Me, Homer, champions of the world! Well, not the world, but still, I'm so happy right now!
Dr. Punch: Best of congratulations to you both!
Homer/Marge: Thanks!
The two share a kiss, and the crowd cheers. Then, Homer is approached by NASCAR president Mike Helton, who's holding a big trophy.
Helton: Homer, it's been a crazy season. Pretty much anything and everything that could not happen in the Sprint Cup Series, happened here in the Cartoon Cup Series. And after all that's transpired here, well, you've emerged victorious! So, on behalf of NASCAR and all our sponsors, teams and fans everywhere, Homer Simpson, it is my sincere honor to present to you the 2012 NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series championship trophy!
Homer takes the championship trophy and hoists it high over his head as the confetti flies, the fireworks are shot, and the crowd roars wildly for their champion.
Dr. Punch: And Thomas Ueberall, the owner of this operation. BK Racing's first year of operations, and already you're owner's champion; 1 for 1! Would you have ever thunk it?
Ueberall: Oh, no way! Sure, Team RedBull got a few wins when they were around, but they weren't that good. And even after we seized their assets, I wasn't sure that we'd be that much better than they were. I thought maybe we were on to something when Homer here won that first race at Phoenix, and by God, here we are! I too wanna thank Burger King, Dr Pepper, Toyota, and everyone else who made this possible. We are the champions! Those are the losers, 'cause we are the champions!
Dr. Punch: (laughing) Well, congratulations, Mr. Ueberall!
Ueberall: Thanks!
Homer, Marge and Thomas Ueberall then share a group hug; the crowd gives a big cheer once more. The championship celebration continues into the night...
Ford EcoBoost 400 race results;
1. 39 - Kenny McCormick
2. 56 - Meatwad
3. 15 - Frylock
4. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
5. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
6. 83 - Homer Simpson*
7. 20 - Rainbow Dash*
8. 88 - Foxxy Love
9. 17 - Timmy Turner
10. 10 - Francine Smith
11. 29 - Edd
12. 18 - Applejack
13. 48 - Butt-Head
14. 11 - Twilight Sparkle
15. 21 - Early Cuyler
16. 22 - Bender
17. 47 - William Murderface
18. 36 - Stan Smith
19. 78 - Spongebob SquarePants
20. 99 - Dudley Puppy
21. 26 - Aang
22. 87 - Gumball Waterson
23. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo
24. 7 - Grim
25. 98 - Hank Hill
26. 32 - The Warden
27. 23 - Flapjack
28. 42 - Alejandro
29. 34 - Katara
30. 51 - Kim Possible
31. 37 - Chowder
32. 49 - Ben Tennyson
33. 38 - Sokka
34. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan* (DNF; accident)
35. 1 - Nigel Uno* (DNF; accident)
36. 31 - Eddy* (DNF; accident)
37. 27 - Ed* (DNF; accident)
38. 93 - Peter Griffin* (DNF; engine)
39. 16 - Danny Phantom* (DNF; accident)
40. 14 - Eric Cartman* (DNF; accident)
41. 24 - Beavis* (DNF; accident)
42. 43 - Phineas Flynn* (DNF; accident)
43. 55 - Master Shake* (DNF; accident)
Final point standings;
1. 83 - Homer Simpson*; 2,371 points
2. 20 - Rainbow Dash*; 2,370 points
3. 1 - Nigel Uno*; 2,329 points
4. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan*; 2,327 points
5. 93 - Peter Griffin*; 2,326 points
6. 31 - Eddy*/27 - Ed*; 2,323 points
8. 16 - Danny Phantom*/24 - Beavis*; 2,322 points
10. 14 - Eric Cartman*; 2,321 points
11. 55 - Master Shake*; 2,320 points
12. 43 - Phineas Flynn*; 2,318 points
13. 15 - Frylock; 843 points
14. 5 - Abigail Lincoln; 840 points
15. 17 - Timmy Turner; 835 points
16. 88 - Foxxy Love; 832 points
17. 29 - Edd; 831 points
18. 9 - Ferb Fletcher; 830 points
19. 56 - Meatwad/10 - Francine Smith; 825 points
21. 11 - Twilight Sparkle; 824 points
22. 48 - Butt-Head; 823 points
23. 36 - Stan Smith; 819 points
24. 22 - Bender; 813 points
25. 26 - Aang; 808 points
26. 78 - Spongebob Squarepants; 807 points
27. 21 - Early Cuyler; 806 points
28. 47 - William Murderface; 805 points
29. 99 - Dudley Puppy; 804 points
30. 87 - Gumball Waterson; 795 points
31. 18 - Applejack; 650 points
32. 7 - Grim; 604 points
33. 39 - Kenny McCormick; 603 points
34. 34 - Katara; 556 points
35. 38 - Sokka; 544 points
36. 32 - The Warden; 536 points
37. 98 - Hank Hill; 519 points
38. 51 - Kim Possible; 511 points
39. 42 - Alejandro; 506 points
40. 13 - Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 479 points
41. 23 - Flapjack; 477 points
42. 37 - Chowder; 466 points
43. 49 - Ben Tennyson; 450 points
41. 24 - Beavis* (DNF; accident)
42. 43 - Phineas Flynn* (DNF; accident)
43. 55 - Master Shake* (DNF; accident)
Afterwards, Homer and Marge are prepping to leave the premises of Homestead-Miami Speedway. All the while, they're receiving hugs, handshakes and high-fives from all the other Cartoon Cup Series drivers and crew chiefs, including the other Chase contenders, all congratulating them on a job well done.
Later, when all is said and done, and Homer and Marge are ready to board their motorhome with their trophy;
Rainbow Dash: Uh, Homer? Marge?
Homer and Marge turn around to see Rainbow Dash standing in front of them nervously.
Marge: What is it, Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow Dash: Um, well, I... I guess I never properly congratulated you for the win. (sigh) You know, back where I come from, I never lose. I guess this really is a different world.
Homer: Yeah, well, you did come within four one-thousandths of a second from stealing this trophy. You know, you really are one hell of a racer. You know that? Trust me, I know!
Rainbow Dash: You mean it?
Homer: Well, of course!
Marge: And we have that exhibition race in Japan coming up. You may still beat us yet!
Rainbow Dash: (shrugs) Maybe.
All: (chuckling)
Marge: But seriously, (pats Rainbow Dash on the head) you did a great job out there!
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, you too. Now both of you, give me some sugar!
Homer sets down the trophy as Rainbow Dash gives him a big hug, and then kisses him hard on both cheeks, making him giggle. Then, she hugs Marge and gives her kisses on the cheeks, making her giggle as well.
Homer: Well, we'd better be going home, now. I can't wait to see the looks on everyone's face when I show them this baby! (picks up trophy) Mr. Burns, stupid Flanders and everyone else shall bow before me!
All: (laughing)
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, I bet! Alright, guess I'll see you at Motegi.
Homer/Marge: Bye!
