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The Stig
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The Stig
Person
The anonymous test driver on the BBC television show Top Gear.
Quotes
The Stig is usually introduced as Top Gear's "tame racing driver" and always introduced with some variation of the line, "some say he..." followed by two statements about The Stig, and finished with some variation of the line, "all we know is, he's called The Stig." The following are some of the statements about The Stig:
"He once threw a microwave oven at a tramp" Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear, Season Nine, Episode One
"Long before anyone else he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig faced waste of blood and organs" Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear, Season Nine, Episode One
"He once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner" Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear, Season Nine, Episode Two
"He is in no way implicated in the cash for honors scandal. All we know is, he's called Lord Stig!" Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear, Season Nine, Episode Two
"That if you lick his chest it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Nine, Episode Four
"At this week's Brit Awards he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Nine, Episode Four
"He sucks the moisture from ducks" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Nine, Episode Five
"His crash helmet is modeled on Britney Spears' head" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Nine, Episode Five
"He isn't machine washable" Richard Hammond, Season Nine, Episode Six
"All his potted plants are called Steve" Richard Hammond, Season Nine, Episode Six
"His scrotum has its own small gravity field" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode One
"Because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he's called Cuddles!" , Season Ten, Episode
"That he's banned from the town of Chichester" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Two
"In a recent late night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Two
"He gets terrible excema on his helmet" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Three
"If he'd been the video ref in the World Cup Rugby Final he would have seen that of course it was a try you blind Australian half-wit" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Three
"That to unlock him you have to run your finger down his face" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Five
"If he were getting divorced from Paul McCartney he'd keep his stupid whiney mouth shut" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Five
"He thought Star Wars was a documentary" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Six
"He recently pulled out of I'm a Celebrity becuase he's frightened of trees. And Australia. And Koo Stark. And Ant. And Dec." Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Six
"He knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Seven
"Sixty-one years ago he accidentally introduced Her Majesty The Queen to a Greek racialist" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Seven
"When he slows down, brake lights come on in his buttocks" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Eight
"If he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn't have been a feckless, ginger-gum chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Eight
"He once lost a canoe on the beach in the northeast" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Nine
"He once did some time in a prison in Canterbury because his teddy is called the Baby Jesus" Jeremy Clarkson, Season Ten, Episode Nine
"Someone who has never sat on Santa's knee" Richard Hammond, Season Ten, Episode Ten
"Someone who has never watched Moonraker on Boxing Day" Richard Hammond, Season Ten, Episode Ten
International Cousins
Season Nine, Episode Three, a road trip from Florida to Louisiana, featured The Stig in a padded suit to make him look fat and introduced by Jeremy Clarkson as, "Some say that he's a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's not The Stig...but he is The Stig's American cousin!"
season Ten, Episode Four, a trip across Botswana, featured an African Stig in silver Puma shoes, helmet gloves, and a loincloth with a shoulder-wrap. He was introduced by Jeremy Clarkson as, "Some say that he's seen The Lion King 1,780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo. All we know is, he's not The Stig, but he is The Stig's African cousin!"