As Homer and Marge board their motorhome, championship trophy in hand, Rainbow Dash eagerly rejoins her pony teammates. Eventually, all the drivers, crews, owners, officials and fans have left Homestead-Miami Speedway, signifying the end of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series season...
...well, not quite. You may have noticed an exhibition race in Japan being mentioned. It was something the Sprint Cup Series did a few times in the mid-to-late '90s, and now the Cartoon Cup Series will also be doing a Japan exhibition. More on that will be revealed later, so stay tuned...
Chapter 44: Motegi Prologue
The Cartoon Cup season may be over, but the racing's not over just yet! There's still an exhibition race remaining. This race will be held in Japan, at the Twin Ring Motegi circuit. Now, this circuit contains two courses; a road course and an oval. This race will be held on the oval.
NASCAR, in real life, actually did run exhibition races in Japan three times in its history. The first one was at the Suzuka circuit in '96, the second was at Suzuka in '97, and the third was at the Twin Ring Motegi in '98. Knowing about these, I thought it would be cool if the Cartoon Cup Series did something like this, and so it shall be!
But here's what makes this race such a treat; we're going to have some special guests! That's right, a few Japanese anime characters will be driving in this race! But of course, this means a few drivers will have to sit out of this one to make way for them. So here's who'll be driving for whom;
For Michael Waltrip Racing;
Light Yagami will fill in for Frylock in the #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota. Misa Amane will fill in for Carl Brutananadilewski as crew chief.
Yugi Moto will fill in for Meatwad in the #56 NAPA Toyota. Joey Wheeler will fill in for Err as crew chief.
For Joe Gibbs Racing;
Motoko Kusanagi will fill in for Twilight Sparkle in the #11 FedEx Toyota. Batou will fill in for Rarity as crew chief.
Tohru Honda will fill in for Applejack in the #18 M&M's Toyota. Kyo Sohma will fill in for Pinkie Pie as crew chief.
For JTG Daugherty Racing;
Naruto Uzumaki will fill in for William Murderface in the #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota. Sakura Haruno will fill in for Charles Offdensen as crew chief.
Additionally, Richard Childress Racing will be fielding a fourth car; they will be bringing back the iconic black #3 GM Goodwrench Chevrolet! Kuki Sanban will be the driver, and Mushi Sanban will be the crew chief.
Furthermore; BK Racing will be fielding a third car; the #4 Burger King Toyota. Wallabee Beetles will be the driver, and Fannie Fullbright will be the crew chief.
Moreover, Tommy Gilligan will fill in as crew chief for the #2 Miller Lite Dodge, and Cree Lincoln will fill in as crew chief for the #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet.
Also, due to the limited number of stalls on pit road, there will only be 30 cars able to participate. The following are the drivers, cars and teams not participating;
The #10 of Francine Smith, from Tommy Baldwin Racing
The #26 of Aang, the #34 of Katara, and the #38 of Sokka, all from Front Row Motorsports
The #78 of Spongebob SquarePants and Furniture Row Racing
The #87 of Gumball Waterson and NEMCO Motorsports
The #7 of Grim and Robby Gordon Motorsports
The #32 of The Warden and FAS Lane Racing
The #98 of Hank Hill and Phil Parsons Racing
The #51 of Kim Possible and Phoenix Racing
The #42 of Alejandro, from Earnhardt Ganassi Racing
The #13 of Blooregard Q. Kazoo and Germain Racing
The #23 of Flapjack and R3 Motorsports
The #37 of Chowder and Max Q Motorsports
The #49 of Ben Tennyson and Robinson-Blakeney Racing
So with that settled, it looks like everything's set! I'll see you at Motegi!
Chapter 45: Motegi Coca Cola 500
Even with the Cartoon Cup Series season being finished, with Homer Simpson being crowned the champion, we still have one exhibition race left, the Motegi Coca Cola 500! It will be held at the Twin Ring Motegi super speedway, located in Motegi, Japan. The track is a 1.549-mile egg-shaped oval; turns 3 & 4 are tighter than turns 1 & 2. The turns are banked at 10 degrees, and the straightaways are totally flat. The race will be 501 kilometers long, which is equal to 311.3 miles long. It will be run over 201 laps.
Also, remember that this race will only be featuring thirty cars, including a few Japanese anime characters, as well as two of the race teams fielding additional cars.
Starting grid;
1. 55 - Master Shake
2. 56 - Yugi Moto
3. 83 - Homer Simpson
4. 4 - Wallabee Beetles
5. 93 - Peter Griffin
6. 1 - Nigel Uno
7. 31 - Eddy
8. 43 - Phineas Flynn
9. 48 - Butt-Head
10. 47 - Naruto Uzumaki
11. 3 - Kuki Sanban
12. 27 - Ed
13. 11 - Motoko Kusanagi
14. 17 - Timmy Turner
15. 20 - Rainbow Dash
16. 36 - Stan Smith
17. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan
18. 15 - Light Yagami
19. 16 - Danny Phantom
20. 24 - Beavis
21. 29 - Edd
22. 39 - Kenny McCormick
23. 5 - Abigail Lincoln
24. 14 - Eric Cartman
25. 18 - Tohru Honda
26. 22 - Bender
27. 99 - Dudley Puppy
28. 21 - Early Cuyler
29. 88 - Foxxy Love
30. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
This race will be broadcast on SPEED - tuning on to them now...
Mike Joy: Welcome to The Land of the Rising Sun and Twin Ring Motegi! Just last week, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series season ended in the most intense way possible; Homer Simpson beating Rainbow Dash for the championship by one point, and four one-thousandths of a second! This week, we've gone halfway around the world to Japan, where there will be no points and just a pure straightforward fight for first in this exhibition race, the Motegi Coca Cola 500! Hello again, Mike Joy, alongside LarryMcReynolds and Darrell Waltrip. And if we thought this series itself was history, well, then there's this!
D.W: Yeah, the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series did run a few exhibition races in Japan from '96 to '98, and the Winston West Series held their season finale in '99; now, we have all these quirky cartoon characters racing here in Japan; who would've thought? Really!
McReynolds: Not only that, but a few Japanese anime characters will be taking part in this race to represent their native land. Now I don't know why, but I've always thought that anime physics were somehow just a little bit weirder and crazier than our Western cartoon physics. Put these factors together, and well, who knows how intense this race wil be!
Joy: In fact, let's now take a look at who will be representing Japan in this race. In the #15 5 Hour Energy Toyota is Light Yagami, a cruel and malevolent being who is said to be able to kill who he wants, when he wants by writing their name in a notebook called the Death Note. Sounds preposterous, but if it's true, let's pray he doesn't use it on anyone here!
McReynolds: In the #56 NAPA Toyota, we have Yugi Moto, a master at the holographic card game known simply as Duel Monsters. He is known to have a pharaoh's dark spirit living inside of him, who plays so-called Shadow Games that reveal the true nature of one's heart.
D.W: Driving the #11 FedEx Toyota is a cyborg known as Major Motoko Kusanagi. She is the leader of the 9th Public Security Section of the Japanese National Public Safety Commission, and her cybernetics make her a formidable force in combat.
Joy: Behind the wheel of the #18 M&M's Toyota is Tohru Honda, an orphaned high school student who is known for being kind, compassionate, optimistic and very caring. Unfortunately, Honda does not participate in NASCAR, so... yeah.
McReynolds: And in the cockpit of the #47 Bush's Baked Beans Toyota will be Naruto Uzumaki; a young ninja who within in his sealed a dark creature known as the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, from which he can manifest energy known as chakra, enhancing his ninja powers considerably.
D.W: Also, we have a couple of crew ciefs getting a shot behind the wheel. Wallabee Beetles, who spent the season as crew chief for Roger Penske's Blue Deuce will be driving the #4 Burger King Toyota, fielded by the current team champion, BK Racing.
Joy: And the big story of the day; the black #3 is back! That's right, Dale Earnhardt's iconic #3 GM Goodwrench Chevrolet has returned just for this race, and will be driven by the Japanese-American Kuki Sanban, who spent the season as crew chief for Rick Hendrick's #5 car. Well, it looks like we're ready to get this thing, going, so now let's go trackside for the command;
Track Announcer: (in Japanese) Race fans, it's now time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, please welcome world renowned Pokemon trainer Ash Ketchum, and his number one Pokemon, Pikachu!
Ash: Ladies and gentletoons, start your engines!
Pikachu: Pika pika!
30 865 hp engines all fire up in unison, inciting a wave of cheers from the Japanese audience. They take some time to warm up, and then they're all led out for the pace laps.
Joy: Now let's take a look at athe starting grid for this Japanese exhibition; Master Shake, coming off that engine blowout at Homestead is on pole, and alongside in 2nd is Japan's own Yugi Moto. In 3rd place sits none other than the Cartoon Cup Series champion Homer Simpson, and Wallabee Beetles will be starting his first race as a driver in 4th place. Flanking them from the 5th spot is their teammate Peter Griffin, and in 6th is Nigel Uno, coming off that scrape with his friend Hoagie Gilligan last week. Two former Chasers contenders, Eddy and Phineas Flynn, are in 7th and 8th, respectively. Butt-Head, driving for Hendrick Motorsports is 9th, and rounding out the the top 10 is Japan's Naruto Uzumaki. As you look through the rest of this 30-car starting grid, D.W's gonna talk to one of our anime guests;
D.W: Hey Naruto, it's D.W. from the SPEED booth, you got a copy?
Naruto: 10-4.
D.W: First of all, I have to know; how does it feel to be a part of this NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series?
Naruto: Oh, it feels awesome! It's really cool to be able to take a break from doing dangerous ninja stuff to do something like this. The fans are real cool, these American cartoons are fun to be around, and they should be real fun to race against. Oh, and congratulations, Homer; you are the champion!
D.W: That he is! So how are you likng the track, and how you're car's handling it and stuff?
Naruto: This car drives really well on this track! It's a damn shame Murderface went winless this season, but oh well. JTG Daugherty Racing has done a great job with this #47 car, and right now, I just want to thank them for this opportunity, because I believe we have a winning car here today!
D.W: You really think you can win this race?
Naruto: Believe it!
D.W: Well, now that you mention it, it does sound believable. Alright, thanks for speaking with us, and good luck out there.
Naruto: 10-4, thanks, D.
When the pace laps are completed, the pace car pulls off onto pit road. The cars continue to advance slowly, then they go full speed ahead when the green flag is displayed.
D.W: Boggity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racing Gangnam Style, boys!
McReynolds: That's in South Korea, you stupid nimrod!
D.W: Oh, right, sorry. My bad!
Joy: (sigh)
And the Motegi Coca Cola 500 is underway!
Master Shake retains the lead up until turn 3, which is when Yugi Moto takes it from him.
On lap 5, Homer Simpson falls out of the top 5.
Around this time, we already have a hard-fought battle for 10th spot taking place. Naruto Uzumaki is preoccupied with holding off Kuki Sanban, whose trying to take the spot away. Then on lap 11, Naruto gets a good bit loose in turn 3, allowing Kuki to slip by and claim the position for herself.
Kuki: Woo-hoo!
Mushi: Yay, you passed somebody!
Meanwhile, Kuki's boyfriend, Wallabee Beetles has made his way up to 2nd. He catches up to Yugi Moto over the course of a few laps. It doesn't take much effort for Wallabee Beetles to pass Yugi Moto for the lead on lap 15, and so he does just that.
Rainbow Dash falls out of the top 15 on lap 22.
Master Shake gets back up to 2nd on lap 26. He's caught up to Wallabee Beetles on lap 32. Shake takes the lead on lap 35, but Wally takes it right back on lap 37; Shake starts to fall back some after that.
Way back in the field is a fierce battle for 23rd between Eric Cartman, who holds that spot, and Tohru Honda, who's trying to pass him. On lap 42, Tohru gets by Cartman going into turn 3.
Cartman: Oh no you don't, you stupid Jap!
Eric Cartman rides on Tohru Honda's back bumper thourgh turn 3, then in turn 4, he clips her right-rear fender...
Joy: Big crash! Turn 4! Caution is out!
McReynolds: Eric Cartman and Tohru Honda have wrecked in turn 4, and I think that may have been intentional.
D.W: Yeah, Cartman was right on Tohru's rear end there, and then he just hit her in the right-rear, she went around into the wall and took him with her!
McReynolds: My God!
On lap 42, Eric Cartman's #14 Office Depot Chevrolet clips the right-rear of Tohru Honda's #18 M&M's Toyota, making her go extremely hard into the wall. Cartman gets loose, and then is clipped by Tohru's car, turning him head-on into the wall. Both cars are damaged beyond repair. Cartman and Tohru get out of their cars and face each other;
Cartman: You fucking BITCH! How dare you fuck with me, you stupid fucking Japanese skank!
Tohru: Hey, don't blame yourself. You're clearly troubled by something or someone, maybe an overindulgent mother...
Cartman: Don't you fucking patronize me! You're the one who caught me in your fucking wreck!
Tohru: Aw, you're so stressed out right now. Maybe you need someone to hold you?
Cartman: Are you fucking coming on to me, you stupid cunt?! FUCK OFF!
Tohru: Aw, come here...
Cartman: GET THE FUCK O-
Before Cartman can finish his yelling, Tohru suddenly embraces him in a tender, loving hug, holding him as closely as she can. Cartman suddenly feels something inside of him. There's something about the quality of Tohru's embrace that's incredibly touching and blissful that touches his heart so strongly...
Cartman: So...so warm and (sniff) and...
Cartman then snuggles up to Tohru and starts to sob lightly, burying his face in her chest. Tohru tenderly kisses him on the cheek, and holds him more closely than before. After a while, they're both called into the ambulance for the mandatory trip to the infield care center, and so they board the ambulance, hand in hand.
Joy: Hey, I said she was compassionate and caring!
D.W: Yeah, too bad Honda doesn't run in NASCAR.
McReynolds: (facepalm)
While that's going on, the rest of the field proceed to make their first pit stops of the race. After pit stops, the following will be the top 10 at the restart;
1. 4 - Wallabee Beetles
2. 55 - Master Shake
3. 93 - Peter Griffin
4. 56 - Yugi Moto
5. 93 - Peter Griffin
6. 83 - Homer Simpson
7. 48 - Butt-Head
8. 1 - Nigel Uno
9. 27 - Ed
10. 3 - Kuki Sanban
The race restarts on lap 48.
Peter Griffin passes Master Shake for 2nd on lap 51, and catches up with Wallabee Beetles the next lap. They race each other for several laps, then Peter moves into the lead on lap 58.
Arond lap 59, Nigel Uno and Kuki Sanban are going at it for the 8th position. Nigel tries to hold her off, but on lap 63, Kuki takes the 8th spot from him.
Nigel: Wow, she really can drive!
Rachel: It's alright, we'll come back.
On lap 65, Naruto Uzumaki gets back up in the top 10.
Wallabee Beetles reclaims the lead on lap 66. Yugi Moto moves up to 2nd on lap 70, and by lap 75 he's challenging Wallabee for the lead. He gets past on lap 76, but then on lap 77, Wallabee shunts him hard in the rear, then goes right back into the lead.
Yugi: OK, then. It's time to duel, bitch!
Yugi Moto shunts Wallabee Beetles hard in the back bumper going through turns 3 & 4 on lap 79, almost spinning him out. Wally saves it, but Yugi jumps ahead into the lead.
Meanwhile, Motoko Kusanagi has trying very hard to get past Stan Smith for 14th place. Suddenly, on lap 85, she pulls out a .45 handgun, aims at Stan's left-rear tire going into turn 2, and pulls the trigger...
Joy: And we got trouble in turn 2!
D.W: The #11 pulled a freakin' gun out, and Stan Smith's in the wall, caution is out!
McReynolds: She shot the tire out is what happened.
On lap 85, Motoko Kusanagi shoots out the left-rear tire of Stan Smith's #36 Ollie's Bargain Outlet Chevrolet, causing him to suddenly spin and slam hard into the wall, totaling the car. Stan is unhurt, but outraged! He gets out of his car and waits for Motoko to come back around. When she does, Stan draws his 9mm Glock, aims, and pulls the trigger...
Batou: What just happened?
Motoko: He just shot two of my tires out! Bastard!
Batou: That's all right, just come in and we'll get you some new tires.
Motoko: (sigh)
Stan Smith shoots out both right-side tires on Motoko Kusanagi's #11 FedEx Toyota. Fortunately, Motoko is able to make it to pit road, where she gets two new tires, and then gets right back out on the track.
After that, the rest of the cars get their tires and fuel. Here will be the top 10 at the restart after pit stops;
1. 56 - Yugi Moto
2. 4 - Wallabee Beetles
3. 83 - Homer Simpson
4. 55 - Master Shake
5. 93 - Peter Griffin
6. 48 - Butt-Head
7. 3 - Kuki Sanban
8. 31 - Eddy
9. 47 - Naruto Uzumaki
10. 1 - Nigel Uno
We restart on lap 90.
Homer Simpson is up to 2nd on lap 94, and after some hard racing, takes the lead from Yugi Moto on lap 99.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
On lap 105, Kuki Sanban cracks the top 5.
Meanwhile, Yugi Moto has kept up with Homer Simpson, and has been trying to take the lead back. He does so on lap 111.
Homer: D'OH!
Master Shake falls out of the top 5 on lap 116.
On around lap 120, Danny Phantom starts trying to pass Rainbow Dash for 16th place. She holds him off, though, and he starts to get agitated. On lap 124...
Danny: I'm going ghost..!
McReynolds: We got something in turn 1!
Joy: The #16 car has turned transparent, and is now driving right through the #20 car like a ghost!
D.W: The Phantom has struck, boys!
Sam: Awesome, Danny!
Rainbow Dash: What the fuck! I'm gonna get you for that, Phantom..!
On lap 124, Danny Phantom turns his car into a ghost, and then drives right through Rainbow Dash's car going through turn 1. He re-materializes when the pass is complete.
But then, going into turn 3, Rainbow Dash clips the right-rear of Danny Phantom's car...
Joy: Trouble! Turn 3!
McReynolds: Rainbow Dash and Danny Phantom have wrecked each other in turn 3, caution is out!
D.W: This looked just like what happened on lap 42, oh my God!
On lap 124, Rainbow Dash's #20 Home Depot Toyota clips the right-rear fender of Danny Phantom's #16 3M Ford. Both cars lose control and crash hard into the wall, leaving them both unable to continue. Danny and Rainbow Dash get out, and then bicker for a while before being summoned for the mandatory trip to the infield care center.
While that's going on, the other cars go into the pits for service. After pit stops, the top 10 at the restart will be as follows;
1. 56 - Yugi Moto
2. 83 - Homer Simpson
3. 48 - Butt-Head
4. 4 - Wallabee Beetles
5. 3 - Kuki Sanban
6. 47 - Naruto Uzumaki
7. 31 - Eddy
8. 1 - Nigel Uno
9. 93 - Peter Griffin
10. 55 - Master Shake
The restart occurs on lap 130.
Homer Simpson gets back in the lead on lap 136.
Butt-Head falls out of the top 5 on lap 141.
Wallabee Beetles is back up to 2nd place on lap 145, and by lap 150 is right on Homer Simpson's rear bumper. It takes a while, but Wally is back in the lead on lap 156.
Around this time, Danny Phantom is still hanging around in the garage area, in a very sour mood. He felt as if Rainbow Dash took the race away from him, and was thinking about plans which he could use to get back at her. He then looks up and sees her hanging out not too far away, and his temper takes it's hold;
Danny: Alright, that's it! I'm fuckin' going ghost, bitch!
Danny Phantom then goes ghost and makes his way into Rainbow Dash's body...
...
McReynolds: What the...
Joy: Don't ask why, but Rainbow Dash is just hovering right over her team's pit stall right now for no apparent reason.
D.W: She looks like she's possessed by a ghost or something!
Danny Phantom has indeed possessed Rainbow Dasdh's bosy, and so she is at his bidding. He has her hover there for a while, and then, timing it just right, he has her land right on the racetrack on lap 161, and then leaves her body, leaving her right in the path of the #5 car...
All: SHE'S HIT! SHE'S HIT!
Joy: Rainbow Dash has been hit by the #5 car of Abigail Lincoln, red flag out immediately!
D.W: Was she really trying to kill herself?! I mean come on, there's always next season!
McReynolds: I don't know what happened there, but now the #5 has crashed, and Rainbow Dash was just slammed into the wall with nothing to protect her!
Joy: Cut to commercial now, this is just too horrendous!
On lap 161, Danny Phantom possesses Rainbow Dash to land her down onto the racetrack. He leaves her body there, and less than a second later, Rainbow Dash is run over by the #5 Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet of Abigail Lincoln. Abigail overreacts and loses total control of her racecar, and then goes head-on into the wall in turn 1, pinning Rainbow Dash between her and the car. The race is red-flagged immediately as Danny Phantom, still in ghost form, watches, with a sinister smile on his face.
Cree: Holy fuck, what was that?!
Abigail: I don't know, but I'm alright.
Cree: What the hell was that pony thinking?
Abigail: Numbuh 5 couldn't tell you if she knew!
Emergency crew are immediately dispatched to the accident scene. Abigail Lincoln gets out unscathed. Rainbow Dash is still pinned between the car and the wall, so a tow truck is summoned to tow the #5 car off the racing surface. When that's done, Rainbow Dash falls to the ground, badly injured. None of her bones are broken, but most of her muscles are torn and her joints dislocated. She has to be put in an ambulance via a stretcher, and is then transported off the track premises, enroute to a hospital in Tokyo.
Meanwhile, while all this is going on, Light Yagami suddenly feels a bloodlust within him. Throughout the day, he'd been held back by Kenny McCormick, who'd been holding him off all throughout the race. Now, thought Light, this would be the perfect time to get him out of the way... permanently! He reaches over and picks up a notebook called the "Death Note," and begins to write in it...
When the wreckage is cleared, the race is brought back to yellow flag conditions, and the other cars get rolling again...
Joy: Wait a sec, the #39 car's not moving at all.
McReynolds: But nothing appears wrong with it!
D.W: Did they...
...but the #39 US Army Chevrolet doesn't go anywhere. It turns out that Light Yagami had written "Kenny McCormick" into the "Death Note," whist picturing his face. Since he didn't name a "cause," this caused Kenny to come down with a heart attack. No one notices anything, and by the time the other cars have rolled out again, all of Kenny's vital signs have ceased to be.
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
The #39 is car is pushed back into the garage area. After that, the rest of the cars go in and proceed to make their last pit stops of the race. This will be the top 10 at the restart after pit stops;
1. 4 - Wallabee Beetles
2. 83 - Homer Simpson
3. 48 - Butt-Head
4. 3 - Kuki Sanban
5. 56 - Yugi Moto
6. 47 - Naruto Uzumaki
7. 1 - Nigel Uno
8. 43 - Phineas Flynn
9. 31 - Eddy
10. 17 - Timmy Turner
The race is restarted on lap 168.
Naruto Uzumaki cracks the top 5 on lap 174.
Kuki Sanban makes it up to 2nd on lap 180; Naruto Uzumaki is up to 3rd on lap 183. On lap 188, he starts racing Kuki, and then gets up to 2nd on lap 192. By lap 197, the two are right on Wallabee's tail; Wally holds them off for the moment.
The white flag flies on lap 201; final lap! Wallabee Beetles is the leader, Naruto Uzumaki is 2nd, and Kuki Sanban is 3rd. Going down the backstretch, the three cars are clumped together more tightly than ever before. They remain this way, in the same running order, through turn 3. Then...
All: OH!
D.W: Kuki just spun Naruto!
McReynolds: No caution.
Joy: And coming through turn 4, Kuki pulls up right alongside Wally!
McReynolds: It's a drag race...
All: SANBAN!
Joy: Kuki Sanban wins the Motegi Coca Cola 500, by 9 one-thousandths of a second!
Mushi: WOO-HOO!
Kuki: Yay, we won! We won, we won, we won!
Fannie: You just lost us this race, to that sissy girl?! You SUCK, Wally!
Wally: Oh shut up, Fannie!
On the final lap, Kuki Sanban spins out Naruto Uzumaki in turn 4, and then beats Wallabee Beetles by 9 one-thousandths of a second. Homer Simpson takes 3rd, Butt-Head is 4th, Yugi Moto finishes 5th, Eddy places 6th, Phineas Flynn comes in 7th, Nigel Uno gets 8th, Peter Griffin claims 9th, and Light Yagami rounds out the top 10.
Kuki Sanban does her burnout as the crowd cheers for her. Later, she finds herself celebrating in Victory Lane. She cheers, takes a swig of champagne, and then SPEED reporter Krista Voda moves in for the interview;
Voda: Kuki Sanban, what a way to win! Spinning out Naruto, and then beating for own boyfriend by nine thousandth's of a second, how's about that?
Kuki: The whole race was fun! And I can't believe I actually won it, I just hope Wally's not hurt. And I didn't mean to turn Naruto around, I just meant to rattle his cage. Still, this is awesome, and I just have to thank Richard Childress for the opportunity!
Voda: Kuki Sanban, your winner at Motegi.
Immediately thereafter, Wallabee Beetles appears and puts an arm around Kuki.
Wally: Hey, Kooks. You were great out there! I'm sure the Intimidator would be proud. I know I am!
Kuki: (blushes) Oh, Wally!
The two then seal the victory with a kiss.
Motegi Coca-Cola 500 race results;
1. 3 - Kuki Sanban
2. 4 - Wallabee Beetles
3. 83 - Homer Simpson
4. 48 - Butt-Head
5. 56 - Yugi Moto
6. 31 - Eddy
7. 43 - Phineas Flynn
8. 1 - Nigel Uno
9. 93 - Peter Griffin
10. 15 - Light Yagami
11. 55 - Master Shake
12. 24 - Beavis
13. 17 - Timmy Turner
14. 27 - Ed
15. 11 - Motoko Kusanagi
16. 2 - Hoagie P. Gilligan
17. 9 - Ferb Fletcher
18. 29 - Edd
19. 47 - Naruto Uzumaki
20. 88 - Foxxy Love
21. 21 - Early Cuyler
22. 22 - Bender
23. 99 - Dudley Puppy
24. 39 - Kenny McCormick (DNF; "accident")
25. 5 - Abigail Lincoln (DNF; accident)
26. 16 - Danny Phantom (DNF; accident)
27. 20 - Rainbow Dash (DNF; accident)
28. 36 - Stan Smith (DNF; accident)
29. 18 - Tohru Honda (DNF: accident)
30. 14 - Eric Cartman (DNF; accident)
The racing may be over, but there's one story that still needs to be told, so stay tuned!
Chapter 46: Pool Party
Well, all the racing in the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is over and done with, now there's one more story that needs to be told;
It begins in a hospital in Tokyo, Japan, which shall remain nameless, set one week after the Motegi Coca Cola 500. In one room, lying in bed with her limbs in plaster casts, is Cartoon Cup Series driver Rainbow Dash, still recovering from her injuries sustained when Danny Phantom took control of her and put her in the path of Abigail Lincoln's car. At her bedside is her friend and crew chief, Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash: Dammit, will I ever get better?
Fluttershy: Well, this stuff can takes upwards of several weeks to recover from, but I'll be here for you.
Rainbow Dash: Thanks, but you know there could be another Cup season next year! What if I'm not able to drive then?
Fluutershy: Don't worry; I'm sure you'll be all better by then!
Rainbow Dash: But what if I'm not?
Fluttershy: Oh, well, they could always get Derpy to drive the car next year.
Rainbow Dash: Derpy's a retard!
Fluttershy: But she seems nice!
Rainbow Dash: Whatever!
Fluttershy: Well, I just hope you'll be better by then.
Celestia: She will be.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash turn to see Princess Celestia, the ruler of their homeland Equestria, who'd just teleported into the room.
Rainbow Dash: Princess? What are you doing here?
Celestia: Like I said, you will be better. I'll personally be taking to that.
Fluttershy: What do you mean?
Celestia: Well, the laws of nature allows these injuries to heal only very slowly; and human medical care is quite primitive, so I've decided I'm going to go ahead and heal you, myself.
Rainbow Dash: Um, OK, but why?
Celestia: You may not know it, but you and Fluttershy are due somewhere right now, and you cannot go in this condition, so I'm here to change that.
Rainbow Dash: Uh, alright, let's do this.
Celestia: Very well.
Princess Celestia then casts some magic from her horn onto Rainbow Dash, creating a rejuvenating feeling inside of her. The process takes several seconds, after which the plaster casts are removed. Rainbow Dash now finds herself able to move all of her limbs and wings exactly as she could before, and is delighted.
Rainbow Dash: Wow, thanks, Princess!
Celestia: No problem. Now, like I said, you two are both due somewhere.
Fluttershy: Where?
Celestia: All in good time.
Celestia opens up a portal with her magic, and motions Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy to go through. They then nervously go through, and when they come out, are pleasantly surprised by what they see;
We're now set at a hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada, at the swimming pool. The pool is playing host to a Cartoon Cup Series postseason pool party, the guests for which include all the drivers and crew chiefs having participated in the season's Chase for the Cartoon Cup. They all (well, most of them) greet Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash enthusiastically.
Rainbow Dash: No way! I didn't know you were having a pool party!
Homer: Well, we didn't think you were coming; but we're glad to see you better; must have been magic or something.
Rainbow Dash: Uh, yeah. Anyway, who's up for some Marco Polo?
Several characters, including Master Shake, Wallabee Beetles, Beavis and Ed all join in the game.
Meanwhile, the champions, Homer and Marge Simpson are pleasantly relaxing in the hot tub.
Marge: Ah, this is nice, isn't it, Homey? You and me, the champions, just relaxing without a care in the world.
Homer: Yeah, but you're forgetting something.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: Hot tubs are vey, shall we say, romantic!
Marge: Oh, Homey!
Marge pulls Homer towards herself, and the two start to make out. They get more into it with time, easing their tongues in, and groping each other's half-naked bodies as a hot water bubbles around them.
While some aforementioned characters continue playing Marco Polo (Rainbow Dash was Marco, then she caught Wally), in the other side of the pool is where Phineas Flynn and Isabella Garcia-Shapiro are playing with each other in the water.
Isabella: Race ya!
The two start to swim across the pool, but then by time they get to the middle, they start splashing each other instead, laughing gleefully as they hit each other with water. In a short time, they're right up against each other, and their lips lock together...
Meanwhile, Peter Griffin, Eric Cartman, and Hoagie P. Gilligan are all on lounge chairs, talking;
Peter: Wow Cartman, that Tohru girl really had some effect on ya!
Hoagie: Yeah, you fell right into her arms there!
Cartman: I don't know. It like there was something about her character that lets her make everything better for you, you know?
Hoagie: (snickers) You don't think...
Cartman: Oh, no! Besides, she has someone. Kyo Sohma, her crew chief. (sigh)
Peter: What is it?
Cartman: Well, it's just that - we're all a bunch of fat guys, and you two have bagged yourself hot babes, and I haven't!
Hoagie: Well, you are a pretty mean guy. And I doubt you'll find anyone else like Tohru...
Cartman: (sigh) Forget it.
At this point, Peter's wife Lois appears.
Lois: C'mon, Peter. Let's do something more fun!
Peter: (giggles)
Lois snuggles up to Peter and the two start making out and petting each other, prompting Cartman and Hoagie to get up and leave.
Around this time, Rainbow Dash, Master Shake, Beavis, Ed and Eddy are all playing monkey in the middle in the pool. For Shake, being the monkey is a breeze, since he can just use his straw to suck in the ball and catch it just like that. It's real easy for Rainbow Dash as well, and all of them are having fun.
Meanwhile, Homer and Marge are still in the hot tub when Nigel Uno and Rachel McKenzie approach them.
Homer: Hey, Nigel!
Nigel: Can we join you?
Marge: Of course you can!
Nigel and Rachel then get in the hot tub, sitting aside each other, across from Homer and Marge. Rachel then snuggles up to Nigel.
Marge: Aw, aren't they cute, Homey?
Homer: Yeah. We used to be like that!
Nigel and Rachel chuckle.
Rachel: It's amazing; being here in NASCAR has brought Nigel me closer together! It's magical!
Marge: Same here! Me and Homer have hardly ever fought since the season started.
Nigel: Nice! And l really have been getting closer to my Rach...
Rachel: (giggle)
Nigel and Rachel pull each other in and kiss. In a short matter of time, their tongues are brought into play, and their bodies lock each other together. Homer and Marge watch, fondly reminiscing of their own days as a young couple.
Meanwhile, in a more isolated part of the pool area is Danny Phantom, with Sam Manson beside him.
Sam: What's wrong, Danny? You seem so withdrawn.
Danny: Well, I wasn't expecting that pony to be here, much less having healed. And besides (sigh) I feel so awful about last week! I don't know how I can face it!
Sam puts an arm around Danny.
Sam: I know this sounds so cheesy, but do what's in your heart. Your heart will tell you what's best in this case. It certainly did that for you with love, and, well, you listened then. (wink)
Danny: Well, I guess that could work, but I still don't know.
Sam: Trust me. (smiles)
Sam then briefly kisses Danny on the lips, and then everyone in the pool party is called to attention;
Standing at the front of the pool area are a bunch of men in suits; among them NASCAR President Mike Helton and NASCAR CEO Brian France. Joining them are the owners of all the teams that made it into the Chase; Jack Roush of Roush-Fenway Racing, Rick Hendrick of Hendrick Motorsports, Richard Childress of Richard Childress Racing, Joe Gibbs of Joe Gibbs Racing, Roger Penske of Penske Racing, Michael Waltrip of Michael Waltrip Racing, Chip Ganassi of Earnhardt Ganassi Racing, Tony Stewart of Stewart-Haas Racing, Richard Petty of Richard Petty Motorsports, and the owner's champion, Thomas Ueberall of BK Racing.
Helton: Hello, everyone!
The cartoons applaud, and then listen intently.
Helton: You know, my colleague here, Mr. Brian France, was hesitant about having a bunch of cartoon characters drive in NASCAR. He actually thought that fans, crews, and officials would be killed because he thought all cartoons were reckless drivers!
All: (laughing)
France: But then he convinced me, and as the season progressed, I knew I was proven wrong. All of you have really impressed me, impressed us both, with your on-track presence. Your tenacity, your will, and your skills are much more than either Mike or myself would've thought of at first.
All: (applause)
Helton: And now, here we are, at this motel, at this swimming pool, in this sun, what could be more perfect, really? Anyway, it's been one hell of a ride, and I just wanted you thank you all... for the best NASCAR racing season ever!
All: (cheering)
France: And now, our team owners would like to speak to you.
First one to speak is "The King," Richard Petty.
Petty: Well, I've been involved with this grand sport since the 19-freakin'-50's! Many say that I'm one of the greatest men to have ever climbed into a racecar. I'm not inclined to disagree with that. But, I'm a humble man and team owner, and so there's someone I have to give a shout out to; Phineas Flynn! There's just something about you that makes me wish I was like you at your age. I don't know what it is, but you've made be proud to have the #43 car as my own. And Isabella, crew chief, you guys just click! You were made for each other, you know that? Anyways, you've both been great with our team, thank you!
The others applaud; Phineas and Isabella smile and wave, then they share a kiss. Next owner to speak is Michael Waltrip.
Waltrip: This Cartoon Cup season has been a crazy one. And my driver, Master Shake; is probably one of the craziest things in this sport! You're a fast food drink, for God's sake! And you've been a real proficient driver all season long, very tough all the way. And you, Ignignokt. You look like some weird video game character, but in the reality of being a crew chief, well, you've done really well at that! Thank you, both!
Shake and Ignignokt wave at the others' acknowledgements, and then the next owner to speak is Tony Stewart.
Stewart: You know, I used to be a real bad guy in this sport. I picked fights with drivers, crews, officials, you name it. And Eric Cartman, you really remind me of me. That's why I chose you to drive for me. And all season you've been great, winning at Indy, leading the points all those weeks, you've just been great. And Kyle Broflovski, as a crew chief, well, well let's just say that you're the coolest Jew I've ever known. And Cartman, you're cool too. Thanks, guys!
Cartman and Kyle smile and wave, and the next owner to speak is Rick Hendrick.
Hendrick: The only person to have won more races than me as an owner as Richard Petty. But seriously, some dismiss this type of racing as boring, you know? And Beavis, I remember you saying that NASCAR was a bunch of dumbasses going around in circles. Well, I don't consider you a dumbass, even if you really are one. And neither are you, Daria. You certainly know how to be a crew chief. Thanks to you both. I'm sure Jeff Gordon is proud right now!
Beavis and Daria wave to everyone, and the next owner to speak is Jack Roush.
Roush: (imitating bass instrument) He's a phantom! Really, Danny, you are probably the most resourceful driver I've ever had, maybe even more so than Mark Martin and Matt Kenseth combined! Seriously, that ghost thing you do with your car is the coolest thing I've ever seen! And Sam, not only are you great as a crew chief, you and Danny are so great together, and you've made Roush-Fenway Racing proud. Thank you.
Danny and Sam wave to all the others, then they kiss. The next owner to speak is Richard Childress.
Childress: You probably know me as the guy for whom the great Dale Earnhardt drove. Well, he may be gone, but I'm still standing! And my guys, well, there amongst the best I've had. Ed, with your lovability, Eddy, with your sheer cunning, Jonny 2X4, with your cheerfulness, and Rolf, with your strength. Plus, you're all great out there on the track, and I'm honored to call you all my friends, thank you.
Ed, Eddy, Jonny and Rolf all stand proudly amongst the other characters for a little bit. Then, the next owner to speak is Roger Penske.
Penske: I'm been involved with all types of racing. NASCAR, IndyCar, Formula One, Le Mans, you name it. I've had many drivers in all of those series, and many crew chiefs. But two of my favorites, of course, are Hoagie P. Gilligan and Wally Beetles. One of you is a jock, one of you is a nerd, and I don't know how it's possible, but you just work so well together, especially on the track, and I'm proud to say that you're members of the Penske family. Thanks, you guys!
Hoagie and Wally take their applause with smiles. Then, the next owner to speak is Chip Ganassi.
Ganassi: Just like Mr. Penske, I too have been with many different types of car racing. And I've also had many drivers and crew chiefs. And Nigel Uno and Rachel McKenzie never cease to amaze me. Besides how well you two work on the track, your relationship is one that, I think, can be looked up to by us all. You just work so well, both with each other and with Earnhardt Ganassi Racing, so thank you both!
Nigel and Rachel wave to everyone and share a kiss. Then the next owner to talk is Joe Gibbs.
Gibbs: I seem to have attracted a lot of controversy from recruiting a group of "loving" and "tolerant" ponies to drive my racecars. Many had their doubts, even myself at times. But, you, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, you've proven everyone wrong. You made it through the rough times, and came within an inch of the title! I think you work great at Joe Gibbs Racing. Thanks, you two.
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy beam as they're acknowledged, and then the last owner to speak is Thomas Ueberall.
Ueberall: Those are the losers, 'cause we are the champions! That we are! We are so defintely the breakout team here! I mean it's only BK Racing's first year, and we're already champions! And our drivers and crew chiefs are awesome; Peter and Lois Griffin...
Peter and Lois share a kiss as they're acknowledged.
Ueberall: And then there's the man and woman of the hour, the champions, Homer and Marge Simpson!
Homer and Marge stand and cheer as the other characters cheer with them. They share a kiss, then sit back down.
Helton: And I know many of you have been wondering for some time now, so we''ll now confirm what you've been thinking; next year, this coming February, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series will return for a 2nd season, and you'll all be in it!
Everyone cheers hysterically at the news that they'll be returning for another season.
France: Alright, well, we've said all we wanted to say. Anyway, it's been a season to remember, enjoy the rest of the pool party, and we look forward to-
Suddenly, the guilt that Danny has been feeling all day gets to him;
Danny: Oh my God, I can't take it anymore!
Everyone gasps.
Helton: What is it, Danny?
Danny: Look! I have something to confess! I've been holding it in all day, and I can't hold it any longer; I hurt Rainbow Dash!
...
Danny: I went ghost and took control of Rainbow Dash's body! I went ghost and drove through her, she wrecked me, and I wanted revenge! I'm the one who placed her in the path of the #5 car! I hurt Rainbow Dash!
Everyone just stares at Danny, shocked. All the owners, particularly Jack Roush and Joe Gibbs, cannot resist incredulous looks at each other. Meanwhile, Danny moves over towards Rainbow Dash.
Danny: I was angry because we wrecked, and I let my temper go. And I hurt you horribly, and I don't know how you got better so fast, but I would've gladly paid the medical bills. Look, I just feel so horrible about this! I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash!
Rainbow Dash thinks; about how she'd let her temper go too, about how she'd gotten into fights with other drivers, remembered how closely she lost the championship by, and realized that Danny and herself were just as imperfect. After thinking it through, she goes up with Danny, arms outstretched. Danny outstretches his own arms, and the two hug.
Rainbow Dash: It's okay, Danny. I forgive you.
All: (applause)
Sam then walks up to Danny and hugs and kisses him, and then hugs Rainbow Dash.
France: Uh, yeah, okay, we're all gonna go now. See ya next season!
All of the owners leave to go back inside the building, and so the pool party continues on; nothing interesting happens, so we won't talk about it.
This concludes the story of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series...for now. But I still have some stuff to say, so don't go away just yet!
Chapter 47: Afterword
Hey, this is SuperBlackdeth666!
First off, I have to say... FINALLY! It's been a long journey, upwards of 8 months; by far the most epic (in terms of length) fic I've ever done. Of course, the journey means more than the destination, and it's been fun writing this thing. And now that this story is complete, I just feel like letting out one nice long sigh of relief, so here goes; *pheewwwww*.
So now, I guess all that's left to do here is talk about writing the story, my inspirations, what led me to do certain things, etc;
The whole concept of the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series evolved from another similar idea i had in mind; "Cartoon Gran Turismo." It would have involved many of the characters we saw here, competing in the world of the Gran Turismo racing simulation games; they would have raced on tracks from the game, and in cars from the game. It was around this time that I started to get back into NASCAR; I hadn't watched it in a long time, what with Jimmie Johnson's dominance. The events that transpired at the 2012 Daytona 500, including Juan Pablo Montoya's jet dryer incident, and my driver Matt Kenseth winning, were what helped me get back into the sport.
Me getting back into NASCAR would eventually combine with my "Cartoon Gran Turismo" series; this led to me putting the cartoon characters into the actual cars that run in the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series. It all quickly materialized into what is now known as the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series, and once I got started on it, I ran with it!
Now regarding the choices of which characters to use, and where to place them; it was quite a challenge! There was the choice of characters; there are 43 competitors in a NASCAR race, and the challenge was to choose a large enough diversity of major characters from different shows and networks to fill all the spots. So I started with real famous shows and shows I like personally, like The Simpsons, Family Guy, Ed, Edd n Eddy, South Park, Codename: Kids Next Door, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Beavis and Butt-Head, you get the idea. Then I dabbled into stuff I haven't really grown up with, like the stuff from Nickelodeon, lesser known Cartoon Network shows, the stuff from the late-night [adult swim] block, etc.
And as for placing the characters, most of that was done by conjuring out of thin air, so to speak. A lot of the cars don't really "fit" any of the characters in any way, shape or form, so I could of done those at random. But there were a few that were carefully executed;
Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin, amongst my favorite characters, drove for BK Racing. If you watch NASCAR in real life, you know this team is never a factor in real life. The only reason I put them with this team is because their body types fit their sponsors perfectly, if you know what I mean!
And it may interest you to know that I originally tried not to include anyone from My Little Pony. I won't say why, but the only reason I ended up putting them in is because the field was mostly full, and I couldn't think of any other major characters. And the reason I had them drive for Joe Gibbs Racing is because A; they have three cars, so everyone in the Mane Six could be a driver or crew chief, and B; they're the ones who field the #20 car; this would reference the "20%" meme.
Plus, I was careful to make sure that all characters who were from the same or related shows all drove on the same team. The one intentional exception I made was the Kids Next Door; this is because I wanted them to drive the cars whose numbers correspond to their codenames, and the #1, #2 and #5 cars were all on different teams, so that's how that turned out.
The actual racing action is realistic in a number of ways. Besides using the actual schedule, in many ways I tried to have them drive the same way they would in real life. But as you may know, my imagination got the better of me at times, and I had some characters, like Aang and Katara, Twilight Sparkle, Danny Phantom and others use unnatural powers to try and get their way. It was a way from keeping the action from becoming too boring, and it's a fanfiction, so you can do anything.
Also, I wanted to have more winners than there are in real life, and not let the point standings get too spread out. I wanted to have at least 20 different race winners, since the real life in record is 19; I ended up with 23. No one had more than three wins, either. As for points, all I'll say is that I intentionally did the finishing orders from race to race to ensure that the standings stayed as close as I could have them; quite the opposite tends to happen in real life, and it's not as intense that way!
For the Chase, I wanted to make it so their would be as many different characters on as many different major teams from as many different networks driving as many different makes of cars as possible. I used this to carefully plan out the outcomes of races leading up to the Chase, that way everyone I wanted in could get in; that worked well! And throughout the Chase, to ensure the outcome I wanted, I did the finishing orders accordingly and had them stay mostly out of trouble until the end, when there was that tie for the lead, and everyone else crashed, so that worked perfectly.
The Japanese exhibition race was something I'd planned on for a long time. NASCAR actually did those in the mid-to-late '90s; all of which featured a few Japanese drivers. So I saw it as an opportunity to include some Japanese anime characters. Plus, I added the #3 and #4 cars just so Kuki and Wally could drive a race; they'd have driven full-time if those cars were still around! Anyway, I think the overall craziness added with the anime characters made the Motegi exhibition one worth doing.
The side stories were only done occasionally; when i had an idea for something that would take place off-track, I just did it. Simply that. Although I should mention, NASCAR, in real life has a big formal event in Las Vegas post-season to celebrate the season. I wanted to do something more simple and casual, and that's how the pool party came to be. Plus, any setting where the characters are in swimwear is ideal for the couples and pairings to come into play...
And yes, I will be doing a 2nd Cartoon Cup Series season starting this February, when the 2013 Sprint Cup season starts. Here's some stuff I plan on doing then;
First, I'll be exchanging some characters I didn't really "use" for some new ones; they'll be competing for Rookie of the Year next season. I'm shooting for around 4 new characters.
I also plan on including the spotters; a friend of mine is writing his own take on the series that is including the spotters, which I haven't done, so I can safely say that I've learned from him.
And now that I have something to work with, I'll be doing the Bud Shootout and All-Star Races as well. I even have in mind an "East vs. West Animation Showdown" that would take place in Australia, and feature characters representing Eastern and Western animation, contending for supremacy. But that's over a year aways, so...
Plus, I would like to include more stories in-between races, so I can include more off-track drama, and make it effect the on-track action. These stories will likely include friendship, severed friendships, romantic interludes, hurt/comfort, additional pairings of my own making, infidelity (maybe involving some crack pairings!)... I may even have characters switch teams, quit or get fired during the season, too! But that's still not set in stone.
But all those things are a future issue. Right now, I'm celebrating the triumphant completion of this epic fanfic! As for the "off-season," I have ideas of fics I would like to do until I do the 2nd season. You'll have to ask me about them privately, but they do involve, amongst others, The Land Before Time, Phineas and Ferb, Family Guy and Metalocalypse. Like I said, ask me privately.
And finally, after you've commented on my ranting here, I'll be curious to know things from you like;
What you liked most about the series?
Who were all the characters you rooted for?
Who were all the characters you rooted against?
What was your favorite moment?
What was your least favorite moment?
What would you have done differently?
And anything else you want to add!
...
So with this, I, for now, bid thee farewell!
Cheers to all to read and liked this story; I won't name you, you know who you are!
UNTIL NEXT TIME! SEE YOU AGAIN!